HOW TO BOUNCE BACK FROM FAILURE

“It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure,” Bill Gates said. We always shower praise on those who have triumphed. Very rarely do we examine all the times the successful people have failed, and analyze how they turned their “luck” around. In this tip, you will understand how to turn failure into success and bounce back with more fervour.

1. A SUCCESSFUL MINDSET: If you’re striving to achieve anything then failure is inevitable. “Whenever you’re trying a new experiment, whether it’s a new job, a new product, a new hobby, a new boyfriend or girlfriend–whatever it is–you need to give some thought to what is your strategy and which are the possible ways to achieve it. Do you have any plan B or plan C if plan A fails? What will you do if nothing works out...and how to minimise the losses as well as taking advantage of the opportunities that you have. Assessing your opportunities and threats to success is very important. When a newly wedded girl comes to stay with her In laws, she might need to have a number of ways in her kitty to make her place in the new household rather than just stick to a few traditional ones. If one technique doesn't work, try something else. Disaster strikes when creativity is not given a place and failure was not factored in. Feeling helpless doesn't add upto success. Optimism is what people need to bounce back with.

2. LEARN AND IMPROVE WITH EACH FAILURE: Failure is just an opportunity to learn and improve. It’s a teaching moment that should be analyzed with a practical, clear mind. It helps to see mistakes as stepping stones to learning and improving and using it as an opportunity to bounce back. Every person should behave like a scientist with a mind open to exploring, assessing, making mistakes and changing. Mistakes must be embraced as being part of the process of success. If we don’t make mistakes it means that we’re not trying, and if we’re not trying then we’re not learning and getting better. Your self-worth should not rest on perfectionism, but rather value your ability to accept and learn from your mistakes. Not everyone is willing to admit when they’re wrong, which can hamper progress and relationships. When Meena and Arun started dating each other, they didn't know each other well and tried to impress each other in ways that was not working out well for both of them. It was very frustrating for them to see that their relationship was not working out. In counselling, they realised that they were not asking what each can do to impress the other. Meena told Arun that she would like to be taken out to plays and theatre by her future partner and Arun told Meena that he would like to take weekend trips to nearby destinations to get to know his partner well. When they both started doing what the other appreciated, they got to know each other better and relationship started blooming. Thus Arun and Meena assessed the situation, were open to discussion and found an amicable solution instead of thinking of their previous efforts as failure and giving up. 

3. LOVE YOUR CRITICS: How do you feel when your work gets criticised repeatedly by your boss, manager or your husband. It mighty be hurtful and demeaning to hear critical feedback, but if many people are saying the same things about your work or behaviour, then maybe it's time to give it a serious thought. When Saira was often told that she wasn't cooperative enough in team activities and tends to slacken and pass on work to other members, her mind started working. She had got the same comments in her previous organisations. She started seeing a grain of truth in this feedback and took steps to rectify complaints that stood out common in all the feedbacks and reworked her way back to become a sought after team member. Her next years' appraisal was better and got her an increment. Saira triumphed, because she knew how to learn from criticism.

4. ACCEPT FAILURE AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF LIFE: Shivani was heartbroken when her 15 year old perfect son started doing badly in exams. Her world fell apart when she came to know that he had secured 73% in 10th grade. She felt that she had failed as a parent and her son as she had not devoted enough time to her son as she was a working mother. In counselling, she was asked if she knew any parent who had never failed their kids and were always there for them. Shivani couldn't come up with any names of such mothers who had been perfect to the core. Yes, that's how real mothers are...you will fail sometimes and you will win sometimes. Every moment you are real with your child, you are succeeding as a mother. Accepting failure as a part of life and knowing that you gave it your best shot is good enough. There's magic in feeling genuine regret rather than overkilling guilt and shame. Own your failure openly, publicly, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection—the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

5. GO WITH YOUR GUT: When you see a red flag, pay attention. How many times in life have you kicked yourself for not listening to that little voice in your head that says, “Something is wrong here”?. Preetam gave an interview with an organisation, going by their market reputation. Yet during the interview, he picked up feelings of dissonance within the company. After joining them, he realised that his gut was right..the company was going through major shuffle and policy changes, which were not working out for Preetam.

6. BE A PROBLEM SOLVER AND STAY CALM: In a crisis, people tend to get anxious. Maintaining a sense of Zen will not only allow you to think more clearly but will also set the tone for those around you. Kapil used to get tensed over small details. He realised that in the larger scheme of things they were really not that important. He focussed his energies on things that were more important for him to reach his monthly targets. This started calming him down.

