For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Being away or oblivious to social media is synonymous to not following the herd. Social media probably is no more the latest fad; it is the given code to take a deeper look into the present age. The rewarding fact about social networking sites is their ability to transport us to people and places millions of miles away from us. This epoch with its dictates of overproduction and maximum utilization of labor, snatches away the boon of communication.

Social media gifts us with easy communication and wider access:

 Social media creates peer pressure: coming in continuous contact with occurrences in other people's life can lead to mental setback. You may feel low on comparing your achievements with that of others. Consciously or unconsciously you are struggling throughout to be at par with them who are seemingly jubilant. Virtual peer pressure is realized by many. 
 It can bring us at close quarters with penitence: persistent grief or regret can take a toll on your mental health. It can make you depressive. Depression is again not a healthy thing for personal growth and development. It usually results in lack of motivation.
 You tend to panic more through continued use of social media: if you have not been in touch with social media for a couple of days you are instilled with the fear of losing out on incidents. You panic regarding what has been happening all over the world that in reality will in most cases bear no effect on you.
 It accustoms you to the glamorous appeal of drugs- social media tends to showcase the ills of society as glamorous contributing factors of life. It celebrates the vices of drugs and other addictive agents as virtues. Young adults are therefore easily incited to give in to addiction.

Positive effects of social media on your mental health:
1. Social media will let you take a break from hovering tasks and responsibilities. 
2. Helps you connect with long lost friends. Social networking sites will bring you close to new and old friends alike. 
3. Real society is overly judgemental. It prohibits you from coming across as your true self. Virtual media allows you to come out of your cocoon and helps you feel comfortable about yourself.


How Is Social Media Affecting Your Mental Health?

Anger is among the gamut of emotions we exhibit as a reaction to a situation, and it is a'normal' emotion too as long as it is kept under control. Some people have the propensity to explode when pushed to the extreme. They keep swallowing their emotions until they can finally do it no more, and erupt like a volcano. Others dealing with extreme anger are like a ticking time bomb. You'll never know what you unwittingly say or do can trigger an explosion. In either case, anger that cannot be controlled comes with a physical reaction.

Your heart beats faster preparing you for both action and reaction. Your breathing quickens. You may clench your fist, tighten your shoulders and go into a defensive position. The problem arises out of the fact that it is almost impossible to feel anger and empathy at the same time. An angry person is seldom sensitive to the well being of his victim, and hence may lash out verbally and sometimes physically. Such things done in the heat of the moment mostly leaves us with regrets. So here are a few ways to deal with extreme anger.


	Acknowledge it: the first step in solving a problem is recognizing that you have one. The fundamental problem here is that people believe they are on the right track and refuse to budge from their views. It is essential to realize that this step is not about deciding whether you are right or wrong, but acknowledging the fact that your reaction to the situation can be channeled in a better way. When getting someone to acknowledge their anger problem, be careful as to not use negative words like wrong, false and shouldn't. Instead, influence with positive words like can and should. Instead of saying'you are wrong to react like this, you can say'i understand what you are feeling. Is there a way we can resolve this situation'
	Recognize the signs: once you know that your problems exist, you can try devising ways that will work for you in dealing with the situation. You can count to 10 to calm yourself or simply decide to not speak until you can calm yourself. Knowing that you may enter into an argument in a situation, you can list down the points that you feel strongly about and discuss each of them one by one. Working your way through a finite list gives a better opportunity to reach closure at the end.
	Find ways to let it go: not all arguments end in closure. A lot of unsaid justifications cloud our mind repeatedly leaving us seething from the inside. Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds. Beyond that it takes a strong will to stay angry. Once you realize how much your anger is consuming your mind, decide to free your mind with meditation and other calming exercises. Tell yourself that some people and issues simply don't deserve your anger, emotion, reaction or time.


If you or someone you know is suffering from anger management issues, consult a doctor today.


How To Control Extreme Anger

In this fast-moving world, there is no room for self. Growth of IT firms and other long-hour demanding work has led to compromises in your lifestyle - long hours in front of computer, sleeplessness, late-night sleeping, quick bites, leaving us with emotions of anger, anxiety, stress and so on. This is a major reason why people today are hypertensive.

Diseases due to Hypertension: Tension and stress are the building blocks of numerous serious ailments like cardiovascular diseases, asthma, spondylitis (back pain) and grey hair. You may also suffer from gastritis leading to ulcer.

Natural ways to treat Hypertension : Ideally, tension and stress are not diseases. If you can control these, you can control the conditions that take root because of them. Naturopathic (or alternative medicine) treatments for tension and stress are most ideal.

Here are some natural ways to treat hypertension.



