Humans are social animals who thrive on reciprocality. It is in our basic nature to be socially courteous, and the word 'No' feels like a conflict that warns a potential relationship. Many of us tend to comply with every single request that is put forward to us by our peers, family, or at the workplace by our superiors. We choose to take up more jobs than we can efficiently handle and put unnecessary stress on ourselves even at the cost of our time and well-being. Must we always do that? 

Why is it so hard to say 'No'?

People have the notion that saying 'No' can come across as rude or uncaring. You may feel that you are letting someone down by turning down their request or risking a relationship. But, it has mostly to do with your self-confidence than your relationships with people. It may branch from overbearing parents, high expectations set by your peers and mentors or experiencing parenthood yourself and setting unreasonable standards for yourself. Childhood influences are usually the biggest cause of people always saying  yes  all the time.

People who have low self-confidence tend to value their own needs less than the needs of others. Saying 'No' feels rude, and no one wants to be impolite.

Well... saying 'No' does not mean you are being rude or disagreeable.

At the end of the day, it is more about how you say 'no', rather than just saying the word 'No'. Saying 'No' is about valuing and respecting your own time and priorities. 

How to start saying say 'No'?
If you want to take a step back and start saying 'No' to make sure your own needs are valued, here s what you need to do.

Refuse politely, when it seems not possible: Do not overcomplicate responses and try to be as simple in your responses as you can be. If you are asked to do something, and you want to say 'no', try to be polite in your body language and state that it is not convenient for you at the moment and that you would rather get back to it later.
Seek time before committing: The transition from saying  yes  all the time to saying no does take time! Start to give yourself more time and ask people to get back to you later. This way you can begin to build more self-confidence and learn to say no over time. This also allows you to evaluate your response instead of immediately saying yes or no to the person asking the favor or task.
Do not feel guilty: Deep down if you want to do a favor, you can go ahead with it, but you should also understand that it is okay to say no, and there is no need to associate guilt with it. You should set boundaries and allow people around you to understand how much favors they can ask you for instead of presenting you with an endless amount of favors from you.
Set your boundaries: Refusal does not amount to rejection as you have just as much right to say  no  as the person who is asking the favor from you. You are simply turning down a request, and in most situations, there is a middle ground for compromises where both you and the requester can be satisfied. If you have limited time to fulfill a request, let the person know and help out only as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.
Bringing in these changes can help you be more self-confident, and at the same time enable you to say no when you need to without weighing yourself down with expectations and fear or rejection.

Simple Steps To Help You Say No!


7 CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONALLY STRONG PEOPLE

Emotionally strong people are better able to manage the stresses and distresses of daily life, and recover more quickly from challenges and crises when they arise. Is your emotional engine strong enough to take you through the ups and downs of life? Are you riding a bullock cart which can topple over anytime you pass through a broken road or are you driving a four wheel, all terrain vehicle, which will ensure you a safe trip through all the rocky terrains of your life?

A common cultural belief is that people who don’t cry and are unemotional, detached are the emotionally strong ones...and the ones who cry easily and exhibit emotional turmoil are the weaker ones. Well, this is just a myth and not an accurate indicator of one’s mental and emotional strength. A person’s internal coping mechanism will determine how strong he/she is emotionally and deal with challenges and bounce back from them. For eg. Two investors invest in a startup company and watch it fail after 5 years of hard work...one cries copious tears and falls apart, the other controls his emotions but feels defeated. Both were not emotionally strong as they couldn’t sustain the pressure and crumbled. It would have been fine if they felt sad and worried over the loss of time, resources and money and then bounced back with fresh ideas and renewed energy, which would have shown their capability to bounce back from difficult situations.

Unfortunately, too many of us judge ourselves incorrectly in exactly such moments. If we react emotionally or tearfully to emotionally challenging situations we scold ourselves for being weak, even when we have every intention of persisting and moving forward and even when we believe we will eventually succeed. Tears are usually a sign of frustration and disappointment, not defeat. What you believe about your future chances of success and how discouraged you feel in the long term is far more important than how often you cry in response to stresses and bad news.

