Marriage or any healthy relationship, is a bonding and not a binding. Finding the right person and living happily ever after is only true in fairy tales. In reality, once you find the right partner, maintaining and nurturing the relationship bond itself takes a lifetime and living happily solely depends on how you cultivate relationship with your partner.

Communication is one of the chief ingredients besides trust, understanding, love, care, companionship and empathy in a happy and successful marriage. And, failure to communicate is one of the foremost reasons for the failure of relationships. Do you say I love you and appreciate your partner or do you just criticise and complain about him/her all day long? Do you consider his/her ideas and feelings or always turn them down? To communicate effectively is to express yourself freely to your partner, convey your likes and dislikes, convey what turns you on and what doesn't! Unless and until you are vocal about your thoughts and feelings, how do you expect your partner to understand you? You feel frustrated and upset because things don't happen your way but have you tried to 'express' your way to your partner?

Lack of communication in relationships results in frustration, misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations, guilt and can create personal differences. It is difficult for people who share their lives with each other to coexist for long without having regular and smooth communication for oiling the machinery of the relationship.

Couples who communicate effectively are not always devoid of arguments. Arguments happen because there is a difference of opinion between the partners; which is a very normal thing. Arguments usually end in nasty and bitter manner. However, it is up to us to convert that unhealthy argument into a healthy one! Most of us indulge in these arguments to win; not to resolve the matter! What is important is the 'progress' in the matter at hand, not the victory.

Remember, not to engage in any serious discussion or disclosure when angry as you tend to lose balance and rational reasoning. The same holds true in a situation where your partner is not up to it. Receptivity is of utmost importance. A 'No' from a partner does not mean not now, not ever. It simply means I don't want to do that right now! Feeling free to say no if the request is unappealing at that point in time.

Communication cues that can help improve the quality of argument:

Remember, there is no blaming game! WHAT is Right is more important than WHO is right.
Use I statements instead of You always statements. Example I feel angry vs. You always humiliate me. When you use I statements, you're taking the onus on you.
Attack the issue; not each other!
Refrain from the 4 C's : Caustic (sarcasm), Compare, Condemn and Criticize.
Avoid mind-reading your partner and assuming things; instead express yourself verbally.
Using 'I feel' statements are better over You are ones. When you say I feel, you're taking the onus for your feelings and thoughts and avoiding direct blame on your partner.
Have an open mind. Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open. Be proactive and open to changes, alternatives and work effectively for resolving a conflict.
Stay away from Stereotyping (generalizing - all men are like that...) 'Gunnysacking; (nursing past grievances and bringing them up for review while trying to resolve a present conflict).
No engaging in 'Summarizing self-syndrome' where both partners continue to restate his/her stance and issues without actually listening to other and without understanding other's perspective, feeling frustrated.
Cut back on 'Catastrophizing' i.e. dwelling on the worst possible outcomes of a problem or risk that you face, to the point that even remote, unlikely disasters preoccupy your attention. Often, objectivity becomes clouded, and you may gradually begin to feel or act as though these unlikely events are really going to happen.
Get rid of 'Stereotyping'; (generalizing - all men are like..) and 'Gunnysacking' (cropping up issues from the past having no relevance to current problem).
Don't send double messages- statements which have two conflicting meanings. Keep it as simple and assertive as possible.
A mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it is open. So have a broad perspective, try to understand your partner's perspective and try and arrive at a mutually agreeable decision that caters to well-being as a whole. Matrimony is the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented. What counts in making a happy marriage is not how much compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. Marriage was, is and never will be perfect, Yet it is the happiest wrong we are doing on earth!

Are You Happily (n)Ever After?

Most Practical Tips for Controlling Everyday Stress

We generally use the word 'stress' when we feel that everything becomes too much to handle - we are overloaded and wonder whether we can cope with the pressures placed upon us. Nowadays stress is a normal part of life. Almost everyone has some sort of stress. Constantly reacting to stressful situations without making adjustments to counter the effects, threatens our health and well-being.

There are steps you can help you managing day to day stressful conditions and take to feel better.

Be realistic: If you feel overwhelmed by some activities (yours and/or your family's), learn to say NO! Eliminate an activity that is not absolutely necessary. You may be taking on more responsibility than you can or should handle. If you meet resistance, give reasons why you're making the changes. Be willing to listen to other's suggestions and be ready to compromise.

Shed the 'superman/superwoman' urge: No one is perfect, so don't expect perfection from yourself or others. Ask yourself, 'What really needs to be done?' How much can I do? Is the deadline realistic? What adjustments can I make?' Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.

Take one thing at a time: For people under tension or stress, their day-to-day workload can sometimes seem unbearable. The best way to cope with this feeling of being overwhelmed is to take one task at a time. Make a list of things you need to get done and start with one task. Once you accomplish that task, choose the next one. The positive feeling of 'checking off' tasks is very satisfying. It will motivate you to keep going.

