HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

An eating disorder, mostly appears when your food habits reach levels of extremity. Anorexia nervosa and Bulimia are two main and the most common eating disorders found in men and women. One is the lower extreme while the other is the higher extreme in terms of food intake.

1. Anorexia: People who are affected with anorexia think of themselves to be very overweight in spite of actually being very slim and thin. Anorexia inflicted people consume less than a thousand calories per day. They exercise rigorously and try to find more ways to lose weight. They vomit a lot due to the insufficient diet and suffer more. The treatment for anorexia nervosa generally includes a mix of mental treatment, and regulated weight gain program. An anorexia patient should seek treatment as early as possible. The best ways to deal with anorexia are:

Psychological Treatment: Various psychological treatments can be used to cure anorexia of different stages. They are cognitive analytic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, focal psychodynamic therapy. A family's response is also an important psychological factor. Proper encouragement and effort should be given.

Weight gain program: This measure will guide an anorexic patient to improve his diet habits and slowly gain weight. A patient is monitored carefully, traits are recognized and a likewise diet pattern is given.

2. Bulimia: Bulimia nervosa is another category of eating disorder. The main characteristic of this disorder is  overeating in the highest level. Binge eating is observed, followed by attempts by the affected individual to lose weight. A bulimic patient is constantly trapped in the cycle of overeating and then thinking about losing weight.

Maybe you do not like the idea of binge eating and fear getting obese, but once affected by bulimia a patient cannot follow this and binge eats. Later, they adopt extreme measures for losing weight. The primary methods to deal with bulimia are:

a. Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy, or talk therapy includes examining your bulimia and related issues with an expert. It is proven that these sorts of psychotherapies restrict the symptoms of bulimia. The three modes of psychotherapy include- Cognitive-behavioral therapy, Family-based therapy and Interpersonal psychotherapy.

b. Medications: Medicines such as anti-depressants can be taken by bulimia patients along with psychotherapy. Prozac is a recommended and effective medicine.

c.Proper diet plan: For bulimia affected patients, having a proper balanced diet is very essential. A diet expert should be consulted, who will make the most essential food pattern for you. Undertaking a weight loss program is also recommended.

Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia should be avoided, and you should know the best ways to deal with them.

How to Deal With Anorexia and Bulimia

Anxiety is a very normal emotion, which gives rise to feelings of nervousness every now and then. An anxiety disorder is a serious medical condition in which people experience a high degree of distress and mental trauma, which causes difficulties in leading a normal life. People suffering from this medical condition experience high levels of anxiety and nervousness almost all the time. Here are the symptoms that indicate you're suffering from anxiety disorder.

1. Excessive worry - This condition persists if you worry about the day to day activities a bit too much on a regular basis. It is identified when you start taking too much stress about very petty things, which tends to affect you in an adverse manner. A noticeable sign of excessive worry can be too much fatigue.

2. Sleep problems - Problems falling asleep at the right time and problems in maintaining a sound sleep are two signs that indicate you have an anxiety disorder.

3. Irrational fears - This symptom is not generalized; instead, it is specific and subjective in relation to a particular thing or situation. The fears that are experienced under this category are sudden and unexpected in nature and there is no fixed rationale behind these fears.

4. Muscle tension - Muscle discomfort and pain is one of the leading physiological causes of an anxiety disorder. The pain felt is chronic and pervasive, and is very common among people facing situations of anxiety. If you are exposed to constant periods of anxiety, you will experience fatigue, muscle pains and unwillingness to work.

5. Chronic indigestion - Problems related to the digestive system are also a sign of anxiety disorder. In this case, you may face constant digestive problems accompanied by a common disorder called IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). IBS refers to an anxiety situation in the digestive tract, which is characterized by stomach aches, cramping, bloating, gas, constipation, and/or diarrhea.

Apart from the above-mentioned symptoms, other symptoms of an anxiety disorder include stage fright, self- consciousness, panic attacks, memory flashbacks, perfectionism, compulsive behaviors, self- doubt, and such others.



How to know if you have an anxiety disorder?

Did you know that almost all of your nerves converge in your feet and that your foot is the most sensitive part of the human body? Did you also know that if there are any complications to your body, then the feet can show the symptoms indirectly? Science has time and again proved this and it is high time that you give the adequate care for your feet.

This is nowhere explained better than in ancient Ayurveda, where it emphasises the importance of foot massage and the need to strengthen the nerves. Ayurveda has a long traditional foot massage therapy called as  Padabhyanga  which can be traced back to more than 5000 years. The foot massage with essential oils would improve blood and lymphatic circulation, nourishes the skin, and calms the restless mind.

Foot massaging can relax the muscles of the feet and legs, it can also help in relieving stress and anxiety. Just like how the tree gets their nourishment from their roots, channelling a proper foot massage can rejuvenate the entire mind and body.  Let us look at in detail.

What is Padabhyanga?