7. FIND A SOLUTION: You need to figure out how to address and remedy the situation. Start by considering your end game — what’s the ultimate outcome you’d like to see? — and work backwards from there. Daya wanted to be a good father to his children. He wanted them to remember him as a gentle and loving father. He started working backwards and his daily actions and behaviours showed to his children that Daya was a loving father. He played with them, took them for cricket coaching, went swimming, shared personal success and failures and most of all listened to them when they had to say something.

8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR MISTAKES AND FAILURES: If you screwed up, don’t make excuses — just apologise genuinely for any errors on your part. Remember, that no one is perfect and it's human to err. Prema was a caring mother. She had many dreams about her daughter and wanted her to do well in studies and be a well behaved child of the family. But when her daughter started showing disinterest in studies and marks started falling, Prema used to beat up her daughter in her anxiety to do well. In counselling Prema understood that her intentions were good, but the way she communicated were not helping the situation as Prema's daughter hated her mother and maintained distance. Prema owned up her mistakes and apologised for her errors to her daughter. She also took remedial action to be accepting of her daughter and gave her the space to make her own mistakes and learn from them. 

9. BECOME PROACTIVE: Don’t let a small mistake linger and turn into a bigger one. That’s not to say you should simply be reactive, but i f you know you did something wrong, deal with it right away. Say, for example, you stuck your foot in your mouth during an important business meeting and inadvertently offended your boss or a client. Acknowledge the gaffe, apologize and try to move on without beating yourself up. Remember that, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

10. DEFINE YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND FAILURES: Its important to have your own definition of both rather than how the world sees and defines success and failure. Find answers to questions like: How would you be behaving when you have succeeded, what must happen to feel successful, how will your life change when you are successful? Every person has a very different view and definition for success and making it your own definition can spell failure. Don't let the world tell you whether you have failed or succeeded. It's also excellent for self esteem and works as a protective shield from potential damage. 

So, next time there’s that misstep, mistake or misunderstanding, remember to take a deep breath and be your own best publicist by remaining calm, seeking the solution and seeing the challenge as an opportunity to lead and learn.









How To Bounce Back From Failure - Tips From A Pyschologist

Depression is a clinical, mental, and emotional condition that may give rise to feelings of hopelessness and chronic sadness. It slows down the way people process everyday activities and leads the patient to a sense of constant gloom and doom. It is a disabling mental condition as per who, and may be caused due to reasons like genetics, changes in the balance of hormones, stress, grief, trauma and prolonged, chronic physical ailments. Depression is also connected with food and nutrition. Do you want to know how? 
Read on to see the three ways in which food and depression are connected. 

1. Severity and duration: depression is a mental illness that signifies an imbalance in the hormones and the emotional faculties in the brain. Nutrition is the fuel that keeps the brain and body in prime working condition. When a depressive state sets in or becomes emotionally rooted, then nutritious eating and a proper diet take a back seat as the patient succumbs to a state where he or she is not concerned about the food intake. As a result, the brain and hormonal balance get further affected. This can have an adverse effect on the severity and the duration of the depressive mode, which makes it all a vicious cycle of sorts. Poor appetite, not having proper meals, skipping meals, eating junk, avoiding social settings where food will be served, and even emotional eating are all outcomes of depression too.

2. Eating disorders: many patients who have eating disorders often experience deep rooted and chronic depression. Since despondency and hopelessness are the main characteristics of depressive behaviour, the outcome is that the patient tries to behave in a way that seeks approval. And in all this, the patient usually thinks that he or she is not'good enough. In such a scenario, the patient may start trying out fad diets and eventually fall prey to eating disorders like bulimia that make the patient overeat and then vomit. These eating disorders usually come with phases of binge eating, throwing up, starving and then repeating the cycle again. Eating in secrecy is also a symptom of this condition.

3. Nutrition to fight depression: nutrition and proper food intake can build a sense of resilience by first of all improving the overall physical condition of the patient. This can take care of a lot of angst even as the minerals and vitamins travel to the brain for better functioning in the long run.

Ensure that you eat right as a part of your therapy for depression. This is as good as taking your medication on time!

Three Ways Depression Is Connected With Food

Depression is recognized as a mood disorder characterized by the prolonged feeling of sadness and loss of interest in otherwise regular activities. The symptoms include loss of sleep and appetite, loss of interest, persistent feeling of sadness and lowered self-esteem. These symptoms should last for a minimum of 4 weeks for the individual to be diagnosed with depression. Sometimes, at its later stages, depression can also be accompanied by suicidal tendencies.

How it can be treated?

