MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND ARGUMENTS? CHANGE THEM INTO FLOWING CONVERSATION
Conflicts and misunderstandings occur at all levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families and between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Thus, conflict is a critical event in the course of a relationship. Arguments  and misunderstandings  can cause resentment, hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well, however, it can be productive – leading to deeper understanding, mutual respect and closeness. The health of any relationship is gauged by how the conflicts are resolved, rather than the number of conflicts between the participants. 
Conflicts run all the way from minor, unimportant differences to disputes which can threaten the existence of a relationship. Conflicts with a loved one or a long-term friend are, of course, different from negotiating with someone who does not care about your needs, like a stranger or a salesperson. 

 Principles that underscores all successful conflict resolution. 
1. Both parties must view their conflict as a problem to be solved together so that both parties have the feeling of winning.
2. Each person must participate actively in the resolution and make an effort and commitment to find answers which are as fair as possible to both. 

We may get so caught up with our own immediate interests that we damage our relationships. If we disregard the position of the other person, if fear and power are used to win, or if we always have to get our own way, the other person will feel hurt and the relationship may be wounded. Similarly, if we always surrender just to avoid conflict, we give the message to the other person that it is acceptable to be bullied and our needs don’t matter. Our feeling of self-worth suffers, resentment surfaces, and we feel frustrated in the relationship. Instead, it is healthier if both parties can remain open, honest, assertive and respectful of the other position. Mutual trust and respect, as well as a positive, constructive attitude, are fundamental necessities in relationships that matter.

SOME EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES TO HOLD EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONS:
1. INITIAL AGREEMENT: The other person may be very angry with you and may be having loads of evidence to prove himself right. At that time, instead of arguing your position, simply agree at that time because there will be a grain of truth if nothing else. This doesn’t mean that you are giving up your values and principles. Sometimes its important to diffuse the emotional charge before working out on the differences. Sometimes its ok to “lose” individually in order to “win” together in the end.
2. EMPATHY: Sometimes putting yourself  in the other persons shoes and seeing the problem from their perspective helps build bridges. You could say,” I feel that you must be very upset with me for behaving like that with you, I should have been more considerate”. Half the battle is won and the other participant feels validated and will be more willing to listen to your tale of woes more amicably.
3. ASK QUESTIONS: When you ask questions, it shows that you care and are interested to resolve the problem at hand. Please note that while asking questions, be watchful of your words and tone. Asking exploratory  questions about the other persons thoughts and feelings rather than probing and insulting questions can take you miles on the way to effective resolution. For eg. “Is there anything that you would like me to know about this problem”?
4. USING “I” STATEMENTS: Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings rather than blaming the other person for making you feel like that. This decreases the chance that the other person will become defensive. For example, “I feel pretty upset that this thing has come between us.” This statement is much more effective than saying, “You have made me feel very upset.” 
5. COMPLIMENTS: Find something nice and genuine to say about the other person, even if the other is angry with you. Show a respectful attitude. For example, “I genuinely respect you for having the courage to bring this problem to me. I admire your strength and your caring attitude.” 

A RATIONAL APPROACH TO RESOLVING CONFLICTS:
Here is a model that may help in resolving interpersonal conflicts. 
1. Identify the Problem. Have a discussion to understand both sides of the problem. The goal at this initial stage is to say what you want and to listen to what the other person wants. Define the things that you both agree on, as well as the ideas that have caused the disagreement. It is important to listen actively to what the other is saying, use “I” statements and avoid blame. 
2. Come Up With Several Possible Solutions. This is the brainstorming phase. Drawing on the points that you both agree on and your shared goals, generate a list of as many ideas as you can for solving the problem, regardless of how feasible they might be. Aim toward quantity of ideas rather than quality during this phase, and let creativity be your guide.
3. Evaluate These Alternative Solutions. Now go through the list of alternative solutions to the problem, one by one. Consider the pros and cons of the remaining solutions until the list is narrowed down to one or two of the best ways of handling the problem. It is important for each person to be honest in this phase. The solutions might not be ideal for either person and may involve compromise. 
4. Decide on the Best Solution. Select the solution that seems mutually acceptable, even if it is not perfect for either party. As long as it seems fair and there is a mutual commitment to work with the decision, the conflict has a chance for resolution. 
5. Implement the Solution. It is important to agree on the details of what each party must do, who is responsible for implementing various parts of the agreement, and what to do in case the agreement starts to break down. 
6. Continue to Evaluate the Solution. Conflict resolutions should be seen as works in progress. Make it a point to ask the other person from time to time how things are going. Something unexpected might have come up or some aspect of the problem may have been overlooked. Your decisions should be seen as open to revision, as long as the revisions are agreed upon mutually. 

