For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.

Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:

1. Love yourself

You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.

2. Adopt a positive lifestyle

There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.

3. Empathize with your partner

The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.

4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right

When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.

5. Stay connected

When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection

6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes 

Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.

Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.

7. Try new things together

Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.

Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.

8. Preserve your independence

Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.

If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.

Two couples talking in one couple's living room...

One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves?'



8 Tips To Rev Up Your Relationship With Your Partner

Just as children grow at different speeds, they respond to a speech therapist at different paces. Some children may need only one or two classes to master a sound, while others may need much longer. Some of the ways to make working with a speech therapist more productive are:

Have Clear Goals: When a speech therapist enters your family, the parents, therapist and child should have the same goals. Therapy would not help if the parents and therapists wanted to focus on different things. For example, the parents might be concerned with the child s vocabulary while the therapist may want to focus on articulations. Similarly, if the child does not understand the goal, he or she may not show much improvement. Ideally, a goal should be clear, measurable, realistic and be associated with a time frame. It should also be challenging but not out of reach.
Homework: A therapist has a limited amount of time to spend with the child. A majority of this time must be spent in learning something new each session. However, this will not be possible unless the child has made progress since the last class. Hence, it becomes important for the therapist to give the child homework and for the parents to oversee this. Video tutorials can be very helpful here. This helps parents know exactly what the child is supposed to practise.
Trust: A speech therapist may be an outsider to the family but he or she must be trusted to do their job in the way they think best. Very often, parents and therapists may not have the same views about how the child should be taught. Here, it is important to remember that the therapist is the expert and knows what he or she is doing. This is another reason why it is important to set clear goals together at the onset of therapy.
Speak Up: While the therapist may be an expert on how to build vocabulary and improve speech patterns, parents are experts on their child. Thus, it is important to communicate openly with the therapist. Answering therapist questions honestly can help him or her assess where the problem lies and in turn address it. Similarly, if you have questions, do not be afraid to speak to your therapist about them. Share the child s progress and changes that you have noted so that the therapist can adjust the lessons accordingly. 

Tips To Make The Speech Therapy More Effective!

Drug addiction is one of the social menaces and in most people, what starts off as a result of peer pressure and trying to be cool ends up affecting lives significantly. It is not just social, but also affects financial, physical, emotional, and social well-being. The small periods of happiness given by the drug is followed by months and years of torment.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) has identified that drug addiction causes chemical and structural changes in the brain, leading to dangerous and self-destructive behaviours. The brain s response to stimulus like pleasure, joy, happiness, and pain are altered with constant drug abuse. For instance, the neurotransmitter called dopamine, which makes one feel good, is usually produced by the brain in small amounts. However, drugs increase this level to 2 to 10 times more, making the person feel extremely high and happy. Since the body is unable to reach the highest level of happiness on its own, the dependency on these drugs to feel good increases.

Repeated use of the drugs leads to increased dependency, wherein the brain refuses to feel good without reaching those high levels of dopamine. The issue is mostly seen in teenagers and young adults but can be seen in any age group.

October 2 is recognised as National Anti-Drug Addiction Day and nationwide campaigns and drives are done to help people overcome addiction. One of the main reasons a drive this size is required is because of the social stigma attached to the problem. Most families shun away from recognising it as a problem that can be easily treated, and so the affected person is sucked deeper into the problem.

Overcoming addiction: One of the main success factors for treating addiction is for the affected person to recognise that he or she is addicted and needs to get rid of the problem.

    There are national toll-free helplines that are set up, which can guide through the whole program. This way, if required, anonymity is maintained and support for overcoming addiction is increased.
    It involves a group effort involving the affected person, family and friends, medical and clinical personnel, and counsellors in some cases.
    Cognitive behavioural therapy: The person is made conscious of the change in behaviour and the way drugs affect it. Healthier patterns to be happy and joyful are discussed.
    In most cases, the underlying reason for reaching out to drugs needs to be addressed also to prevent relapse.
    Group therapies where the person makes friends who have faced similar issues and overcome the problem. This increases their accountability and commitment to getting rid of the problem.

