
A new relationship involves a lot of weighing from both the sides. Learn what really matters to win people over in this post. When you want to build a new relationship, whether it is for work, business, personal, marriage, friendship etc there are several factors that help take off and bloom the relationship. These factors are broadly the same in different age groups as far as psychological impact matters. Some of the most important influential factors from a psychological point of view have been highlighted here. 

1. Presentation- When you want to draw someone into relationship with you for any reason, it is important that you present yourself at you best levels be it physical or mental. Like they say that the first impression is the best impression, your display of you strengths creates an impression that helps people decide what they want to do with you. This doesn't mean you should hide all your weaknesses but highlighting your strengths is as important as making your weaknesses clear. Always learn to put your best foot forward as sometimes that itself may not be enough. You can't really send your neighbour for your job interview!! There are many instances when people send different photographs in their applications and different ones appear for the exams. This is mere cheating and not winning.

2. Plan – Let people know what you want to do with them and what they can they can do with you. No one can say they don’t have a plan. There is always some plan. Knowing it strengthens why you want to have that relationship in the first place. Otherwise it's like something which is there but you can never want to do anything with! When you are honest with your plans and they workout as you described it, it creates confidence in relationship or else it is destroyed forever. You can cheat a person with your plans once, not forever.

3. Possibilities- Will this relationship bring me trouble? Obviously nobody wants to get into a relationship with anybody that brings them trouble be it physical or mental. Next question is whether it will benefit me? Small or big depends on person's needs. Some relationships neither bring us trouble nor benefits us, such relationships are better than the ones which can cause harm.

4. Potential – Question. Does this relationship you are trying to develop have any possibilities of growth a few or many years down the line. Obviously we have a lot of friends who wither by passing of time. Does this relationship have an expiry date irrespective of how well or bad it goes? Like when we join college we know for sure that the friends will be with us till the duration of the course and that's it. We will know that if we study together it will help us achieve great grades in college and hence a great life later. These kind of growth possibilities or possibilities of deterioration are important to be well aware of and will naturally decide the course of relationships.

5. Progress – No matter what our initial assessments are, how the relationships helps us fare in the outside world will ultimately decide the future of any relationship. Loss, sorrow, tragedy, degradation in any aspect of life, insults, injury, loss of health etc will never help any relationship continue or last.

6. Partnerships – When we want to build a relationship with someone, the best way to do it is to obviously partner with that person in as many activities as possible. The more interested a person is the more activities that person will involve you in and try to do it with you. This type of partnership activities, be it spending a few hours in the evening, or a few minutes on phone, or an association of months or years are a foolproof way to show you are interested. Conversely a person who doesn't partner with you in anything is extremely unlikely to ever have any sort of relationship with you. Partnership in activities is the only way to show and know that you are interested or the other person is interested respectively. After all chasing the moon, stars and rainbow are activities of people who don’t realize its out of their reach. Sensible people are busy with what their eyes see, hands feel, ears listen, tongue tastes and thinking perceives as appropriate.

7. Positioning attitudes- As a tree bends with the winds to prevent from cracking, we all have to be flexible with our attitudes towards each other. Being too rigid about our protocol on how relationships should run irrespective of the reality and circumstances of the person we are having a relationship with is naturally going to break relationships. After all a doctor who heals and prevents all illnesses is better than a doctor who abuses his patients for falling ill but never does anything for them. Eg: You get bed and good food in a hotel as well as at your home. A hotel will provide food only on payment of money, but family will provide it whenever your hungry. Hence hotels can never expect the same emotions as family can, and this is as natural as it should be. Hence be careful what you want from a relationship. Whether you want to be treated as a hotel or family is entirely how you play yourself with others. After all only families can expect loyalty not hotels.

8. Politeness- In any relationship, many years down the line, what our long term memory retains is how comfortable we were in that relationship. Even if we profit from a particular relationship, the fact that it shook us mentally and emotionally will never allow us to go back or retain that relationship. Life is short and the only thing that matters is to spend it comfortably. Not destroy our peace for some benefit that destroys our peace of mind.