Keep in mind that differences will come up in any relationship just because you two are different individuals with different perspectives, ideologies, attitudes and perceptions. Too much similarity in personality and working styles may be comforting but can be very boring and uninspiring overtime. On the other hand, differences can bring change, novelty and an added spice to the relationship. Two very different people can pool their different strengths and work together as a stronger team. Though, extreme differences may overtime sour the relationship and make living or working together difficult. You also need to look out for an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, which is based on power differential rather than respect and trust. A person may then choose to opt out after an amicable “goodbye” or "agree to disagree".























The feeling of instability is the crux of borderline personality disorder. This condition usually begins in early adulthood and is worst at its onset. As a person ages, borderline personality disorder usually improves and becomes easier to handle. For a person with borderline personality disorder, everything from their relationships to their moods, thinking and behaviour is unstable and constantly changing. This can be frightening but thankfully, this condition can be treated.

As with any other personality disorder or health issue, the earlier a condition is diagnosed, the easier it is to treat. Hence, it is important to understand the signs and symptoms of this disorder. This disease manifests itself in different ways in each person but some symptoms are commonly experienced. These include:

Fear of abandonment: No one likes to be alone, but people suffering from borderline personality disorder are terrified of being abandoned. Even something as simple as being stood up at a meeting, can make such a person extremely anxious. It can also lead to relationship problems by making the person seem clingy and jealous about their partner.
Unstable relationships: For a person suffering from this disorder, relationships are either perfect or failures. Hence their relationships are extremely passionate but very short lived and they often feel disappointed by their partners.
Unstable self-image: People suffering from this disorder may feel very confident one day and feel the opposite on the next. Though everyone has shifting views of their identity form time to time, for people suffering from this personality disorder, theses shifts are extreme. It can often lead to frequent changes in jobs, friend circles, relationships, goals and values. It can also cause changes in their understanding of sexual orientation.
Impulsive behaviour: People who display self-destructing and attention seeking behaviour may suffer from this condition. This disorder has been often associated with alcoholism, drug abuse and recklessness.
Suicidal behavior: People suffering from this disorder may often be associated with behaviour that physically harms them. They are also capable of following through on suicidal threats.
Mood swings: Extreme fluctuations in emotions and moods are a common experience or people suffering from borderline personality disorder. These mood swings usually start only a few minutes of a few hours unlike depression and other anxiety disorders.
Suspicion about everyone around: Borderline personality disorder can make a person struggle with suspicious thoughts about everyone around them and make them paranoid. They often feel out of touch with reality and can feel spaced out when under stress.

Borderline Personality Disorder - Signs and Symptoms!

Are you aware of the schizophrenia and the adverse effects it inflicts on a person? Schizophrenia is a chronic and extremely severe mental disorder that affects how a person thinks, behaves, and feels. Schizophrenia patients seem like they are not aware of reality. The condition requires lifelong treatment, even after the symptoms leave. There are various types of treatments, which are used for schizophrenic patients. The treatment is usually guided by an experienced psychiatrist. 

The various modes of treatments are as follows:
Medications: Medications are very important for the treatment of schizophrenia, and antipsychotic drugs are most commonly used. They help in managing the symptoms by affecting dopamine. Treatment using antipsychotic drugs aims at managing the symptoms effectively. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs are also used for treatment. Several weeks are required for these medicines to show results. Most of the medications used for schizophrenia treatment are associated with severe side effects and are thus avoided by many people. The patient s cooperation with treatment determines the choice of drug.

First generation antipsychotics: These medicines are associated with adverse neurological side effects, such as the possibility of developing tardive dyskinesia, which is an irreversible movement disorder.
Second generation antipsychotics: These medicines are preferred because of the lower risk of adverse side effects on the body than first generation medicines.
Psychological interventions: When the patient s psychosis decreases, psychological and psychosocial interventions are required. They include the following:

Individual therapy: Psychotherapy is important for normalizing a patient s regular thought patterns. Learning about ways to deal with stress, and identifying warning signs can help patients manage their condition better.
Social skills training: This aims at improving a schizophrenic person s social interactions, communication and his/her ability to take part in daily activities.
Family therapy: Family therapy is important for educating the families of schizophrenic patients about the disorder, and let them know about the ways to deal with it.
Vocational rehabilitation and supported employments: Most people with schizophrenia need some kind of daily living support. Programs are offered by several communities and self-help groups for helping schizophrenic people with housing, jobs, crisis situations. With proper treatment, most schizophrenic people manage to deal with their symptoms and illness.

