Humans are social animals who thrive on reciprocality. It is in our basic nature to be socially courteous, and the word 'No' feels like a conflict that warns a potential relationship. Many of us tend to comply with every single request that is put forward to us by our peers, family, or at the workplace by our superiors. We choose to take up more jobs than we can efficiently handle and put unnecessary stress on ourselves even at the cost of our time and well-being. Must we always do that? 

Why is it so hard to say 'No'?

People have the notion that saying 'No' can come across as rude or uncaring. You may feel that you are letting someone down by turning down their request or risking a relationship. But, it has mostly to do with your self-confidence than your relationships with people. It may branch from overbearing parents, high expectations set by your peers and mentors or experiencing parenthood yourself and setting unreasonable standards for yourself. Childhood influences are usually the biggest cause of people always saying  yes  all the time.

People who have low self-confidence tend to value their own needs less than the needs of others. Saying 'No' feels rude, and no one wants to be impolite.

Well... saying 'No' does not mean you are being rude or disagreeable.

At the end of the day, it is more about how you say 'no', rather than just saying the word 'No'. Saying 'No' is about valuing and respecting your own time and priorities. 

How to start saying say 'No'?
If you want to take a step back and start saying 'No' to make sure your own needs are valued, here s what you need to do.

Refuse politely, when it seems not possible: Do not overcomplicate responses and try to be as simple in your responses as you can be. If you are asked to do something, and you want to say 'no', try to be polite in your body language and state that it is not convenient for you at the moment and that you would rather get back to it later.
Seek time before committing: The transition from saying  yes  all the time to saying no does take time! Start to give yourself more time and ask people to get back to you later. This way you can begin to build more self-confidence and learn to say no over time. This also allows you to evaluate your response instead of immediately saying yes or no to the person asking the favor or task.
Do not feel guilty: Deep down if you want to do a favor, you can go ahead with it, but you should also understand that it is okay to say no, and there is no need to associate guilt with it. You should set boundaries and allow people around you to understand how much favors they can ask you for instead of presenting you with an endless amount of favors from you.
Set your boundaries: Refusal does not amount to rejection as you have just as much right to say  no  as the person who is asking the favor from you. You are simply turning down a request, and in most situations, there is a middle ground for compromises where both you and the requester can be satisfied. If you have limited time to fulfill a request, let the person know and help out only as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.
Bringing in these changes can help you be more self-confident, and at the same time enable you to say no when you need to without weighing yourself down with expectations and fear or rejection.

Simple Steps To Help You Say No!

The Power Of Passion

Passion is the energy that can fuel a project, or a task. It gives you the energy to jump out of bed every morning or go to bed late after you have worked out the last block that was stopping your passion from flowing. It has a similar role to inspiration. When we engage in something we are passionate about, we feel free from external and internal blocks and in control. Time recedes into the background, and we feel empowered to engage in flow. 
Research has shown that passion has brought people back to life and start thriving again, making them more emotionally stable and a strong mental equilibrium. Abraham Maslow, a US psychologist said that without passion, nobody would reach their  self actualised  state.

Passion can make or break you. Passion can make you feel invigorated, committed, focussed, connected, courageous, creative, satisfied and productive. A man can be passionate about sports and take out time every week to indulge in his passion, while keeping his boss and family happy. 

On the other hand, it can also ruin your life by being obsessed and possessed by the fire of passion. A workaholic, who doesn t go back home till 2 am and reports to office again at 10 am, he who doesn t see his children nor relaxes or does any physical activity is ensuring a quick burnout in the guise of following a passion. A harmful passion can be diagnosed easily by gauging whether it controls you or you feel in control of your life, which is about harmonious passion.

WHY  YOU MUST NEVER GIVE UP YOUR PASSION

1. Helps you unwind and relax - Zafar liked to do puzzles, crosswords and Sudoku when he started his day. It freshened him up and his mind became sharper as he looked at various permutations and combinations for the words and numbers. Daily new neural pathways were getting stronger in his brain. This exercised his left brain adequately every day. He slept well. Do remember not to do such exercises before sleeping.   

2. Expands your life - Some hobbies like travelling, cooking, collecting trivia has its own benefits. This involves physical activity and meeting up with other people. This helps a person to remain connected with society and keep active. Ram liked travelling so much that he gave up his job to become a globe trotter and tied up with a TV channel to commentate on tourist locations. He earns handsomely from his hobby. His self esteem has doubled since then.

3. Keeps your mind productively channelized - Nandini s problem was that she didn t have anything to do while the kids were away at school. She had started feeling depressed and got headaches often. She knew that she connected well with the children in the neighbourhood and had a flair for painting. She started teaching them painting in the evenings. Soon she became very busy and had no time to get bored.  She not only made new friends, she also earned the respect and awe of her community. She feels energised, happy and motivated to work while looking forward to life.

