MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND ARGUMENTS? CHANGE THEM INTO FLOWING CONVERSATION
Conflicts and misunderstandings occur at all levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families and between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, conflict is a critical event in the course of a relationship. Arguments  and misunderstandings  can cause resentment, hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well, however, it can be productive – leading to deeper understanding, mutual respect and closeness. The health of any relationship is gauged by how the conflicts are resolved, rather than the number of conflicts between the participants. 
Conflicts run all the way from minor, unimportant differences to disputes which can threaten the existence of a relationship. Conflicts with a loved one or a long-term friend are, of course, different from negotiating with someone who does not care about your needs, like a stranger or a salesperson. 

 Principles that underscores all successful conflict resolution. 
1. Both parties must view their conflict as a problem to be solved together so that both parties have the feeling of winning.
2. Each person must participate actively in the resolution and make an effort and commitment to find answers which are as fair as possible to both. 

We may get so caught up with our own immediate interests that we damage our relationships. If we disregard the position of the other person, if fear and power are used to win, or if we always have to get our own way, the other person will feel hurt and the relationship may be wounded. Similarly, if we always surrender just to avoid conflict, we give the message to the other person that it is acceptable to be bullied and our needs don’t matter. Our feeling of self-worth suffers, resentment surfaces, and we feel frustrated in the relationship. Instead, it is healthier if both parties can remain open, honest, assertive and respectful of the other position. Mutual trust and respect, as well as a positive, constructive attitude, are fundamental necessities in relationships that matter.

SOME EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES TO HOLD EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONS:
1. INITIAL AGREEMENT: The other person may be very angry with you and may be having loads of evidence to prove himself right. At that time, instead of arguing your position, simply agree at that time because there will be a grain of truth if nothing else. This doesn’t mean that you are giving up your values and principles. Sometimes its important to diffuse the emotional charge before working out on the differences. Sometimes its ok to “lose” individually in order to “win” together in the end.
2. EMPATHY: Sometimes putting yourself  in the other persons shoes and seeing the problem from their perspective helps build bridges. You could say,” I feel that you must be very upset with me for behaving like that with you, I should have been more considerate”. Half the battle is won and the other participant feels validated and will be more willing to listen to your tale of woes more amicably.
3. ASK QUESTIONS: When you ask questions, it shows that you care and are interested to resolve the problem at hand. Please note that while asking questions, be watchful of your words and tone. Asking exploratory  questions about the other persons thoughts and feelings rather than probing and insulting questions can take you miles on the way to effective resolution. For eg. “Is there anything that you would like me to know about this problem”?
4. USING “I” STATEMENTS: Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings rather than blaming the other person for making you feel like that. This decreases the chance that the other person will become defensive. For example, “I feel pretty upset that this thing has come between us.” This statement is much more effective than saying, “You have made me feel very upset.” 
5. COMPLIMENTS: Find something nice and genuine to say about the other person, even if the other is angry with you. Show a respectful attitude. For example, “I genuinely respect you for having the courage to bring this problem to me. I admire your strength and your caring attitude.” 

A RATIONAL APPROACH TO RESOLVING CONFLICTS:
Here is a model that may help in resolving interpersonal conflicts. 
1. Identify the Problem. Have a discussion to understand both sides of the problem. The goal at this initial stage is to say what you want and to listen to what the other person wants. Define the things that you both agree on, as well as the ideas that have caused the disagreement. It is important to listen actively to what the other is saying, use “I” statements and avoid blame. 
2. Come Up With Several Possible Solutions. This is the brainstorming phase. Drawing on the points that you both agree on and your shared goals, generate a list of as many ideas as you can for solving the problem, regardless of how feasible they might be. Aim toward quantity of ideas rather than quality during this phase, and let creativity be your guide.
3. Evaluate These Alternative Solutions. Now go through the list of alternative solutions to the problem, one by one. Consider the pros and cons of the remaining solutions until the list is narrowed down to one or two of the best ways of handling the problem. It is important for each person to be honest in this phase. The solutions might not be ideal for either person and may involve compromise. 
4. Decide on the Best Solution. Select the solution that seems mutually acceptable, even if it is not perfect for either party. As long as it seems fair and there is a mutual commitment to work with the decision, the conflict has a chance for resolution. 
5. Implement the Solution. It is important to agree on the details of what each party must do, who is responsible for implementing various parts of the agreement, and what to do in case the agreement starts to break down. 
6. Continue to Evaluate the Solution. Conflict resolutions should be seen as works in progress. Make it a point to ask the other person from time to time how things are going. Something unexpected might have come up or some aspect of the problem may have been overlooked. Your decisions should be seen as open to revision, as long as the revisions are agreed upon mutually. 

