HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

Have you ever noticed bar and clubs promoting energy drinks? You may have also bought energy drinks and alcohol, and tried mixing them. But what you don't probably know is consuming energy drinks with alcohol can be much riskier than drinking only alcohol. Since, very few people drink alcohol neat, a small shot of alcohol is usually mixed with juices, colas or more recently energy drinks to make a cocktail. While it is well-known fact that the sugar in these mixers is responsible for increasing the effect of alcohol on the body and weight gain associated with drinking, when energy drinks are mixed with alcohol, it can have an even more lethal effect on our bodies.

Studies show that this mix causes the brain to react in a similar way to how it behaves when in contact with cocaine. It can also cause permanent brain damage. This is because it stimulates the release of a protein cell known as FosB. This protein has the ability to permanently change the chemical connections inside the brain.

Some of the short-term effects of combining alcohol with energy drinks are:

Digestive troubles
Nausea
Loss of appetite
Depression
Hallucinations
Erratic sleep patterns
Violent behavior
Many of these effects can be a result of alcohol consumption as well and hence, it may not be attributed to the energy drinks being used as mixers. Regular consumption of such cocktails can increase your body s tolerance of this combination and make a person drink more. This can lead to long-term effects such as:

Malnutrition
Respiratory problems
Tooth decay and abcesses
Psychosis
Liver damage
Kidney troubles
Heart palpitations
Consuming alcohol tends to make a person feel sleepy and tired. However, when this alcohol is mixed with energy drinks, the caffeine in the energy drinks keep the person feeling energized and masks the effect of alcohol. This leads to a condition known as being  wide-awake drunk . In such a situation, the person begins to underestimate how much alcohol he or she is consuming. This creates a false sense of security and hampers with their judgement, balance and coordination. It also increases the risk of behaving erratically and getting into dangerous situations.

In addition to caffeine, energy drinks also have a high sugar content. A small can of energy drink can contain up to 30 grams of sugar. This is equivalent to about half the ideal amount of sugar one should consume in a day. The effect of consuming so much sugar is a fluctuation in blood sugar levels. If this fluctuation persists for a long time, it could lead to conditions such as diabetes and insulin resistance. Thus, along with understanding the ill effects of alcohol, it is also necessary to keep the effects of mixers in mind while concocting cocktails for your next weekend bash. 

Alcohol With Energy Drinks - Why It Should Never Be Mixed?

One of the worst neurological disorders to have is dementia. It is a general term used to describe cognitive decline of the brain. It s not specific disease but denotes several brain disorders and mental illnesses. A person suffering from dementia can have severe impairment in judgment, loss of memory and thinking. Dementia is a very difficult disease not only for the patient but also for their families and caregivers. 

Some facts about dementia are as follows:

It s not a mental disorder occurring in old age but it does degenerates with age.
An estimation of 47.5 million people worldwide suffers from dementia and 60% of these people live in low and middle-income countries and according to WHO this figure is likely to increase.
Every 4 seconds a new case of dementia is reported
Dementia is a collective term to describe the many types of in people, such as 

Alzheimer s Disease: It is one of the most common type of dementia accounting for 60-80% of dementia case. People suffering from Alzheimer s have fewer nerve cells and the size of the brain shrinks.
Vascular Dementia: Another most common form of dementia occurring after a stroke.
Lewy Body Dementia: It is neurodegenerative condition that involves a protein called alpha-synuclein which changes the brain. Symptoms may be similar to Parkinson s disease.
Symptoms of dementia can range from mild to moderate to severe that includes:

Memory Loss
Disorientation meaning inability to focus or pay attention
Changes in visual perception
Impairment in reasoning and judgment
Dementia can be caused by damage to brain cells or progressive brain cell death. As a result communication between brain cells become difficult. Other symptoms include:

Stroke
Brain Tumor
Head Injury
Prion Disease
HIV Infection
Reversible Factors

There are no definite tests for dementia. Doctors and neurologists have to medical history, blood tests and CT scans to find out whether a person has dementia or not. However, the most potent evaluation comes from a set of questions that are asked to a patient suspected of having dementia. The ability to answer those questions correctly is one of the best diagnoses for dementia.
There is no specific treatment for dementia as it is not a curable disease and degenerates with time. However, medicines or drugs given for Alzheimer s can be given to people suffering from dementia.
Although results vary depending upon a person s lifestyle s and habits, doctors suggest eating healthy, exercising regularly, and stopping smoking and drinking may prevent some types of dementia.
The best treatment for dementia is to treat the person with care and love so that they don t feel neglected.
Dementia is often associated with old age but that is not always true. It is important to gain knowledge and educate others also.