The following list will help you decide how emotionally strong you are and where you need to work on yourself:

1) Emotionally strong people are less discouraged by setbacks and disappointments: they see each failure as an opportunity to learn and improvise over the last one. They compare themselves with themselves and define their own measures for failure and success. You could do an analysis of your strengths, limitations, opportunities and impediments in order to get over difficult situations. Geet, a student who didn’t get into his desired subject of IT, sat through 5 years of Law and did some extra courses in corporate law and worked towards fulfilling his dream of working in the Corporate. He felt confident, happy and satisfied with his efforts.

2) Emotionally strong people are more adaptable to change: they welcome and embrace changes in themselves and their environment simply because it brings newer opportunities and learning which can catapult them on their way to success. New boss, different stage of life, children going away are changes that will surely happen. Preparing for them in advance, can help people cope better with changes. When Surabhi got married, she took marital counselling to prepare for the differences that will crop up due to changes in the environment, thinking and attitudes of her inlaws family. She is a happy and successful wife and mother today.

3) Emotionally strong people are able to recognize and express their needs: ability to acknowledge and express your needs is being genuine to yourself and an expression of self care. People who are self aware move faster on the ladder of success as they are devoted and passionate towards their goals and needs. Taking care of your health and exercising along with a professional career makes for an emotionally strong person. You can become aware of your needs and values in counselling and experience contentment and power as you take charge of your life.

4) Emotionally strong people focus on getting around a hurdle rather than on the hurdle itself: focussing on the hurdle can be very emotionally draining and demotivating. Emotionally strong people invest their energies in working through a problem and looking for viable solutions, which ensures their victory over stresses and strains. If you have lost money in business, then working on your sales and marketing skills could get you better gains rather than feeling defeated. Counselling can help you look at problems objectively and from different perspectives. Get in touch with your problem solving skills and feel motivated and accomplished again.

5) Emotionally strong people can learn from mistakes and criticism: who hasn’t been subjected to criticism or made some mistakes? It’s human to err. Working towards excellence rather than perfection and looking for the golden piece of advice in the strong criticism helps emotionally strong people win over situations and important relationships. Sarita, an intelligent and smart woman ignored the critical remarks of her mother in law because she knew that there is a lot to learn from her. She knew which battles to fight and which ones to let go of.

6) Emotionally strong people tend to see the larger perspective in a challenging situation: They don’t get weighed down by smaller defeats when they have the larger picture in mind. An emotionally strong employee, Martin, who experienced office politics, kept his cool and focussed on his work.

7) Emotionally strong people are able to recover more quickly from emotional wounds such as failure or rejection: nobody can reject you unless you give them the permission. Seeing each failure as an opportunity to grow and learn helps. Staying with what you can do differently next time and having fall back plans helps to reduce the impact of failure. Thomas Edison didn’t get deterred by the number of times he could make his bulb glow. He kept looking at different permutations and combinations and kept learning from each mistake. Finally, his bulb glowed and now we all can benefit from the fruits of his hard labour.

If you don’t find yourself scoring high on this list, then there is no need to worry because in personal counselling, you can build emotional strength and capacity to bounce back by working on your mindset and learning more adaptable responses to stresses of daily living.

7 characteristics of emotionally strong people

The Power Of Passion

Passion is the energy that can fuel a project, or a task. It gives you the energy to jump out of bed every morning or go to bed late after you have worked out the last block that was stopping your passion from flowing. It has a similar role to inspiration. When we engage in something we are passionate about, we feel free from external and internal blocks and in control. Time recedes into the background, and we feel empowered to engage in flow. 
Research has shown that passion has brought people back to life and start thriving again, making them more emotionally stable and a strong mental equilibrium. Abraham Maslow, a US psychologist said that without passion, nobody would reach their  self actualised  state.

Passion can make or break you. Passion can make you feel invigorated, committed, focussed, connected, courageous, creative, satisfied and productive. A man can be passionate about sports and take out time every week to indulge in his passion, while keeping his boss and family happy. 

On the other hand, it can also ruin your life by being obsessed and possessed by the fire of passion. A workaholic, who doesn t go back home till 2 am and reports to office again at 10 am, he who doesn t see his children nor relaxes or does any physical activity is ensuring a quick burnout in the guise of following a passion. A harmful passion can be diagnosed easily by gauging whether it controls you or you feel in control of your life, which is about harmonious passion.

