Marriage or any healthy relationship, is a bonding and not a binding. Finding the right person and living happily ever after is only true in fairy tales. In reality, once you find the right partner, maintaining and nurturing the relationship bond itself takes a lifetime and living happily solely depends on how you cultivate relationship with your partner.

Communication is one of the chief ingredients besides trust, understanding, love, care, companionship and empathy in a happy and successful marriage. And, failure to communicate is one of the foremost reasons for the failure of relationships. Do you say I love you and appreciate your partner or do you just criticise and complain about him/her all day long? Do you consider his/her ideas and feelings or always turn them down? To communicate effectively is to express yourself freely to your partner, convey your likes and dislikes, convey what turns you on and what doesn't! Unless and until you are vocal about your thoughts and feelings, how do you expect your partner to understand you? You feel frustrated and upset because things don't happen your way but have you tried to 'express' your way to your partner?

Lack of communication in relationships results in frustration, misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations, guilt and can create personal differences. It is difficult for people who share their lives with each other to coexist for long without having regular and smooth communication for oiling the machinery of the relationship.

Couples who communicate effectively are not always devoid of arguments. Arguments happen because there is a difference of opinion between the partners; which is a very normal thing. Arguments usually end in nasty and bitter manner. However, it is up to us to convert that unhealthy argument into a healthy one! Most of us indulge in these arguments to win; not to resolve the matter! What is important is the 'progress' in the matter at hand, not the victory.

Remember, not to engage in any serious discussion or disclosure when angry as you tend to lose balance and rational reasoning. The same holds true in a situation where your partner is not up to it. Receptivity is of utmost importance. A 'No' from a partner does not mean not now, not ever. It simply means I don't want to do that right now! Feeling free to say no if the request is unappealing at that point in time.

Communication cues that can help improve the quality of argument:

Remember, there is no blaming game! WHAT is Right is more important than WHO is right.
Use I statements instead of You always statements. Example I feel angry vs. You always humiliate me. When you use I statements, you're taking the onus on you.
Attack the issue; not each other!
Refrain from the 4 C's : Caustic (sarcasm), Compare, Condemn and Criticize.
Avoid mind-reading your partner and assuming things; instead express yourself verbally.
Using 'I feel' statements are better over You are ones. When you say I feel, you're taking the onus for your feelings and thoughts and avoiding direct blame on your partner.
Have an open mind. Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open. Be proactive and open to changes, alternatives and work effectively for resolving a conflict.
Stay away from Stereotyping (generalizing - all men are like that...) 'Gunnysacking; (nursing past grievances and bringing them up for review while trying to resolve a present conflict).
No engaging in 'Summarizing self-syndrome' where both partners continue to restate his/her stance and issues without actually listening to other and without understanding other's perspective, feeling frustrated.
Cut back on 'Catastrophizing' i.e. dwelling on the worst possible outcomes of a problem or risk that you face, to the point that even remote, unlikely disasters preoccupy your attention. Often, objectivity becomes clouded, and you may gradually begin to feel or act as though these unlikely events are really going to happen.
Get rid of 'Stereotyping'; (generalizing - all men are like..) and 'Gunnysacking' (cropping up issues from the past having no relevance to current problem).
Don't send double messages- statements which have two conflicting meanings. Keep it as simple and assertive as possible.
A mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it is open. So have a broad perspective, try to understand your partner's perspective and try and arrive at a mutually agreeable decision that caters to well-being as a whole. Matrimony is the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented. What counts in making a happy marriage is not how much compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. Marriage was, is and never will be perfect, Yet it is the happiest wrong we are doing on earth!

Are You Happily (n)Ever After?

Loss and grief are two unfortunate partners where the latter follows the former. While the type of grief or the nature of the loss may differ from person to person, there are five distinct stages of loss and grieloss and grief are two unfortunate partners where the latter follows the former. While the type of grief or the nature of the loss may differ from person to person, there are five distinct stages of loss and grief that all people universally go through, when faced with such a situation. Here are the five stages of this process and the different ways in which one can cope with each stage.

Denial and isolation:

In this phase, the patient usually ends up blocking out the words as well as the thoughts and reactions that surround this sad event, which can lead to a numbing action of the brain. While we all do this in some measure during such situations, some people take it especially hard by acting as if nothing has happened at all. If this phase does not come to pass within a short frame of time, then psychological and medical intervention may be required.

