Getting through an ugly divorce is quite a difficult thing, no matter what the reason might be. Your world can turn upside down after a divorce and you have to make a fresh new start in life.

Here are some tips you should follow to get through an ugly divorce:

Accept the fact that it is okay to have different feelings: All feelings like sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration and confusion are quite intense after a divorce. You should accept these reactions and they will surely decrease with time.
You need to give yourself a break: Accept the fact that you are weak and time is required to be back to normal functioning. Your work performance can be affected as well. Taking a break is a must after a divorce.
Do not try to go through the situation alone: You should share your feelings with your friends and family, and you will surely get help. Joining support groups can also be fruitful. Isolation makes your condition worse; so you must go out, interact and share stuff.
You should take proper emotional and physical care of your body: Eat timely, work out and relax. Try to maintain your normal daily routine and do not make major life decisions during this point of life. Abstain from too much alcohol and cigarettes as they are not a solution.
Avoid ugly situations: Avoid talking to your former spouse as discussions may lead to ugly situations and fights, which would enhance your misery.
Take a hobby: Try to do things you love to do from your heart. Join classes, take music lessons, paint pictures and slowly try to enjoy life. Making new friends is also a good idea.
Think positive: Positive thinking is a must and if you engross yourself in positive, constructive activities, you are likely to feel good. You need to be flexible and in case you have children, do your best to provide them an ideal atmosphere for adjusting to the situation.
Time can heal everything: Keep one thing in mind that life will eventually return to normal. Time heals everything and one day you will not be affected anymore.
Talk to your children and help them cope: You need to provide proper care to your kids for coping with the situation. Talk to your children and make them understand that they are not responsible for the divorce by any means. Try to ease their concerns, be compassionate, but maintain a direct approach. Maintain your child's routine exactly how it used to be, so that they feel less amount of sudden change. Do not involve your children in the conflict in any way.
A divorce is extremely difficult to cope with, as one has never faced or felt such a situation before. With proper support and measures, you can get over a divorce much more easily.

9 Ways to Help You Get Through an Ugly Divorce?

HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

Obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd) is a disorder that causes anxiety. It is also called as anxiety disorder. The main characteristics of this disorder are uncontrollable, unpleasant thoughts, which are continuing. Ocd causes the mind to get stuck on a specific thought or inclination. For instance, you may repeat a task forty times to ensure that it has been done properly. You will not be able to get it out of your mind. Ocd is characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior patterns.

Some obsessive thoughts include:
1. The fear of being defiled by germs or soil and also of contaminating others.
2. The fear of losing control and hurting yourself or others.
3. Having sexual or brutal thoughts on the mind.
4. Extreme focus and devotion to religion and religious activities.
5. A sense of fear of losing or not having things you need.
6. Having the assumption that everything would go fine.
7. The person will become very superstitious.

Some compulsive behavior patterns include:
1. Inordinate double checking on things like locks, apparatuses and switches.
2. Over and over monitoring of friends and family to ensure they're safe.
3. Counting in the head, mumbling nonsense words without meaning.
4. Devoting a lot of time for washing and cleaning.
5. Praying without reason and taking part in religious ceremonies.
6. Accumulating junk material.

Here are some common ways to deal with ocd:
1. Regular exercise: exercise is the best natural remedy to prevent anxiety, which leads to ocd. Exercise checks your ocd symptoms. It makes your nerves stronger and hence you can focus your mind out of obsessive thoughts by yourself, when they arrive. Get at least thirty minutes of exercise regularly.

2. Connect with friends and family: social isolation is one of the common early symptoms of ocd. Social isolation can lead to ocd as well. Therefore, you must always stay connected to your friends and family so that you never get lonely and anti-social. Share everything with family.

3. Sleep sufficiently: lack of sleep or troubled sleep may lead to anxiety disorders. You need to sleep enough to be away from obsessive thoughts.

4. Perform relaxation techniques: simple practices like yoga, meditation, pranayama help you grow spiritually, relax your mind and keeps ocd away from you.

5. Tackle your fears: instead of avoiding fearful thoughts, let them flow and tackle them face to face. This will help you overcome the fear. Adopt measures so that you can focus on other things and ignore the obsessive thoughts. Distract yourself away from the obsession.

Ocd is a harmful disorder, and you should take all measures possible to keep away from it.

Ways to Deal With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Just as children grow at different speeds, they respond to a speech therapist at different paces. Some children may need only one or two classes to master a sound, while others may need much longer. Some of the ways to make working with a speech therapist more productive are:

