Getting through an ugly divorce is quite a difficult thing, no matter what the reason might be. Your world can turn upside down after a divorce and you have to make a fresh new start in life.

Here are some tips you should follow to get through an ugly divorce:

Accept the fact that it is okay to have different feelings: All feelings like sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration and confusion are quite intense after a divorce. You should accept these reactions and they will surely decrease with time.
You need to give yourself a break: Accept the fact that you are weak and time is required to be back to normal functioning. Your work performance can be affected as well. Taking a break is a must after a divorce.
Do not try to go through the situation alone: You should share your feelings with your friends and family, and you will surely get help. Joining support groups can also be fruitful. Isolation makes your condition worse; so you must go out, interact and share stuff.
You should take proper emotional and physical care of your body: Eat timely, work out and relax. Try to maintain your normal daily routine and do not make major life decisions during this point of life. Abstain from too much alcohol and cigarettes as they are not a solution.
Avoid ugly situations: Avoid talking to your former spouse as discussions may lead to ugly situations and fights, which would enhance your misery.
Take a hobby: Try to do things you love to do from your heart. Join classes, take music lessons, paint pictures and slowly try to enjoy life. Making new friends is also a good idea.
Think positive: Positive thinking is a must and if you engross yourself in positive, constructive activities, you are likely to feel good. You need to be flexible and in case you have children, do your best to provide them an ideal atmosphere for adjusting to the situation.
Time can heal everything: Keep one thing in mind that life will eventually return to normal. Time heals everything and one day you will not be affected anymore.
Talk to your children and help them cope: You need to provide proper care to your kids for coping with the situation. Talk to your children and make them understand that they are not responsible for the divorce by any means. Try to ease their concerns, be compassionate, but maintain a direct approach. Maintain your child's routine exactly how it used to be, so that they feel less amount of sudden change. Do not involve your children in the conflict in any way.
A divorce is extremely difficult to cope with, as one has never faced or felt such a situation before. With proper support and measures, you can get over a divorce much more easily.

9 Ways to Help You Get Through an Ugly Divorce?

Anger is among the gamut of emotions we exhibit as a reaction to a situation, and it is a'normal' emotion too as long as it is kept under control. Some people have the propensity to explode when pushed to the extreme. They keep swallowing their emotions until they can finally do it no more, and erupt like a volcano. Others dealing with extreme anger are like a ticking time bomb. You'll never know what you unwittingly say or do can trigger an explosion. In either case, anger that cannot be controlled comes with a physical reaction.

Your heart beats faster preparing you for both action and reaction. Your breathing quickens. You may clench your fist, tighten your shoulders and go into a defensive position. The problem arises out of the fact that it is almost impossible to feel anger and empathy at the same time. An angry person is seldom sensitive to the well being of his victim, and hence may lash out verbally and sometimes physically. Such things done in the heat of the moment mostly leaves us with regrets. So here are a few ways to deal with extreme anger.


	Acknowledge it: the first step in solving a problem is recognizing that you have one. The fundamental problem here is that people believe they are on the right track and refuse to budge from their views. It is essential to realize that this step is not about deciding whether you are right or wrong, but acknowledging the fact that your reaction to the situation can be channeled in a better way. When getting someone to acknowledge their anger problem, be careful as to not use negative words like wrong, false and shouldn't. Instead, influence with positive words like can and should. Instead of saying'you are wrong to react like this, you can say'i understand what you are feeling. Is there a way we can resolve this situation'
	Recognize the signs: once you know that your problems exist, you can try devising ways that will work for you in dealing with the situation. You can count to 10 to calm yourself or simply decide to not speak until you can calm yourself. Knowing that you may enter into an argument in a situation, you can list down the points that you feel strongly about and discuss each of them one by one. Working your way through a finite list gives a better opportunity to reach closure at the end.
	Find ways to let it go: not all arguments end in closure. A lot of unsaid justifications cloud our mind repeatedly leaving us seething from the inside. Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds. Beyond that it takes a strong will to stay angry. Once you realize how much your anger is consuming your mind, decide to free your mind with meditation and other calming exercises. Tell yourself that some people and issues simply don't deserve your anger, emotion, reaction or time.


If you or someone you know is suffering from anger management issues, consult a doctor today.


How To Control Extreme Anger

Chronic health disorders like schizophrenia affect not only the patient, but also the life of their care givers. Though schizophrenia can be treated to improve the patient's quality of life, it cannot be cured. Hence, it falls on the care giver's shoulders to watch out for symptoms of this disease and manage the person and their disorder. What should one do in such a case?

1. Educate yourself: the first step towards looking after a person with schizophrenia is to know the symptoms of the disease. With treatment, these may become better or worse so if you notice any change in the symptoms, bring it to your doctors notice at once.

2. Reduce stress: your goal as a schizophrenic person's caregiver should be to give them a calm environment and boost their confidence. Stress has a negative effect on all people and in schizophrenics this effect is much worse. Hence reduce stress and create an effective support system and structured environment for your loved one.

3. Do not ask the patient to change'his reality: when a person is suffering from schizophrenia, you should not force them to change their behaviour and reality, in order to adjust in the society at large. You should rather support the patient to accept his reality, to be at peace, since there is a very strong genetic component involved in its aetiology. Also, it is important that, both the patient and the family in particular should opt for regular counselling sessions.

4. Regular exercise: schizophrenics need not be cooped up in the house all day. Encourage the patient to go outside and exercise regularly. Exercise reduces stress and produces endorphins that make a person feel energized and happy. This should be complemented by a healthy diet. Minimize the amount of carbs and sugar intake and increase the amounts of omega 3 fatty acids in the patient's diet.