Keep in mind that differences will come up in any relationship just because you two are different individuals with different perspectives, ideologies, attitudes and perceptions. Too much similarity in personality and working styles may be comforting but can be very boring and uninspiring overtime. On the other hand, differences can bring change, novelty and an added spice to the relationship. Two very different people can pool their different strengths and work together as a stronger team. Though, extreme differences may overtime sour the relationship and make living or working together difficult. You also need to look out for an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, which is based on power differential rather than respect and trust. A person may then choose to opt out after an amicable “goodbye” or "agree to disagree".























4 Life Lessons to Learn from Kangana Ranaut

Despite being an outsider in the industry, Kangana Ranaut has made her mark in Bollywood. The 'Queen of Bollywood' bagged the National Award in the best actress category for the third time for her double act in the commercial hit Tanu Weds Manu Returns. Ranaut is one of the highest paid actresses in India and is known for playing emotionally intense roles in films like Gangster and Woh Lamhe. But behind the fame and the glory, lies a story of struggle and constant perseverance. Kangana's rise to fame did not happen overnight, and her travails and triumphs have quite a few important lessons stored for all of us.

Here are 4 inspiring life lessons to take away from Kangana's real life story.

1. Be Yourself

Accept yourself and embrace the person you are. Making desperate attempts to fit in a social circle or trying to make people like you could turn depressing. Be yourself and don't compromise on your identity and be afraid to have a mind of your own. Kangana has constantly inspired us to be rebellious and to question stereotypes and sexism.

'People in the industry treated me like I didn't deserve to be spoken to and I was some unwanted object. I couldn't speak English fluently and people made fun of me for that. So dealing with rejection became a part of life...Today, when people say that I have made it and made it on my own.'

She said on an interview with Daily News and Analysis

2. Deal with your relationship problems

Stop tolerating abuse. Your partner is supposed to love and support you and not hurt you physically or emotionally. Don't be afraid of getting out of a relationship. It might be difficult and hard to deal with but it's best to get over with and start afresh. Ranaut was in a relationship with Aditya Pancholi, which turned sour after he assaulted her. Later she was also in a relationship with Adhyayan Suman and Nicholas Lafferty, an English doctor, which did not last either, but she always moved on with her head held high, personifying dignity.

3. Beat the odds

There might situations when your family does not support your career choices but don't let that stop you from going ahead with it. Believe in yourself and work hard on your goals. Kangana Ranaut inspires us to not give up easily. In spite of being an industry outsider, Ranaut made her mark with remarkable performances in Fashion, Queen, Woh Lamhe and Tanu Weds Manu. She quit pursuing medical and went for modeling instead and refused to take financial aid from her father. In short, don't give up on your dreams no matter how difficult it gets.

4. There is no end to learning

You can always continue with your interests even if you have a very busy professional life. Make time for your hobbies and interests as they expand your outlook. Ranaut learns Kathak as she enjoys dancing and considers it as a form of therapy. She also did a course on the technical aspects of filmmaking from New York Film Academy. She did not let her stardom affect her personal interests and wants to have a normal life.

'I don't want to lose my rights as a common person to learn and grow'

She said on an interview with Filmfare.



4 Life Lessons to Learn from Kangana Ranaut

Many people enjoy having alcohol on the weekends after long working hours and hectic weekdays. There are many people who consume alcohol to deal with stress or simply because they enjoy it. But consuming alcohol very often, especially every day can lead to many health issues. Medical experts call alcohol a toxin that affects each and every organ of the consumer s body and disturb its processing. The individual s body has to go through the recovery process every time after its consumption. Giving up alcohol is not easy, especially for the people who tend to consume it every day. Almost everyone is aware of how alcohol affects our mind and body but not everyone is aware of what happens when they give it up only if for a month or even lessen their consumption.

What Happens to Body When You Stop Drinking Alcohol?

One might not believe how fast his/ her system improves when he/ she stops drinking. They can actually see and feel the changes in their life pattern.

Quitting alcohol helps in losing weight as the body can now focus on burning other extra calories.

Drinking hinders one s sleeping pattern. Alcohol drops the production of melatonin hormone, responsible for controlling the sleep pattern, which affects the quality of one s sleep and escalates the production of adenosine in the body. This disturbance in the chemical production within the body affects the sleeping pattern. The alcohol consumer may suddenly wake up in the night or feel sleepy at work. Giving up alcohol helps one get better sleep making their days more productive and restful.

