HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

In India, crimes against women have been on the rise; they might have always happened at the same rate but today's media have become more attentive towards these crimes by bringing them to the forefront. Recently, the devastating news of an Assamese higher secondary student being raped and killed has surfaced. Her floating decomposed body was not discovered until 4th of May when the incident itself occurred on 28th of April. If a rape victim dies, it is the most unfortunate consequence that the parents and the loved ones have to live with but there are numerous victims who survive and they can lead a normal life with guidance and care. Any occurrence of sexual assault not only leaves scars on the outside but also have deeper psychological and emotional effects. The emotional scars can manifest in the form of post-traumatic disorder, depression and suicidal tendencies. If you know anyone who has undergone such an experience, then read on to find out how you can help her get back to her life.

Medical Examination: Physical effects of rape can be adverse on the victim. Forced sexual assault causes bruising, wounds and vaginal bleeding and immediate medical attention is required to ensure safety. Subsequent medical tests should also be carried out to check for Urinary Tract infection, Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and uterine fibroids.

Therapy: Wounds of the flesh heal, but it takes a lot of time to recover from emotional damage and in some cases the survivors bear the burden of psychological scars all through their lives. They may see the incident as an assault to their souls and develop depression, post-traumatic disorder, borderline personality disorder, sleeping and eating disorder. The loved ones have to be understanding and be patient with them. One-on-one therapy or group therapy sessions can be very helpful. Talking about their emotions and resolving issues of anger, regret, pain, fear, guilt in a friendly, supported and understanding environment can help them reconstruct their self-image.

Counseling: Guilt and shame are two most common stigmas that most survivors have to deal with. They somehow blame themselves for the incident and regret any step they think that might have led to the incident. They become so consumed by the incident that they think the experience defines them, instead of their persona which is called dissociative identity disorder. In such cases counseling sessions can prove to be very beneficial. They need guidance to understand the situation and separate themselves from the incident. The survivors may feel weak and victimized, overpowered and violated; they may also think that they have lost control of their bodies. Counseling can assist to resolve such issues and help them empower themselves with time.
It is important to make the survivors realize that it is not the end of their lives. With a positive attitude, proper rehabilitation and counseling rape survivors can lead a normal, happy life.

Overcoming Sexual Harassment: You Are Stronger Than You Think

Speech therapy helps in improving the speech, understanding the language skills, and also help in communicating in non-verbal ways such as listening and taking turns. Speech therapy treats various kinds of communication and swallowing problems.

Children with Cleft Palate are diagnosed with an opening in the upper tissue palate in the mouth. This condition causes Velopharyngeal dysfunction (VPD) which results in excessive airflow from the nose while speaking. Although it can be corrected with surgery, the patient will still be affected by VPD.

Speech therapists help in this condition by assisting the patient with speech and language skills. The speech therapy for such a patient can be categorized as auditory feedback and articulation practice.

Auditory Feedback

Before involving the patient with any speech therapy, it is essential for the patient to understand the difference between normal voice and nasal voice output.

For this purpose, the child is instructed to use a tube to listen to the voice of the normal person. To understand the difference, one end of the tube is then held near the ear of the child and the other is held near his nasal and then he is instructed to make sounds so that he understands the nasal voice.

After this understanding, the different approaches to speech therapy starts.

Articulation Practice

This is usually where speech therapy begins. In this practice, the different type of condition is understood that relates to different speech organs. The understanding of different vowels, consonants and related sounds is taught to the child for making the speaking sound less nasal.

Some of the methods for achieving these sounds are:

Pharyngeal Plosives: This sound is produced when the tongue is moving backward. The practice of making  ng  sound, and dropping the tongue and producing  k  sound.

Pharyngeal fricatives: When the tongue retracts but is not able to make contact with the pharyngeal wall is when this sound is produced. The speech therapists make the child learn the techniques of making sounds of  t ,  ts ,  ch , or  sh , and provide feedback for learning the proper positioning of the tongue.

Nasal Plosives: This sound usually occurs when the tongue is positioned improperly and it obstructs the vocal tract. A speech therapist may make the child yawn so that the back of the tongue is pushed down, and feel as the mouth stretches.

Palatal-Dorsal Productions: It occurs due to the malocclusion of the teeth. Practicing sounds like  t ,  d ,  n ,  k ,  g , and  ng  often helps in such condition.

Take Away
Cleft Palate is generally developed due to improper growth while the child was in the womb. The difficulty of producing proper sounds when there is excessive airflow in the mouth can be overcome by training and practicing certain sounds, as instructed by a speech therapist.

 Cleft Palate - How Efficient Is Speech Therapy?

Do you know that all the facts you know and have heard regarding post traumatic stress disorder are not true? Post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD is a mental health condition, which occurs because of a certain traumatic past event, witnessed or experienced by an affected patient. As there are several myths about this condition, it is important for you to get your facts right regarding PTSD.

