For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur after one has been in an accident or has faced an event that has left a scar in their memory. The accidental trauma overpowers you with sentiments of misery and weakness, which in turn can trigger PTSD. Here are a few ways in which you can get over the trauma.

Tip 1: Get moving

Exercise can help your nervous system relax and be unstuck on the trauma by discharging endorphins.
Rhythmic exercises that use both your arms and legs, instead of concentrating on your trauma, can help you divert your mind. Eg. walking, running, swimming etc.
Exercises like mountain climbing, boxing, weight lifting, or combative training can make it simpler to concentrate on your body developments and make you stronger.
Plan to exercise for 30 minutes every day or if it is less demanding, three sets of 10-minute workouts are also good.
Tip 2: Self manage your nervous system

Discovering that you can change your arousal framework and quiet yourself down can specifically question the feeling of vulnerability, which is a typical symptom of PTSD.
Careful breathing is a fast approach to calm yourself down. Take 60 breaths, centering your concentration.
Similar to how particular sights, actions or smells can transport you back to the traumatic event, so can sensory information rapidly calm you down. The key is to locate the sensory information that works for you.
Reconnecting to uncomfortable feelings and emotions without getting to be overpowered by them can have a positive effect on your brain to adjust your state of mind.
Tip 3: Connect with others
Once the reflex has been activated, face-to-face association with people who make you feel protected and safe is the fastest and the best method for bringing your nervous system into its right place. The kind backing of others can be important to your recovery. Search for someone you can converse with for a long period of time, somebody who will hear you out without judging you or constantly being occupied. That individual might be your better half, a relative, a companion, or an expert advisor.

Tip 4: Make healthy life changes

The side effects of PTSD can be difficult for your body. So it is important to deal with yourself and build up a healthy lifestyle.
Take out some time to relax. For example, meditation, deep breathing, back rub, or yoga can initiate the body's relaxation reaction and get rid of the side effects of PTSD.
Stay away from liquor and medications. When you are dealing with troublesome feelings and traumatic memories, you might want to opt for elf-cure with liquor or medications. Eat a healthy diet. Begin your day with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with adjusted nutritious meals for the entire the day.
Get enough rest. Lack of sleep leads to outrage, irritation and grumpiness. Sleep for at least seven to nine hours each day.

Accident Trauma - How To Get Over It?

Many of us feel anger, frustration and dissatisfaction in our daily lives. While medicine and therapy can help extreme cases, there are other ways to bring down the symptoms with a proper daily routine, diet and exercise. Exercise can be an incredible treatment to discharge those sentiments. In case you wind up getting angry regularly, yoga can help you to deal with the problem while you are away or at home. Yoga can help with both managing anger and calming you down when you feel particularly furious at any given point. Some of the asanas or postures that help in doing so are as follows:

Savasana (cadaver posture): With the cadaver posture, you lie on your back with your palms up and arms next to you. At that point, you relax every part of your body. While practicing this posture, concentrate on relaxing. Inhale deeply into your tummy. It is best to shut your eyes while doing so.
Sheetali Pranayama (cooling breath): The cooling breathing exercise is a phenomenal approach to address anger. You basically roll your tongue (twisting in the edges) or press your lips together. In case you cannot roll your tongue, breathe in gradually through your mouth so that the air gets in through your tongue. At that point, close your mouth and breathe out through your nose. This practice is believed to lessen the anger and enhance peace of mind.
Ardha matsyendrasana (half spinal twist pose): This posture strengthens the organs and relaxes your spine. You can perform this exercise by sitting with both legs in front of you, and then by folding one knee up while folding the other on the ground underneath the other leg. You then turn your spine toward the side where the knee is up and use the knee as a rest for your arm as you stretch into the stance. Try not to exhaust yourself. In case you feel pain, relax a bit.
Urdhva dhanurasana (upward bow pose): This stance has been efficient in increasing trust between people with threatening or serious identity issues, and decreases anger. While there are a few approaches to accomplish a back curve in yoga, the upward bow stance is the most widely recognized due to the back twists that lead to better circulation of energy.
Salamba sarvangasana (shoulder stand): It can balance out the nervous system. People who deal with anger issues or who have an antagonistic identity will find that this asana helps in lessening their outrage and anger. It creates quality and adaptability and helps the thyroid and parathyroid organs as well.
Doing yoga frequently will go far towards helping you deal with your anger in the long haul. In case you have an identity issue, exercising consistently will strengthen the mind. However, you might need to go to a class keeping in mind the end goal, which is to manage the anger.

