For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Smartphone Addiction is a Sign of Depression

There are some people who just never seem to get off the phone. They would be looking at their phones all the time, messaging, using social networking sites or simply clicking their pictures or playing games. A study suggests that addiction to the smartphone is linked to and serves as a sign of depression.

The study reveals that individuals who have been diagnosed with some form or degree of depression tend to use their phones more. In fact, smartphone addiction is correlated to clinical depression. So, if your teenage son or daughter or someone you know have been using their phones too often, then this might be a red signal towards depression.

Smartphone addiction can be seen as a compulsive behavior and is typically noticed among depressed people. At the same time, it can result in depression as well. People who are prone to developing depression symptoms may also use their phone more often. Their excessive usage and smartphone addiction may actually make them irritable and sad, looking at photos of others, noticing other people’s lives may make them feel that their lives aren’t perfect. This can in turn lead to feelings of extreme sadness, cause depression or even suicidal thoughts.

So, make sure that you keep a tab of how often people use smartphone in your family. If you suspect behavioral changes with smartphone addiction, consider getting a consultation with a psychologist or counsellor.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.

Your Addiction To Smart Phone Reveals Something Shocking About You!

Depression is more than just feeling low or down. It is a serious illness that is caused by various changes in the brain chemistry. There are a lot of factors that cause depression, which range from genetics to change in hormone level, stress, grief, medical conditions and other life circumstances. All these can lead to depression and that is something which does not go away on its own. However, there are a few efficient ways through which patients can deal with depression. These are as follows:

Exercise: Taking a brisk walk for fifteen to twenty minutes every day can be very healthy, not only for your body,  but also for your mental health as well. Dancing, jogging, cycling and yoga are alternatives as well. Although, people who are depressed might not feel like doing any of those things, but one should try to do them anyway. Once a person gets into the exercising routine, they will start noticing the change in their mood. Deep breathing, yoga exercises and meditation can also help people feel better and less depressed.
Anti-depressants: Three brain chemicals that are responsible for handling your mood are norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine. During depression, the brain circuits that make use of these chemicals stop working properly. In this case, antidepressants can be very useful. These tweak the chemicals that run through the brain and help improve your overall mood.
Psychotherapy: It is a method through which therapists find out a person s everyday stressors. This therapy is a powerful treatment for depression. Combining psychotherapy with medications can be even better and more effective. This also makes the symptoms easier to take. When a person talks about his feelings and problems with a stranger, it can help him or her release certain amount of stress.
Social support: Talking to a friend or attending group therapies has proven to be beneficial. However, it is important that the person you talk to is someone who you will feel comfortable around. Therefore, it could be someone you know or someone who empathises with you. This is possible either with your close ones or group therapies where the people you talk with, have been going through the same problem you have.
Meditation: Calmness and meditation can help you channelize your positive energy and thoughts over the negative ones. It can help a person see new perspective, develop forgiveness and compassion. Much like exercise, meditating briefly can help you gain immediate effects. It helps a person get over depression. This happens over time. One might not be successful in releasing their stress at once. It is a process that takes time.
The treatment that you get for your depression will depend on the kind of depression that you have. Some might get psychotherapy while others might get antidepressants or for some, exercise could be enough. 

Depression - 5 Ways to Deal With It!

One of the researches that have come out a few years back suggested that almost every individual has an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) to an extent. The trouble starts when this anxiety disorder breaches out of control and damages his/her social well-being. What is obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)? Let us have a look at it in detail.

What is obsessive Compulsive Disorder?
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a type anxiety disorder, where people have a recurring feeling to do an activity with unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions). The recurring feeling can drive them to do the activity repetitively (compulsions). The repetitive behaviors can include simple tasks like hand washing, checking and rechecking things, Cleanliness and hygiene. They have a potential to interfere with a person s social interactions and his general well being. Our human mindset is made up of thoughts for which an equal action occurs. 