Role of anti-depressants: Depression has become rather common in the present day scenario. The treatment varies from prescription drugs to therapy. People who have depression are usually given mood enhancers and anti-depressants. Antidepressants are medicines used to help people who have depression. With the help of these depression medications, most people can achieve significant recovery from depression. Most antidepressants are believed to work by slowing the removal of certain chemicals from the brain. These chemicals are called neurotransmitters (such as serotonin and norepinephrine). Neurotransmitters are needed for normal brain function and are involved in the control of mood and in other responses and functions, such as eating, sleep, pain, and thinking. Antidepressants help people with depression by making these natural chemicals more available to the brain. By restoring the brain s chemical balance, antidepressants help relieve the symptoms of depression. Specifically, antidepressant drugs help reduce the extreme sadness, hopelessness, and lack of interest in life that are typical in people with depression. However, these are but short-term solutions to depression and don t necessarily cure the individual completely. For the treatment to be effective, the drug intake must be combined with therapeutic techniques to solve the problem at the root level.
Therapy: Different therapeutic techniques are used to treat depression depending majorly on the individual, the cause of depression and general history and state of mind. Research suggests that client centered therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy are a good start with an average case of depression. The therapists usually incorporate several other methods based on the client s need to get maximum effect. Adlerian techniques, where individuals are made to comprehend the thoughts and emotions which influence their lifestyles and adopt a more productive and positive way of life, are rather helpful with most clients who suffer from depression.
Note
Depression is a fairly common mental health disorder today, affecting a large population. Depression must be acknowledged as a proper mood disorder and not just a passing phase. It is completely curable with proper medicine and therapeutic sessions. The individual is able to move over the feelings of unhappiness and lack of interest with proper care and acceptance from loved ones in addition to therapy and the drugs, of course.

Depression - Is it Curable?

Do you believe that the world is a hostile place and you are a victim? Are you the one who often doubts his or her abilities? If so, you might be showing signs of low self-esteem. Interestingly, self-esteem has nothing do with your actual ability or talent. Your looks, weight or skills are not responsible for your low self esteem. It largely depends upon the fact that how you value yourself.

It has been observed in most cases that self-esteem is often affected by a number of reasons, including ill-health, unpleasant memories from the past, and termination of relationships. Low self-esteem is generally marked in survivors of physical or sexual abuse, victims of racial discrimination or people who have had a traumatic past life.

If you don t pay attention towards this issue, you might end up developing certain serious mental disorders. Low self-esteem is also the root cause behind the occurrence of mental disorders like borderline personality disorder, depression, etc. However, there is nothing to worry about it. There are certain simple things that are useful in building up your self-esteem.

Here s all that you need to do to start believing in yourself and be confident about your capabilities:

1. Remember your strong points: Make three separate lists of your strengths; achievements and your qualities that you admire. Take help from your friends, parents and other well-wishers for preparing these lists. These lists will help you in understanding your abilities and goodness. You will be able to believe in your strengths. You must read through these lists at least once daily.

2. Be positive: Optimism and a positive approach towards life are the key to success. Your self-esteem is influenced by the fact that how you look at life. Life is not a bed of roses. It is unavoidable that you will have to face critical situations or problems in life. But, what is important is to face them with courage and a faith in your own abilities. Be positive and stop developing negative thoughts about yourself. Get rid of thoughts like  I am a loser ;  I can t get rid of this problem ; etc.

3. Take care of your body: Your outward appearance sometimes works wonders in lifting up your inner-self and spirits. Keep yourself clean, trim your beard or hairs; cut your nails; don t forget to floss your teeth and maintain overall personal hygiene to develop a feeling of goodness.

4. Sleep well: A good night s sleep is essential for boosting up your self - esteem.

5. Eat right: A balanced diet is a key to good health. Eating the right food in the right way keeps your mental and physical health all right. Include minerals and vitamins in your regular meals. Avoid distractions like television or radio while taking meals.

6. Exercise: Regular workouts keep you away from mental-ill health.

7. Be cool and comfortable first: When it comes to your dressing, try to put on attires that you can carry well. Wear stuffs that you love the most.

How to Build your Self Esteem?

The Power Of Passion

Passion is the energy that can fuel a project, or a task. It gives you the energy to jump out of bed every morning or go to bed late after you have worked out the last block that was stopping your passion from flowing. It has a similar role to inspiration. When we engage in something we are passionate about, we feel free from external and internal blocks and in control. Time recedes into the background, and we feel empowered to engage in flow. 
Research has shown that passion has brought people back to life and start thriving again, making them more emotionally stable and a strong mental equilibrium. Abraham Maslow, a US psychologist said that without passion, nobody would reach their  self actualised  state.

Passion can make or break you. Passion can make you feel invigorated, committed, focussed, connected, courageous, creative, satisfied and productive. A man can be passionate about sports and take out time every week to indulge in his passion, while keeping his boss and family happy. 

