For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

A depressive disorder is not just a passing phase of the mind; it is a condition which involves your body, mind, and thoughts. It comes in the way of your daily life, thereby preventing you from carrying out your regular routine, even making it harder for you to concentrate or work properly. The exact causes are still not known, but as certain studies suggest, it might be hereditary, due to changes in the neuroendocrine functions, or due to other psychological and social factors.

Some of the depressive disorders are:

- Major depressive disorder
- Persistent depressive disorder
- Other specified or unspecified depressive disorders

Others are classified by their causes:

- Premenstrual Dysphoric disorder
- Another medical condition induced depressive disorder
- Substance/Medication-induced depressive disorder

Depressive disorders can set in at any point in time, but primarily, symptoms are visible in your late teens, 20's or your 30's.

Symptoms

For major depression the symptoms are:

1.Feelings of depression throughout the day
2.Significantly diminished interest in all your activities

All You Need to Know about Depressive Disorders

Nowadays, drug abuse is a universally condemned action such that selling certain drugs are illegal. Children are not allowed to take drugs until they reach a certain age such as 21 for most states in India. Lots of problems start occurring when you are addicted to a certain drug. It is also nearly impossible to stop since the nerve cells change the way they function due to drugs. 

These nerve cells overstimulate the 'reward circuit' of the brain. This means that your brain constantly needs to be 'rewarded' and this reward comes in the form of drugs. There are many reasons why people become addicts and here are some of them.

People want to get high: This is perhaps the most common reason why people become drug addicts. The moment they take in one drug, they love the feeling they get so much that they keep wanting to go back to it.
People want to fit in: This is also a very common reason. When all your friends and perhaps even your bosses and other superiors are taking drugs, you do not want to feel left out or ostracized by your friend group. This is why many people start taking drugs.
Unintentionally taking drugs due to injuries or medical conditions: Sometimes a doctor prescribes a medicine for a certain time period but it does not work or works too well and so you keep taking the drug so that you will feel better. This happens more often than you think.
People take drugs to relieve stress: This is another very common reason why people take drugs. You may easily rationalize with them thinking that taking drugs is a good way to relax from work and family pressures. However, the long term effects of taking drugs are much worse than the stress.
Boredom from daily life: In young teens and adolescents especially, life can be so boring that they want to try something new and thus resort to drug abuse.

5 Reasons Why People Get Addicted To Drugs

Bipolar disorder is one of the conditions which most people are aware of. However, not many can truly understand. Lets see some signs that inform a person of possible bipolar disorder in a child or a teenager:

While most kids go through a series of ups and downs on a regular basis, in the case of a child who has bipolar disorder, both the ups and downs can be characterised by relative extremes. Not only does the mood of the child change, but also there are other changes which take place. These changes affect the sleep cycle as well as the clarity of the affected child s intuition and the level of energy that is displayed. The set of people who are at the highest risk of developing bipolar disorder are those who have reached their late teen years and are entering adulthood.

There are ways to treat bipolar disorder, but the fact remains that it stays for life.
When a person has bipolar disorder, the manic phase may result in him or her acting happy or silly in an unusual manner, at least for a person who is around that age. In addition to this, a short temperedness may be displayed and there are problems in getting proper sleep. It is important to keep in mind the fact that in the manic phase, the person is quite likely to commit risky actions. As such, one must keep an eye on his/her affected child.

On the other hand, over the course of the depressive phase, the patient is likely to feel guilty and cut down on the amount of food that is eaten. There is a general loss of energy and even activities, which normally seemed engaging and fun may seem to have lost their allure during this phase. In some cases, thoughts of death and suicide may also be considered.

As a parent, it is important to be aware of the fact that bipolar disorder may not necessarily occur on its own. In fact, there are quite a few cases when it occurs with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). It, in fact, has been seen that ADHD has spurred the success of a few sportsmen, like Michael Phelps. Having said that, it is important that we make efforts and ensure that such disorders do not affect the minds of people. Treatment is especially important as bipolar disorder can also lead to substance abuse and in extreme cases untimely death. 

Bipolar Disorder - Can It Be Detected?

India is all set to celebrate its 75th Independence Day on 15th August 2021. This day marks the Independence of our country from the British. So, every year the Independence Day is celebrated throughout the country with great fervour. So, this Independence Day, let's take a pledge and abide by the fact that we will take up small measures to restore our health. Below are few healthy habits that we must follow.

Freedom to be ourselves: By having the freedom to be ourselves, basically refers to the idea of having certain choices without being bound by any kind of limits, social stigma or pressure. People should have the independence to do anything that they want to do. Going deep into it, it is basically having the freedom to grow and attain the level that people want to achieve, in an unrestricted manner. This would only be possible if one is allowed to make experiments with their choices.