9. Personation- While sending a representative of your organization for a client meeting may work in business, you cant really send a representative to meet you wife or kids at home. In personal relationship, lack of your physical presence obviously means that you don’t have time for them. In any relationship, individuality matters a lot. Just imagine, if all actors acted exactly the same in movies, why would you prefer any particular one over the other as your favourite? The nuances and differences in our personalities are what makes us all unique. We are not robots from a particular brand to behave exactly the same way. If a person in a relationship doesn't sense your individuality you are wasting their time by trying to have a relationship with them, especially a personal one.

10. Positive reinforcement- When we get into a relationship, it is important that we feel good about ourselves and what we are doing. If you feel like a shoplifter entering a shop, you will not feel good about that relationship. When a shopkeeper welcomes us, shows us his products, tells us their details and provides all the explanations on how we will be well off with the product, provides his guarantee for it, confirms its essence, many people buy it even if they don’t compulsively need it. It’s the same in relationships. On the same side if a shopkeeper is arrogant, avoidant, abusive, insulting etc you are very unlikely to buy anything in that shop because you are not sure that the shopkeeper means any good and will be happy with the shopkeeper s product. The experience of buying is as important as the product we buy. Nobody is happy about something they got when they weren't treated the right way or is interested in retaining it when they don’t get good service for it.

11. Persistence on all Ps – Obviously when we want relationships to last, we need to be persistent on all the above P's. Otherwise it wont take long for a relationship to be counted in “once upon a time”!! A simple conversation even if for a few minutes every now and then when you need it may make it seem that you are still there for a person. Without even that people may even find it hard to remember that they even had something to do with you sometime before keeping in mind the the numerous activities we involve daily to maintain our lifestyles.

“KNOWING IS DOING AND NOT KNOWING IS UNDOING EVEN IF DOING!”

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.

From Lybrate: If you found this tip useful, please thank the doctor by clicking on the heart icon below. Also, spread good health by sharing this tip with your loved ones over WhatsApp, Facebook and other media.


How To Win Over New Relationships

Smith and Mackie (2007) term self-esteem as a set of positive or negative opinions about oneself. Self-esteem is an important predictor of success in career, relationships, marriage and public life. People who are depressed have a very low self-esteem about themselves. They think of themselves as good for nothings and persons having a nil value. There are three states of self-esteem. They are;

Shattered: An example of a person having shattered self-esteem is when he says,  I am old and useless to do this kind of work . This person sees himself as an absolutely useless person.
Vulnerable: In this state, a slight embarrassment or defeat may expose the vulnerable side of the person. Otherwise, such persons have a positive frame of mind.
Strong: People in this state are very strong emotionally. Defeats, embarrassments etc. do not affect them. These people have a very high sense of self-esteem.
Psychologists, however, have prescribed several ways through which one can improve one s self-esteem.

How to improve one s self-esteem

Control your thoughts- Watch out what your inner critic is saying to you. Every time you hear its voice, ask yourself- would this be the way your best friend would speak to you? If your inner critic is being merciless on you all the time, you need to silence it.
Focus on the good things that happen to you- Everyday, write at least 3 good things that happened to you. Avoid the obstructive or harmful things that came your way. Focus on the happier side of the day. Do not dwell upon the negatives.
No need to be perfect- In the quest to be perfect, many people lose control of themselves. It probably must do with the pressures of modern life where achievement is the be all and end all. But, not everyone can be perfect. Rather, focus on the effort or process. This way, you will be better able to appreciate yourself as a person.
Accept mistakes- Often we fail to realise that mistakes come to us masked as opportunities. But, we are too fixated by the mistakes we commit. We are obsessed with the thought,  Why did I commit this mistake?  rather than,  How to avoid this particular mistake? . If we learn how to avoid committing mistakes, we will tremendously improve our self-esteem.
Experiment with new skills- Try out new skills and then improve upon them. For example, you may pick up music and track your achievement levels. If you continually improve yourself in this new skill, you will obviously set new benchmarks. Give credit to yourself after achievement of every new milestone.
Accept your limits- You are no superman. You have your own limits. Once you accept your limitations, you will stop blaming yourself for all the wrongs that are happening to you. 

Self Esteem - How Can You Improve It?

Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that affects how a person sees the world. Schizophrenia makes it difficult for you to distinguish between what is real or unreal. It can stop you from thinking clearly, handling your emotions properly or functioning in a normal way. However, one can manage schizophrenia effectively. The best way is to recognise the signs and symptoms that one might be having. Here is how you can recognise the symptoms of schizophrenia:

Delusions: A delusion is an idea that a person might have despite there being obvious evidence that it is not true or does not exist. These are extremely common in schizophrenia and occur in ninety percent of the people with this disorder. These delusions can be of many types:
Delusion of persecution: When a person believes that someone is out to get them.
Delusion of reference: a very neutral environmental event tends to have a personal meaning to them. They might think that a person on the TV or a billboard is trying to send a message specifically for them.
Delusion of control: In this, a person believes that his or her actions are being controlled from the outside.
Hallucinations: These are sensations or sounds that a person experiences as real when they only exist in that person s mind. Visual hallucinations are relatively more common. These are only meaningful to the person who is experiencing them. These voices or visuals are usually horrific, vulgar, abusive or critical. They tend to increase in intensity when the person is alone.
Disorganized speech: People who suffer from this order have a hard time maintaining or concentrating on certain thoughts. They may start sentences and forget what they were talking about. They might even go off track in the middle of conversations. People with this disorder usually say illogical things and speak incoherently. A patient may also make up words or phrases that only have a meaning to them.
Disorganized symptoms: A person is unable to take care of himself or herself or their work. They face a decline in their overall daily functioning and their behaviours are bizarre and may have no purpose. People with this disorder cannot control their impulses.
Negative symptoms: This refers to the absence of behaviours that usually appear normal to other people. These include lack of expressing oneself emotionally, lack of interest or enthusiasm. These also include speech difficulties or abnormalities as well as their lack of interest in the world.
Schizophrenia can be caused due to many reasons. These include lack of oxygen during birth, exposure to a virus during infancy, physical or sexual abuse, depression, hereditary components or enlarged brain ventricles. This disorder can affect a patient s mental as well as physical health and can endanger the people around them as well as their relationships. Hence, the signs and symptoms should be recognised as early as possible in order to get the right kind of treatment.

Schizophrenia - How To Recognize The Signs?

You might think, as a parent, that if you behave strictly then your child will become well-behaved. But research and studies have shown that the opposite happens. Strict parenting leads to children who behave worse than others and they suffer from low self-esteem.

Some other reasons why being strict is harmful:

Never learning self-regulation: Responsibility and self-discipline have to be learned by the children themselves. When you put harsh limits on them, they never learn self-regulation. If they think the limits don t sound too harsh, they will learn to accept them. But the limits placed on them should never be controlling. If this happens, children see themselves as being controlled and no one enjoys being controlled.
Instilling fear: If you are being authoritarian (parenting in which there are high demands and low sympathy) instead of empathetic, then your children will become scared of you. You are instilling the power of fear in them. This triggers a vicious chain of events. When you yell, they will yell as well.
Anger and depression: Authoritarian parenting often leads to children believing a part of them is unacceptable. They feel that their parents would not understand. It makes them susceptible to anger management issues and depression.
Blindly obeying those in power: Children raised up in strict households start thinking power is always right. They learn to obey blindly. This makes them vulnerable to peer pressure. They also never learn to take responsibility for their actions.
Rebelling: Children tend to be angrier and become rebellious when they have strict parents. The need to break free and not conform to the non-empathetic limits that forces them to act out. They might even nurture thoughts about leaving home and running away.
Lying: Strict parenting creates excellent liars. Children learn to lie when they are in trouble. They think lies will placate their parents and they can get away with anything.
Damage to parent-child relationship: If you are strict and you don t change your authoritarian ways, then it damages your relationship with your children. Natural empathy is lacking in strict parents. You don t understand your child, and your child doesn t feel like sharing their lives with you. It creates a divide between the parent and child. Children never quite get over this as they grow older.

