3 Proven Ways of Increasing Intimacy

Here is a list of 3 scientifically proven ways of increasing intimacy with your partner.

1. Look them in the eye and tell them all about yourself

Self-disclosure is an important part of relationships, especially during the initial phase. However, gradually as people feel that they've known enough about each other, communication seems to come to a standstill.

But the actual reason for this is not the lack of things to talk about but resistance which arises out of a feeling of vulnerability. It mostly happens in established relationships because both the partners do not wish to break past the certainty and assurance.

Therefore, the revealing part that may lead to some changes in perception is often skipped. However, not doing so and truly communicating with your partner can help you in increasing intimacy and having a deeper connection with your partner.

2. Share the laughter

Sharing the joy and the humorous experiences is a great way of increasing intimacy with your partner. Since every person's sense of humour is different, humour is a deeply personal aspect of your personality. Therefore, when you share genuine laughter with your partner that is when your sense of humour matches with each other, it improves your understanding and builds intimacy.

3. Tell them how you feel and know how they feel

It is extremely important for you to talk with your partner about how you feel - not just about the relationship, but about other important aspects of your life as well. If conflicts are dealt with by discussing how you feel about them and not on the lines of rationality, you end up feeling more intimate with your partner. Honestly discussing and exchanging your feelings is an amazing way of increasing your intimacy with your partner.



3 Proven Ways of Increasing Intimacy

For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Anger is an emotion found in every human being. There is nothing wrong with being angry. However, if it gets out of hand there might be serious consequences. Knowing a few things about anger management might help the next time you are struggling to manage anger. 

The Wrong Approach
Before knowing, what are the right things to do, it is necessary to know what doesn t work well. This will give a better insight on anger management. 

Often, we think suppressing anger might be the right thing to do. But, it is not. Trying not to react to a situation and keeping it under wraps, might affect your health and can even be the root cause of heart disease. However, suppressing it often lessens the intensity of the anger.
Just like suppressing it is not a good idea, venting it out completely is not the right approach as well. Venting might help you to cool down faster later on, but initially, it might hurt the other person and also have a negative impact on health. Venting anger occasionally will also make the person aggressive in nature.
Thinking or using words like always, never, should/shouldn t, must/mustn t do not usually help. Thinking about  he should never talk to me like that  or  they are always being unfair to me , brings about negativity and doesn t help in calming down.
The Right Approach

Counting to 10, the age old approach to anger management often helps in cooling down and giving a clear perspective. When we are angry, we end up saying and doing things we don t mean to. Counting gives us some time and helps us calm down a bit.
Breathe slowly when you are angry, say experts.  Instead of talking or reacting to the situation, just breathe in and out slowly. When you breathe out more, your body will calm down and make you relax.
Talk to someone who understands you when you are angry. Instead of venting out or suppressing it, talk it out with a friend or a family member. Tell them your feelings and why you are angry. This will help you a lot in relaxing. It works as a counselling session.
To manage anger, in the long run, one should always lead a healthy lifestyle. It means not just having a healthy diet, but also having proper sleep, not being stressed about anything, doing exercise, etc. 
Doing something creative often takes your mind away from angry feelings. Join a dance class, an art workshop, start keeping a journal, it will definitely help in the long run.
Leave the place immediately for few moments and drink water slowly when angry. Don't prolong the anger, come back and start conversation normally.

Anger Management - What Works and What Doesn't

Alternating between being happy and sad as you go through life's ups and downs is normal, but if you're sad most of the time, it could be a sign of being depressed.  Depression takes the joy out of all your activities, and can make merely getting through a day feel overwhelming. The first step to overcoming this problem is to understand its symptoms and causes.  Not everyone experiences depression the same way, but here are a few questions that can help tell you if you are depressed or not.

Do you feel helpless?
It is common for depressed people to feel helpless and that everything around them is out of their control. As a result, the person may either stop participating in activities all together or try to control things they can't. Both situations are cyclic and lead to further depression.

Have you lost interest in daily activities?
The feeling of helplessness is one of the main reasons depressed people lose interest in activities. Another reason is that activities that were once enjoyed now do not seem interesting enough. In most cases, this leads to the person isolating himself and withdrawing from all his family and friends.

Do you often feel angry or irritated?
Depression is almost always accompanied by irritability and anger. Small annoyances that would usually be overlooked quickly, take on an inappropriate significance. This can lead to poor impulse control, substance abuse and anxiety disorder. In most cases, anger and depression are related by the person trying to take accountability for things that are out of his control and hence feeling helpless.

Is there a change in your sleep pattern?
Your sleep quality is very closely related to the way you feel. Depressed people often suffer either from insomnia or oversleeping. Depressed people can have trouble going to sleep as well as staying asleep. This can cause drowsiness and lethargy during the day. Sleep apnea is also linked with depression. As you can imagine, if this is left untreated, it will only worsen your depression.

Do you feel tired?
When the body does not get adequate sleep, you begin the day feeling tired. Thus, depressed people often feel fatigued and complain of a number of muscle and joint pains.  This is because the body has not had enough time to regenerate cells during the night. This is usually complemented by complains of persistent headache and stomach aches, both of which are emotionally connected to the way you feel.