Have Clear Goals: When a speech therapist enters your family, the parents, therapist and child should have the same goals. Therapy would not help if the parents and therapists wanted to focus on different things. For example, the parents might be concerned with the child s vocabulary while the therapist may want to focus on articulations. Similarly, if the child does not understand the goal, he or she may not show much improvement. Ideally, a goal should be clear, measurable, realistic and be associated with a time frame. It should also be challenging but not out of reach.
Homework: A therapist has a limited amount of time to spend with the child. A majority of this time must be spent in learning something new each session. However, this will not be possible unless the child has made progress since the last class. Hence, it becomes important for the therapist to give the child homework and for the parents to oversee this. Video tutorials can be very helpful here. This helps parents know exactly what the child is supposed to practise.
Trust: A speech therapist may be an outsider to the family but he or she must be trusted to do their job in the way they think best. Very often, parents and therapists may not have the same views about how the child should be taught. Here, it is important to remember that the therapist is the expert and knows what he or she is doing. This is another reason why it is important to set clear goals together at the onset of therapy.
Speak Up: While the therapist may be an expert on how to build vocabulary and improve speech patterns, parents are experts on their child. Thus, it is important to communicate openly with the therapist. Answering therapist questions honestly can help him or her assess where the problem lies and in turn address it. Similarly, if you have questions, do not be afraid to speak to your therapist about them. Share the child s progress and changes that you have noted so that the therapist can adjust the lessons accordingly. 

Tips To Make The Speech Therapy More Effective!

Asperger's syndrome has recently come under the umbrella of autism spectrum disorder. This syndrome usually affects the social skills of the patient, most heavily. The patient may seem normal and even intelligent at first glance. But on closer interaction, several social skill problems will come to the fore including an obsessive focus on certain topics and issues. Repetitive behaviour is also a part of this disease. Let us find out more about asperger's syndrome.

Symptoms: the symptoms usually begin to show up early on in one's childhood. The patient will not be able to make eye contact while speaking with others. Also, a perfectly normal person may seem inordinately shy and reserved during social interactions. This awkwardness may come to the fore in the form of looking for expression cues on other people's faces and even the body language. The patient may not be a very happy and lively soul, with hardly a smile to crack at the funniest of jokes. The lack of emotions or the emotionally numb state is also a major giveaway of the condition. Other symptoms may include a strong aversion towards change in food habits and routine.

Diagnosis: the diagnosis is usually done by mental health specialists like a developmental paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a psychologist or even a paediatric neurologist. These specialists can put the child through a variety of tests that will study the neurological health as well as the speech and emotional behaviour of the child.

Educating the parent: once the diagnosis has been done, the parents of the patient will have to appraised of the condition and its implications. The symptoms and treatment will have to be duly discussed even as the parents are put through training and therapy to learn techniques with which they can help the child in progressing along more normal lines. The therapy will also help the parents deal with the challenge of living with someone suffering from this condition.

Treatment: there are varied forms of treatment that aim at fixing the specific areas and symptoms that the patient is learning to live with. Social skills training, speech and language therapy, cbt or cognitive behavioural therapy and other forms of treatment can help the child overcome many symptoms that come from this condition.

In the course of the treatment, it is important for the child, parent and therapist concerned to realise that there is no single approach that can be applied to all patients suffering from asperger's syndrome. Individual care and therapy will be required for individual cases. At the same time, most of the skills will need to be repeated at home so that the child takes them more seriously.

What Is Asperger's Syndrome?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental disorder with side effects of enthusiastic fits like sudden, wild and eccentric emotional episodes and scenes. Individuals experiencing BPD are unreliable about their picture and character and face trouble in keeping up a steady mental self-image and interpersonal connections. This issue is generally acquired by different variables like domestic mishandle, youth disregard and absence of affection from the parents in there young age.

Some of the most common symptoms of BPD include:

Fear of rejection
Unsteady and short-term relationships
Poor self-image
Tendency to cause self-harm
Here are some of the homeopathic solutions for treating BPD with varying signs and symptoms:

BPD with sudden burst of outrage: Chamomilla is among the top common homeopathic medications for patients of BPD who usually get furious and irritated, without considering the sentiments of the other people. The sudden upheavals of outrage on account of inconsistency or when the sentiments are harmed can be best cured by homeopathic solution Chamomilla. This cure is also of great help to patients who believe that they cannot remain calm. It is useful for the people who need to do everything according to their desire and get irritated if their desire is not satisfied.
BPD with sudden emotional episodes: Crocus Sativus is the most basic homeopathic medication for sudden mind-set changes in patients of BPD. The patient has a sudden and regular change in feelings from outrageous reactions to misery. The patient requiring the homeopathic drug Crocus Sativus is blissful and warm in one minute and the very next minute, he or she suddenly blasts out into outrage. The patient soon feels frustrated about their conduct. Homeopathic medicine Valeriana is additionally useful for managing sudden emotional episodes in patients of BPD.
BPD with symptoms of touchiness: Sepia is a fantastic homeopathic drug for BPD patients who get disturbed over no reason and feel anxious. Just their own particular assessment matters for such patients and they cannot stand to be restricted. Another side effect alongside fractiousness for this homeopathic prescription to be used is a feeling of dislike towards family and being repelled for any work, be it mental or physical.
BPD patients with ruinous and hasty conduct: Nux Vomica is the top characteristic homeopathic solution to manage any hasty conduct of BPD patients who are delicate and need to constrain things as they feel. In case they are restricted, such patients have dangerous driving forces like the motivation to crush their significant other, to tear things and to toss their child. If someone invades their space, they can take severe actions to claim that space back.

Borderline Personality Disorder - When To Seek Help?

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