Anger:

When a person begins to acknowledge the loss, there is a sense of unfairness which can lead to frustration and anger that is basically the way the person may be dealing with the re-emergence of the pain and the fact that it is here to stay. Therapy and sedation may be required if this frustration and repeated spells of tantrums carries on for a prolonged period. Do not hesitate to talk things out rather than flaring up at this point, as the unchangeable has already happened.

Bargaining:

In this phase, desperation enters the mind of the patient where a lot of'what ifs' come up. The patient begins to question what if things had been done differently and other such aspects. If not dealt with in an engaging manner and with empathy, this phase can lead back to anger and frustration.

Depression:

Private mourning of the loss and regret to do with the practical aspects like loneliness and the cost of the loss can strike at this stage. Here, the patient must be made aware of rights as well as the people around him or her who can help out to prevent this depression from becoming a full-fledged condition.

Acceptance:

In this final stage, the patient becomes more accepting of this new reality. Yet, even this must be taken up cautiously as a grief stricken heart may lead to a variety of mental ailments in the long run.

The way to deal with these stages is with therapy and proper guidance where the patient is allowed to channel all the thoughts and anger before accepting the situation. Do not hesitate to ask for counselling and embrace the changes in your life without regret, guilt and depression. F that all people universally go through, when faced with such a situation. Here are the five stages of this process and the different ways in which one can cope with each stage.

Denial and isolation: 

In this phase, the patient usually ends up blocking out the words as well as the thoughts and reactions that surround this sad event, which can lead to a numbing action of the brain. While we all do this in some measure during such situations, some people take it especially hard by acting as if nothing has happened at all. If this phase does not come to pass within a short frame of time, then psychological and medical intervention may be required.

Anger:

When a person begins to acknowledge the loss, there is a sense of unfairness which can lead to frustration and anger that is basically the way the person may be dealing with the re-emergence of the pain and the fact that it is here to stay. Therapy and sedation may be required if this frustration and repeated spells of tantrums carries on for a prolonged period. Do not hesitate to talk things out rather than flaring up at this point, as the unchangeable has already happened.

Bargaining:

In this phase, desperation enters the mind of the patient where a lot of'what ifs' come up. The patient begins to question what if things had been done differently and other such aspects. If not dealt with in an engaging manner and with empathy, this phase can lead back to anger and frustration.

Depression: 

Private mourning of the loss and regret to do with the practical aspects like loneliness and the cost of the loss can strike at this stage. Here, the patient must be made aware of rights as well as the people around him or her who can help out to prevent this depression from becoming a full-fledged condition.

Acceptance:

In this final stage, the patient becomes more accepting of this new reality. Yet, even this must be taken up cautiously as a grief stricken heart may lead to a variety of mental ailments in the long run.

The way to deal with these stages is with therapy and proper guidance where the patient is allowed to channel all the thoughts and anger before accepting the situation. Do not hesitate to ask for counselling and embrace the changes in your life without regret, guilt and depression.

Coping with Grief and Loss: The Five Stages

Drug addiction is one of the social menaces and in most people, what starts off as a result of peer pressure and trying to be cool ends up affecting lives significantly. It is not just social, but also affects financial, physical, emotional, and social well-being. The small periods of happiness given by the drug is followed by months and years of torment.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) has identified that drug addiction causes chemical and structural changes in the brain, leading to dangerous and self-destructive behaviours. The brain s response to stimulus like pleasure, joy, happiness, and pain are altered with constant drug abuse. For instance, the neurotransmitter called dopamine, which makes one feel good, is usually produced by the brain in small amounts. However, drugs increase this level to 2 to 10 times more, making the person feel extremely high and happy. Since the body is unable to reach the highest level of happiness on its own, the dependency on these drugs to feel good increases.

Repeated use of the drugs leads to increased dependency, wherein the brain refuses to feel good without reaching those high levels of dopamine. The issue is mostly seen in teenagers and young adults but can be seen in any age group.

October 2 is recognised as National Anti-Drug Addiction Day and nationwide campaigns and drives are done to help people overcome addiction. One of the main reasons a drive this size is required is because of the social stigma attached to the problem. Most families shun away from recognising it as a problem that can be easily treated, and so the affected person is sucked deeper into the problem.