4. Success at work - Often passion has been linked to success at work. It is seen that people who are passionate, committed and hardworking often excel in their work as they have a goal to achieve. They look forward to their day and any hurdles or failures don t deter them from trying again. Neela was always passionate about becoming an IT professional. She had grown up playing with computers. Despite her family not agreeing with her choice of profession, she went ahead and burnt the midnight oil to score high in school and college. She got picked up in campus placements and today she holds a coveted position in the company. She has motivated many girls from her conservative community to study and get work.

5. Keep away illness - Having a hobby or working passionately has its own share of health benefits. People have reported higher physical and emotional immunity. They had deep and strong bonding with their community. They didn t suffer from insomnia, depression, dementia and anxiety and hope was alive in them till the end. They knew that success and failure are two sides of the same coin. 




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5 Logical Reasons You Must Never Give Up On Your Passion

Most mental and emotional health issues are inconspicuous in nature and, therefore, cause more harm than they otherwise should, most people still live with a number of symptoms of depression without even realizing it or do little to address it. When the depressive symptoms last for more than 2 weeks and affect the individual's personal, social or occupational life, it is known as clinical depression or major depression. There is often a delay in opting for the treatment because of the social taboo associated with depression.

Depression makes a person miserable, disappointed, restless or numb for long and tedious timeframes, and is debilitating, particularly when they can't demonstrate their feelings and worries to anybody. It can meddle with their productivity and can become a concern not only in workplaces, but also in social circles.

So here's how to deal with a friend or family member in a depressed state of mind:

Be considerate: Do understand that depression doesn't mean" trouble". Melancholy is a condition with an assortment of side effects like exhaustion, confused mind state and rest issues. These are all side effects of melancholy. Crabbiness is an exceptionally basic side effect, which once in a while is encountered by many individuals, and can lead to an expanded sensitivity. Normally, it's difficult to be sympathetic with someone who is behaving grumpily. But you need to make a conscious effort to still see the positive in depressed individuals and lead them to hope.
Encourage and support: Try not to shame people for being negative. Dejection changes the world into a scene of pessimism. Discouraged individuals don't just focus on the negatives, but they also disregard the positives.
Do validate: Approval can help manage a depressed state, and can wean a friend or family member out of depression. Remember that someone with dejection is not living in the same universe as you. The laws that oversee your universe don't exist in theirs.Depressed individuals require your understanding, your empathy, and your affection, considerably more when they are having a troublesome day, week or month. It is hard, but possible. Discouraged individuals value a positive backing in particular.
Never say 'you're too much': When someone with depression is told "you're too much" particularly by somebody near them, it can send them spiralling into blame and nervousness and bitterness. Being encouraging and empowering is likewise useful.
Be patient with the treatment process: A certain amount of trial and error in treatment is to be expected, Baer said. But the good news is that doctors can often help people with depression feel better and function better with a combination of medication and talk therapy, he added. With time and treatment, depression can lift.


Tips for Dealing with a Depressed Family Member

When you get a compliment'smart thinking or you are intelligent or that was intelligent of you, you definitely feel good. These comments fill us with confidence, admiration and pride and we want it to happen to us again and again. But owing to a busy schedule and long working hours it might not be possible. Having said this, it does not mean that a person cannot stay intelligent throughout. This can be easily achieved by regular meditation. Regular meditation and yoga helps the mind to be more reflective and efficient.

Here are reasons how yoga and meditation lead to an intellectual learning and growth:

 Utilizes the brain: almost everyone uses one half of their brain more and this leads to imbalance. Meditation is believed to sync the left and the right hemispheres, thereby allowing neural connection and great processing power. When logical left and creative right brains start working in harmony, then solving problems becomes easy; and it also increases creativity, deep thinking comes to be known of and concentration and focus magnifies. Highly successful people usually display whole brain synchronization.
 Functional capabilities of brain enhance due to meditation: research backs it that meditation increases the gray matter thickness of the brain regions, thus making the brain smarter, bigger and faster. This is very similar to doing physical exercise which makes the muscles denser and stronger. The increase in functional capabilities of brain is based on the concept of neuroplasticity, which states that our intelligence is not based on genetics and there are some things which can be done to improve the way our brain works. Meditation is a good brain enhancer with an ability to increase intelligence.
 Beneficial brainwave patterns can be seen: meditation can help to guide the brainwaves into beneficial frequencies. The frequencies: alpha, theta and delta when guided can show case a myriad of benefits including idea generation, creativity, cognitive functioning, and intellectual capacity. Meditation helps to transform these beneficial states of mind and help boost the iq.
 Develops intuition and insights: these are generally obtained through listening and developing to the inner voice. Thus meditation forms to be the basic key to tap these latent abilities. The intelligence can be mapped through tests and quizzes and is valuable at each level to stimulate insights and creativity. As per some people, inner intelligence, is considered to be the most important and best success in the world. Successful people including steve jobs have stated that their super revolutionary ideas and business acumen came through their intuition.
 Meditation helps in improving both short and long term memory: the key memory areas hippocampus and frontal lobe show increase in activity during meditation. By stimulating these areas, the short and long term memories are improved.