Anger Management - 5 Yoga Asanas That Can Help You!

Recently the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) published a journal claiming that addiction is a complex disease rather than a voluntary condition. The journal also mentioned that for decades, the approach towards recovery from addiction has been mismanaged.

Addiction is treated as a disease now. Pharmaceutical approach and therapy have been quite popular since the last few decades, but is there a better alternative to treating addiction and helping in recovery?

Alternative treatments for curing addiction have been in works since quite a while. Acupuncture is one such approach that has been found to be very effective when it comes to treating people with addiction and helping them to recover.

What is Acupuncture?

Acupuncture is an ancient Chinese healing method that involves stimulating different sections of the body in order to manipulate the body to harness energy and healing powers. This method includes insertion of long sterilized needles in certain parts of the body. An Acupuncture specialist carefully does it in a painless way. During an acupuncture session, the practitioner may also use other methods like Cupping and Massage.

The main ideology behind Acupuncture is balancing the QI energy that flows through human bodies. To harness and balance this energy, Acupuncture requires stimulation in different sections of the body, like the Cardiovascular system, Endocrine system, Nervous system and Immune system.



How does Acupuncture help in Addiction?

To understand Acupuncture s role in addiction, it is first important to understand what addiction does to a human body.

Addiction causes a major damage to the Endocrine system; it disrupts the balance of the hormones that are responsible for happiness and wellbeing of a person. This disruption of balance leads the person to go haywire and drop into a pitfall of bad decisions.

Acupuncture helps in restoration of that balance in the body. Multiple studies have shown that Acupuncture helps in restoring the Endocrine system, especially the Dopamine hormone (hormone responsible for happiness).

This involves inserting sterilized needles in the specific spots in the body, which are responsible for Dopamine release. After the Dopamine levels in the body have been elevated, the person suffering from addiction deals better with the withdrawal symptoms.

Is Acupuncture Effective with Addiction?  

Acupuncture is used as a treatment for Smoking Cessation. A group of smokers were gathered for a survey. This people in this group were trying different methods like medicines, Nicotine patches and e-cigarettes. The results weren t very effective at first Then, Acupuncture became a part of this treatment. The survey found out that people who used Acupuncture along with these treatments showed better results than people who only used conventional methods.

Though acupuncture has proven to be very effective when combined with other treatments, it is important to remember that it isn t a cure for Addiction by itself. Consulting an experienced Acupuncture practitioner who deals with addiction can help a person effectively get out of addiction.

Addiction -How Can Acupuncture Help In Getting Rid Of It? 

In India, crimes against women have been on the rise; they might have always happened at the same rate but today's media have become more attentive towards these crimes by bringing them to the forefront. Recently, the devastating news of an Assamese higher secondary student being raped and killed has surfaced. Her floating decomposed body was not discovered until 4th of May when the incident itself occurred on 28th of April. If a rape victim dies, it is the most unfortunate consequence that the parents and the loved ones have to live with but there are numerous victims who survive and they can lead a normal life with guidance and care. Any occurrence of sexual assault not only leaves scars on the outside but also have deeper psychological and emotional effects. The emotional scars can manifest in the form of post-traumatic disorder, depression and suicidal tendencies. If you know anyone who has undergone such an experience, then read on to find out how you can help her get back to her life.

Medical Examination: Physical effects of rape can be adverse on the victim. Forced sexual assault causes bruising, wounds and vaginal bleeding and immediate medical attention is required to ensure safety. Subsequent medical tests should also be carried out to check for Urinary Tract infection, Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and uterine fibroids.

Therapy: Wounds of the flesh heal, but it takes a lot of time to recover from emotional damage and in some cases the survivors bear the burden of psychological scars all through their lives. They may see the incident as an assault to their souls and develop depression, post-traumatic disorder, borderline personality disorder, sleeping and eating disorder. The loved ones have to be understanding and be patient with them. One-on-one therapy or group therapy sessions can be very helpful. Talking about their emotions and resolving issues of anger, regret, pain, fear, guilt in a friendly, supported and understanding environment can help them reconstruct their self-image.