For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), these ideas continue to dominate them to do the same thing again repeatedly and not doing them causes great distress and agony to them. Most of the people with OCD can recognize that they have the condition, but the imbalances make them unable to stop the occurrences. They usually start at an early stage and continue into adulthood where the condition dominates at its peak. For most of them, an OCD can exist as just a random thought - often disturbing, and they would be helpless in most cases to have a control over it. Some of the examples of the compositions include cleaning, hygiene, Checking and re-checking, arranging and mental compulsions.

Treatment for OCD:
So now since it is established that it is an imbalance of the brain let us look at the treatment possibilities. One of the treatments is the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy under the Psychiatry Branch. The therapy is an exposure type of treatment where the patients are exposed to the situations where they have basically no control of. Through this exposure and in medically contained environments, patients can identify that they can control and monitor their anxiety and depression levels without having to do the repetitive behavior. It can be a bit challenging for the cases that involve mental illusions as they cannot be recreated, but they can be effectively curbed when channeled through alternative means. Also, medications and anxiety reducing drugs along with the psychiatric therapy can help to a great extent in the treatment. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, and massages also help in having greater control of the disease.

Having a healthy lifestyle and having a general awareness of the warning signs and what do to when the indications occur can go a long way in the betterment of the life. It is a slow treatment process and requires a lot of patience for the therapy to be successful. Having patience in a way contributes towards the well-being of the person indirectly.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - How to Get It Treated?

Addiction is one of the most common mental health problems faced by people around the globe. This could be an addition to alcohol, nicotine or drugs. Addition usually begins in a person s teenage years and if left untreated, may continue into adulthood. As with other health issues, addiction worsens with time and the later it is diagnosed, the harder it is to treat.

Alcohol Addiction
An addiction to alcohol is termed as alcoholism. In some cases, it can make the person drink heavily on a day to day basis. In others, it may cause binge drinking at regular intervals. In either case, the person cannot stay off alcohol for extended periods of time. Alcohol addiction is hard to recognize given the social acceptability of having a drink. If left untreated, this condition can be fatal and cause ulcers, bone loss, liver disease, an increased risk of cancer and suppressed immunity.

Nicotine Addiction
Like alcohol addiction, nicotine addiction is hard to spot given that people smoke openly. However, when a person cannot stop smoking even though he or she is aware of its ill effects, treatment needs to be sought. Nicotine dependence affects mood swings and has a physical effect on the body as well. It can cause anxiety, restlessness, frustration, loss of appetite, insomnia, constipation as well as heart disease and lung disease. It can also increase the person s risk of suffering from cancer, infertility and respiratory infections.

Drug Addiction
This is the most serious of the three. Drugs can take many forms. Some are smoked while others are chewed or injected into the body. It is a misconception that drugs are common only amongst the lower rungs of society. Drug addiction can cause mood swings, social withdrawal, memory loss, shortened attention span, poor judgment and other such changes in behavior.

All forms of addiction can be prevented and treated. Thus, it is important to not ignore early signs of addiction and speak to the person concerned or his or her caregiver. In some cases, treatment can take the form of outpatient therapy while in others; the patient may need to stay in a treatment facility for a specific duration of time. Even after treatment, relapses are possible. Hence, the patient needs support from this family and friends. It is also important for the patient to continue therapy in some form or the other even after coming out of the treatment facility. 

Drug & Alcohol Addiction - How To Overcome It?

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorders are brain disorders that cause changes in a person s mood, energy and ability to function. Bipolar disorder is a category that includes three different conditions - bipolar I, bipolar II and cyclothymic disorder.

People with bipolar disorders have extreme and intense emotional states that occur at distinct times, called mood episodes. These mood episodes are categorized as manic, hypomanic or depressive. People with bipolar disorders generally have periods of normal mood as well. Bipolar disorders can be treated, and people with these illnesses can lead full and productive lives.

Types:

There are three main types of bipolar disorder: bipolar I, bipolar II, and cyclothymia.

-Bipolar I:
Bipolar I is defined by the appearance of at least one manic episode. You may experience hypomanic or major depressive episodes before and after the manic episode. This type of bipolar disorder affects men and women equally.