Hospitalization: During emergency or crisis periods of extreme symptoms, a patient may need to be hospitalized to get proper nutrition, basic hygiene, sufficient sleep, and safety.
Electroconvulsive therapy or ECT is carried out for schizophrenic patients who do not respond to drug treatment. This therapy is also beneficial for patients who have got depression. It is recommended for you to consult a doctor on experiencing any symptom of schizophrenia.


Schizophrenia - Different Modes Of Treatment That Are Followed!

The Mind of a Smoker 

There are a few instances when our body and mind refuse to acknowledge rationality, and quickly give in to carvings. Alcohol abuse, junk foods, depressant medications are a few of them. Among these, the most harmful is undoubtedly, smoking. In today's time, almost everyone knows about the ill-effects of tobacco. But despite our knowledge, we continue to give in and smoke. Let us have a look in depth about the usage, and the various steps one can use to come out of this dangerous habit. 

Ill-Effects of Smoking 

Smoking is dangerous for your health, and quitting can vastly reduce your risk of getting a disease related to the heart or lung. There is also a 50% chance that your life expectancy will be less due to smoking. On an average, a smoker has 10 - 12 years of lesser life expectancy than that of the nonsmoker. Also, quitting tobacco products can greatly reduce your chances of getting cancer. A smoker is always in the higher risk group of getting a tumor in the voice box (larynx), mouth, throat, intestines, kidney, and pancreas. Smoking can also hamper your sexual urge and erectile strength. Pregnant women who smoke carry a greater risk of having babies with many complications. 

How to Curb Smoking 

Quit smoking, and you can see visible differences right away. Your breathing will improve, and your asthma symptoms will likely to get better once you quit. Apart from a healthier you, you can also avoid health complications for your family members. Passive smoking is as harmful as active smoking, and a passive smoker is also easily susceptible to the complications of that of a smoker. Do not opt for lighter nicotine content cigarettes, as they have advertised that they contain less tar and nicotine. They simply do not, and they are equally harmful to you. Once the decision has been made, quit it altogether. Also stay away from chewing tobacco products. There are many ways by which you can quit smoking. Consult with your doctor in case you need medications for staying away. 

There are safe non-nicotine gums and chewing tablets for curbing the smoking feel and sensation. There are also self-help groups and treatment centers that can rehabilitate you from your habits. Indulge yourself in activities that keep you happy and passionate. Try signing up for your favorite sports and keep yourself occupied at all times. Always be positive, and do not give into temptation. Believe in yourself and always remember that you are also spoiling the health and wealth of your near and dear ones. Your children follow you, and they can easily be misguided. Be a role model to them and quit smoking, and inculcate the healthy habit now and forever.

Strategies and Medications to Stop Smoking, and Benefits of Stopping Tobacco Use!

Speech therapy helps in improving the speech, understanding the language skills, and also help in communicating in non-verbal ways such as listening and taking turns. Speech therapy treats various kinds of communication and swallowing problems.

Children with Cleft Palate are diagnosed with an opening in the upper tissue palate in the mouth. This condition causes Velopharyngeal dysfunction (VPD) which results in excessive airflow from the nose while speaking. Although it can be corrected with surgery, the patient will still be affected by VPD.

Speech therapists help in this condition by assisting the patient with speech and language skills. The speech therapy for such a patient can be categorized as auditory feedback and articulation practice.

Auditory Feedback

Before involving the patient with any speech therapy, it is essential for the patient to understand the difference between normal voice and nasal voice output.

For this purpose, the child is instructed to use a tube to listen to the voice of the normal person. To understand the difference, one end of the tube is then held near the ear of the child and the other is held near his nasal and then he is instructed to make sounds so that he understands the nasal voice.

After this understanding, the different approaches to speech therapy starts.

Articulation Practice

This is usually where speech therapy begins. In this practice, the different type of condition is understood that relates to different speech organs. The understanding of different vowels, consonants and related sounds is taught to the child for making the speaking sound less nasal.

Some of the methods for achieving these sounds are:

Pharyngeal Plosives: This sound is produced when the tongue is moving backward. The practice of making  ng  sound, and dropping the tongue and producing  k  sound.

Pharyngeal fricatives: When the tongue retracts but is not able to make contact with the pharyngeal wall is when this sound is produced. The speech therapists make the child learn the techniques of making sounds of  t ,  ts ,  ch , or  sh , and provide feedback for learning the proper positioning of the tongue.