Can Yoga Improve Your IQ?

Every person is familiar with the remark  Stop fidgeting  but does anybody ever wonder why do humans fidget? Is there any scientific reason for such an action? This article will throw light on the underlying causes for what is known as fidgeting.

Fidgeting and its underlying causes

Scientific research has revealed that fidgeting has many benefits still most people get annoyed when they see another person twitching and tapping. Most people do this seemingly without any control over their movement when they are ordered to be still. Research shows that there is at least one biological reason to back this action.
Since the same brain area is used for movement and speech, it is only natural that gestures are interlinked with thorough preparation for a speech. People tend to move their hands more when they are looking for a word to say, but are not being able to find it. In a recent study, it was found that school children between the age of 6-8 years who use their hands a lot can come up with the right answers during lessons.
While this is one theory, another neurological theory suggests that a portion of the mental load is off-loaded through the process of fidgeting when people have to tackle complex problems or thoughts. The theory is called cognitive load hypothesis. The offloading mechanism frees up the mental faculties thus, devoting them to the mental process. While this may not be a definitive explanation for fidgeting, it does go to show that there is a link between a person s hand movements and their thought and speech process.
Other reasons for fidgeting

Other than the cognitive advantages, some evidence has also been found linking fidgeting with metabolism. People who fidget are found to have a higher metabolism and lower BMI. This difference can be seen between thin and overweight people. Fidgeting amidst lollygagging during the day helps burn up to 350 calories a day. Also, fidgeting among other incidental physical activity helps keep an individual fit.
Among other reasons, fidgeting also serves as a coping mechanism for people with ADD. If a person is engaged in something that he/she is not interested in then the additional sensory-motor input that is even slightly stimulating or entertaining helps the brain to get completely engaged. This helps to maintain focus on the actual activity being performed by the individual.
So, fidgeting helps distract that part of the brain that is getting bored. This helps the other parts of the brain focus better on the actual activity. This is known as floating attention which perhaps is an evolutionary trait that dates back to prehistoric times. In those times, the ability to focus entirely on a task with undivided attention was not favorable to the human since doing so could make them unaware of the enormous ravenous beast hiding behind the bushes.
Thus, though there is some degree of understanding is there when it comes to fidgeting, more research studies are required to gain further insight. Consult an expert & get answers to your questions!

Fidgeting - Why Do We Do It?

Did you know that almost all of your nerves converge in your feet and that your foot is the most sensitive part of the human body? Did you also know that if there are any complications to your body, then the feet can show the symptoms indirectly? Science has time and again proved this and it is high time that you give the adequate care for your feet.

This is nowhere explained better than in ancient Ayurveda, where it emphasises the importance of foot massage and the need to strengthen the nerves. Ayurveda has a long traditional foot massage therapy called as  Padabhyanga  which can be traced back to more than 5000 years. The foot massage with essential oils would improve blood and lymphatic circulation, nourishes the skin, and calms the restless mind.

Foot massaging can relax the muscles of the feet and legs, it can also help in relieving stress and anxiety. Just like how the tree gets their nourishment from their roots, channelling a proper foot massage can rejuvenate the entire mind and body.  Let us look at in detail.

What is Padabhyanga?

The word Padabhyanga comes from the two Sanskrit words  Pada+abhyanga   Pada  means foot and  Abhyanga  means massage. It is one of the most calming and soothing massage therapy and can keep your mind and soul revitalised if done in a proper way. Participating in this massage therapy daily can allow you to release the clogged energies.

3 Types of Padabhyanga Massage:

The massage can be segregated into three different types as detailed below.

Padabhyanga with hand: This type of massage is the fundamental form of massage and is basically done by your hand in the rubbing and stroking of foot. The heat is generated by it and the cardiovascular circulation gets activated. The massage uses sesame seed oil generally and in some cases even herbal infused oil is also used for a better cure.
Padabhyanga with kasa bowl: In this type of massage, a Kasa bowls with oil coating are wormed. Then the bowl s round surfaces are used to massage the foot and sole in a circular motion. The kasa bowls are generally made of copper and tin. Massaging in such a manner can eliminate toxins and it can also release negative energies from your body.
Padabhyanga marma therapy: This type of therapy is very similar to acupuncture, where the pressure points of your feet are activated. These are called as marma points and special care is taken to make sure that these marma points are activated by pressing them over a small period of time. The therapy releases negative energy and relaxes your mind with rejuvenation.

Foot Massage - How It Can Help Relieve Stress?

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