MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND ARGUMENTS? CHANGE THEM INTO FLOWING CONVERSATION
Conflicts and misunderstandings occur at all levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families and between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, conflict is a critical event in the course of a relationship. Arguments  and misunderstandings  can cause resentment, hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well, however, it can be productive – leading to deeper understanding, mutual respect and closeness. The health of any relationship is gauged by how the conflicts are resolved, rather than the number of conflicts between the participants. 
Conflicts run all the way from minor, unimportant differences to disputes which can threaten the existence of a relationship. Conflicts with a loved one or a long-term friend are, of course, different from negotiating with someone who does not care about your needs, like a stranger or a salesperson. 

 Principles that underscores all successful conflict resolution. 
1. Both parties must view their conflict as a problem to be solved together so that both parties have the feeling of winning.
2. Each person must participate actively in the resolution and make an effort and commitment to find answers which are as fair as possible to both. 

We may get so caught up with our own immediate interests that we damage our relationships. If we disregard the position of the other person, if fear and power are used to win, or if we always have to get our own way, the other person will feel hurt and the relationship may be wounded. Similarly, if we always surrender just to avoid conflict, we give the message to the other person that it is acceptable to be bullied and our needs don’t matter. Our feeling of self-worth suffers, resentment surfaces, and we feel frustrated in the relationship. Instead, it is healthier if both parties can remain open, honest, assertive and respectful of the other position. Mutual trust and respect, as well as a positive, constructive attitude, are fundamental necessities in relationships that matter.

SOME EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES TO HOLD EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONS:
1. INITIAL AGREEMENT: The other person may be very angry with you and may be having loads of evidence to prove himself right. At that time, instead of arguing your position, simply agree at that time because there will be a grain of truth if nothing else. This doesn’t mean that you are giving up your values and principles. Sometimes its important to diffuse the emotional charge before working out on the differences. Sometimes its ok to “lose” individually in order to “win” together in the end.
2. EMPATHY: Sometimes putting yourself  in the other persons shoes and seeing the problem from their perspective helps build bridges. You could say,” I feel that you must be very upset with me for behaving like that with you, I should have been more considerate”. Half the battle is won and the other participant feels validated and will be more willing to listen to your tale of woes more amicably.
3. ASK QUESTIONS: When you ask questions, it shows that you care and are interested to resolve the problem at hand. Please note that while asking questions, be watchful of your words and tone. Asking exploratory  questions about the other persons thoughts and feelings rather than probing and insulting questions can take you miles on the way to effective resolution. For eg. “Is there anything that you would like me to know about this problem”?
4. USING “I” STATEMENTS: Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings rather than blaming the other person for making you feel like that. This decreases the chance that the other person will become defensive. For example, “I feel pretty upset that this thing has come between us.” This statement is much more effective than saying, “You have made me feel very upset.” 
5. COMPLIMENTS: Find something nice and genuine to say about the other person, even if the other is angry with you. Show a respectful attitude. For example, “I genuinely respect you for having the courage to bring this problem to me. I admire your strength and your caring attitude.” 

A RATIONAL APPROACH TO RESOLVING CONFLICTS:
Here is a model that may help in resolving interpersonal conflicts. 
1. Identify the Problem. Have a discussion to understand both sides of the problem. The goal at this initial stage is to say what you want and to listen to what the other person wants. Define the things that you both agree on, as well as the ideas that have caused the disagreement. It is important to listen actively to what the other is saying, use “I” statements and avoid blame. 
2. Come Up With Several Possible Solutions. This is the brainstorming phase. Drawing on the points that you both agree on and your shared goals, generate a list of as many ideas as you can for solving the problem, regardless of how feasible they might be. Aim toward quantity of ideas rather than quality during this phase, and let creativity be your guide.
3. Evaluate These Alternative Solutions. Now go through the list of alternative solutions to the problem, one by one. Consider the pros and cons of the remaining solutions until the list is narrowed down to one or two of the best ways of handling the problem. It is important for each person to be honest in this phase. The solutions might not be ideal for either person and may involve compromise. 
4. Decide on the Best Solution. Select the solution that seems mutually acceptable, even if it is not perfect for either party. As long as it seems fair and there is a mutual commitment to work with the decision, the conflict has a chance for resolution. 
5. Implement the Solution. It is important to agree on the details of what each party must do, who is responsible for implementing various parts of the agreement, and what to do in case the agreement starts to break down. 
6. Continue to Evaluate the Solution. Conflict resolutions should be seen as works in progress. Make it a point to ask the other person from time to time how things are going. Something unexpected might have come up or some aspect of the problem may have been overlooked. Your decisions should be seen as open to revision, as long as the revisions are agreed upon mutually. 