Constant progress towards a fulfilling life: Today s world is filled with a variety of stress. We are always in a hurry to catch up with our goals and meeting our targets. So, in pursuit of all this, there is every possibility that we might lose out to make time for ourselves and our relationships.

So, this Independence Day, we must take a pledge and abide by the fact that we will take up small measures to restore our health and rejuvenate our relationships and this constant progress will enable us to achieve something big in life. Now let us talk about certain healthy habits that we must follow in order to be free from diseases or health problems.

Healthy breakfast: A nutritious and healthy breakfast is of utmost importance as it provides us with the much-needed energy to carry out our activities throughout the day. A healthy breakfast is one which includes fruits, eggs, a portion of oats or barley to have a great mix of protein, fat, vitamins, minerals and carbohydrates
A good night s sleep: Research has shown that a sufficient sleep at night is essential towards getting an efficient mind, as it helps to bring forth improvements in cognitive skills, sharpens memory and keep gastrointestinal disorders away. Ideal sleep hours for women should be 8-9 hours and for men, 7-8 hours should be ideal.
Fluid intake is important: Drinking 8-10 liters of water every day carry great benefits for one s health and well-being. Water helps to remove toxins, makes the skin glow and people don t feel dehydrated.
Exercising daily is good for you: Staying fit and healthy in this competitive world is a must. Fitness cannot be attained only having healthy food but doing exercise on a regular basis is also essential. So make sure to make time for working on your cardio, abs, legs, chest, so that on an overall basis, you are fit and fine. Walking, jogging, cycling and doing normal free hand exercises can help in attaining good health.
Avoid long gaps in-between meals: Generally, we tend to have three big meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner. In the midst of these three, the normal gap is of 5 to 6 hours, which often leads to a drop in our blood sugar level. Ideally, which should be avoided and in place, a habit of eating something healthy after every 2 or 3 hours should be adopted.
Restore your health with a cup of Green Tea: Green Tea has great health benefits as it is filled with antioxidants, which ensures brain to function better and thus lower the chances of getting plagued by cancer. It also makes the body system free from toxins. One cup of green tea in the morning or taking it even at the end of the day is ideal. Make sure not to have more than 2-3 cups every day as it can lead to stomach problems, restlessness and insomnia.
Wash your hands frequently: A number of diseases and health ailments spread from unhygienic habits and that is something which is in our control. We should encourage people around us, such as kids, household help, relatives to wash their hands from time to time. This will help us in controlling the spread of diseases.
The above-mentioned habits are only indicative, however, there are many more that we should adapt according to our health requirements.

Independence Day Special - Let's Take A Pledge To Stay Healthy & Embrace Healthy Habits!

Ending one s life is terrible. But often, instead of analysing the patient s mental condition at that time, we tend to judge them. The most common cause for suicides is undoubtedly depression. Adverse social or financial conditions often contribute to the mental condition of patients. However, a recent paper published in the journal Neuropsychopharmacology might change the way we think about suicides. Lena Brundin and her co-workers have come to the conclusion in the paper titled  Role of inflammation in suicide: from mechanism to treatment,  that our immune system can trigger off suicidal thoughts and tendencies. Let us find out how.

There is proof that certain medicines that are used to treat cancer patients can affect the immune responses. This in turn can trigger off suicidal tendencies.
Certain injuries can lead to brain disorders which are related to inflammatory responses that might be responsible for some changes in behaviour often leading to suicidal thoughts.
Just like certain medications trigger of suicidal thoughts, there are some that might diminish them like Lithium. It is used to treat bi-polar disorder. What it does is decrease immune related chemicals. Another drug has proved to be very effective in reducing suicidal thoughts and tendencies   Ketamine. Ketamine, like Lithium, has been found to block certain chemicals that are related to immune response.
Though the whole topic is still under extensive research, it can perhaps be concluded that certain drugs have the ability to lessen suicidal thoughts and depression because they block some chemicals that are related to immunity.
The suicidal mentality is very complex. It requires not just medicines, but counselling, empathy, love and understanding. Often, many patients cannot come out of their depression, resulting in therapy sessions that are fruitless. In those cases, medicines that might reduce the negative thoughts and moods will come handy. It will help the patient initially to deal with the situation and start with a lot of positivity. Every year, almost one million deaths occur due to suicide. Not only does it leave behind survivors who attempt to kill themselves but also broken families that struggle to get over the death. If this research is successful, several people will benefit from it, all over the world.

Suicidal Tendencies - Can Your Immune System Influence it?

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