3 handy tips to eliminate stress from your sex life

Stress plays a significant role in creating rifts in relationships as it mostly forbids partners from meeting each other?s physical and emotional needs. This reduces intimacy in a relationship and results in an unhappy sex life. In the modern world of continuous work pressure and fast paced lifestyle, stress generally takes away all the energy required to enjoy a fulfilling sex life. Here are some tips, which will prove to be very effective in keeping stress away from your sex life.

1. Don?t make it seem necessary to have sex even if your partner is tired

If you find that stress due to problems at workplace or financial issues is affecting your partner considerably, then respect his/her decision of saying no to sex. Don?t pressurise your partner to get intimate just because you want it. Your patience and understanding nature will increase your partner?s admiration towards you, in turn leading to a more passionate and happier sex life.

2. Try to stay away from performance anxiety

Don?t let performance anxiety take a toll on your sex life. Studies show that being conscious about their performance in bed leads men to lose their erection, which takes all the pleasure away from intimate moments. Instead of being stressed about your sexual performance, focus on your partner?s needs and attend to them for a more pleasurable sex life.

3. Focus on getting rid of other stressful issues from your life

Common tensions of your daily life and everyday issues like the normal household chores, and your duties and responsibilities towards your family often leave you too exhausted to spend time with your partner. Moreover, getting preoccupied with social commitments also minimises the time available for just the two of you.

To prevent these stressful situations from affecting your sex life, try to focus on removing them. For this, you can ask for help from other family members to carry out household chores or diminish your time at social gatherings to be available for each other exclusively. Spending more time in each other?s company will not only brighten your day, but will also give you an enhanced and more intimate relationship.

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How to Eliminate STRESS From Your SEX Life

5 mind reasons you might not be getting an orgasm

Sex is not only a physical need, sex is a great way to emotionally bond and get closer to your partner as well. Any dissatisfaction in the bedroom can affect other aspects of your life, and can lead to fights, squabbles and general unhappiness. The inability to orgasm can become a major bone of contention. There can be various reasons behind the inability to climax. Some of the common ones are detailed below:

1. Lack of stimulation

Studies show that only 25% of women reach climax during sexual intercourse. The remaining 75% of women require more stimulation, like fingers or even toys and tongues to reach orgasm. Amongst this is a subset of 10-15% of women who never reach orgasm. Thus, a large number of women require extra stimulation to achieve climax during sex. You must talk to your partner about putting in some extra effort and providing the extra stimulation you need to achieve climax.

2. Over-thinking

Many men and women over-think their actions in bed. From their expressions to how they are reacting and how they are making their partner feel - everything is under constant scrutiny and revision. This leads to a lot of stress, which can hinder your ability to reach orgasm. You need to relax in the bedroom, because whatever you do will feel good in some way or another. Your anxieties can also distract you from what is going on, which means you don't get the chance to fully experience the pleasures of sex. If it helps, speak to your partner about your anxieties and tell them what you are stressing about during sex.

3. Differences between men and women 

Men are visual creatures. This means that what they see turns them on. A woman's orgasm, on the other hand, happens in her head. Thus, men and women have different roots to their stimulation. Lack of an orgasm might mean either of these needs isn't being fulfilled. A great way to work around this and make sex more fun is to include a lot of foreplay in your love-making session. You can do this by trying out role-playing or using sex toys. Make sure to take it slow for a great build-up to your orgasm.

4. Performance issues

Porn has an impact on your sex life. It can increase your expectations to a considerable extent, which may not be fulfilled, thus hampering your experience in the bedroom. A lot of people become so focused on reproducing that experience that they forget that its real life. The focus on performance overwhelms their actual experience of sex, which results in an inability to reach orgasm. Try to accept the fact that you don't really have to perform for your partner. Your partner appreciates you for what you are, despite everything.

5. Mental blocks

A problem in the relationship, certain health conditions like depression, past trauma and negative social conditioning can all have negative impacts on your ability to orgasm. Talk to your partner about past trauma if you have any, and what your triggers are. Consider speaking to a sex therapist as mental health issues should never be neglected. Depression hits the libido hard, and the problem is only compounded by antidepressants. Negative social conditioning can only be helped by therapy, so try to reach out to a mental health professional.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'consult'.
Related Tip: Why You Must Try Kegel Exercises for a Happier Sex Life

5 Mind Reasons You Might Not Be Getting an Orgasm

Knowing Premature Ejaculation - PART 2: Diagnosis, Types & Causes

As many as 30-40 % men across the world including India experience problem of PE at some time of life. In Part 1, we learnt about the condition called Premature Ejaculation (PE). In this 2nd part, let’s understand about it’s diagnosis & types of PE - why and how it happens.

