Depression is a clinical, mental, and emotional condition that may give rise to feelings of hopelessness and chronic sadness. It slows down the way people process everyday activities and leads the patient to a sense of constant gloom and doom. It is a disabling mental condition as per who, and may be caused due to reasons like genetics, changes in the balance of hormones, stress, grief, trauma and prolonged, chronic physical ailments. Depression is also connected with food and nutrition. Do you want to know how? 
Read on to see the three ways in which food and depression are connected. 

1. Severity and duration: depression is a mental illness that signifies an imbalance in the hormones and the emotional faculties in the brain. Nutrition is the fuel that keeps the brain and body in prime working condition. When a depressive state sets in or becomes emotionally rooted, then nutritious eating and a proper diet take a back seat as the patient succumbs to a state where he or she is not concerned about the food intake. As a result, the brain and hormonal balance get further affected. This can have an adverse effect on the severity and the duration of the depressive mode, which makes it all a vicious cycle of sorts. Poor appetite, not having proper meals, skipping meals, eating junk, avoiding social settings where food will be served, and even emotional eating are all outcomes of depression too.

2. Eating disorders: many patients who have eating disorders often experience deep rooted and chronic depression. Since despondency and hopelessness are the main characteristics of depressive behaviour, the outcome is that the patient tries to behave in a way that seeks approval. And in all this, the patient usually thinks that he or she is not'good enough. In such a scenario, the patient may start trying out fad diets and eventually fall prey to eating disorders like bulimia that make the patient overeat and then vomit. These eating disorders usually come with phases of binge eating, throwing up, starving and then repeating the cycle again. Eating in secrecy is also a symptom of this condition.

3. Nutrition to fight depression: nutrition and proper food intake can build a sense of resilience by first of all improving the overall physical condition of the patient. This can take care of a lot of angst even as the minerals and vitamins travel to the brain for better functioning in the long run.

Ensure that you eat right as a part of your therapy for depression. This is as good as taking your medication on time!

Three Ways Depression Is Connected With Food

Humans are social animals who thrive on reciprocality. It is in our basic nature to be socially courteous, and the word 'No' feels like a conflict that warns a potential relationship. Many of us tend to comply with every single request that is put forward to us by our peers, family, or at the workplace by our superiors. We choose to take up more jobs than we can efficiently handle and put unnecessary stress on ourselves even at the cost of our time and well-being. Must we always do that? 

Why is it so hard to say 'No'?

People have the notion that saying 'No' can come across as rude or uncaring. You may feel that you are letting someone down by turning down their request or risking a relationship. But, it has mostly to do with your self-confidence than your relationships with people. It may branch from overbearing parents, high expectations set by your peers and mentors or experiencing parenthood yourself and setting unreasonable standards for yourself. Childhood influences are usually the biggest cause of people always saying  yes  all the time.

People who have low self-confidence tend to value their own needs less than the needs of others. Saying 'No' feels rude, and no one wants to be impolite.

Well... saying 'No' does not mean you are being rude or disagreeable.

At the end of the day, it is more about how you say 'no', rather than just saying the word 'No'. Saying 'No' is about valuing and respecting your own time and priorities. 

How to start saying say 'No'?
If you want to take a step back and start saying 'No' to make sure your own needs are valued, here s what you need to do.

Refuse politely, when it seems not possible: Do not overcomplicate responses and try to be as simple in your responses as you can be. If you are asked to do something, and you want to say 'no', try to be polite in your body language and state that it is not convenient for you at the moment and that you would rather get back to it later.
Seek time before committing: The transition from saying  yes  all the time to saying no does take time! Start to give yourself more time and ask people to get back to you later. This way you can begin to build more self-confidence and learn to say no over time. This also allows you to evaluate your response instead of immediately saying yes or no to the person asking the favor or task.
Do not feel guilty: Deep down if you want to do a favor, you can go ahead with it, but you should also understand that it is okay to say no, and there is no need to associate guilt with it. You should set boundaries and allow people around you to understand how much favors they can ask you for instead of presenting you with an endless amount of favors from you.
Set your boundaries: Refusal does not amount to rejection as you have just as much right to say  no  as the person who is asking the favor from you. You are simply turning down a request, and in most situations, there is a middle ground for compromises where both you and the requester can be satisfied. If you have limited time to fulfill a request, let the person know and help out only as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.
Bringing in these changes can help you be more self-confident, and at the same time enable you to say no when you need to without weighing yourself down with expectations and fear or rejection.

Simple Steps To Help You Say No!

HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist


7 CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONALLY STRONG PEOPLE

Emotionally strong people are better able to manage the stresses and distresses of daily life, and recover more quickly from challenges and crises when they arise. Is your emotional engine strong enough to take you through the ups and downs of life? Are you riding a bullock cart which can topple over anytime you pass through a broken road or are you driving a four wheel, all terrain vehicle, which will ensure you a safe trip through all the rocky terrains of your life?

A common cultural belief is that people who don’t cry and are unemotional, detached are the emotionally strong ones...and the ones who cry easily and exhibit emotional turmoil are the weaker ones. Well, this is just a myth and not an accurate indicator of one’s mental and emotional strength. A person’s internal coping mechanism will determine how strong he/she is emotionally and deal with challenges and bounce back from them. For eg. Two investors invest in a startup company and watch it fail after 5 years of hard work...one cries copious tears and falls apart, the other controls his emotions but feels defeated. Both were not emotionally strong as they couldn’t sustain the pressure and crumbled. It would have been fine if they felt sad and worried over the loss of time, resources and money and then bounced back with fresh ideas and renewed energy, which would have shown their capability to bounce back from difficult situations.

Unfortunately, too many of us judge ourselves incorrectly in exactly such moments. If we react emotionally or tearfully to emotionally challenging situations we scold ourselves for being weak, even when we have every intention of persisting and moving forward and even when we believe we will eventually succeed. Tears are usually a sign of frustration and disappointment, not defeat. What you believe about your future chances of success and how discouraged you feel in the long term is far more important than how often you cry in response to stresses and bad news.

The following list will help you decide how emotionally strong you are and where you need to work on yourself:

1) Emotionally strong people are less discouraged by setbacks and disappointments: they see each failure as an opportunity to learn and improvise over the last one. They compare themselves with themselves and define their own measures for failure and success. You could do an analysis of your strengths, limitations, opportunities and impediments in order to get over difficult situations. Geet, a student who didn’t get into his desired subject of IT, sat through 5 years of Law and did some extra courses in corporate law and worked towards fulfilling his dream of working in the Corporate. He felt confident, happy and satisfied with his efforts.

2) Emotionally strong people are more adaptable to change: they welcome and embrace changes in themselves and their environment simply because it brings newer opportunities and learning which can catapult them on their way to success. New boss, different stage of life, children going away are changes that will surely happen. Preparing for them in advance, can help people cope better with changes. When Surabhi got married, she took marital counselling to prepare for the differences that will crop up due to changes in the environment, thinking and attitudes of her inlaws family. She is a happy and successful wife and mother today.

3) Emotionally strong people are able to recognize and express their needs: ability to acknowledge and express your needs is being genuine to yourself and an expression of self care. People who are self aware move faster on the ladder of success as they are devoted and passionate towards their goals and needs. Taking care of your health and exercising along with a professional career makes for an emotionally strong person. You can become aware of your needs and values in counselling and experience contentment and power as you take charge of your life.

4) Emotionally strong people focus on getting around a hurdle rather than on the hurdle itself: focussing on the hurdle can be very emotionally draining and demotivating. Emotionally strong people invest their energies in working through a problem and looking for viable solutions, which ensures their victory over stresses and strains. If you have lost money in business, then working on your sales and marketing skills could get you better gains rather than feeling defeated. Counselling can help you look at problems objectively and from different perspectives. Get in touch with your problem solving skills and feel motivated and accomplished again.

5) Emotionally strong people can learn from mistakes and criticism: who hasn’t been subjected to criticism or made some mistakes? It’s human to err. Working towards excellence rather than perfection and looking for the golden piece of advice in the strong criticism helps emotionally strong people win over situations and important relationships. Sarita, an intelligent and smart woman ignored the critical remarks of her mother in law because she knew that there is a lot to learn from her. She knew which battles to fight and which ones to let go of.

6) Emotionally strong people tend to see the larger perspective in a challenging situation: They don’t get weighed down by smaller defeats when they have the larger picture in mind. An emotionally strong employee, Martin, who experienced office politics, kept his cool and focussed on his work.

7) Emotionally strong people are able to recover more quickly from emotional wounds such as failure or rejection: nobody can reject you unless you give them the permission. Seeing each failure as an opportunity to grow and learn helps. Staying with what you can do differently next time and having fall back plans helps to reduce the impact of failure. Thomas Edison didn’t get deterred by the number of times he could make his bulb glow. He kept looking at different permutations and combinations and kept learning from each mistake. Finally, his bulb glowed and now we all can benefit from the fruits of his hard labour.

