Marriage or any healthy relationship, is a bonding and not a binding. Finding the right person and living happily ever after is only true in fairy tales. In reality, once you find the right partner, maintaining and nurturing the relationship bond itself takes a lifetime and living happily solely depends on how you cultivate relationship with your partner.

Communication is one of the chief ingredients besides trust, understanding, love, care, companionship and empathy in a happy and successful marriage. And, failure to communicate is one of the foremost reasons for the failure of relationships. Do you say I love you and appreciate your partner or do you just criticise and complain about him/her all day long? Do you consider his/her ideas and feelings or always turn them down? To communicate effectively is to express yourself freely to your partner, convey your likes and dislikes, convey what turns you on and what doesn't! Unless and until you are vocal about your thoughts and feelings, how do you expect your partner to understand you? You feel frustrated and upset because things don't happen your way but have you tried to 'express' your way to your partner?

Lack of communication in relationships results in frustration, misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations, guilt and can create personal differences. It is difficult for people who share their lives with each other to coexist for long without having regular and smooth communication for oiling the machinery of the relationship.

Couples who communicate effectively are not always devoid of arguments. Arguments happen because there is a difference of opinion between the partners; which is a very normal thing. Arguments usually end in nasty and bitter manner. However, it is up to us to convert that unhealthy argument into a healthy one! Most of us indulge in these arguments to win; not to resolve the matter! What is important is the 'progress' in the matter at hand, not the victory.

Remember, not to engage in any serious discussion or disclosure when angry as you tend to lose balance and rational reasoning. The same holds true in a situation where your partner is not up to it. Receptivity is of utmost importance. A 'No' from a partner does not mean not now, not ever. It simply means I don't want to do that right now! Feeling free to say no if the request is unappealing at that point in time.

Communication cues that can help improve the quality of argument:

Remember, there is no blaming game! WHAT is Right is more important than WHO is right.
Use I statements instead of You always statements. Example I feel angry vs. You always humiliate me. When you use I statements, you're taking the onus on you.
Attack the issue; not each other!
Refrain from the 4 C's : Caustic (sarcasm), Compare, Condemn and Criticize.
Avoid mind-reading your partner and assuming things; instead express yourself verbally.
Using 'I feel' statements are better over You are ones. When you say I feel, you're taking the onus for your feelings and thoughts and avoiding direct blame on your partner.
Have an open mind. Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open. Be proactive and open to changes, alternatives and work effectively for resolving a conflict.
Stay away from Stereotyping (generalizing - all men are like that...) 'Gunnysacking; (nursing past grievances and bringing them up for review while trying to resolve a present conflict).
No engaging in 'Summarizing self-syndrome' where both partners continue to restate his/her stance and issues without actually listening to other and without understanding other's perspective, feeling frustrated.
Cut back on 'Catastrophizing' i.e. dwelling on the worst possible outcomes of a problem or risk that you face, to the point that even remote, unlikely disasters preoccupy your attention. Often, objectivity becomes clouded, and you may gradually begin to feel or act as though these unlikely events are really going to happen.
Get rid of 'Stereotyping'; (generalizing - all men are like..) and 'Gunnysacking' (cropping up issues from the past having no relevance to current problem).
Don't send double messages- statements which have two conflicting meanings. Keep it as simple and assertive as possible.
A mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it is open. So have a broad perspective, try to understand your partner's perspective and try and arrive at a mutually agreeable decision that caters to well-being as a whole. Matrimony is the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented. What counts in making a happy marriage is not how much compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. Marriage was, is and never will be perfect, Yet it is the happiest wrong we are doing on earth!

Are You Happily (n)Ever After?

The activity of delaying or putting off something is known as procrastination. Even the best individuals battle with it consistently. However, some people accomplish something that the majority of us do not- they push past it. They do not permit it to influence their work. They develop brilliant and beneficial techniques to break past mental obstructions and remain productive. Here are a few ways with which you can beat procrastination:

Try to start: Starting something can be very difficult. However, in case that you can get over that part, you will have some level of energy. Even your brain will probably goad you to continue dealing with the task. This happens because of a mental phenomenon called the Zeigarnik impact. It says that unfinished tasks will probably stay in your memory. This is exactly why planned things and to-do lists consistently appear in your mind until you finish them.
Separate huge tasks into smaller assignments: Enormous tasks can frighten you, so you put them off. By taking that huge task and separating it into smaller assignments, you can decrease your burden make a start. This could include concentrating on one part of the research to begin with.
Ask yourself  why? : It is easier to inspire yourself to accomplish something you value. In case you are attempting to complete something, why not spend a couple of minutes asking yourself precisely why you need to do it and why it is so important to you. Weighing out the positives and negatives of the task and its benefits for you, can make you decide and perform better.
Attempt to take a break: For those who procrastinate out of having worked too much, it does not mean you have to complete the task at once. This is known as the "sunk cost bias." The "sunk cost bias" influences players, speculators, and even a procrastinator. They feel that the task will need to be completed now and cannot be completed in the future. In some cases, a task simply does not mean you have to work on it more and more after hours.
Go easy on yourself: To beat procrastination, you should be strict with yourself. However, that is not what science says. In case that you have procrastinated till now, you will probably begin on time going ahead. You need to show yourself some sympathy for your previous laziness instead of thrashing yourself about it.
Self-control is an important quality many successful individuals have. Having self-control permits you to carefully understand why you are procrastinating and can likewise, work towards it. When you understand why you are doing so, it will be easier for you to make a plan to beat it. This will allow you to see the underlying cause of your problem as well.