How to Diagnose PE:

The specific criteria for premature (early) ejaculation are as follows:
- In almost 75-100% sexual activity, the experience of ejaculation occurring during sexual intercourse within 1 minute after vaginal penetration and before the individual wishes it.
- The problem has persisted for at least 6 months and is a cause of mental stress to the person.
- The dysfunction cannot be better explained by any other nonsexual mental disorder, any medical disease, the effects of a drug or medication, etc
 
Severity of PE:
 
The severity of premature (early) ejaculation is broadly defined as follows:
1. Mild (occurring within approximately 30 seconds to 1 minute of vaginal penetration)
2. Moderate (occurring within approximately 15-30 seconds of vaginal penetration)
3. Severe (occurring even before sexual activity, at the start of sexual activity, or within approximately 15 seconds of vaginal penetration). In such cases conception will not be possible unless artificial insemination is used.
 
TYPES and Characteristics of P.E. :
Premature ejaculation can be Chronic (lifelong) or Acquired (recent).
Chronic PE:
With chronic (lifelong) premature ejaculation, the person has been experiencing premature ejaculation since he became sexually active (ie, post puberty). 
Acquired PE:
Acquired (recent) premature ejaculation means that the condition began in an individual who previously experienced an acceptable level of ejaculatory control and only recently has developed PE.

What are the Causes?
The causes of PE can be divided into two broad sub-heads, which are psychological or biological cause:
 
 
1. Psychological Causes:
Premature ejaculation is believed to be a psychological problem and does not represent any known organic / physical disease involving the male reproductive organs or any known defect in the brain or nervous system. It is usually due to a pattern that is hard to change and is a result of your previous sexual experiences.
 
One of the most common reason is childhood habit of reaching climax/ ejaculation quickly because of fear of discovery when masturbating or during early sexual experiences with a female partner. This pattern of rapid attainment of sexual release is difficult to change in later stage of life (in marriage or long-term relationships).
 
Other reasons are situations in which one may have hurried climax/ ejaculation in order to hide any problem or feelings of guilt that make you rush through sexual encounters. Also, psychological causes include anxiety and relationship issues which can also result from deep anxiety about sex that relates to bad experiences encountered by the patient during development (eg: incest, sexual assault, conflict with parents, etc ).
 
2. Biological Causes
 
A number of researchers have found differences in nervous stimulations and hormonal differences in men who experience premature ejaculation compared with individuals who do not.
 
Some believe that some men have hyper-excitability or oversensitivity of their genitalia.
 
Abnormal functioning of the ejaculatory system can be attributed to:
- Thyroid problems; infection or inflammation of the urethra or prostate.
- Nerve damage occurring due to trauma or surgery (a very rare cause).
- Abnormal levels of hormones and/or neurotransmitters (chemicals present in the brain)
- Higher free and total testosterone levels or varied other biochemical markers
*The research however has been non-conclusive.

In Part 3 and 4, we will discuss the right approach and therapy for the men / couple suffering due to PE.



Knowing Premature Ejaculation - PART 2: Diagnosis, Types & Causes

When Should You Use Viagra?

Viagra is a very common drug prescribed for treating erectile dysfunction. It works by enhancing the flow of blood to the penis during sexual intercourse to bring about erection. Viagra actually contains the active ingredient Sildenafil Citrate which is a selective inhibitor of Cyclic Guanosine Monophosphate (cGMP)-specific phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5).

This drug works efficiently with sexual stimulation. Erectile dysfunction is very common among older men whose sexual function tends to fall after they reach their 50s. But these days even younger men in their 30's and 40's are experiencing an increased incidence of erectile dysfunction.

Doctors can even recommend the drug to both younger and elder men who suffer from erection problems.

Solidification of the arteries, the blood vessels that supply blood to the penis, can occur during the teen years. The problem then develops by the time they reach the age of 20-30 years and more, hindering their ability to get and maintain an erection. Men suffering from diabetes and facing the problem of Erectile dysfunction can be assisted by this drug.

The drug should be ideally taken an hour before the sexual intercourse.

On the other hand, you can also take Viagra half an hour to 4 hours before the sexual intercourse. You don't require having food in order to take the drug. But you need to keep in mind that if you take it after a meal high in fats, it can take a little bit longer for you to experience its effects.

Most importantly, the misuse of Viagra should be avoided. It should be taken only under medical supervision. The drug doesn't have the power to help you ejaculate easily if you suffer from problems related to orgasm or even enhance your sexual appetite. It does not enhance sexual timing, so should not be used to treat premature ejaculation. Men also shouldn't expect the drug to take the erections to unexpected heights.