Drug abuse is a national social menace and needs more free admittance and management.

National Anti-Drug Addiction Day - Overcoming Addiction

 I have a severe stomach ache, I feel like vomiting ... Mom, please!! I can't go for exam.
 I read it! I knew it all ... But I just blacked out.  
 I just couldn't write! My hands were trembling.  
 I messed up this question! I can do nothing right... I can never succeed in life!!  

It's not uncommon for students to experience such problems before/ during an exam.

Most of us suffer from some degree of anxiety when we prepare or sit for an examination. Examination usually leads to a lot of tension and anxiety commonly known as examination phobia. Examination phobia or Examophobia is a mental disorder found in most of the students. When exams arrive, students become extremely worried and make plans about how to study, how to perform better and get good grades. Some students find exams so difficult that the phobia makes them sick as they simply find themselves unable to cope up with the exam fear. There may be sweating, palpitations that disturb so much that one cannot think straight and end up messing up the paper. Also, in subsequent exams, it becomes worse and the fear intensifies. The person may end up feeling a failure, feeling guilty and may even be suicidal! 

Anxiety is a normal human feeling that is part of life and can often serve as a good form of adrenaline. However, in few people, this adrenaline rush exceeds normal limits and at times may lead to some negative consequences.

Exam anxiety is:

1. Excessive worry about upcoming exams 
2. Fear of being evaluated 
3. Apprehension about the consequence 
4. Experienced by many normal students

POSSIBLE CAUSES 
(I) Environmental Causes

1. High expectations of parents 
2. Parents imposing their ambitions on children 
3. Parents competing for higher social status through child's scores 
4. Constant comparison with other kids 
5. Fear of teachers 
6. Insulting remarks from teachers

(II) Poor studying styles: 
1. Inefficient:

1. Irregular coverage of the entire syllabus 
2. Trying to memorize the course book 
3. Binge learning 
4. Studying all-night right before exams

2. Ineffective:

1. Reading without understanding the topic 
2. Unable to recollect the material 
3. Not making revision notes 
4. Not revising

(III) Psychological factors:

1. Feeling little or no control over the exam situation (rather than knowing and applying exam strategies) 
2. Negative thinking and self-criticism 
3. Irrational thinking about exams and outcomes 
4. Irrational beliefs  If I don't pass, my (family/boyfriend/girlfriend/friends) will lose respect for me  
5. Irrational demands  I have to get at least 98% or I am worthless.  
6. Catastrophic predictions  I'll fail no matter what I do there s no point.  
7. Low Self-esteem 
8. Fear of failure

SYMPTOMS OF EXAM ANXIETY 
The symptoms can range from minor nervousness to a panic attack, which can ruin the test. But whatever the level of your anxiety, learning to keep yourself calm and managing the fear of sitting for an examination is what it takes to come out with flying colors.

1. Physical symptoms. Headache, nausea, diarrhea, excessive sweating, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, lightheadedness and feeling faint can all occur. Test anxiety can lead to a panic attack, which is the abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort in which individuals may feel like they are unable to breathe or having a heart attack. 
2. Emotional symptoms. Feelings of anger, fear, helplessness and disappointment are common emotional responses to test anxiety. 
3. Behavioral/Cognitive symptoms. Difficulty concentrating, thinking negatively and comparing yourself to others are common symptoms of test anxiety.

HOW TO PREPARE WELL FOR AN EXAMINATION 
Fortunately, there are several methods that you can adopt to reduce your examination stress, which will not only help you to get higher grades but also improve your overall mental health.