On the other hand, it can also ruin your life by being obsessed and possessed by the fire of passion. A workaholic, who doesn t go back home till 2 am and reports to office again at 10 am, he who doesn t see his children nor relaxes or does any physical activity is ensuring a quick burnout in the guise of following a passion. A harmful passion can be diagnosed easily by gauging whether it controls you or you feel in control of your life, which is about harmonious passion.

WHY  YOU MUST NEVER GIVE UP YOUR PASSION

1. Helps you unwind and relax - Zafar liked to do puzzles, crosswords and Sudoku when he started his day. It freshened him up and his mind became sharper as he looked at various permutations and combinations for the words and numbers. Daily new neural pathways were getting stronger in his brain. This exercised his left brain adequately every day. He slept well. Do remember not to do such exercises before sleeping.   

2. Expands your life - Some hobbies like travelling, cooking, collecting trivia has its own benefits. This involves physical activity and meeting up with other people. This helps a person to remain connected with society and keep active. Ram liked travelling so much that he gave up his job to become a globe trotter and tied up with a TV channel to commentate on tourist locations. He earns handsomely from his hobby. His self esteem has doubled since then.

3. Keeps your mind productively channelized - Nandini s problem was that she didn t have anything to do while the kids were away at school. She had started feeling depressed and got headaches often. She knew that she connected well with the children in the neighbourhood and had a flair for painting. She started teaching them painting in the evenings. Soon she became very busy and had no time to get bored.  She not only made new friends, she also earned the respect and awe of her community. She feels energised, happy and motivated to work while looking forward to life.

4. Success at work - Often passion has been linked to success at work. It is seen that people who are passionate, committed and hardworking often excel in their work as they have a goal to achieve. They look forward to their day and any hurdles or failures don t deter them from trying again. Neela was always passionate about becoming an IT professional. She had grown up playing with computers. Despite her family not agreeing with her choice of profession, she went ahead and burnt the midnight oil to score high in school and college. She got picked up in campus placements and today she holds a coveted position in the company. She has motivated many girls from her conservative community to study and get work.

5. Keep away illness - Having a hobby or working passionately has its own share of health benefits. People have reported higher physical and emotional immunity. They had deep and strong bonding with their community. They didn t suffer from insomnia, depression, dementia and anxiety and hope was alive in them till the end. They knew that success and failure are two sides of the same coin. 




From Lybrate: If you found this tip useful, please thank the doctor by clicking on the heart icon below. Also, spread good health by sharing this tip with your loved ones over WhatsApp, Facebook and other media.


5 Logical Reasons You Must Never Give Up On Your Passion

The first question when you greet somebody is 'how are you' and this often refers to our state of well-being. While most answers would be great, awesome or good, we usually think of how we are doing physically. While some of us may talk about physical conditions (say things like feverish, have a cold, etc.), not many would think of talking about mental health conditions. However, mental health is very important for overall well-being. 

Can you think of someone who is severely depressed or anxious all the time and have a good physical health? Chances are very bleak, and if you consider the overall health as a mix of mental and physical balance, this is not possible. Read on to understand how important mental health is and why you should start paying more attention to it.

Improved physical health: If someone is in a stressed state, it is obvious that they would not be able to do the activities they enjoy. Being affected mentally also leads to reduced immunity and sleep disturbances, making the person prone to infections and other disorders. Stress is one of the main risk factors for chronic medical conditions like heart disease and diabetes.
Improved prognosis: Most often, doctors focus on treating the physical aspects of a person s health. However, with recent emphasis on mental health, more and more doctors are looking at wholesome measures to improve a person s health. Results show that when a person s mental health is also addressed, the physical ailments respond very well.
Improved productivity: People with unattended mental health disorders often resort to absence from work and/or school, can have financial instability, be homeless and can fall repeatedly. Being mentally healthy provides overall changed perspective of life and therefore improves productivity.
Improved personal relationships: Children of people affected with mental illness are prone to neglect, abuse, rejection, and behavioural issues. There is also social isolation, which may lead into adulthood, and these children may also have emotional health problems. Others in the close circle including spouses, siblings, parents, close friends and colleagues would be clearly affected by a person who is mentally unhealthy.
Social effects: These people are highly prone to social crimes like rape, murder, theft, violence, etc. They may not be able to afford their treatment and/or resort to these crimes to assert themselves.
Improved quality of life: Life expectancy is higher in people who are mentally healthy. Even with mild symptoms of anxiety and depression, this is reduced, and the chances of a happier, healthier life are reduced.
Whatever the effect, mental health needs to be addressed as equally as we do physical problems, using medications, counselling, or lifestyle changes.

Mental Health - 6 Reasons Why You Should Take it Seriously!

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