If you don’t find yourself scoring high on this list, then there is no need to worry because in personal counselling, you can build emotional strength and capacity to bounce back by working on your mindset and learning more adaptable responses to stresses of daily living.

7 characteristics of emotionally strong people

Role of relationship problems in depression and suicides - 
Almost everyday we read about people ending their lives by committing suicides from celebrities to common man to even children . Although this is not permitted in any religion and there is a legal debate on whether it should be legalized, the fact remains that people are driven towards this unfortunate step. Let's take a look at the common reasons for suicides to become so very common.

1) Lack of intimacy- We see that although we are surrounded by people most of people are having friends only on Facebook. Even among the people we interact everyday nobody wants to open up with anyone or allow you to open up with them.The fact that you are surrounded by people who don't share themselves with you intimately starts pulling your mind downwards. Work colleagues are bothered only about work, family is only bothered about the income you are generating, partners are obsessed with how much you can spend on them, friends are occupied with what benefits you can share with them. Therefore all in all, despite having all relationships, people feel left out and alone like as if their inner self has been left unwanted and uncared of. The monotony of mechanical life hastens the culmination of this abuse into drastic steps like suicide.

2) High demands- People are often left to fend with high demands from them from their social circle. Many people cannot attempt this and some who attempt are not able to make it. This leaves them with a feeling of failure which is often frowned and looked down upon whether it is a student or a professional. It is no surprise that today even below 10 years olds are successfully attempting suicides.

3) Inappropriate planning- Planning is a key necessity for successful results whether it is financial or relationships. but unfortunately many people are unable to obtain the correct know how which will enable to implement their plans successfully.

4) Inability to cope- Many people plan to do things but are unable to cope with the harsh realities that come with the plans. To some it may be unseen to some unbearable. So although they set out on doing something the journey is not what they had expected.

5) Lack of results- Sometimes although everything is planned well, executed well and completed well it does not fetch us the rewards that may seem appropriate to the level of efforts. This is something that is very difficult to deal for most people and is a result of many unfortunate casualties.

6) Lack of desire-It is very important to have something to look forward to in life. But unfortunately in an age where drinking water and using the toilet cost s money many people cannot think of having something to look forward to and hence this unfortunate step.

Therefore, you have to be very prudent in what we are doing today because we can never predict which way our lives may go and even importantly which way you may yourself go based purely on circumstances beyond our control dependent on the choices we make today or others make for us. Although suicide is not a sensible solution to any problem it does remain a common reality. If you are feeling suicidal please remember to seek help.

Please feel free to consult me privately for further assistance.

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Health Tip - Role of Relationship Problems in Depression and Suicides

3 Things You Did Not Know You Should See a Psychologist For


Most people consider seeing a psychologist an act of weakness or embarrassment. Therefore, they never think that their prolonged periods of stress, anxiety, grief and conflict could be a sign that they need professional help. They fail to understand that psychotherapy is nothing but a strategy to relieve stress and make life easier to live and that often, it does not require you to get stuck amidst expensive treatments or prolonged medication and consultation sessions.
Here are 3 times when you did not know but you needed to see a psychologist.

1. You feel intense emotions
It is common for everybody to feel angry or sad at times in their life but if you feel these emotions too intensely, frequently and for prolonged durations, it may be the right time for you to see a psychologist. If your emotions overpower you to such an extent that your ability to function is impaired, it is a sure shot sign that you need professional attention. Also, if your anxiety levels are so high that you immediately imagine the worst case scenarios associated with any challenging situation that comes your way, you should not delay your visit to the psychologist because it may lead to panic attacks and paralysis.


2. You cannot stop thinking about the trauma that you had faced sometime in your life
If you are too grieved with the pain of death, loss of job, fear of accident etc. that you once faced in your life and there is no way how you think that you can get over it, you should seek immediate help from a psychologist. You may think that these feelings are natural and that you cannot do anything about them but in reality, it is not so. In fact, if left untreated, these conditions can lead you to a lifestyle where daily functioning is impaired. So if your trauma is too hard for you to handle, consider visiting a psychotherapist to prevent further damage.


3. You fall ill too quickly and headaches are a persistent problem
Being emotionally upset can affect your body in more ways than you think. So every time when you fall ill, the cause may not always be a physical medical condition. Stress and anxiety can lead to chronic illnesses like frequent stomach ache, reduced sexual drive, frequent cold, severe neck pain etc. So if you fall ill too quickly and the reasons for your illness are far beyond the comprehension of the general practitioner, it is high time that you consider visiting a psychologist.




3 Things You Did Not Know You Should See a Psychologist For

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