-Bipolar II:
People with this type of bipolar disorder experience one major depressive episode that lasts at least two weeks. They also have at least one hypomanic episode that lasts about four days. This type of bipolar disorder is thought to be more common in women.

-Cyclothymia:
People with cyclothymia have episodes of hypomania and depression. These symptoms are shorter and less severe than the mania and depression caused by bipolar I or bipolar II disorder. Most people with this condition only experience a month or two at a time where their moods are stable.

Symptoms:
Bipolar symptom in women:

Men and women are diagnosed with bipolar disorder in equal numbers. However, the main symptoms of the disorder may be different between the two genders. In many cases, a woman with bipolar disorder may:

be diagnosed later in life, in her 20s or 30s
have milder episodes of mania
experience more depressive episodes than manic episodes
have four or more episodes of mania and depression in a year, which is called rapid cycling
experience other conditions at the same time, including thyroid disease, obesity, anxiety disorders, and migraines
have a higher lifetime risk of alcohol use disorder
Women with bipolar disorder may also relapse more often. This is believed to be caused by hormonal changes related to menstruation, pregnancy, or menopause. If you re a woman and think you may have bipolar disorder, it s important for you to get the facts. Here s what you need to know about bipolar disorder in women.
Bipolar system in men:
Men and women both experience common symptoms of bipolar disorder. However, men may experience symptoms differently than women. Men with bipolar disorder may:

be diagnosed earlier in life
experience more severe episodes, especially manic episodes
have substance abuse issues
act out during manic episodes
Men with bipolar disorder are less likely than women to seek medical care on their own. They re also more likely to die by suicide.
Bipolar disorder in children:

Diagnosing bipolar disorder in children is controversial. This is largely because children don t always display the same bipolar symptoms as adults. Their moods and behaviors may also not follow the standards doctors use to diagnose the disorder in adults.

Many bipolar symptoms that occur in children also overlap with symptoms from a range of other disorders that can occur in children, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

However, in the last few decades, doctors and mental health professionals have come to recognize the condition in children. A diagnosis can help children get treatment, but reaching a diagnosis may take many weeks or months. Your child may need to seek special care from a professional trained to treat children with mental health issues.

Like adults, children with bipolar disorder experience episodes of elevated mood. They can appear very happy and show signs of excitable behavior. These periods are then followed by depression. While all children experience mood changes, changes caused by bipolar disorder are very pronounced. They re also usually more extreme than a child s typical mood swing.

Manic symptoms in children

Symptoms of a child s manic episode caused by bipolar disorder can include:

-acting very silly and feeling overly happy
-talking fast and rapidly changing subjects
-having trouble focusing or concentrating
-doing risky things or experimenting with risky behaviors
-having a very short temper that leads quickly to outbursts of anger
-having trouble sleeping and not feeling tired after sleep loss
-Depressive symptoms in children

Symptoms of a child s depressive episode caused by bipolar disorder can include:

-moping around or acting very sad
-sleeping too much or too little
-having little energy for normal activities or showing no signs of interest in anything
-complaining about not feeling well, including having frequent headaches or stomachaches
-experiencing feelings of worthlessness or guilt
-eating too little or too much
-thinking about death and possibly suicide
-Other possible diagnoses

Some of the behavior issues you may witness in your child could be the result of another condition. ADHD and other behavior disorders can occur in children with bipolar disorder. Work with your child s doctor to document your child s unusual behaviors, which will help lead to a diagnosis.

Bipolar disorder in teens:

Angst-filled behavior is nothing new to the average parent of a teenager. The shifts in hormones, plus the life changes that come with puberty, can make even the most well-behaved teen seem a little upset or overly emotional from time to time. However, some teenage mood swings may be the result of a more serious condition, such as bipolar disorder.