Overcoming addiction: One of the main success factors for treating addiction is for the affected person to recognise that he or she is addicted and needs to get rid of the problem.

    There are national toll-free helplines that are set up, which can guide through the whole program. This way, if required, anonymity is maintained and support for overcoming addiction is increased.
    It involves a group effort involving the affected person, family and friends, medical and clinical personnel, and counsellors in some cases.
    Cognitive behavioural therapy: The person is made conscious of the change in behaviour and the way drugs affect it. Healthier patterns to be happy and joyful are discussed.
    In most cases, the underlying reason for reaching out to drugs needs to be addressed also to prevent relapse.
    Group therapies where the person makes friends who have faced similar issues and overcome the problem. This increases their accountability and commitment to getting rid of the problem.

Drug abuse is a national social menace and needs more free admittance and management.

National Anti-Drug Addiction Day - Overcoming Addiction

Depression is more than just feeling low or down. It is a serious illness that is caused by various changes in the brain chemistry. There are a lot of factors that cause depression, which range from genetics to change in hormone level, stress, grief, medical conditions and other life circumstances. All these can lead to depression and that is something which does not go away on its own. However, there are a few efficient ways through which patients can deal with depression. These are as follows:

Exercise: Taking a brisk walk for fifteen to twenty minutes every day can be very healthy, not only for your body,  but also for your mental health as well. Dancing, jogging, cycling and yoga are alternatives as well. Although, people who are depressed might not feel like doing any of those things, but one should try to do them anyway. Once a person gets into the exercising routine, they will start noticing the change in their mood. Deep breathing, yoga exercises and meditation can also help people feel better and less depressed.
Anti-depressants: Three brain chemicals that are responsible for handling your mood are norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine. During depression, the brain circuits that make use of these chemicals stop working properly. In this case, antidepressants can be very useful. These tweak the chemicals that run through the brain and help improve your overall mood.
Psychotherapy: It is a method through which therapists find out a person s everyday stressors. This therapy is a powerful treatment for depression. Combining psychotherapy with medications can be even better and more effective. This also makes the symptoms easier to take. When a person talks about his feelings and problems with a stranger, it can help him or her release certain amount of stress.
Social support: Talking to a friend or attending group therapies has proven to be beneficial. However, it is important that the person you talk to is someone who you will feel comfortable around. Therefore, it could be someone you know or someone who empathises with you. This is possible either with your close ones or group therapies where the people you talk with, have been going through the same problem you have.
Meditation: Calmness and meditation can help you channelize your positive energy and thoughts over the negative ones. It can help a person see new perspective, develop forgiveness and compassion. Much like exercise, meditating briefly can help you gain immediate effects. It helps a person get over depression. This happens over time. One might not be successful in releasing their stress at once. It is a process that takes time.
The treatment that you get for your depression will depend on the kind of depression that you have. Some might get psychotherapy while others might get antidepressants or for some, exercise could be enough. 

Depression - 5 Ways to Deal With It!

Sound travels through different parts of the hearing system to produce the ultimate sense of sound in the brain. People can hear when a sound wave stimulates the neurological component of the inner ear and takes the sound signals to the brain.

When there is a problem with the ear, human beings cannot hear, or hear garbled sounds. Hearing loss may have different reasons. There may be a tumor in the ear, a problem with the eardrum, the inner ear or the neurological structure. Different conditions can plague the hearing system and cause hearing loss. Some of these conditions can be serious and require medical intervention.

Let us discuss 3 such conditions where the intervention of an audiologist is a must.

Tinnitus and Vertigo

 Tinnitus is a medical term for a sense of ringing in the ears. It s annoying, to say the least. But more importantly, it could be a sign of hearing loss. This is why people need to see an audiologist if they have a sense of Tinnitus for a prolonged time. An audiologist can first diagnose the condition, and can then treat this problem with the help of specialized hearing aids.

 Vertigo and dizziness are the other two problems that result from a hearing system problem. It may create balance disorders. It is said that vertigo originates in the inner ear. Vertigo can also be treated with the help of physical therapy and medicine.