WHY  YOU MUST NEVER GIVE UP YOUR PASSION

1. Helps you unwind and relax - Zafar liked to do puzzles, crosswords and Sudoku when he started his day. It freshened him up and his mind became sharper as he looked at various permutations and combinations for the words and numbers. Daily new neural pathways were getting stronger in his brain. This exercised his left brain adequately every day. He slept well. Do remember not to do such exercises before sleeping.   

2. Expands your life - Some hobbies like travelling, cooking, collecting trivia has its own benefits. This involves physical activity and meeting up with other people. This helps a person to remain connected with society and keep active. Ram liked travelling so much that he gave up his job to become a globe trotter and tied up with a TV channel to commentate on tourist locations. He earns handsomely from his hobby. His self esteem has doubled since then.

3. Keeps your mind productively channelized - Nandini s problem was that she didn t have anything to do while the kids were away at school. She had started feeling depressed and got headaches often. She knew that she connected well with the children in the neighbourhood and had a flair for painting. She started teaching them painting in the evenings. Soon she became very busy and had no time to get bored.  She not only made new friends, she also earned the respect and awe of her community. She feels energised, happy and motivated to work while looking forward to life.

4. Success at work - Often passion has been linked to success at work. It is seen that people who are passionate, committed and hardworking often excel in their work as they have a goal to achieve. They look forward to their day and any hurdles or failures don t deter them from trying again. Neela was always passionate about becoming an IT professional. She had grown up playing with computers. Despite her family not agreeing with her choice of profession, she went ahead and burnt the midnight oil to score high in school and college. She got picked up in campus placements and today she holds a coveted position in the company. She has motivated many girls from her conservative community to study and get work.

5. Keep away illness - Having a hobby or working passionately has its own share of health benefits. People have reported higher physical and emotional immunity. They had deep and strong bonding with their community. They didn t suffer from insomnia, depression, dementia and anxiety and hope was alive in them till the end. They knew that success and failure are two sides of the same coin. 




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5 Logical Reasons You Must Never Give Up On Your Passion

Depression is a mental health disorder where one experiences lack of interest in activities and has a continuously depressed mood which can lead to serious impairments in that person s daily life.

Day by day, the number of patients suffering from depression is increasing. More than the facts, it is various myths people hear that makes them more vulnerable when suffering from this mental health disorder. Below are the 5 common myths and facts regarding depression.

Myth #1: Lazy people suffer from depression
People who have a lethargic life suffer from depression and hardworking people never experience it. This is probably one of the most widely believed myths about depression. However, in reality, it is excessive work pressure and overworking and the feeling that they are bound with responsibilities and are being exploited at the workplace that causes depression. Anyone can develop this mental condition, and workload and lifestyle do not always have something to do with depression.

Myth #2: Women are the main victims of depression
Another popular myth regarding depression is that it is women who mainly suffer from it. Yes, it is true that women are more sensitive than men, but developing depression has nothing to do with gender. Anyone, at any age, at any time, can suffer from depression.

Myth #3: Talking can never help in easing depression
There are some people who believe that depression is a mental health disorder, is only treated with psychiatric medicines that can help in dealing with this condition. However, what they don't understand is that doing something constructive and having positive conversations with their loved ones can actually benefit their mental health. Even, psychiatrists believe that talking sessions are one of the ways of treating depression.

Myth #4: Depression is the same as sadness
Consistently unhappy and sad people are often considered as being depressed. However, the fact is that both sadness and depression are two different things. While one can get over the former condition of feeling low and sad; suffering from depression leads to chemical changes inside the brain, causing changes in the behaviour, thinking, etc. of the affected person, thereby persistently damaging the daily life.

Myth #5: There s no link between depression and Physical exercise
Many people assume that physical exercise isn't helpful in dealing with depression since it is a mental illness and not a physical condition. However, the fact is that moderate amount of physical exercise not only helps in improving mental aspects but also boosts the concentration power of the person.

No matter how mild or serious the form of depression one suffers from, opting for psychiatric help becomes crucial to avoid risks of deterioration of the condition in any way. After all, a professional psychiatrist can not only help one suffering from depression by treating them with necessary medications and therapies but also help in differentiating the facts from the myths thoroughly.