The nature of depression is such that it lowers a person's self-esteem to the point of interfering with his ability to seek help. Hence, if you have a positive response to the above questions, it is time to address your problem before it worsens.

How To Recognize Depression In Adults

Grief is a complex emotion that may give you side effects like guilt and make you struggle as you try to get through your everyday life. It is usually caused by some loss in life which may have to do with relationships, work or any other reason like a chronic physical ailment or disability. Complicated grief disorder is a condition where the extreme level of grief impairs a person and how he or she behaves in his or her daily life. It can have a debilitating effect and make a person helpless when it comes to dealing with everyday functions. It may continue for more than six months after the loss, and may even lead to depression and anxiety, among other complications.

Let us cast a glance of how this may be dealt with.

Psychotherapy: Cognitive-behavioral therapy and other forms of therapy can often help people who are suffering from this form of prolonged grief. With this kind of therapy, a patient can actually find an outlet to discuss the various emotions that the bereavement has brought on, and how he or she is not able to cope. The therapist, in this case, is usually a psychiatrist or a psychologist, who can then help in reprogramming the attitude of the patient so as to curb the grief and move on with life by embracing daily functions.
Group Therapy: In many cases, group therapy may also work. It is a natural human tendency to be grateful for what we have when we get to hear of higher and greater adversities. And when we see people suffering from those adversities actually taking steps to get over it, we can also get hugely motivated to do the same with our own lives. This is why group therapy is a powerful mechanism that many doctors and psychiatrists recommend for dealing with complicated grief therapy. This does not even need to be a formal therapy session. It can even be a club or a get together of people who have been through a similar problem.
Medication: In some extreme cases, the patients may be prescribed some antidepressants as well as beta blockers that can put their emotions right until they can deal with them in a better manner. Such medicines also help in numbing that part of the brain so that the patient may function in a more normal manner. Yet, care must be taken that the patient does not get addicted to such kind of medication.
Change of Focus: Travelling or picking up a new hobby can also have a positive effect on the person suffering from this condition. It can help in triggering the production of dormant hormones in a more normal way so that the patient may function in a more normal way, without the debilitating grief.


How To Deal With Complicated Grief Disorder?

The brain contains numerous nerve cells which help in its normal functioning. Epilepsy or seizures occur when there is a disruption in the activity of the nerve cells in the brain. A neurological disorder of the CNS (Central Nervous System), epilepsy can affect all and sundry, irrespective of their age, sex and ethnicity. However, children and aged people (above 60 years) are more susceptible to the condition. A study suggests approximately 10 million people in India suffer from epilepsy.

Types of Epilepsy
Based on the activity of the brain that causes an epileptic attack, Epilepsy can be of two types - Focal or Generalized
Focal Epilepsy: An epileptic attack triggered by unusual activities restricted to a particular area of the brain.

In some cases, focal epilepsy may result in unconsciousness. A person may also lose awareness and become unresponsive (keeps staring into space), a condition termed as Focal Dyscognitive Seizures. A person with this condition may behave strange, such as walking in circles, chewing or rubbing their hands.
In another type of focal epilepsy known as Focal seizures without loss of consciousness, a person does not lose consciousness. In such cases, there may be sudden and involuntary jerking of the arms or the legs. There may also be dizziness or a tingling sensation.
Generalized Epilepsy: Here, the seizures or epilepsy result from unusual activities throughout the brain. Generalized epilepsy, may, in turn, be of the following subtypes

Tonic seizures: This affects the muscles of the legs, arms, or the back, causing them to stiffen and tighten up.
Atonic seizures: Here, a person may suddenly fall down due to loss of muscle control. The condition is also known as Drop Seizures.
Absence seizures: Mostly affecting children, the affected person may lose awareness (temporary) and behave strangely such as staring into spacing, smacking their lips, or blinking their eyes continuously.
Clonic seizures: They are characterized by sudden and continuous jerking movements of the arms, face, and neck muscles.
Tonic-clonic seizures: Here, a person may suddenly lose consciousness. There are violent shaking and stiffening of the body. Some people may even be seen biting their tongue.
Myoclonic seizures: In this arms, and legs of a person suddenly twitches and jerks.

What triggers an Epilepsy?
Epilepsy may be an outcome of the following factors

Medical conditions such as stroke or even brain tumors may affect the normal activities of the brain, thereby resulting in epilepsy. Diseases such as Viral Encephalitis, AIDS or Meningitis act also act as a trigger, accelerating the chances of epilepsy.
Developmental disorders such as Neurofibromatosis or Autism can also trigger epilepsy.
In some cases, epilepsy may be a genetic predisposition. Thus, a person with a family history of epilepsy may suffer from the condition.
Epilepsy may also be an outcome of a prenatal brain injury due to oxygen deficiency or an infection to the mother.
People with dementia may also suffer from an epileptic attack.

Epilepsy - Know The Most Common Types!

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