1. Regular Studies Develop good study habits- ATTEND classes regularly, finish all the assignments on time, make notes properly and be an actively engaging student in school. Leave plenty of time to revise so that you don't have to do last minute cramming. Giving yourself adequate time will help to boost your confidence and reduce any pre-exam stress as you know you have prepared well. Instead of waiting for the eleventh hour, start studying as and when the academic year commences. With a good amount of time before hand, you will certainly feel more relaxed as you have plenty of time to give-in your best. 
2. Exercise Matters - It is of paramount importance to maintain mental, psychological and physical health to ace any exam. Exercising regularly, deep breathing and  pranayama  help in improving one s cognitive faculties, that results in lesser anxiety and simultaneously better grades in the tests. 
3. Don t Undermine the Importance of Diet - Be careful about your diet during the exams. A diet lacking in essential nutrients can put a major dent in your preparations; make you feel nauseated, SLEEPY OR overstressed during the crucial hours. 
4. SLEEP WELL - Adequate sleep is also vital. SLEEPING TOO LESS OR TOO MUCH CAN ALSO HAMPER YOUR ABILITIES 
5. Support - Take short breaks in between and spend some quality time with your family; share your feelings and state of mind with them. Spending time with the family can turn out to be a major stress buster. 
6. Set a Study Time: Lastly, drawing up a schedule will help you make the most of your study time. Set aside a time for your studies and follow it meticulously. Keep it flexible so that you can make the necessary adjustments. 
7. Stay focused: Concentrate on your studies, not others during the examination time. Avoid talking with other students about the subject before an examination. 
8. Use Mnemonics: Mnemonics are the techniques of memorization. You can make chart, rhymes or phrase to memorize your lessons. 
9. Practice Deep Breathing Regularly - Meditation is one of the best medicine that can reduce your anxiety. Make a habit to Meditate at least 10 minutes per day. It surely increases your concentration power. 
10. Consult Psychologist: If your anxiety becomes uncontrollable, don t hesitate to consult a psychologist or therapist. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is pretty effective in treating anxiety disorders. It helps to change your thought process and negative beliefs. Performance or test anxiety is highly treatable so you can get absolutely get a better result.

HOW TO ATTEMPT THE EXAMINATION IN BEST POSSIBLE WAY 
(I) ON THE DAY OF EXAM

1. Get a restful, uninterrupted sleep the night before so you wake up refreshed and revitalized the day of the exam. 
2. Have a healthy breakfast but strictly avoid oily and heavy food 
3. Recheck your required stuff (pen, pencil, compass box, eraser, admit card, watch etc) before leaving home. 
4. Take the water bottle along with you to the examination hall. 
5. Avoid touching new/left-out topic at the last moment. 
6. Aim to reach the examination hall well in time. 
7. Avoid being part of Before-exam peer discussions on How well-prepared or unprepared others are! The classic  Tera kitna ho gaya  question followed by undue comparisons can be a complete confidence killer. So Beware !! 
8. If feeling tensed, take deep-long breaths and engage in positive self-talk; reminding yourself that you prepared best to your ability and tell oneself   I CAN DO IT  

(II) IN THE EXAMINATION HALL

First of all, fill the required information on the answer sheet. 
Read the instructions carefully to figure out if you have a choice of questions, no. of questions to be attempted etc. 
Read the question paper thoroughly before u begin writing and mark the questions under 3 categories: (a) Easy (b) Manageable (c) Difficult 
Manage your time: This is where you strictly need to stick to the plan:
Before you begin, allocate time for each question based on the marks it carries and difficulty level. 
If you are not able to complete an answer within planned time-frame, leave some space and move onto the next question. 
Always divide time in such a way that you are left with some time at the end to go back over incomplete answers and revise/recheck. 
Always try to attempt all the questions. 
Attempt the Easy questions first, followed by Manageable and Difficult questions at last. That way you stay secure, calm and confident. 
Avoid writing too lengthy answer just because you know it well.
5. Presentation:

a. Handwriting should be neat & readable. 
b. Instead of very long paragraphs, put your answer point-wise. 
c. Wherever possible, illustrate the information via Flowcharts/diagrams etc. 
d. Highlight: underline or highlight the main points using pencil / coloured markers but you should keep it for last spare moments.