Share your feelings: A conversation with a friend lets you know that you are not the only one having a bad day. Stay in touch with friends and family. Ask them how they have dealt with a similar situation that may be 'stressing you out.' Let them provide love, support and guidance. Don't try to cope alone.

Be flexible: If you find you're meeting constant opposition in either your personal or professional life, rethink your position or strategy. Arguing only intensifies stressful feelings. Make allowances for other's opinions and be prepared to compromise. If you are willing to be accommodating, others may meet you halfway. Not only will you reduce your stress, you may find better solutions to your problems. Go easy with criticism. You may expect too much of yourself and others. Try not to feel frustrated, disappointed or even 'trapped' when another person criticises you.

Hobbies: Take a break from your worries by doing something you enjoy. Whether it's gardening or painting, schedule time to indulge your interest. Exercise: Regular exercise is a popular way to relieve stress. Twenty to thirty minutes of physical activity benefits both the body and the mind. Meditate: Just ten to twenty minutes of quiet reflection may bring relief from chronic stress as well as increase your tolerance to it.

Take Herbal Supplement: Herbs like Brahmi, Ashwagandha, Mandukparni, Shankhpuspi, Kaunch are very helpful in managing stress. These herbs work on the brain and help relax you which ultimately empowers you to manage your stressful conditions easily. There are many herbal supplements available in the market that can help you.

Consult the Doctor: If your stress level doesn't seem to improve with above tips, it may require more attention and consultation with an Expert.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.

Most Practical Ways of Controlling Everyday STRESS

Alcohol addiction commonly known as alcoholism is a fairly common problem that has shown to affect people from every walk of life. Scientists have tried to pinpoint the absolute cause behind alcoholism, but to no success. Certain factors like sex, genetic, and socioeconomic factors have shown to have some effect on alcoholism. The cause of alcoholism is never singular. Alcohol addiction is indeed a disease, where a person may not have full control over his actions and is seen to change the neurochemistry of the brain.

The symptoms of alcohol addiction can be seen in many ways and the severity of the situation varies from person to person. Other factors such as the frequency of consumption may also be specific. While some people are heavy drinkers and drink throughout the day; others may drink occasionally and remain sober for a few days.

A person who is dependent on alcohol will prioritise drinking over other essential activities and will eventually cause disruption in his social life, work or other areas of his life. It can also create a negative effect in the victim s life along with their families and their near and dear ones.

What are the signs of alcohol addiction and alcohol abuse?
The signs and symptoms of alcoholism or addiction are rather conspicuous. Since drinking alcohol is common in social events in most cultures around the world, it becomes difficult to recognise when someone is addicted to alcohol, unlike drugs like cocaine and heroin.

The physical signs of alcohol abuse include:

Loss of control over the quantity of alcohol consumed.
Lack of adequate sleep, followed by overcompensation for sleep.
Expression of anger and other negative behaviours my increase in inappropriate places and situations.
Lack of proper attention towards the priorities in life.
How does alcohol affect the body?
Chronic abuse of alcohol can have negative effects on almost every part of your body and plays havoc in your system. Alcohol is liable to cause irreversible damage to several organs of the body which is vital for sustenance:

Nervous system
Stomach or Intestines
Liver
Heart
Brain
Alcoholism in itself can lead to several diseases like:

High blood pressure
Cancer
Increased incidences of osteoporosis, especially in women
Sexual issues

Alcohol - How Over Consumption Affects Your Body?

We all have those days when we seem to have hit an all time low. We feel bad, sad, mad, and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. However, this is a temporary, passing phase for most of us. But for people with depression, this is not the case.

Chronic depression, which is more common in women than men, can arise due to different reasons. Major life changes, marital issues, relationship issues, financial problems, chronic medical problems, death of loved ones, life stressors, weather changes, etc. can lead to depression.

This leads to prolonged periods of sadness, feeling of emptiness, loss of interest in activities which were normally pleasurable, irritability, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, weight gain, worthless and hopeless feeling, and feeling of doom. This can result in dejection, social withdrawal, poor performance at work/school, and an overall declining quality of life.

In most cases, there is usually a past, unpleasant experience which leads to depression. This could be different for different people, depending on their tolerance. While some may go into depression over minor relationship issues, for others, it could be as severe as sexual abuse in the past.

Ayurveda recognizes  sadhaka agni  as a fire that helps a person to digest trauma. People with a strong sadhaka agni have a higher tolerance and take more time to get depressed compared to people who have a weak fire in them.

The following are some simple changes that can be very useful in overcoming depression.