Keep in mind that differences will come up in any relationship just because you two are different individuals with different perspectives, ideologies, attitudes and perceptions. Too much similarity in personality and working styles may be comforting but can be very boring and uninspiring overtime. On the other hand, differences can bring change, novelty and an added spice to the relationship. Two very different people can pool their different strengths and work together as a stronger team. Though, extreme differences may overtime sour the relationship and make living or working together difficult. You also need to look out for an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, which is based on power differential rather than respect and trust. A person may then choose to opt out after an amicable “goodbye” or "agree to disagree".























What you must know about body ache


Affecting your entire body, body ache is usually an indicator of a condition that requires your attention for the pain to stop or a reaction of your body's immune system to an infection. Understanding the symptoms and the cause of the pain is the first step towards getting the right treatment for your problem.
The causes of body ache can be any one of these:
  an increase in your body's lactic acid as a result of overused muscles (that you normally experience when you perform strenuous exercises) leads to body aches that are not severe but temporary in nature.
  temporary body aches can also occur if you suffer from flu caused by the influenza virus and other medical conditions like fever and viral infections, among others.
  a cause of body aches can be the presence of a serious condition such as Lyme disease or pneumonia that brings about major infection affecting your entire body.
  inflammation of body cells or damage to your body's nervous system in the form of chronic ailments like autoimmune diseases and psychiatric problems can also cause pains and aches to develop all over the body.

What can you do to manage it?
There are simple ways that you can employ to relieve your body aches based on the root cause and these are:

  if the cause of your body ache is the flu, the best way to alleviate your condition is to take a hot bath. The hot water works by eliminating the body pains you may be suffering from. Even a gentle massage can soothe the ache affecting your entire body.
  for body aches that are caused due to overused muscle, you need to apply ice packs for 2-3 weeks on the affected area to bring down the inflammation. Even the application of a heating pad can help in relieving body aches brought on by muscle soreness.
  shoulder and neck pains can be easily prevented by performing simple exercises from time to time such as shoulder shrugs or head turns. Also, the practice of using wrist and forearm rests can reduce your chances of getting shoulder and neck aches.
  reducing your stress levels can also help in effectively lowering the instances of body ache. From sleeping on time to meditating for about 20 minutes a day can help in lowering stress.

In case, you do not get relief from any of the suggested ways, you need to consult a qualified doctor who will guide you on the right treatment course. 

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'consult'
Related Tip: Why does PAIN occur? Understand the Mechanism of Pain

Body Ache? Here's What You Must Know about Body Pain

The chronic disorder that causes recurrent and unprovoked seizures is referred to as Epilepsy. A seizure is an impulsive and unexpected rush of activity in the brain. The reasons for the cause of epilepsy include head trauma, high fever, low blood sugar, and alcohol withdrawal. It is a neurological disorder and more than 3 million people in the United States have been affected by epilepsy. The chronic disorder is common not only in adults but even in young children and it has been observed that it occurs more in males. The disorder can merely be controlled by the use of various strategies as there is no cure for it till date.

Causes of epilepsy
Any illness that disturbs the usual form of neuron activity can lead to seizures. There are many possible causes of epilepsy. The 2 main types of seizures include partial/focal seizure and generalized seizure. The partial seizure would affect only one part of the brain. It is difficult to identify mild seizures. Further, stronger seizures are known to cause uncontrollable muscle twitches and spasms. At the time of a strong seizure, a patient can lose his consciousness. On the other hand, generalized seizures affect both parts (cerebral hemispheres) of the brain so their onset is not easily identifiable. Types of generalized seizures include tonic-clonic, absence or atonic etc. The other important fact is that epilepsy progresses because of imbalance of neurotransmitters which are nerve-signaling chemicals and also due to an abnormality in the brain wiring.