5. Join a support group: joining a support group is a very good idea for both the patient and the caregiver. For the patient, this provides a form of social interaction and for the caregiver is a platform to meet people with similar first hand experiences

6. Encourage treatment: convincing a schizophrenic person to seek treatment can be quite challenging. Suggest treating symptoms of the disorder such as insomnia and lack of energy rather than the disease itself to make the patient feel more comfortable. Give the patient options to choose from to make them feel more in control of the situation.

7. Monitor medication: once the treatment has started, ensure that the patient sticks to the prescription. Maintain a regular schedule by using weekly pill boxes and alarms. Also keep an eye on the possible side effects of these medicines. Ensure that your doctor has a complete list of medicines that the patient takes so that there is no chance of medicines interacting negatively with each other.

8. Prepare for crisis situations: it is always a good idea to have an emergency plan in place. Keep emergency contact details of all the doctors and therapists at hand along with the address and phone number of the closest hospital. Share your situation with friends and family so that in case of an emergency, they can be relied upon to take care of your children and other dependants.

Living with Schizophrenia

If you are concerned about the health of your heart, one of the primary and most important things to do is quit smoking. Avoiding and abstaining from smoking will heal the nicotine damage caused to your heart. This will enable you to lead a long and healthy life. Here are the reasons why you should quit smoking for the sake of your heart:

Reduced risk of heart attack: The benefits of not smoking start hours after you quit, and the heart rate and blood pressure get normalised slowly. By quitting smoking, your chances of having a heart attack are reduced by 50%.
In case of women, quitting smoking has special benefits: Women generally have a smaller body frame than men, and the harmful effects of smoking on a woman s heart are considered to be more dangerous and concentrated. Female smokers under the age of sixty are more likely to experience a condition known as cholesterol plaque erosion, which is a fatal blood vessel condition. Women smokers are likely (seven times more than men) to develop heart complications due to smoking.
When you quit smoking, your heart is no longer exposed to harmful chemicals: Cigarette smoke contains toxins such as arsenic, formaldehyde and benzene. The chemical substances may be hazardous to the blood vessels in your body, and the heart muscles get damaged. Once you quit smoking, these chemicals will no longer enter your body, making your heart healthier.
Quitting smoking benefits other people as well: When children and people are exposed to tobacco smoke, their chances of having plaque in their heart s arteries are enhanced. This may cause a stroke.
Quitting smoking reduces the chances of getting hospitalised: A smoker may be at the risk for getting hospitalised because of several conditions such as congestive heart failure, chronic obstructive pulmonary diseases, much more than a non-smoker. After quitting smoking, the chances of being hospitalised decrease within five years.
Quitting smoking lowers the risk of having atherosclerosis: Atherosclerosis is a blood vessel disease which is caused due to inflammations all over the body. Because of this, the arteries may stiffen and thicken. Smokers face the risk of acquiring this condition three times more than non-smokers.
You can quit smoking most effectively by combining behavioural support along with prescribed medication. People using this type of multi-treatment are likely to become successful at quitting smoking. You should consult a specialist who is certified in tobacco treatment, who will provide you with a plan. It will include counselling, medicines and a nicotine replacement therapy.

Smoking - How Quitting It Is Good For Your Heart?

For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Smith and Mackie (2007) term self-esteem as a set of positive or negative opinions about oneself. Self-esteem is an important predictor of success in career, relationships, marriage and public life. People who are depressed have a very low self-esteem about themselves. They think of themselves as good for nothings and persons having a nil value. There are three states of self-esteem. They are;

Shattered: An example of a person having shattered self-esteem is when he says,  I am old and useless to do this kind of work . This person sees himself as an absolutely useless person.
Vulnerable: In this state, a slight embarrassment or defeat may expose the vulnerable side of the person. Otherwise, such persons have a positive frame of mind.
Strong: People in this state are very strong emotionally. Defeats, embarrassments etc. do not affect them. These people have a very high sense of self-esteem.
Psychologists, however, have prescribed several ways through which one can improve one s self-esteem.

How to improve one s self-esteem

Control your thoughts- Watch out what your inner critic is saying to you. Every time you hear its voice, ask yourself- would this be the way your best friend would speak to you? If your inner critic is being merciless on you all the time, you need to silence it.
Focus on the good things that happen to you- Everyday, write at least 3 good things that happened to you. Avoid the obstructive or harmful things that came your way. Focus on the happier side of the day. Do not dwell upon the negatives.
No need to be perfect- In the quest to be perfect, many people lose control of themselves. It probably must do with the pressures of modern life where achievement is the be all and end all. But, not everyone can be perfect. Rather, focus on the effort or process. This way, you will be better able to appreciate yourself as a person.
Accept mistakes- Often we fail to realise that mistakes come to us masked as opportunities. But, we are too fixated by the mistakes we commit. We are obsessed with the thought,  Why did I commit this mistake?  rather than,  How to avoid this particular mistake? . If we learn how to avoid committing mistakes, we will tremendously improve our self-esteem.
Experiment with new skills- Try out new skills and then improve upon them. For example, you may pick up music and track your achievement levels. If you continually improve yourself in this new skill, you will obviously set new benchmarks. Give credit to yourself after achievement of every new milestone.
Accept your limits- You are no superman. You have your own limits. Once you accept your limitations, you will stop blaming yourself for all the wrongs that are happening to you. 

Self Esteem - How Can You Improve It?

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