 Sudden Hearing Loss

 The human ear cannot hear sounds greater than 85 dB in intensity and 20,000 Hertz in tone. If the sound tone is less than 20 Hertz, then too the human ear is not able to hear anything. Between these two polarities, the human ear is able to catch all types of sounds. If human beings are exposed to sound waves of more than 85 dB in intensity, the ears may get damaged. In that case one may suffer from hearing loss. If a person has recently experienced huge changes in air pressure, exposed to blaring music or noise at close quarters, or had an accident causing loss of hearing, one needs to see an audiologist. The ears need to be assessed for trauma, if any, and treated quickly. However, hearing loss may have other reasons too such as reactions to medicines, head injury or some kind of illness that affects the hearing system. An audiologist would be able to make the right determination.

 Recurrent Ear Infections

This is common in children, but that does not mean that adults are immune to it. If there is chronic ear pain, difficulty in hearing along with drainage and fever or a feeling of pressure, an ear infection is most likely. Any doctor can detect an ear infection, however, if it is a recurrent one needs to see an audiologist. He has the wherewithal to evaluate the middle ear with different tests. A person may need treatment that only an audiologist can do.

There can be many situations in which a visit to an Audiologist is warranted; the above 3 are just a tip of the iceberg.

Audiologist - Why To Visit One?

Smoking   Some Naked Facts!

Smoking kills > 420,000 people per year worldwide.
In India one million people die of smoking related diseases each year.
Tobacco use is the second leading cause of death world-over.
Smoking is more lethal than AIDS, Accidents, Homicides, Suicides, Fire, etc.
2700 substances have been identified in Cigarette smoke, most of them harmful including cyanide, benzene, formaldehyde, methanol, acetylene, ammonia, nitrogen oxide, carbon monoxide, etc.
Every cigarette takes 5.5 minutes of your life.
Smoking one packet a day for 10 years increases risk for Ischemic Heart Diseases by 300 % & risk for lung cancer by 500 %.
Passive smoking (breathing second hand smoke) is also harmful. Spending 2 hours in a smoky bar is equivalent to smoking 4 cigarettes. Living with a pack-a-day smoker is like smoking 3 cigarettes by yourself.

What are the Risks? 

Cancer: 85% of Lung Cancers and 28% of all cancer deaths are attributed to smoking. Smokers have higher rates of leukemia, kidney, stomach, bladder, and pancreas cancers. About 30% of cervical cancers have been attributed to both active and passive smoking.

Lungs: Smokers are generally at higher risk for nearly all major lung diseases like pneumonia, flu, COPD, bronchitis, emphysema, asthma, etc.

Brain: Smokers run almost two and a half times the risk of stroke as non-smokers and the risk for dementia is also higher in smokers.

Male Sexuality and Reproduction: Smoking decreases the amount of blood flowing into the penis, reduces sperm density, reduces sperm motility, and may lead to impotence & infertility

Female infertility, Pregnancy: Smoking increases the risk of female infertility, ectopic pregnancy, miscarriages, stillbirth, prematurity and low-birth weight, so also there is a risk of passing genetic mutations that increase cancer risks to unborn babies.

Children: Mothers exposed to smoke (active or passive) are more likely to have children with motor control problems, perception impairments, and attention disabilities. Exposure to smoke early on affect the lungs of infant as early as the first 2 to 10 weeks of life, it increases the risk for lower respiratory infections (asthma, bronchitis, and pneumonia) by 50% and worsens the condition of children who have existing asthma.
 
Spine & Bones: Smokers whose jobs involve lifting heavy objects are more likely to develop low back pain than non-smokers. They are at increased risk for developing osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis. Smokers are more prone to develop degenerative disorders and injuries in the spine, they have more trouble recovering from spinal surgery as smoking also impairs formation of new bone.

Why Quit?


Physical Benefits: They start as early as in few minutes.

Blood pressure and Pulse rate return to Normal in 20 minutes.
Levels of carbon monoxide and oxygen in the blood return to normal in 8 hours and chance of heart attack decreases in 24 hours.
Nerve endings start to regrow; ability to taste and smell increases within 48 hours.
Bronchial tubes relax; lung capacity increases by 72 hours.
In 2 to 12 weeks  time circulation improves and lung functions improve up to 30%.
In 1 to 9 months  time there is a decreased incidence of coughing, sinus infection, fatigue, and shortness of breath; cilia in lungs start re-growing, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce chance of infection.
Overall energy level increases.

Smoking - Facts, Risks & Why To Quit!

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