The word Padabhyanga comes from the two Sanskrit words  Pada+abhyanga   Pada  means foot and  Abhyanga  means massage. It is one of the most calming and soothing massage therapy and can keep your mind and soul revitalised if done in a proper way. Participating in this massage therapy daily can allow you to release the clogged energies.

3 Types of Padabhyanga Massage:

The massage can be segregated into three different types as detailed below.

Padabhyanga with hand: This type of massage is the fundamental form of massage and is basically done by your hand in the rubbing and stroking of foot. The heat is generated by it and the cardiovascular circulation gets activated. The massage uses sesame seed oil generally and in some cases even herbal infused oil is also used for a better cure.
Padabhyanga with kasa bowl: In this type of massage, a Kasa bowls with oil coating are wormed. Then the bowl s round surfaces are used to massage the foot and sole in a circular motion. The kasa bowls are generally made of copper and tin. Massaging in such a manner can eliminate toxins and it can also release negative energies from your body.
Padabhyanga marma therapy: This type of therapy is very similar to acupuncture, where the pressure points of your feet are activated. These are called as marma points and special care is taken to make sure that these marma points are activated by pressing them over a small period of time. The therapy releases negative energy and relaxes your mind with rejuvenation.

Foot Massage - How It Can Help Relieve Stress?

Some traditions are unique in this country. On the top of the bill lies the ritual of sitting together with family during holidays and sharing a grand and unending meal. Although, this is really fun but the after effects of these get together are not very pretty; with the spread of hearty dishes, it becomes very hard to control the appetite and you end up overeating. Having a party with friends or watching football or cricket match that is directed towards relieving the situation, but in reality, it makes the situation worse. If this is the only viable means of following your tradition, then it is time to consider what you are doing to your body.

Gastric distresses is just the beginning
Overeating during the holidays can lead to unhealthy weight gain, and in case you are already overweight, then it may lead to obesity. Now this in turn would play its role in making you prone to heart diseases, blood pressure, diabetes and several other severe diseases. A single instance of eating more than you should may lead to short-term consequences that are not simply confined to bloating or excess gas. Expert gastroenterologists opine that seasonal overeating can have a ripple effect throughout the body which can also affect the nervous system.

Overeating is very harmful
After you have eaten more than your stomach can hold, the post-meal malaise you go through is not actually the outcome of the tryptophan in the chicken; it has resulted from the increase in blood flow through the digestive tract, and it's your body's way of protesting that you must stop now. Every disease has a cause that is often rooted in one's habits. One of the most prominent results of overeating is the deterioration of the digestive system. With a poor digestive system, you may feel nauseous, uneasy and a subtle weakness in the limbs and legs.

Limiting the function of major organs
If you eat more than your body can take up even occasionally, it will bring about an overload in the entire physical system casting a stress on the intestines, stomach, heart and other major organs. Your body has limited energy and blood and when you overeat, all the organs demand more energy for functioning optimally. Thus just half of the required resources reach your limbs and brain.

There are various ways of enjoying with your close ones and overeating though may appear to be a fun thing to do, it has the power to impair your system. But if you have already indulged in the same, it's probably time to visit your gastroenterologist to help the digestive system to soothe down.

Three Dangers of Overeating During the Holidays


Here are some well advertised and well-loved foods that most youngsters cherish. These foods cause far more damage in even small quantities. 

Try to avoid these foods now, to prevent from further damage as you grow older.

1) Frosting- The creamy layer that you lick off from the top of a cake is one of the most unhealthy foods ever. It contains trans-fat, which lowers your good cholesterol and can raise heart rate, increase belly fat and lead to heart diseases or diabetes. Plus, frosting has just too much of sugar.

2) Packaged Fruit Juices- ‘But juices are good for you!’ is something that most people say to defend why they drink packaged fruit juices. It is true that juices are great, but the ones that are packaged aren’t any good. Firstly, the ones available in packed forms have a limited amount of real content (look at the concentrate, which is sometimes lesser than 10% of the total packaging). At the same time, most of these are filled with artificial flavours and a lot of sugar. Do yourself a favour and drink only fresh juices.

3) Artificial Sweeteners- Artificial sweeteners can actually cause diabetes and are as harmful as natural sugar. In fact, they are also responsible for a number of allergies, cancers, seizures, weight gain and obesity.

4) Soda Beverages-   They are the worst! There is absolutely no reason why you should be popping out that bottle of soda or fizzy drinks with so much of caffeine every time. These bottles contain 10 packets of sugar, highly synthetic flavors and have absolutely zero nutritional value. In fact, they promote the ugly fat deposits on all the wrong places. High content of phosphoric acid in sodas can lead to heart and kidney problems, muscle loss, and osteoporosis, as well as trigger accelerated aging.

If you have any further questions on issues related to nutrition or diet, ask me by clicking on 'consult'.

From Lybrate: If you found this tip useful, please thank the doctor by clicking on the heart icon below. Also, spread good health by sharing this tip with your loved ones over WhatsApp, Facebook and other media.

Avoid These 4 Foods to Stay Healthy

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