5 Myths About Depression Debunked!

While many of us may associate healthy food with a healthy body, it is also true that healthy food can support a healthy brain. As we start to grow old, there is something known as oxidative damage which can lead to memory impairment and general brain decline. A healthy brain is one where the brain function is at an appropriate level and the ageing process has been pushed back in terms of stellar memory and information processing. According to Ayurveda and other arms of medical science, there are a number of super food items that can help in this process. Here is a list of five food items that can lead to a healthier brain.

Brahmi: This is one of the most commonly used Ayurvedic herbs. It can be used for many ailments and it is also prescribed as a brain tonic for stronger memory. Besides making the memory clear and sharp, this ingredient can improve the brain s grasping power and the mental capacity of the brain. It is also an excellent anti-anxiety agent, as per Ayurvedic science.
Ginkgo Biloba: This herb promotes better blood circulation in the brain, which helps in improving the overall brain function. It is also a memory enhancer. This herb is used by Ayurvedic doctors for the treatment of Alzheimer s Disease and Amnesia. It is a good medicine that can repair the damaged cells of the brain.
Ashwagandha: This is also known as an Ayurvedic wonder herb. This herb contains many beneficial properties for the brain and the rest of the body. When it comes to the brain and its functioning, Ashwagandha is ideal for patients who are suffering from severe stress. Besides being a stress reliever, this herb can also be used to keep the brain in a calm state for better performance. It helps in improving the functioning of the brain and its complex nerves. This herb is also a good memory enhancer.
Gotu Kola: Gotu Kola is a well-known Ayurvedic herb that can be used for protecting the nerves from damage. It protects the brain cells as well. Also, it enhances the capacity of the brain and leads to improved performance thanks to the many vital elements that it carries.
Mulethi: This is a stress relieving herb used by Ayurvedic doctors. It improves the blood circulation in the nervous system, which gives rise to better brain function. This is a very good herb for children and students, as it is a memory booster which helps them in retaining and retrieving information. It is also a stress relieving medicine that can be used to keep the brain calm and cool even in the most challenging situation.
Adding the above discussed products to your daily diet can help you achieve your fitness goals in terms of body and brain.

Five Food Items For A Healthier Brain!

Depression is one of the complex physical and psychological disorders. The disease is characterized by loss of pleasure or interest, sadness, feelings of guilt, low self worth, disturbed sleep and appetite, poor concentration and feelings of tiredness. The common effect of this condition is leads to the decreased activity level in some parts of the brain. The disease is a mild one that causes little annoyance in daily life. But the extreme stages may lead to severe effects where the affected person may fail to participate in their social life. In rare cases severity of suicide is even possible.

Depression is diagnosed by these symptoms:

    Lack of interest or joy in activities
    Sadness or low mood levels
    Feel of guilt without any reason
    Pessimism
    Inferiority thoughts
    Slow thought process
    Irritability
    Slow in interpreting sensorial stimuli
    Slow physical reactions
    Slow physical processes or digestion.

Types of depression
It can be either be a single disease or the effect of other diseases. It can also be due to two or more factors. Based on the cause the disease, it has been divided into six types, which are

    Reactive depression: Caused due to psychological struggle and stress.
    Endogenous depression: Caused due to strain or lack of rest.
    Depression by physical disease: This is caused due to any physical disease such as Parkinson s disease, stroke, hypertension, heart disease, cushing s syndrome, mononucleosis, hypothyroidism neurotransmitters in the brain etc.
    Depressive consequence of unsound lifestyle: This is caused due to less exercise, too much alcohol, coffee or tea consumption, least intake of necessary nutrients, too much sugar intake and fat.
    Postnatal depression: This happens mostly in women after pregnancy and child birth.
    Seasonal affective disorder: This happen due to cold and dark seasons of the year. The lack of light is the factor for causing depression as well. 

Treatment of depression
Best way to treat depression is through Psychotherapy, also anti - depression medicines are usually prescribed to treat the effects of depression. But the intake of these types of medicines result in nervous disorder. However, the best way to treat is through environmental changes and positive and happy surrounds to the affected person along with psychological counseling.

6 Types of Depression! + How it Affects Us?

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