Being a Strict Parent Can be Harmful for Your Kids - 7 Reasons Prove it

Do you have a family member or a close friend who is suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a disorder, which causes anxiety, and is also known as anxiety disorder. The disorder is featured by continuous, uncontrollable and unpleasant thoughts. OCD causes a patient s mind to get stuck on a certain inclination. Obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior patterns indicate OCD.
Dealing with an OCD patient

After the initial diagnosis, a patient with OCD enters the stage of acute treatment. The treatment aims at coping with and overcoming the symptoms of OCD.

Education: Patients with OCD should get to know as much as possible about the disorder they are suffering from. You should help an OCD affected patient by providing them the opportunity to read about the disease, and talk to other patients, along with regular appointments with a clinician. A treatment plan has to be developed. OCD patients in an acute treatment stage should be taken to a doctor every week, in order to discuss their progress.
Therapy: Therapy helps them cope with the symptoms of OCD. Cognitive behavioral psychotherapy is undertaken for treating patients with OCD. This mode of treatment gives the patients psychological tools, which help them resist the ill effects of the condition.
Medication: Medicines are not required for all OCD patients. Some patients diagnosed with the condition are prescribed selective serotonin re uptake inhibitor or SSIs for dealing with the symptoms of OCD. The medicines should be taken for a period of three to four weeks before any results are experienced. 12 weeks are required for a patient to know whether the medicines are working or not. An SRI is ineffective in some cases, and you may be prescribed a non-selective serotonin re uptake inhibitor like Clomipramine. This affects the serotonin, but has positive impacts on other neurotransmitters in your brain.
Family support: Family members play an important part in helping OCD patients manage their condition by providing constant support, staying calm, and being educated about the condition. OCD patients should be treated with affection and should be complimented often. The observations of the patient by family members help a doctor in determining the patient s condition. As a family member or close friend, you must never be critical about the patient or state negative comments about his condition. Such feedback causes the patient s condition to worsen. Family members should discuss all problems they face regarding the patient to a doctor.
Patients who have completed OCD treatment require monthly check ups with a doctor for six months. A year of cognitive therapy is required to be carried out, along with the intake of prescribed medicines.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - How To Handle It?

With exam time around the corner, the stress is on both parents and students. Some kids spend very less time with books and assimilate all that is there in the books. Other children may have a hard time trying to focus on studies and even harder time in recollecting what they have studied. 

What can help improve focus, concentration, and memory? Try some of these tips and identify what works for you and build your own rules.

Create a suitable environment: Some claim that they study better with the TV or radio on, this is often not true. Get rid of background noises, phone ringtones, etc. This creates  division of attention,  where there is no 100% focus on books. Sit in a quiet environment without any disturbance for better focus. Red walls are believed to improve concentration, so try a red wallpaper, red computer desktop, etc. Sit in the same place and get into a regular routine of studying.
Draw up a schedule or timetable: Try to finish the tougher subjects or topics first by giving adequate time for these.
Treat yourself: When you have thoroughly understood a topic or cracked a practice exam well, treat yourself to a bar of chocolate or a video song. You begin to do better in anticipation of these treats.
Include breaks: A break of 15 minutes every two hours is very essential for the brain to process the information that was pumped in and to get ready for the next lot.
Work on improving brain power: Learning (memorizing or analyzing) stimulates the brain and improves brain power. So, people who are constantly studying can claim to have better brain power.
Build a concentration clock: With our attention spans spiralling down, this is very important. Force yourself to sit in one place and study. If you have the urge to break, try to delay it, first by two minutes, then five minutes, and then 10 minutes. This will gradually help you overcome the urge to take breaks.
Have healthy food: Eating healthy and nutritious food is another habit to develop, if you want to pep up your brain. Ensure your food has sufficient minerals and vitamins. Try eating fresh food and dairy products adequately.
Follow a systematic sleep routine: If you are not someone who likes to sleep for fixed eight hours, begin doing it. This works wonders for the body and mind like very few other things.
Exercise regularly: This improves blood circulation to the brain and improves brain functioning. So be it cycling or running, gymming or swimming, take an exercise break. Yoga or meditation are equally efficient. 

Improve Your Concentration - Make Your Study Hour Count!

Don't wait any longer, manage your Counselling Psychologist online with a Lybrate doctor today

Consult for Counselling Psychologist - Online and Easy!

FilterClear All

COMMON SPECIALITIES

COMMON ISSUES