Drugs used to treat epileptic seizures
Anticonvulsant drugs are mainly used to treat epileptic seizures. The type of treatment provided to patients mainly depends on factors like severity and frequency of the seizures. The other factors that are also taken into consideration for the type of treatment provided include medical history, overall health and the age of a person. A patient can feel better with a seizure medication, an implant that works on the nerves, a special diet, and surgery.
To control epileptic seizures medications are the best option and to treat the brain disorder the right medication needs to be used. There are nearly 20 drugs available that are used for treating different types of epileptic seizures. The doctors provide medication only after proper review of the patient s medical history and their lifestyle. Some of the medications that are made include the use of antiepileptic drugs and anti-seizure drugs. The faulty signaling of the brain is suppressed with these medications.

Important precautions you must take

It is very important that the medication is taken as directed by the doctor. The main reason behind the use of these drugs is that they reduce the number of seizures and there are no side-effects. 
Care should be taken that the drugs provided to the children to treat epilepsy are FDA approved and are safe for use by children. 
The epilepsy drugs that can be taken for partial seizures include carbamazepine, phenytoin, valproic acid, valproate, and brivaracetam.
Natural treatments can also be made use of for epilepsy as at times medications do not work well on some patients. Acupuncture, use of natural herbs and vitamins can also be used for treating the brain disorder.

Epilepsy - Things You Must Take Care Of!

Schizophrenia affects over 1% of the world s population and affects the way a person thinks, feels and behaves. In most cases, it is diagnosed when a person is between the ages of 16 to 25. This condition can be hereditary and is said to affect men more often than women. Schizophrenia is characterized by an inability to distinguish between real and imaginary which can lead to delusions, social withdrawal, hallucinations and other forms of social and occupational dysfunction.

Schizophrenia affects different people in different ways. On the basis of the type of symptoms exhibited, this disease has been categorized into 5 sub types. These are:

Paranoid schizophrenia: This type of schizophrenia is characterized by delusions and hallucinations that may make the person exhibit paranoid behaviour. These people often feel like they are being watched or followed and may have delusions of grandeur. They may also get angry quickly on minor issues and show signs of anxiety and hostility.
Disorganized schizophrenia: In such cases, the person may behave in ways that are difficult to understand or speak in broken sentences and have difficulty structuring a sentence. They may also display inappropriate behaviour and react in ways not suitable to the occasion. People suffering from disorganized schizophrenia may also neglect their personal hygiene.
Catatonic schizophrenia: People suffering from catatonic schizophrenia may swing between immobility and periods of rapid movement. They may stay quiet for hours or talk rapidly repeating everything they hear. These people have a high risk of harming themselves as they are usually unable to look after themselves and complete daily activities.
Undifferentiated schizophrenia: People suffering from this type of schizophrenia exhibit behaviour that fits into more than one type of schizophrenia. From time to time they may have hallucinations, suffer from delusions or display catatonic behaviour and disorganized behaviour or speech.
Residual schizophrenia: Even though a person may not be currently showcasing any signs of schizophrenia, they are said to have residual schizophrenia. Such people need to have had at least one schizophrenic episode. These people may exhibit symptoms later or be in complete remission.
With schizophrenia, an early diagnosis can make treatment easier and hence if you notice anyone exhibiting signs of schizophrenia, you must advise them to seek medical help immediately. Schizophrenia cannot be cured but it can be managed with a combination of typical or atypical medication and cognitive therapy. The latter can be in the form of self-help groups, housing and employment programs, counselling and therapy. 

Types Of Schizophrenia - How Can They Be Dealt With?

Manic depression, also known as bipolar disorder in recent days, is a major mood disorder characterized by hypomanic or manic episodes (deviation from one's usual mood along with abnormally high energy levels). Mania involves sleeplessness, along with psychosis, hallucinations, rage, grandiose delusions or paranoia. Mania or hypomania isn t usually harmful to the patient and they might exhibit increased capacity for work and creativity. Depressive episodes however, can be debilitating and often life threatening as the person becomes self-destructive and suicidal in many instances. 