(III) TIPS FOR PARENTS: 
Encourage your kids! Parents have the ability to address underlying fears that may be present with test-taking. At a deep level, even subconsciously, a student may fear failure for a variety of reasons. There could be a fear of looking dumb to friends, of not getting into the best school, or of not meeting parent s expectations. A great help is for parents to reinforce their unconditional support and encouragement to the child. Parents, let your children know that their grade does not determine their worth. Believe in your child. 

Help them get over the myth that  Success in exam is a predictor of success in life . 

Good marks = Great job. 
Poor marks = End of life!!

In short,  There are no secrets to success. It is the result of Time Management, Hard work and Learning from mistakes 

Say Goodbye To Exam Phobia!

How to know if you're in love?

A Valentine's Day brings with it a basket full of love that lasts a week and it's time to find and express love. Falling in love is one of the best, most rewarding feelings in the world! some of us have had the opportunity of falling in love while others have misunderstood infatuation for love. Everyone has their own definitions of what love is and what they want it to be. However, here are a few things that will make sure you know you're in love with someone and you don't just have a huge crush on him/her.

1. He/she is the best part of your day

If you look forward to seeing your special person because he/she is the best part of your day; it is probably love! He/she is the first person you want to share your news with whether it is good or bad.

2. You love their imperfections

You accept that person for who he/she truly is. The smallest of imperfections don't upset you. In fact, these imperfections make you love them even more. You look at their imperfections as the tiny things that make them unique.

3. You become a better person

He/she truly brings out the best in you. They help you deal with your negative qualities and highlight your positives. They make you a better human being just by being there with you through it all.

4. He/she is your best friend

The bond you two share is not just a normal girlfriend-boyfriend bond. Over time you'll become best friends, partners in crime. Parties seem boring without him/her by your side, coming home becomes a lot more fun because you get to come home to him/her. You can share anything, even your deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secrets with him/her.

5. You think long term

You find it hard to imagine your future without him/her in it and you'll do anything to make sure things between the two of you work. You understand the importance of having him/her in your life and you're completely willing to give up on temporary satisfactions that might ruin your future with your special person.

There are tons of other ways for you to know you're really in love with someone. When people say, "it is the little things that count", it is these little things that they mean.






How to Know If You're in LOVE?: V-Day Special

Memory lapses aren t exclusive to old-age which is why it is necessary to keep your mind sharp across all ages. The cognitive skill, memory, can be affected by various factors such as lack of sleep, hypertension, substance abuse etc. Here are a few tips which will help you keep your mind sharp:

Take Frequent Breaks: If you work for long hours at a stretch without taking a break, you run a risk of putting excessive strain on your brain which slows down its reflexes. Giving the brain a break once a while is a good idea and during a  brain break , you could engage in mentally stimulating activities such as playing Sudoku or puzzles.

Repeat To Learn Better: If you want to remember a crucial piece of information, it is advisable that you repeat that particular piece of information more than twice for a more comprehensive understanding. This tip would be even more effective if you read out aloud the information which needs to be remembered for uninterrupted concentration and comprehension.

Learn To Play An Instrument: Learn to play a musical instrument and regularly practice it as music stimulates the cells in your brain. Studies have shown a strong connection between relaxing forms of music such as instrumental or Celtic music and the motor areas of the brain which are linked to the learning and cognitive spaces. This happens because music triggers the  feel good  neurotransmitter in your brain.

Dietary Changes: Incorporate more nutritious items to your diet such as fresh fruits and vegetables as they are rich in fibre and vitamins which keep the brain and body healthy. Adding fish oil or fatty fishes such as salmon and trout is a must because they are rich in Omega-3 acids which help your brain retain information for a longer period.

Over-indulging in junk food can cause your brain to slow down while extreme crash-diets can cause lethargy in the cognitive areas of your brain. Hence, you should aim to balance your meals.

Forgetting Things - Keep Your Mind Sharp With These Tips

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