Nasal Plosives: This sound usually occurs when the tongue is positioned improperly and it obstructs the vocal tract. A speech therapist may make the child yawn so that the back of the tongue is pushed down, and feel as the mouth stretches.

Palatal-Dorsal Productions: It occurs due to the malocclusion of the teeth. Practicing sounds like  t ,  d ,  n ,  k ,  g , and  ng  often helps in such condition.

Take Away
Cleft Palate is generally developed due to improper growth while the child was in the womb. The difficulty of producing proper sounds when there is excessive airflow in the mouth can be overcome by training and practicing certain sounds, as instructed by a speech therapist.

 Cleft Palate - How Efficient Is Speech Therapy?

 I have a severe stomach ache, I feel like vomiting ... Mom, please!! I can't go for exam.
 I read it! I knew it all ... But I just blacked out.  
 I just couldn't write! My hands were trembling.  
 I messed up this question! I can do nothing right... I can never succeed in life!!  

It's not uncommon for students to experience such problems before/ during an exam.

Most of us suffer from some degree of anxiety when we prepare or sit for an examination. Examination usually leads to a lot of tension and anxiety commonly known as examination phobia. Examination phobia or Examophobia is a mental disorder found in most of the students. When exams arrive, students become extremely worried and make plans about how to study, how to perform better and get good grades. Some students find exams so difficult that the phobia makes them sick as they simply find themselves unable to cope up with the exam fear. There may be sweating, palpitations that disturb so much that one cannot think straight and end up messing up the paper. Also, in subsequent exams, it becomes worse and the fear intensifies. The person may end up feeling a failure, feeling guilty and may even be suicidal! 

Anxiety is a normal human feeling that is part of life and can often serve as a good form of adrenaline. However, in few people, this adrenaline rush exceeds normal limits and at times may lead to some negative consequences.

Exam anxiety is:

1. Excessive worry about upcoming exams 
2. Fear of being evaluated 
3. Apprehension about the consequence 
4. Experienced by many normal students

POSSIBLE CAUSES 
(I) Environmental Causes

1. High expectations of parents 
2. Parents imposing their ambitions on children 
3. Parents competing for higher social status through child's scores 
4. Constant comparison with other kids 
5. Fear of teachers 
6. Insulting remarks from teachers

(II) Poor studying styles: 
1. Inefficient:

1. Irregular coverage of the entire syllabus 
2. Trying to memorize the course book 
3. Binge learning 
4. Studying all-night right before exams

2. Ineffective:

1. Reading without understanding the topic 
2. Unable to recollect the material 
3. Not making revision notes 
4. Not revising

(III) Psychological factors:

1. Feeling little or no control over the exam situation (rather than knowing and applying exam strategies) 
2. Negative thinking and self-criticism 
3. Irrational thinking about exams and outcomes 
4. Irrational beliefs  If I don't pass, my (family/boyfriend/girlfriend/friends) will lose respect for me  
5. Irrational demands  I have to get at least 98% or I am worthless.  
6. Catastrophic predictions  I'll fail no matter what I do there s no point.  
7. Low Self-esteem 
8. Fear of failure

SYMPTOMS OF EXAM ANXIETY 
The symptoms can range from minor nervousness to a panic attack, which can ruin the test. But whatever the level of your anxiety, learning to keep yourself calm and managing the fear of sitting for an examination is what it takes to come out with flying colors.

1. Physical symptoms. Headache, nausea, diarrhea, excessive sweating, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, lightheadedness and feeling faint can all occur. Test anxiety can lead to a panic attack, which is the abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort in which individuals may feel like they are unable to breathe or having a heart attack. 
2. Emotional symptoms. Feelings of anger, fear, helplessness and disappointment are common emotional responses to test anxiety. 
3. Behavioral/Cognitive symptoms. Difficulty concentrating, thinking negatively and comparing yourself to others are common symptoms of test anxiety.

HOW TO PREPARE WELL FOR AN EXAMINATION 
Fortunately, there are several methods that you can adopt to reduce your examination stress, which will not only help you to get higher grades but also improve your overall mental health.