Myth: Post traumatic stress disorder only affects war veterans.
Fact: Even though PTSD is common among war veterans, the condition is capable of affecting any person. It is expected that almost 70% people of the world gets exposed to some kind of traumatic event during their lifetime, and almost 20% of them end up with this mental condition. The victims of physical abuse and sexual harassment are very likely to develop PTSD. Women are more likely to experience this condition on the basis of traumatic experiences such as rape, beatings, and interpersonal violence.

Myth: People should be able to move on in life after facing a traumatic event. Those who cannot get over and cope are weak people.
Fact: Many people who experience a traumatic event of extreme intensity go through periods of adjustment after the situation. Most people become capable of getting back to normal life after some time of therapy and treatment. However, the stress which is caused due to the trauma gravely affects a person s emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Prolonger trauma is capable of disrupting and altering a person s brain chemistry. The views, perceptions, and thinking patterns of many people change after a traumatic event. This results in PTSD.

Myth: People develop PTSD right after experiencing a traumatic life event.
Fact: The symptoms of PTSD start developing within three months of experiencing an extremely traumatic situation, but they also might not show or appear before several months, or even years in some cases. The symptoms are likely to be experienced for several years after the traumatic event. In some cases, the symptoms may subside or leave, only to reoccur again at a later stage in life. This is common in the case of victims who have experienced extreme situations of child abuse in the past.

Many people do not recognize that they are suffering from PTSD. This is because they may not relate the current symptoms they experience with the past traumatic event. In cases of domestic violence, a victim may fail to realize that his or her prolonged abuse exposure is harmful.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Myths & Facts About It!

Are you a 'What-If' person? Kill anxiety in 4 easy ways

Thinking about dangers and risks is a normal phenomenon, it helps us to stay alert and to become a good problem solver. It’s only when worrying gets out of a person’s control, it turns into a problem. If a person is constantly preoccupied with “what-if " and keeps imagining worst-case scenarios, worry actually turns into the cause for high pulse rate, insomnia, poor mental and physical health. 

Here are 4 simple steps to cope with anxiety and worry.

1. Breathing technique: The first thing to do when you get anxious is to take deep breath. Deep breathing is a powerful anxiety-reducing technique because it activates the body’s relaxation response. Try slowly inhaling to a count of 5, filling your belly first and then your chest, gently holding your breath to a count of 5, and slowly exhaling to a count of 5 and repeat several times.

2. Accept that you’re anxious: Remember anxiety is just a feeling, like any other feeling, by reminding yourself that anxiety is simply an emotional reaction, you can start to accept it. Acceptance is critical because trying to eliminate anxiety often worsens it. But accepting your anxiety doesn’t mean liking it or resigning yourself to a miserable existence. It just means you would benefit by accepting reality as it is – and in that moment, reality means 'anxiety' you are feeling.

3. Question your worries. When people are anxious, most of the time their brains start coming up with all sorts of unrealistic ideas, which most likely will never occur. To avoid unnecessary worry, one should ask himself / herself a few questions like:
- Is there a reason to believe something is wrong?
- What evidence is there that something is wrong?
- If the worst possible outcome happens, what would be so bad about that?
- What are the options I can use to handle the situation at hand?


4. Focus on right now: When people are anxious, they are usually obsessing about something that might occur in the future. It is important that when a person becomes anxious, he/she takes a deep breath and pay attention to what’s happening right now, around them. Even if something serious is happening, focusing on the present moment will improve your ability to manage the situation.

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Are you a 'What-If' person? Kill anxiety in 4 easy ways

Effects of Alcohol on Mental Health

Alcohol consumption is a common tool which is generally used by people in order to relax, calm down or temporarily change the way they think. People often use it also to hide their depression or anxiety or other such mental conditions. Alcohol can temporarily boost your mood, but along with that, it can also give you long term mental problems. Some of the common effects of alcohol on your mental state are enlisted below.

Has an impact on your brain chemistry - The human brain functions on the basis of the balance of various kinds of chemicals excreted by the brain. Alcohol, if consumed in large amounts frequently can turn out to be a depressant and can change the signals that your brain transmits, hence causing undesirable mental effects like anxiousness, depression or aggressiveness.

Anxiety and stress - People usually tend to take a drink after a hectic day so that they can relax and calm down their minds. But if you are frequently becoming dependent on alcohol to relax your mind, then it can be extremely dangerous. This happens because alcohol tends to interfere with the neurotransmitters in your brain exposing you to developing anxiety and stress.

Depression - If you are resorting to regular and frequent drinking, then you are also lowering the level of serotonin inside your body. Serotonin is a chemical in your brain that helps to regulate your mood and kill depression-related thoughts and feelings. This depression can also affect your relationships in an adverse manner.

Memory damage - Alcohol can also affect your memory in more ways than you can imagine. Alcohol consumption generally leads to your brain not recording information on a regular basis. This is the reason why people tend to forget whatever they say or do once they are under the influence of a heavy alcohol dosage.



Effects of Alcohol on Mental Health

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