HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

Schizophrenia affects over 1% of the world s population and affects the way a person thinks, feels and behaves. In most cases, it is diagnosed when a person is between the ages of 16 to 25. This condition can be hereditary and is said to affect men more often than women. Schizophrenia is characterized by an inability to distinguish between real and imaginary which can lead to delusions, social withdrawal, hallucinations and other forms of social and occupational dysfunction.

Schizophrenia affects different people in different ways. On the basis of the type of symptoms exhibited, this disease has been categorized into 5 sub types. These are:

Paranoid schizophrenia: This type of schizophrenia is characterized by delusions and hallucinations that may make the person exhibit paranoid behaviour. These people often feel like they are being watched or followed and may have delusions of grandeur. They may also get angry quickly on minor issues and show signs of anxiety and hostility.
Disorganized schizophrenia: In such cases, the person may behave in ways that are difficult to understand or speak in broken sentences and have difficulty structuring a sentence. They may also display inappropriate behaviour and react in ways not suitable to the occasion. People suffering from disorganized schizophrenia may also neglect their personal hygiene.
Catatonic schizophrenia: People suffering from catatonic schizophrenia may swing between immobility and periods of rapid movement. They may stay quiet for hours or talk rapidly repeating everything they hear. These people have a high risk of harming themselves as they are usually unable to look after themselves and complete daily activities.
Undifferentiated schizophrenia: People suffering from this type of schizophrenia exhibit behaviour that fits into more than one type of schizophrenia. From time to time they may have hallucinations, suffer from delusions or display catatonic behaviour and disorganized behaviour or speech.
Residual schizophrenia: Even though a person may not be currently showcasing any signs of schizophrenia, they are said to have residual schizophrenia. Such people need to have had at least one schizophrenic episode. These people may exhibit symptoms later or be in complete remission.
With schizophrenia, an early diagnosis can make treatment easier and hence if you notice anyone exhibiting signs of schizophrenia, you must advise them to seek medical help immediately. Schizophrenia cannot be cured but it can be managed with a combination of typical or atypical medication and cognitive therapy. The latter can be in the form of self-help groups, housing and employment programs, counselling and therapy. 

Types Of Schizophrenia - How Can They Be Dealt With?

Most Practical Tips for Controlling Everyday Stress

We generally use the word 'stress' when we feel that everything becomes too much to handle - we are overloaded and wonder whether we can cope with the pressures placed upon us. Nowadays stress is a normal part of life. Almost everyone has some sort of stress. Constantly reacting to stressful situations without making adjustments to counter the effects, threatens our health and well-being.

There are steps you can help you managing day to day stressful conditions and take to feel better.

Be realistic: If you feel overwhelmed by some activities (yours and/or your family's), learn to say NO! Eliminate an activity that is not absolutely necessary. You may be taking on more responsibility than you can or should handle. If you meet resistance, give reasons why you're making the changes. Be willing to listen to other's suggestions and be ready to compromise.

Shed the 'superman/superwoman' urge: No one is perfect, so don't expect perfection from yourself or others. Ask yourself, 'What really needs to be done?' How much can I do? Is the deadline realistic? What adjustments can I make?' Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.

Take one thing at a time: For people under tension or stress, their day-to-day workload can sometimes seem unbearable. The best way to cope with this feeling of being overwhelmed is to take one task at a time. Make a list of things you need to get done and start with one task. Once you accomplish that task, choose the next one. The positive feeling of 'checking off' tasks is very satisfying. It will motivate you to keep going.

Share your feelings: A conversation with a friend lets you know that you are not the only one having a bad day. Stay in touch with friends and family. Ask them how they have dealt with a similar situation that may be 'stressing you out.' Let them provide love, support and guidance. Don't try to cope alone.