Dementia - Quick Facts You Must Know About It!

Dyslexia is a neurological condition which makes learning a difficult process in children. Children suffering from dyslexia find themselves incapable of reading and learning as compared to their peers. Dyslexia occurs when the brain cannot process graphic symbols. This causes difficulty in recognizing, spelling and also decoding words. The effect of this condition varies from one person to another and is most often a lifelong condition. It can also vary as a result of different ages in people. However, a slower reading level is one common characteristic that is present in all dyslexic children.

Dyslexia is a strictly neurological condition that has little to do with a person s intelligence. It can also occur as a result of genetic conditions. Early detection of the condition can help in improvement before he or she reaches adolescence. A thorough evaluation process of the child will include the following aspects IQ level, language skills, ability of word recognition, phonological processing, automaticity skills, fluency skills, family history and also knowledge of vocabulary.

The most common symptoms of dyslexia include:

Trouble reading
Very slow progression to milestones such as walking, talking, crawling and learning to ride a bicycle.
Slow development of speech
Trouble with hand-eye coordination
A slow rate of learning when it comes to data
Problem with speech
Very poor concentration span
Children suffering from dyslexia are more prone to developing certain autoimmune diseases such as eczema and asthma.
Dyslexia is sometimes subdivided into a number of categories such as Surface Dyslexia, Rapid Deficit Dyslexia, Visual Dyslexia and Phonological Dyslexia.

There is no medical treatment for dyslexia and help generally includes assigning reading specialists, child psychologist, speech-language pathologists and child neuropsychologists.

Certain practices that you yourself follow when dealing with your dyslexic child are:

Praise your child from time to time
Remind your child that being dyslexic has nothing to do with intelligence levels
Mix with other parents who have dyslexic children and interact with them about ways and strategies to heighten the child s confidence level.
Deal with your child patiently.

Understanding Dyslexia - What All Should You Know

Cell phones have become a compulsory device for our times, as they give us access to voice and data services in almost every part of the world. Hazardous effects of cell phones are significant because they are kept on our bodies, in our pockets, or held in our hands. In a recent publication, it was seen that 56% of children between the ages of 10 13 have a smartphone. Also, it is seen that 25% of children between the ages of 2 and 5 have a smartphone. School-grade students today beg for smartphones more than even new dresses or shoes.

Effect of Using Mobile Phones on Speech and Communication

In today s era, children using handheld devices are more likely to have delays in expressive speech. These children start talking much later than their peers. Since the cell phone does not respond back to their communication, children cannot develop a communication channel with it. Soon, they get accustomed to using signs and symbols for things rather than asking for the same. They just get used to the mechanical model of handling cell phones by following few simple steps. In human beings, speech is mastered gradually and progressively. If the child skips on the fundamentals of speech, which requires constant repetition of letters, consonants, syllables, and words, his speech tends to get delayed.

As per famous research conducted in Toronto, it was found that with every 30 minutes of screen time, the risk of delayed speech increased by 49%. Usually, infants should be able to communicate in sentences between three and four words, by the age of 2-3 years. However, those who spent the most time on handheld devices were found to struggle with communication skills. As per another popular study conducted in the UK, electronic gadgets may be blamed for 70% rise in speech problems in 6 years. Another famous study conducted in University College London found that screen time also had an impact on sleep of infants, which affected their brains.

As per the opinion of education leaders and speech specialists, many children are deprived of conversation with their family since they spend a lot of time on electronic devices. The noise and activity on a screen can distract a small child and cause a disconnect between them and their parents. Screen time is slowly replacing parent-child interactions which are critical for healthy development.

How to address this issue?