The liver is responsible to clean the toxins out of the body, including alcohol. Drinking alcohol affects the liver severely over time. It can cause many liver issues such as fatty liver disease, liver inflammation, cirrhosis, and liver failure. Intake of alcohol can disturb the digestive system as well by overproducing the gastric acid and damaging the gastrointestinal tract. Giving up on alcohol can improve digestion and organ functions.

Alcohol leads to diuresis (increased urine production). Consumption of alcohol drop the level of Antidiuretic Hormone (ADH) that leads to the increased urine production and less water holding capacity in the body. This can eventually lead to kidney ailments, even its failure. This causes dehydration. When a person quits or decreases the amount of alcohol, his/her body restores the level of ADH to its natural level and the kidneys resume to function in its natural state. This helps the body retain hydration that improves the overall health, including the proper pumping of blood and better kidney function.

Drinking alcohol on a regular basis affects the immune system, making the body more prone to diseases. It can also cause inflammation in the body that can lead to many other health problems. Quitting alcohol can decrease and reverse inflammation and thus improves and strengthens the complete immune system. How One Can Quit Drinking Alcohol? It is not easy for an individual to quit drinking alcohol but a sincere effort is highly desirable.

The very first step towards quitting alcohol is to know that it is unhealthy and can lead to various health issues and even death.

One should then know the benefits of quitting alcohol consumption.

Next step requires determination to reduce the alcohol consumption in unusual quantity, reducing the days of drinking, avoiding parties, and gathering that includes alcohol and to follow upon these processes sincerely.

Another important step is to reduce and avoid interaction with friends and people who consume alcohol, at least till one has not taken a commendable control over his/her drinking habit.

One should not feel ashamed of taking the decision of quitting alcohol and should not hide the fact from his/her friends and family so that they could not force him/her for a drink.

One can go to the rehabilitation centers if it is difficult for him/her to control his/her drinking habits.
Takeaway

Alcohol might help people deal with stress but it also makes them feel more fatigued and affects their overall health. Quitting alcohol is not easy for someone who is habitual of consuming it every other day. However, stopping its consumption even for a small time period can have visible health improvements. One can quit alcohol by reducing its intake over a week or month but if he/she finds it difficult to have control over their desire for consuming alcohol. He/She can also take help from doctors and medical experts who work in the areas of helping people trying to quit alcohol. One should not assume that once he/she gets the taste and habit of alcohol, it is impossible to quit. It is nothing but all about their will power and effort in the desired direction.

Giving Up Alcohol For Just A Month Has Amazing benefits!

Back pain can take away all of your energy and stop you from doing your daily chores. Therefore, it is very important that you get the right kind of treatment. Ayurveda has proven to be a very crucial player in treating lower back pain.

The following solutions diminish the Vata dosha, which is responsible for the lower back pain:

Remain warm: One of the fundamental characteristics of Vata dosha is that it is cool. That is the reason, at whatever point you come in contact with something cold or even consume cold food items or beverages, your lower back pain somehow spikes up. During winters, this pain becomes excruciating and keeps you from doing your everyday activities. Therefore, it is very important for you to stay warm. For that, you can either put on a warm belt or get a warm balm massages on your lower back.
Lessen your intake of extremely impactful flavours: Consuming a lot of extreme flavours in your food, for example, red and green chillies and wasabi can have an extremely drying impact on the body. Since dryness is another of the primary characteristics of Vata dosha, it gets expanded with drying substances, and this can lead to constipation in your body. This increases the lower back pain.
Eat warm foods: Devouring frosty foods and beverages cause an increase in V;ata dosha,k which leads to a lot of pain. Coldness makes your lower back tightened and causes certain body parts and areas to clog. Whereas, the fitting amount of warmth gives relieve and allows smooth bowel movement in the body and helps them remain open with the goal that we can finally dispose of the processed food. This also helps relieve the pain that comes from constipation.
Practice padahastasana: Padahastasana (leaning forward-overlay stance) is an incredible Yoga posture for lower back pain specifically on the grounds that it permits the Vata dosha to stream all through the body, wiping out the blockage of the stool-conveying channels that causes both constipation and lower back pain.
Oil your body: Ayurveda shows how stress, tension, exhaustion, and tiredness are all expansions of the Vata dosha, and a lot of collected development of Vata dosha leads to early maturing, a lot of pain in different parts of the body, particularly the lower back. Therefore, oiling the body can help unclog all the parts in the body and increase the blood flow.
Drink Bishop's weed seed tea: Bishop s weed seeds (called Ajwain seeds in Hindi) can be found in practically any grocery or departmental store and many health and clinical stores as well. This Ayurvedic flavour is very useful for pain and in addition constipation. It can be securely taken by anyone.
Kati Vasti: Kati Vasti is a miraculous Ayurvedic treatment very effective for various ailments connecting to the lower back and spine. The treatment involves retention of specially prepared warm medicated oil over the lower back or other parts of the spine for a certain period, to tackle all types of backpain, sciatica, spondylosis, and also to cure disc prolapse and spinal dislocations.
Cold/Heat therapy: Cold therapy can help reduce inflammation, muscle spasm, and pain. Cold therapy may be recommended immediately following a sprain or strain. Apply cold to your back using cold packs, ice cubes, iced towels/compresses, or take a cool bath.