Be flexible: If you find you're meeting constant opposition in either your personal or professional life, rethink your position or strategy. Arguing only intensifies stressful feelings. Make allowances for other's opinions and be prepared to compromise. If you are willing to be accommodating, others may meet you halfway. Not only will you reduce your stress, you may find better solutions to your problems. Go easy with criticism. You may expect too much of yourself and others. Try not to feel frustrated, disappointed or even 'trapped' when another person criticises you.

Hobbies: Take a break from your worries by doing something you enjoy. Whether it's gardening or painting, schedule time to indulge your interest. Exercise: Regular exercise is a popular way to relieve stress. Twenty to thirty minutes of physical activity benefits both the body and the mind. Meditate: Just ten to twenty minutes of quiet reflection may bring relief from chronic stress as well as increase your tolerance to it.

Take Herbal Supplement: Herbs like Brahmi, Ashwagandha, Mandukparni, Shankhpuspi, Kaunch are very helpful in managing stress. These herbs work on the brain and help relax you which ultimately empowers you to manage your stressful conditions easily. There are many herbal supplements available in the market that can help you.

Consult the Doctor: If your stress level doesn't seem to improve with above tips, it may require more attention and consultation with an Expert.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.

Most Practical Ways of Controlling Everyday STRESS

Most people will give you a blatant No. And they are quite right to do so. But if you have been a habitual offender who can't unwind without their drink, pregnancy is going to be a big problem. So does the rule stand in all cases? What if you drank when you didn't know you were pregnant yet? What if you had a light drink here and there, will it literally spell disaster? Let's find out.

Contradictory advice everywhere: Most doctors will advice you to stay away completely from alcohol as soon as that first positive emerges in your test. Others may give you a little leeway and let you have an occasional drink. There are friends who'll confess to have cheated during their pregnancy and snuck in a beer or two and say that their kids turned out just fine. There are other friends will scorn on you for even thinking such a thing. Same goes for your relatives. Like all things in pregnancy, random advice will just not work.

How much can you drink? Let's assume that you are confident nothing will happen and want to be adventurous and give it a cautious try. Danish researchers have some good news for you. Some studies have shown that low to moderate consumption of alcohol does not harm the baby. In fact, in 2012, Danish researchers released a highly publicized study that found no major problems in children below 5 years whose mothers had consumed 1- 8 alcoholic drinks a week during pregnancy.

Unfortunately, not all research is made equal. With pregnancy, each mother, each child and progression of each pregnancy is different. It really has to be on a case by case basis and nothing can be taken on face value. Most people will still advise you to completely go off alcohol as there is 'no safe' amount during pregnancy. Some women have a larger quantity of the enzyme that breaks down alcohol. If a woman with lower levels of this enzyme drinks alcohol, it is more likely to harm her unborn child as the alcohol will remain in her bloodstream longer.

How alcohol can affect your child?

A number of disorders that can affect your child when in the womb and even after because of alcohol consumption. These disorders are collectively called 'Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder'. It is characterized by increased risk in miscarriage and stillbirth. It can also result in the baby having low birth weight and increase problems with learning, speech, attention span, language and hyperactivity. Alcohol consumption may also affect girl child and a baby boy differently. While both may turn out to have aggressive and delinquent behaviour, girls are more likely to develop mental health problems too.

If you are unable to give up on alcohol, you need to immediately get professional help to overcome your addiction. Also note that the term 'non-alcoholic' beverage is misleading as they can contain trace amounts of it. Consult a doctor today on which drinks are safe for you.

Alcohol in Pregnancy: Is it Safe?

Bipolar mood disorder, otherwise called manic depressive disorder or manic depression, is a genuine and serious mental problem. It is a disorder that can lead to unsafe conduct, damaged relations and career, and even self-destructive inclinations if it is not treated properly and on time.