Counseling: Guilt and shame are two most common stigmas that most survivors have to deal with. They somehow blame themselves for the incident and regret any step they think that might have led to the incident. They become so consumed by the incident that they think the experience defines them, instead of their persona which is called dissociative identity disorder. In such cases counseling sessions can prove to be very beneficial. They need guidance to understand the situation and separate themselves from the incident. The survivors may feel weak and victimized, overpowered and violated; they may also think that they have lost control of their bodies. Counseling can assist to resolve such issues and help them empower themselves with time.
It is important to make the survivors realize that it is not the end of their lives. With a positive attitude, proper rehabilitation and counseling rape survivors can lead a normal, happy life.

Overcoming Sexual Harassment: You Are Stronger Than You Think

Loss and grief are two unfortunate partners where the latter follows the former. While the type of grief or the nature of the loss may differ from person to person, there are five distinct stages of loss and grieloss and grief are two unfortunate partners where the latter follows the former. While the type of grief or the nature of the loss may differ from person to person, there are five distinct stages of loss and grief that all people universally go through, when faced with such a situation. Here are the five stages of this process and the different ways in which one can cope with each stage.

Denial and isolation:

In this phase, the patient usually ends up blocking out the words as well as the thoughts and reactions that surround this sad event, which can lead to a numbing action of the brain. While we all do this in some measure during such situations, some people take it especially hard by acting as if nothing has happened at all. If this phase does not come to pass within a short frame of time, then psychological and medical intervention may be required.

Anger:

When a person begins to acknowledge the loss, there is a sense of unfairness which can lead to frustration and anger that is basically the way the person may be dealing with the re-emergence of the pain and the fact that it is here to stay. Therapy and sedation may be required if this frustration and repeated spells of tantrums carries on for a prolonged period. Do not hesitate to talk things out rather than flaring up at this point, as the unchangeable has already happened.

Bargaining:

In this phase, desperation enters the mind of the patient where a lot of'what ifs' come up. The patient begins to question what if things had been done differently and other such aspects. If not dealt with in an engaging manner and with empathy, this phase can lead back to anger and frustration.

Depression:

Private mourning of the loss and regret to do with the practical aspects like loneliness and the cost of the loss can strike at this stage. Here, the patient must be made aware of rights as well as the people around him or her who can help out to prevent this depression from becoming a full-fledged condition.

Acceptance:

In this final stage, the patient becomes more accepting of this new reality. Yet, even this must be taken up cautiously as a grief stricken heart may lead to a variety of mental ailments in the long run.

The way to deal with these stages is with therapy and proper guidance where the patient is allowed to channel all the thoughts and anger before accepting the situation. Do not hesitate to ask for counselling and embrace the changes in your life without regret, guilt and depression. F that all people universally go through, when faced with such a situation. Here are the five stages of this process and the different ways in which one can cope with each stage.

Denial and isolation: 

In this phase, the patient usually ends up blocking out the words as well as the thoughts and reactions that surround this sad event, which can lead to a numbing action of the brain. While we all do this in some measure during such situations, some people take it especially hard by acting as if nothing has happened at all. If this phase does not come to pass within a short frame of time, then psychological and medical intervention may be required.

Anger:

When a person begins to acknowledge the loss, there is a sense of unfairness which can lead to frustration and anger that is basically the way the person may be dealing with the re-emergence of the pain and the fact that it is here to stay. Therapy and sedation may be required if this frustration and repeated spells of tantrums carries on for a prolonged period. Do not hesitate to talk things out rather than flaring up at this point, as the unchangeable has already happened.

Bargaining:

In this phase, desperation enters the mind of the patient where a lot of'what ifs' come up. The patient begins to question what if things had been done differently and other such aspects. If not dealt with in an engaging manner and with empathy, this phase can lead back to anger and frustration.

Depression: 

Private mourning of the loss and regret to do with the practical aspects like loneliness and the cost of the loss can strike at this stage. Here, the patient must be made aware of rights as well as the people around him or her who can help out to prevent this depression from becoming a full-fledged condition.

Acceptance:

In this final stage, the patient becomes more accepting of this new reality. Yet, even this must be taken up cautiously as a grief stricken heart may lead to a variety of mental ailments in the long run.

The way to deal with these stages is with therapy and proper guidance where the patient is allowed to channel all the thoughts and anger before accepting the situation. Do not hesitate to ask for counselling and embrace the changes in your life without regret, guilt and depression.

Coping with Grief and Loss: The Five Stages

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