Meditate for about 20 minutes every day.
Realize and practice detachment. Most people with depression have a loss of something they were closely attached to. Realizing that nothing in life is permanent and letting it go will play a major role in feeling better.
Get a sound, restful sleep. Stick to a routine by going to bed and getting up at the same time every day.
Walk out in the sun and get a good dose of sunlight. Add exercise to sun exposure to feel elated and upbeat about life in general.
Exercises such as yoga, walking, and cycling also are useful in improving overall balance and health. A healthy and fitter body definitely leaves one in a better mood.
Eat healthy food. Avoid packaged, canned, and processed food. Include a lot of nuts and seeds in your diet, be it roasted or soaked.
Try mood uplifting food items like black pepper, dry ginger, turmeric, amla, cloves, and cardamom.
Herbs like ashwagandha, shatavari, brahmi are highly useful in curing depression. They also treat fluid balance, govern energy and creativity in the body, improve metabolism, and clear toxins.
Ayurveda believes in not just making one feel better, but improving his/her overall well-being by getting to the root of the issue.

Depression - 8 Steps To Help You Get Rid Of It!

It might happen that you may not find your child, at twelve months to two years of age, at the same level as their peers in verbal communication. You think it's just a developmental problem they are facing and put off seeking professional advice; an intrinsically wrong step to take, because your child might be suffering from Speech Delay.
Delayed speech, or alalia, can be roughly defined as a delay in the development and use of the biological mechanisms that produce speech.
The symptoms of speech delay are roughly categorized into age related groups, generally beginning at the age of 12 months and continuing through the early adolescence, and they are:
1. Age-12 months
a. It is indeed a symptom if your child cannot point at objects or cannot manage gestures, such as waving good-bye.
b. Another symptom is that if your child does not prefer to communicate verbally as much as his/her peers.
2. Age-15-18 months
a. If your child is unable to pronounce familiar syllables or simply cannot call you even by this time, it's a worrying symptom.
b. You find your child unable to, or simply not reciprocating to 'no', 'hello', 'hi', 'bye'.
c. If your child is unable to extend his/her vocabulary up to 15 words by fifteen months, then it's a symptom.
3. Age-2-4 years
a. You find your child unable to spontaneously produce speech and words.
b. Another worrying symptom is if your child is lacking consonant sounds at the beginning and end of words while speaking.
c. If you still find your child unable to form simple sentences and words, then it is indeed a troubling symptom, confirming the disorder.
The causes for the speech delay disorder are:
1. A primary cause can be physical disruption in parts of the mouth such lips or palate, which may be deformed.
2. Another serious cause can be an oral-motor dysfunction which is the disruption in the creation of the specific area of the brain which deals with speech and communication.
3. The disorder can also be attributed to impairment in the development of the child's intellectual, receptive and expressive abilities.
4. There can also be psychological causes involving school environment and peer relationships which might lead to disruption of speech patterns and reluctance in speech expression and development.

Causes and symptoms of Delayed Speech

A lot of smokers now are well aware of the dangers of smoking, but yet they find it hard to quit this habit. In fact, even repeated attempts to quit smoking fail after a few days as they tend to give in to a variety of withdrawal symptoms. In case you are searching for a permanent solution to de-focus and avoid tobacco intake, yoga is the way to venture out of the smoke and free yourself of the addiction.

Compelling well-being programs that plan to improve people and bring back their focus on things that help them lead a solid and happy life can be sought. In this manner, their friends and families get a chance to inhale fresh air as well. Yoga is one such measure which can be used.

Here are a couple of yoga poses that are helpful in getting rid of tobacco addiction:

Kapal bhati pranayama (skull shining breathing procedure): This asana tends to enhance the blood flow, improve the sensory system, restore brain cells and quiet the mind. This pranayama likewise clears the nadis (the energy channels) and fights the temptation of smoking.
Nadi shodhan pranayama (alternate nostril breathing procedure): Discharge accumulated stress, quiet your brain, sanitise and adjust your naadis (unobtrusive energy channels) with this pranayama. The nadi shodhan pranayama works effectively for some respiratory problems and helps you cope with your addiction of tobacco.
Bhujanagasana (cobra posture): The cobra posture improves blood circulation and expands your abdomen. It lessens exhaustion and is additionally useful for people with respiratory illnesses. This yoga acts as a stress reliever and minimises the desire of smoking.
Setu bandhasana (bridge posture): The bridge posture opens up the lungs and enhances the supply of oxygen to the body. It additionally extends different parts of the body, quiets the mind, diminishes tension, depression and stress, which keeps you far from smoking.
Shishuasana (child posture): The child posture unwinds the body, quiets down the nervous system and eases the body from stress.
Trikonasana (triangle posture): The triangle posture extends and strengthens different parts of the body. This yoga pose is an extremely powerful physical and mental balance for the body. It also diminishes nervousness and stress, and helps you fight the desire of tobacco.
Sarvangasana (bear stand): The shoulder stand supplies the mind with more blood and also calms it down. It additionally mitigates stress and misery, thereby killing the desire of smoking.
Shavasana (corpse posture): The corpse stance should be performed last as it releases the body into a profound, reflective condition of rest and alleviates tension. This yoga posture restores the body and diminishes stress and tension.
Yoga is a very beneficial form of releasing stress and tension as well as your addictions. It takes a long time to show results but the results are long-lasting and highly effective.

Tobacco - Can Yoga Help You Quit it?

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