Bipolar disorder is portrayed by outrageous changes in the state of mind, from mania to depression. Between these mood swings, a man with bipolar disorder may encounter normal moods as well. Here is how it can affect a relationship:

Bipolar disorder can turn into an issue from the very begin of a relationship. Exploring any sentimental relationship - whether it is dating or marriage - can be a risky attempt. Including bipolar disorder with its crazy ride of feelings in with the general problems in a relationship, and connections can turn out to be all the more difficult.
However, not everybody with bipolar disorder encounters the state of mood swings of depression and mania, but when those scenes do happen, they can destroy a relationship.
During the hyper stage, a person can lose his or her feeling of judgment. That implies spending all their money carelessly, breaking rules, and taking part in dangerous practices like medication and liquor abuse. When you have a partner with the bipolar issue who gets into a hyper stage, it can be extremely harmful to a great degree for the relationship since they might do things that hurt you or may trouble you financially.
Any number of things, from work problems to financial issues, can lead to fights and put a strain on a marriage. However, if one of the partners has a bipolar disorder, simple stressors can trigger their mood swings. That might be the reason why around ninety percent of the relations and marriages with a bipolar partner, fail.
Having a relationship when you live with bipolar disorder is troublesome. Nevertheless, it can surely be dealt with. It takes the efforts of both the partners to make it work.
The initial step is to get diagnosed and treated for your condition. Your specialist can give you hormone balancing drugs, for example, Lithium, with antidepressants to control your symptoms. Treatment with a clinician or psychologist is additionally vital. With treatment, you can figure out how to control the practices that are putting pressure on your relationship.

Here are a couple of different approaches to alleviate a portion of the weight on your relationship:

Take your medicine as recommended
Take a marriage education and counselling class
Manage your stress in different ways whether it is writing in a diary, taking long strolls, or listening to music
Attempt to adjust work with more calming exercises
Adhere to a customary rest cycle
Eat healthy and exercise frequently
Maintain distance from liquor and caffeine

Bipolar Mood disorder - Is It Hampering Your Relationship?

Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that affects how a person sees the world. Schizophrenia makes it difficult for you to distinguish between what is real or unreal. It can stop you from thinking clearly, handling your emotions properly or functioning in a normal way. However, one can manage schizophrenia effectively. The best way is to recognise the signs and symptoms that one might be having. Here is how you can recognise the symptoms of schizophrenia:

Delusions: A delusion is an idea that a person might have despite there being obvious evidence that it is not true or does not exist. These are extremely common in schizophrenia and occur in ninety percent of the people with this disorder. These delusions can be of many types:
Delusion of persecution: When a person believes that someone is out to get them.
Delusion of reference: a very neutral environmental event tends to have a personal meaning to them. They might think that a person on the TV or a billboard is trying to send a message specifically for them.
Delusion of control: In this, a person believes that his or her actions are being controlled from the outside.
Hallucinations: These are sensations or sounds that a person experiences as real when they only exist in that person s mind. Visual hallucinations are relatively more common. These are only meaningful to the person who is experiencing them. These voices or visuals are usually horrific, vulgar, abusive or critical. They tend to increase in intensity when the person is alone.
Disorganized speech: People who suffer from this order have a hard time maintaining or concentrating on certain thoughts. They may start sentences and forget what they were talking about. They might even go off track in the middle of conversations. People with this disorder usually say illogical things and speak incoherently. A patient may also make up words or phrases that only have a meaning to them.
Disorganized symptoms: A person is unable to take care of himself or herself or their work. They face a decline in their overall daily functioning and their behaviours are bizarre and may have no purpose. People with this disorder cannot control their impulses.
Negative symptoms: This refers to the absence of behaviours that usually appear normal to other people. These include lack of expressing oneself emotionally, lack of interest or enthusiasm. These also include speech difficulties or abnormalities as well as their lack of interest in the world.
Schizophrenia can be caused due to many reasons. These include lack of oxygen during birth, exposure to a virus during infancy, physical or sexual abuse, depression, hereditary components or enlarged brain ventricles. This disorder can affect a patient s mental as well as physical health and can endanger the people around them as well as their relationships. Hence, the signs and symptoms should be recognised as early as possible in order to get the right kind of treatment.

Schizophrenia - How To Recognize The Signs?

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