Lower Back Pain - How Ayurveda Can Help You Get Relief?

In the modern day lifestyle, it is extremely difficult to be stress free. Even a tiny situation like losing your pen to a something like meeting a deadline at work can cause stress. Stress acts like a catalyst to different diseases like high cholesterol, hypertension, cardiac diseases, etc. You cannot avoid stress, but what you can do is help yourself fight it; and you can actually fight stress with the help of food as well. Here are a few food items which will help you with your fight against stress:

1. Chocolate: Chocolate is one of the best stress busters. It contains magnesium, phenyl ethyl amine and carbohydrates, all of which help lift your spirits. Chocolate helps in the reduction of stress hormones, helping you to relax.

2. Coffee: Coffee helps your brain signal the production of BDNF (a brain derived protein), which helps to keep your brain cells healthy. A low level of BDNF can cause a lot of stress and depression. Coffee triggers many neurotransmitters, which control your mood changes; so may be a cup or two of coffee will help your to be chirpier.

3. Green leafy vegetables: All green leafy vegetables like spinach contain a high quantity of magnesium. Magnesium prevents headaches and fatigue, which in turn reduces stress.

4. Black Tea: Black tea can relieve you of stress, quicker than any other food item. Black tea reduces the amount of cortisol, a hormone which causes stress, and gives you a feeling of calmness.

5. Milk: Milk contains calcium, which is known to ease anxiety and control sudden mood swings related to PMS or post menstrual stress.

6. Bananas: Bananas have a huge content of dopamine, which is a natural chemical that works towards boosting your mood. This is the same chemical released in your body after a session of working out. Bananas also have a lot of potassium and B group vitamins which work towards soothing your nervous system and a lot of magnesium which brings in positivity to your mood.

7. Almonds: Almonds are rich in vitamin E and group B vitamins, which will help you to be more resilient when you are depressed or anxious.

So if you are stressed out, pop in a few almonds or have a cup of tea, and release your stress.

7 Foods That Fight Stress

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an abnormal condition of the mind that develops when a person is exposed to certain traumatic events in life such as accidents, sexual assault or warfare.

The major symptoms of PTSD are:

Reliving the traumatic experience over and over again; this leads to severe and long-term mental distress.
Recurring dreams about the events.
Provocation of traumatic thoughts by the slightest event that causes distress to the individual.
Avoiding memories and thoughts that might remind them of the event.
Developing a negative view of themselves and the world.
Developing social or specific phobias.
Treatment

Medication and antidepressants: Medicines such as paroxetine, sertraline and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) help the individual address insomnia-related problems that occur due to PTSD and suppress nightmares.
Psychotherapy: This form of therapy is used to cure both mental health conditions (such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety and depression) as well as emotional problems that result from PTSD. Skilled mental health experts are needed for this form of treatment to be administered. They would listen to each individual patiently and provide effective strategies to give solutions to the problems. Some of these therapies are:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: This therapy enables the individual to adapt to changes and recognize thought patterns which lead to irrational and negative behaviour and actions.
Exposure therapy: This therapy causes the affected individual to first become anxious by exposing him/her to the traumatic memories, situations and objects by simulating them. The therapy helps the person to overcome his/her fears and become comfortable in the same environment that had previously caused fear and anxiety.
Group therapy: This popular and effective form of therapy allows the individual to share his/her feelings, fears and thoughts with a group of people who have themselves experienced similar trauma in their lives. Sharing such experiences helps reduces stress levels.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Ways It Can Be Managed!

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