A bipolar disorder diagnosis is most common during the late teens and early adult years. For teenagers, the more common symptoms of a manic episode include:

-being very happy
- acting out  or misbehaving
-taking part in risky behaviors
-abusing substances
-thinking about sex more than usual
-becoming overly sexual or sexually active
-having trouble sleeping but not showing signs of fatigue or being tired
-having a very short temper
-having trouble staying focused, or being easily distracted
-For teenagers, the more common symptoms of a depressive episode include:
-sleeping a lot or too little
-eating too much or too little
-feeling very sad and showing little excitability
-withdrawing from activities and friends
-thinking about death and suicide
-Diagnosing and treating bipolar disorder can help teens live a healthy life. Learn more about bipolar disorder in teenagers and how to treat it.

Bipolar and depression:

Bipolar disorder can have two extremes: up and down. To be diagnosed with bipolar, you must experience a period of mania or hypomania. People generally feel  up  in this phase of the disorder. When you re experiencing an  up  mood swing, you may feel highly energized and be easily excitable.

Some people with bipolar disorder will also experience a major depressive episode, or a  down  mood. When you re experiencing a  down  mood swing, you may feel lethargic, unmotivated, and sad. However, not all people with bipolar disorder who have this symptom feel  down  enough to be labeled depressed. For instance, for some people, once their mania is treated, a normal mood may feel like depression because they enjoyed the  high  caused by the manic episode.

While bipolar disorder can cause you to feel depressed, it s not the same as the condition called depression. Bipolar disorder can cause highs and lows, but depression causes moods and emotions that are always  down.  Discover the differences between bipolar disorder and depression.

Causes:

Bipolar disorder is a common mental health disorder, but it s a bit of a mystery to doctors and researchers. It s not yet clear what causes some people to develop the condition and not others.

Possible causes of bipolar disorder include:

-Genetics
If your parent or sibling has bipolar disorder, you re more likely than other people to develop the condition (see below). However, it s important to keep in mind that most people who have bipolar disorder in their family history don t develop it.

-Your brain
Your brain structure may impact your risk for the disease. Abnormalities in the structure or functions of your brain may increase your risk.

Diagnosis:

A diagnosis of bipolar disorder I involves either one or more manic episodes, or mixed (manic and depressive) episodes. It may also include a major depressive episode, but it may not. A diagnosis of bipolar II involves one or more major depressive episodes and at least one episode of hypomania.

To be diagnosed with a manic episode, you must experience symptoms that last for at least one week or that cause you to be hospitalized. You must experience symptoms almost all day every day during this time. Major depressive episodes, on the other hand, must last for at least two weeks.

Bipolar disorder can be difficult to diagnose because mood swings can vary. It s even harder to diagnose in children and adolescents. This age group often has greater changes in mood, behavior, and energy levels.

Bipolar disorder often gets worse if it s left untreated. Episodes may happen more often or become more extreme. But if you receive treatment for your bipolar disorder, it s possible for you to lead a healthy and productive life. Therefore, diagnosis is very important. See how bipolar disorder is diagnosed.

Role of Homeopathy in Bipolar Disorder:

The first step in our treatment method involves the use of homeopathy. Homeopathy is a system of medicine which stimulates the body to heal itself. When homeopathic medicines are prescribed properly, they work quickly to alleviate symptoms and improve overall health.

Natural remedies for bipolar disorder:

Some natural remedies may be helpful for bipolar disorder. However, it s important not to use these remedies without first talking with your doctor. These treatments could interfere with medications you re taking.

The following herbs and supplements may help stabilize your mood and relieve symptoms of bipolar disorder:

Fish oil. A 2013 study shows that people who consume a lot of fish and fish oil are less likely to develop bipolar disease. You can eat more fish to get the oil naturally, or you can take an over-the-counter (OTC) supplement.

Rhodiola rosea: This research also shows that this plant may be a helpful treatment for moderate depression. It may help treat depressive symptoms of bipolar disorder.
S-adenosylmethionine (SAMe): SAMe is an amino acid supplement. The research shows it can ease symptoms of major depression and other mood disorders.
Several other minerals and vitamins may also reduce symptoms of bipolar disorder. Here s 10 alternative treatments for bipolar disorder.

Bipolar Disorder - What Should You Know About It?

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