The best way to teach language to children is by interacting with them, talking with them, using different vocabulary, playing with them, being creative, and pointing things out to them. However, if you feel that owing to negligence your child already has issues with his speech and communication, then visiting a professional speech therapist and counselor can make a huge difference.

Effects Of Using Mobile Phones On Speech & Communication!

Shannon L. Alder once said,  Sensitive people usually love deeply & hate deeply. They don't know any other way to live than by extremes because their emotional thermostat is broken. 

Sometimes certain thoughts & habits become so addictive at times that even while being aware of its futility the person fails to resist from indulging in it. Obsessive Compulsive Disorders can be extremely debilitating & can easily thwart subjective well-being. The main features of this illness are obsessions and compulsions.

Obsessions are certain thoughts, doubts, images or urges that occur in one's mind. These are unwanted, repetitive by nature. Most people with OCD realize that obsessions are senseless, irrational, or excessive, but they are unable to ignore or suppress them. They would attempt to resist and control them, but would not succeed. Obsessions cause significant distress and anxiety to the sufferers and as a result cause interference in their day to day functioning.

Compulsions are repetitive acts that the person is driven to carry out in spite of knowing that they are meaningless, unnecessary or excessive. Compulsions are usually in response to obsessions. For example, a person with an obsessive fear of contamination washes hands repeatedly in order to ensure that his or her hands are clean. The person attempts to resist repeated hand-washing, but gives in to the urge so as to relieve him or herself of the anxiety or discomfort. Persons with OCD often perform certain acts repeatedly to avoid some dreaded event or to prevent or undo some harm to themselves or others. For instance, touching the floor even number of times to prevent an accident.

They are aware most of the time that the activity is not connected in a logical or realistic way with what was intended to be achieved, or that it may be clearly excessive (as in the case of hand-washing compulsions), but cannot control them as they reduce anxiety, at least transiently.

Common Symptoms in OCD:

Some common obsessions-

- Fear of getting dirty, contaminated or infected by persons or things in the environment.

- Blasphemous thoughts.

- Thoughts of harming or killing others or oneself.

- Doubts that a task or assignment has been done poorly or incorrectly.

- Recurring thoughts or images of sexual nature.

- Fear of blurting out obscenities.

- Fear of developing a serious life-threatening illness.

- Preoccupation to have objects arranged in a certain order or position.

Some common compulsions:

- Repeated hand-washing, taking unusually long time to bathe, or cleaning items in the house.

- Ordering or rearranging things in a certain manner.

- Checking locks, electrical outlets, gas knobs, light switches etc. repeatedly.

- Repeatedly putting clothes on, and then taking them off.

- Counting over and over to a certain number.

- Touching certain objects in a specific way.

- Repeating certain actions, such as going through a doorway.

- Constantly seeking approval (especially children)

What are not obsessions?

The common usage of the word obsession as in,  he is obsessed with music  is not an obsession as used in the context of OCD. Here the person indulges in the activity with complete will, has control over them and derives pleasure out of the activity.

When one is fired from a job or loses someone close to them, it is natural to brood over the event. However, these thoughts are not considered as senseless or irrational, though they may cause some discomfort. Similarly, a person appearing for an examination may feel anxious and worry about the results, which could occupy considerable amount of his time. These thoughts, though unwelcome, are under his control and not experienced as senseless. The above experiences are obviously not obsessions. The common usage of the word obsession as in,  he is obsessed with music  is not obsession as used in the context of OCD. Here the person indulges in the activity with complete will, has control over them and derives pleasure out of the activity.

Treatment:

Your clinical psychologist might subject you to anyone from a variety of treatment strategy available based on the severity of the condition and course of illness. Client specific psychological treatment is recommended according to unique triggers and patterns of obsessions/compulsions.

Cognitive Behavioral therapy comprises of a variety of techniques used to modify or replace maladaptive thoughts, emotions and behaviors with more adaptive forms of the same. Obsessions and compulsions seen in OCD are examples of maladaptive behaviors as they cause significant distress and interfere with normal functioning of an individual. Behavior therapy helps to remove obsessions and compulsions and thereby ameliorate the distress.

In treating OCD several CBT techniques are used. One of them,  Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) , is the most effective and widely used technique.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) - All You Should Know!

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