Sleep well: An adult should sleep for a minimum of 7-8 hours daily. Your body cells rejuvenate while you are in a relaxed state. Many jobs demand late-night work or night shift work. However, your body is meant to sleep early at night. Instead of working late night, you can start your work early.
Eat right: Stress leads to elevated levels of sugar in your body. Try to avoid sugary content food. Your body needs balanced diet of proteins, carbohydrates, less of fats, and more of vitamins and minerals. For proteins, eat fish, eggs or white meat. For vegetarians, you can have soy, cereals and protein drinks. Diet must include milk products like yoghurt, milk, vegetables rich in minerals and vitamins and roughage (salads).
Destressing exercises: Nowadays, most of the jobs demand sitting for long hours. Physical activity is one of the ways to de-stress your body. A 45-minute walk would also help. Alternatively, yoga or tai-chi type martial art helps to de-stress. Breathing techniques involved in meditation also play a vital role.
Anger management: Develop patience. That would automatically lead to anger management at your workplace as well as at home. Be a good listener. Laughter therapy also helps as it releases many happy hormones in the body.
Supplement for stress: This has to be the last tip when you do not perform the first four. Multivitamins containing vitamin B and minerals such as magnesium are recommended. You can count on certain herbs such as Ashwaganda, Ginseng, Rhodiola and St. John's Wort.
Despite following these tips, you may still face problems because every human is different and reaction to every remedy could be different. In such cases, approach for expert advice.

Naturopathic Treatment For Tension And Stress!

All parents expect their child to start going to school, learn writing and learning and do well in academics. However, children with dyslexia may not be able to progress at school at the same pace as others. The good news is that there are early pointers that can help a parent to identify dyslexia in the early stages. This can be helpful in training and support the child socially to learn and socialise normally.  Dyslexia is a disability that affects both spoken and written language. They have a different learning style and when supported and encouraged, instead of mocked and insulted, they can become avid readers. The following are common 10 indicators of developing dyslexia in children, in general, and at school.

10 Behavioural signs to watch for in general:

The child usually has difficulty concentrating and following instructions
The child is easily distracted, seems to daydream, and tends to forget words.
Poor personal organisation skills and is not very good at time keeping.
May get confused between today, tomorrow, yesterday; east and west; right and left; up and down.
Has difficulty remembering seasons, months and days.
Tends to be doing something to avoid work.
Seems distracted, and  daydream,  does not seem to listen
Requires a lot of effort focusing on things at hand and is constantly tired.
Slow pace of processing in terms of spoken or written language
Often appears withdrawn or lost in his own world.
10 Behaviours to watch for at school:

Poor standard of writing and written work in comparison with oratory skills.
Poor handwriting with badly formed letters.
Confused easily between similar looking letters like m/w, n/u, b/d.
Usually, messes up work by using close but wrong spellings and rewriting the same
Mixes up words by using similar-looking words   quiet and quite, tired and tried.
Same word is spelt differently at different times
Poor motor skills and pencil grip leading to slow, inaccurate writing
Produces a lot of phonetic spelling which does not change with repeated corrections
There is difficulty in blending words together, and struggles a lot when asked to read out loud, can miss out or add words that are familiar in between
Has difficulty connecting the story that is being written or read
As noted, these children have very inconsistent behaviour with very limited understanding of nonverbal communication. If these symptoms go on increasing as they grow, it is advisable to seek professional help so that support can be provided and the condition can be arrested at the early stages.

Dyslexia - 10 Signs Your Child Maybe Suffering From It!

Obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd) is a disorder that causes anxiety. It is also called as anxiety disorder. The main characteristics of this disorder are uncontrollable, unpleasant thoughts, which are continuing. Ocd causes the mind to get stuck on a specific thought or inclination. For instance, you may repeat a task forty times to ensure that it has been done properly. You will not be able to get it out of your mind. Ocd is characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior patterns.

Some obsessive thoughts include:
1. The fear of being defiled by germs or soil and also of contaminating others.
2. The fear of losing control and hurting yourself or others.
3. Having sexual or brutal thoughts on the mind.
4. Extreme focus and devotion to religion and religious activities.
5. A sense of fear of losing or not having things you need.
6. Having the assumption that everything would go fine.
7. The person will become very superstitious.

Some compulsive behavior patterns include:
1. Inordinate double checking on things like locks, apparatuses and switches.
2. Over and over monitoring of friends and family to ensure they're safe.
3. Counting in the head, mumbling nonsense words without meaning.
4. Devoting a lot of time for washing and cleaning.
5. Praying without reason and taking part in religious ceremonies.
6. Accumulating junk material.

Here are some common ways to deal with ocd:
1. Regular exercise: exercise is the best natural remedy to prevent anxiety, which leads to ocd. Exercise checks your ocd symptoms. It makes your nerves stronger and hence you can focus your mind out of obsessive thoughts by yourself, when they arrive. Get at least thirty minutes of exercise regularly.

2. Connect with friends and family: social isolation is one of the common early symptoms of ocd. Social isolation can lead to ocd as well. Therefore, you must always stay connected to your friends and family so that you never get lonely and anti-social. Share everything with family.

3. Sleep sufficiently: lack of sleep or troubled sleep may lead to anxiety disorders. You need to sleep enough to be away from obsessive thoughts.

4. Perform relaxation techniques: simple practices like yoga, meditation, pranayama help you grow spiritually, relax your mind and keeps ocd away from you.

5. Tackle your fears: instead of avoiding fearful thoughts, let them flow and tackle them face to face. This will help you overcome the fear. Adopt measures so that you can focus on other things and ignore the obsessive thoughts. Distract yourself away from the obsession.

Ocd is a harmful disorder, and you should take all measures possible to keep away from it.

Ways to Deal With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

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