Word of Caution:

One should never take the drug for recreational purposes. One can end up suffering from minor erectile dysfunction due such abuse.



When Should You Use Viagra?

3 Proven Ways of Increasing Intimacy

Here is a list of 3 scientifically proven ways of increasing intimacy with your partner.

1. Look them in the eye and tell them all about yourself

Self-disclosure is an important part of relationships, especially during the initial phase. However, gradually as people feel that they've known enough about each other, communication seems to come to a standstill.

But the actual reason for this is not the lack of things to talk about but resistance which arises out of a feeling of vulnerability. It mostly happens in established relationships because both the partners do not wish to break past the certainty and assurance.

Therefore, the revealing part that may lead to some changes in perception is often skipped. However, not doing so and truly communicating with your partner can help you in increasing intimacy and having a deeper connection with your partner.

2. Share the laughter

Sharing the joy and the humorous experiences is a great way of increasing intimacy with your partner. Since every person's sense of humour is different, humour is a deeply personal aspect of your personality. Therefore, when you share genuine laughter with your partner that is when your sense of humour matches with each other, it improves your understanding and builds intimacy.

3. Tell them how you feel and know how they feel

It is extremely important for you to talk with your partner about how you feel - not just about the relationship, but about other important aspects of your life as well. If conflicts are dealt with by discussing how you feel about them and not on the lines of rationality, you end up feeling more intimate with your partner. Honestly discussing and exchanging your feelings is an amazing way of increasing your intimacy with your partner.



3 Proven Ways of Increasing Intimacy

All you need to know about Premature Ejaculation

Many of the sexual issues are primarily not big problems. However, because of the taboo and inhibition around them, they are not discussed openly, hence they also fail to get resolved and become bigger. In fact most of the times there are no visible symptoms of any functional problems. Many of them are very basic issues and because of ignorance, myths, and social taboos lead to development of anxieties, distress and further worsening of the problem.

Often men are concerned about their performance in bed with their partner. They worry about- how best then can do, masturbation habits, size of penis and sperm quality. 

Consequences of Premature ejaculation (PE): 
Both you and your partner may end up experiencing highly unsatisfactory sex. In fact, it can significantly increase anxiety, which may deteriorate the problem. 

PE is one such sexual issue. It's not a disease; Not at all..!! 
If a person is sexually fit and experiences normal erections but just fail to hold the orgasm/ discharge for reasonable time then he is suffering from premature ejaculation. It's  a very normal problem, which if managed properly it can be easily resolved.

We will discuss this PE in 4 parts covering: what it is in actual, how does it happen, how to approach to resolve this problem with behavioural methods, exercise, techniques and medical remedies present in both modern and alternative medicine. 
Let s understand the problem in this 1st part!

What is Premature Ejaculation? 

Premature (early) ejaculation also referred to as rapid ejaculation; also called as early discharge. 
PE is the most common type of sexual dysfunction in men younger than 40 years and seen across all age groups. In elderly men (>60 years) erectile dysfunction is more common. A study conducted by the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that this condition is almost equally prevalent in sexually active men of all age groups. 
If a man experiences uncontrollable ejaculation (discharge of semen from your penis) either before or shortly after sexual penetration (usually within 1-2 minutes of penetration), he may be suffering from PE. The Mayo clinic at the United States defines PE as a condition in which  a man  always or nearly always ejaculates within one minute of penetration."

Instances of PE:
An occasional instance of premature ejaculation might not be cause of concern, but, if the problem occurs more than 50% of attempted sexual relations signifies existence of abnormal pattern for which treatment is required.

Premature ejaculation takes place with negligible sexual stimulation and even before the desire 
to ejaculate. Another way of describing PE by most therapist or clinicians is the occurrence of ejaculation sooner during sexual intercourse than he or his partner would like. 

This broad definition thus avoids specifying a precise  normal  duration for sexual activity and reaching a climax. The duration of sexual activity is highly variable and depends on various factors specific to each individual. Take a situation, a male may reach orgasm after 7 to 8 minutes of sexual intercourse, but if his partner is able to achieve climax mostly in 5 minutes and both are satisfied with this timing, then this is not defined as PE. 

Alternatively, a male might delay his ejaculation for up to 15- 20 minutes of sexual intercourse, but if his partner, even with foreplay, requires 25-30 minutes of total sexual activity before reaching climax, he may still consider his ejaculation premature because his partner has not been satisfied (at least, not through intercourse). But in routine practice this kind of situation is NOT called as PE. So every individual and every couple is unique. Same individual may have different sexual behaviour with different partners and different circumstances. Varied situations and varied places of performing the act have a vital role to play in determining the outcomes of individual sexual performance/s.



Knowing Premature Ejaculation - PART 1: Understanding What is PE

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