1. Regular Studies Develop good study habits- ATTEND classes regularly, finish all the assignments on time, make notes properly and be an actively engaging student in school. Leave plenty of time to revise so that you don't have to do last minute cramming. Giving yourself adequate time will help to boost your confidence and reduce any pre-exam stress as you know you have prepared well. Instead of waiting for the eleventh hour, start studying as and when the academic year commences. With a good amount of time before hand, you will certainly feel more relaxed as you have plenty of time to give-in your best. 
2. Exercise Matters - It is of paramount importance to maintain mental, psychological and physical health to ace any exam. Exercising regularly, deep breathing and  pranayama  help in improving one s cognitive faculties, that results in lesser anxiety and simultaneously better grades in the tests. 
3. Don t Undermine the Importance of Diet - Be careful about your diet during the exams. A diet lacking in essential nutrients can put a major dent in your preparations; make you feel nauseated, SLEEPY OR overstressed during the crucial hours. 
4. SLEEP WELL - Adequate sleep is also vital. SLEEPING TOO LESS OR TOO MUCH CAN ALSO HAMPER YOUR ABILITIES 
5. Support - Take short breaks in between and spend some quality time with your family; share your feelings and state of mind with them. Spending time with the family can turn out to be a major stress buster. 
6. Set a Study Time: Lastly, drawing up a schedule will help you make the most of your study time. Set aside a time for your studies and follow it meticulously. Keep it flexible so that you can make the necessary adjustments. 
7. Stay focused: Concentrate on your studies, not others during the examination time. Avoid talking with other students about the subject before an examination. 
8. Use Mnemonics: Mnemonics are the techniques of memorization. You can make chart, rhymes or phrase to memorize your lessons. 
9. Practice Deep Breathing Regularly - Meditation is one of the best medicine that can reduce your anxiety. Make a habit to Meditate at least 10 minutes per day. It surely increases your concentration power. 
10. Consult Psychologist: If your anxiety becomes uncontrollable, don t hesitate to consult a psychologist or therapist. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is pretty effective in treating anxiety disorders. It helps to change your thought process and negative beliefs. Performance or test anxiety is highly treatable so you can get absolutely get a better result.

HOW TO ATTEMPT THE EXAMINATION IN BEST POSSIBLE WAY 
(I) ON THE DAY OF EXAM

1. Get a restful, uninterrupted sleep the night before so you wake up refreshed and revitalized the day of the exam. 
2. Have a healthy breakfast but strictly avoid oily and heavy food 
3. Recheck your required stuff (pen, pencil, compass box, eraser, admit card, watch etc) before leaving home. 
4. Take the water bottle along with you to the examination hall. 
5. Avoid touching new/left-out topic at the last moment. 
6. Aim to reach the examination hall well in time. 
7. Avoid being part of Before-exam peer discussions on How well-prepared or unprepared others are! The classic  Tera kitna ho gaya  question followed by undue comparisons can be a complete confidence killer. So Beware !! 
8. If feeling tensed, take deep-long breaths and engage in positive self-talk; reminding yourself that you prepared best to your ability and tell oneself   I CAN DO IT  

(II) IN THE EXAMINATION HALL

First of all, fill the required information on the answer sheet. 
Read the instructions carefully to figure out if you have a choice of questions, no. of questions to be attempted etc. 
Read the question paper thoroughly before u begin writing and mark the questions under 3 categories: (a) Easy (b) Manageable (c) Difficult 
Manage your time: This is where you strictly need to stick to the plan:
Before you begin, allocate time for each question based on the marks it carries and difficulty level. 
If you are not able to complete an answer within planned time-frame, leave some space and move onto the next question. 
Always divide time in such a way that you are left with some time at the end to go back over incomplete answers and revise/recheck. 
Always try to attempt all the questions. 
Attempt the Easy questions first, followed by Manageable and Difficult questions at last. That way you stay secure, calm and confident. 
Avoid writing too lengthy answer just because you know it well.
5. Presentation:

a. Handwriting should be neat & readable. 
b. Instead of very long paragraphs, put your answer point-wise. 
c. Wherever possible, illustrate the information via Flowcharts/diagrams etc. 
d. Highlight: underline or highlight the main points using pencil / coloured markers but you should keep it for last spare moments.

(III) TIPS FOR PARENTS: 
Encourage your kids! Parents have the ability to address underlying fears that may be present with test-taking. At a deep level, even subconsciously, a student may fear failure for a variety of reasons. There could be a fear of looking dumb to friends, of not getting into the best school, or of not meeting parent s expectations. A great help is for parents to reinforce their unconditional support and encouragement to the child. Parents, let your children know that their grade does not determine their worth. Believe in your child. 

Help them get over the myth that  Success in exam is a predictor of success in life . 

Good marks = Great job. 
Poor marks = End of life!!

In short,  There are no secrets to success. It is the result of Time Management, Hard work and Learning from mistakes 

Say Goodbye To Exam Phobia!

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