The extent of mood swings can vary from extreme to very mild. They can occur progressively or suddenly and might last for few days to weeks. Patients affected by bipolar disorder may experience disturbances in thinking apart from depressive or manic episodes. Distortions of perception and impaired social functioning are also not uncommon. The cause of bipolar disorder is not fully understood like most mental health conditions and is often thought to be hereditary.

The extent of the seriousness of the bipolar symptoms varies from person to person. In some people, the disorder is not full blown and they don t exhibit all the symptoms. Others who aren t that lucky might have to be hospitalized multiple times in their lives as the symptoms creep into their work and personal life and make living a normal life a tough challenge. 

Psychotic symptoms such as disorganized thinking, hallucinations and delusions might make a person do things that demand the urgency of hospitalization to keep them safe from their suicidal impulses. These symptoms might need to be urgently addressed by a psychiatrist and with the help of medications, the person might be able to regain control of their lives.

The symptoms of bipolar disorder are many and can be mainly categorized into two (sometimes overlapping) categories of mania or hypomania and depression:

Manic symptoms include: 

Grandiose delusions (delusion of grandeur) 
Racing thoughts which are often disconnected
Sense of euphoria or false elation
Irritability without cause
Hampered social functioning
Increased sexual inclination and risky sexual behavior
Hyperactivity
Increase in talking volume or speed
Impaired judgment
Reduced sleep requirements owing to extra energy levels
Increased productivity and creativity
Depressive symptoms include:

Abnormal eating patterns like over or under-eating to the extent of severe medical complications accompanied by drastic changes in weight
Difficulty in concentration, making decisions and remembering
Lack of energy or fatigue 
Contemplating about death for prolonged periods of time and suicidal behavior
Oversleeping, insomnia or early awakening
Persistent pessimism 
Irritability and restlessness
Feeling of hopeless and negative attitude
Mood stabilizers, such as lithium are commonly employed to treat bipolar disorder. Anti convulsants, benzodiazepines and anti psychotics can also be used in the treatment. Along with medications, support from family and friends is of the utmost importance as they need to help provide all the support required in making the person functional and healthy.

Manic Depressive Disorder - 11 Signs to Help You Spot it 

Alternating between being happy and sad as you go through life's ups and downs is normal, but if you're sad most of the time, it could be a sign of being depressed.  Depression takes the joy out of all your activities, and can make merely getting through a day feel overwhelming. The first step to overcoming this problem is to understand its symptoms and causes.  Not everyone experiences depression the same way, but here are a few questions that can help tell you if you are depressed or not.

Do you feel helpless?
It is common for depressed people to feel helpless and that everything around them is out of their control. As a result, the person may either stop participating in activities all together or try to control things they can't. Both situations are cyclic and lead to further depression.

Have you lost interest in daily activities?
The feeling of helplessness is one of the main reasons depressed people lose interest in activities. Another reason is that activities that were once enjoyed now do not seem interesting enough. In most cases, this leads to the person isolating himself and withdrawing from all his family and friends.

Do you often feel angry or irritated?
Depression is almost always accompanied by irritability and anger. Small annoyances that would usually be overlooked quickly, take on an inappropriate significance. This can lead to poor impulse control, substance abuse and anxiety disorder. In most cases, anger and depression are related by the person trying to take accountability for things that are out of his control and hence feeling helpless.

Is there a change in your sleep pattern?
Your sleep quality is very closely related to the way you feel. Depressed people often suffer either from insomnia or oversleeping. Depressed people can have trouble going to sleep as well as staying asleep. This can cause drowsiness and lethargy during the day. Sleep apnea is also linked with depression. As you can imagine, if this is left untreated, it will only worsen your depression.

Do you feel tired?
When the body does not get adequate sleep, you begin the day feeling tired. Thus, depressed people often feel fatigued and complain of a number of muscle and joint pains.  This is because the body has not had enough time to regenerate cells during the night. This is usually complemented by complains of persistent headache and stomach aches, both of which are emotionally connected to the way you feel.

The nature of depression is such that it lowers a person's self-esteem to the point of interfering with his ability to seek help. Hence, if you have a positive response to the above questions, it is time to address your problem before it worsens.

How To Recognize Depression In Adults

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