Procrastination - 5 Ways You Can Beat It!

If you are living with bipolar disorder then you will need a combination of skills to successfully combat each day of your life. Educating yourself about the disorder is the first step, however, there are certain tips that can come in handy on numerous occasions. 

Here are 5 tips that will really help you out:

Educate yourself about the disorder: The first thing you need to do is educate yourself about the details of bipolar disorder. Find out about the symptoms, read about the causes and the diagnosis procedure and ultimately find out everything about the treatment. Your doctor will provide you all the information and suggest you all the required treatment procedures. However, don t try to self-diagnose and self-treat your disorder without an expert opinion.
Stay connected with your friends and loved ones: Isolation is not the best way to handle bipolar disorder. The more you isolate yourself the higher the risk of mood swings. This lack of connection will lead to depression and that should be avoided at all cost. So try to be as connected to the world as possible. Talk to your family members, hangout with your friends, spend time with people around you; and you will feel a lot better.
Track the symptoms: Keep a daily log of your moods, thoughts and behaviors. This is a fantastic way to track the symptoms of the disorder. This will be revealing in the end, as when you present them before the doctor, he/she will be able to easily diagnose your condition. Try to keep track of particular incidents that may trigger any stress and change in behavior and log the mood episodes that you may have experienced pertaining to those triggers.
Employ coping mechanisms: It is not always possible to call on your doctor or counselor, so try to develop your own coping mechanism with the help of your doctor or counselor. Your mood episodes are going to be spontaneous so the coping mechanisms should be kept in mind. It can be anything that induces calmness in you such as staying connected, happy thoughts, music and any other healthy habits that captures your interest and engages you in something else.
Create a crisis plan: Create a contact list that will include the people, serially, who should be contacted in case of an emergency or a crisis attack. If you feel like you are experiencing any symptoms then contact them for help. When you are out of control, you will not have much time, so it is also advised to keep emergency numbers on speed dial to get yourself hospitalized without any time loss. Add your loved ones to the emergency contact list.


Suffering from Bipolar Disorder - 5 Things That Can Really Help!

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder which develops due to a terrifying traumatic incident. Traumatic events like violent personal assaults, man-made disasters, accidents, military combat etc. can trigger PTSD. 

What are the symptoms of PTSD?
People with PTSD mostly re-experience the whole incident repeatedly in the form of flashback episodes and nightmares. This happens more when they are exposed to the events or objects which are reminiscent of the trauma. The other symptoms are emotional numbness, sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety and irritability leading to outbursts of anger on others. People with PTSD feel intense guilt mostly. Anniversaries of such an event can also trigger symptoms of PTSD. When these symptoms last for more than a month, the person is diagnosed with PTSD.

Who will most likely develop PTSD?
You do not need to be in the military to suffer from PTSD. People who have suffered child abuse during school, who have had traumatic experiences are more likely to develop the condition. Other factors that may cause PTSD are still under research.

When does PTSD occur?
PTSD can occur at any age, given the intensity and frequency of symptoms. The symptoms typically are seen within 3 months post a traumatic event, although it may not begin until next year. Once the PTSD symptoms appear, the severity and duration of the illness may vary.

What are the treatments available for PTSD?
Cognitive-behavioral therapy, group therapy, and exposure therapy have been very effective in treating PTSD where the patient gradually and repeatedly relives the frightening experience under controlled surroundings which helps him/her work through the trauma. Medicines also help ease associated symptoms such as depression and anxiety.

Do other illnesses accompany PTSD?
PTSD can present with many associated conditions like depression, alcohol or substance abuse, anxiety disorder etc. Certain symptoms like headaches, gastrointestinal ailments, immune system issues, dizziness, chest pain or discomfort in other parts of the body are common. To treat PTSD entirely, it is necessary to take these symptoms into consideration as well.

PTSD is a difficult condition to deal with. If you or someone you know happens to suffer from PTSD, the first thing is to seek help. Having PTSD does not make you weak. All you need is a little help and support from your family and friends, to make you feel better. Happy Mind, Healthy You!

5 Interesting Facts About Post Traumatic Stress Disorder!

In many cases; divorce and separation leads not only to bad blood between the parents, but also in a child alienating himself from one parent. Insulting or belittling one parent without justification or under pressure from the other parent is known as parental alienation syndrome. Parental alienation involves one parent undermining the other and interfering with the child s relationship with the other parent by limiting contact with them, bad mouthing them, forbidding discussion about them etc. This can have a very negative effect on the child s emotional state.

1. Self hatred: For children, hatred is not inborn, but developed by the situations they are in. By bad mouthing a parent and teaching the child to hate the parent, the child himself is harmed. With time, he begins to internalize this hatred and believe that there is something wrong with him that made the alienated parent not want him.

2. Low self esteem: When a child is not allowed to speak his mind and has to bottle up his thoughts, he becomes socially withdrawn. Often the child begins to feel that he is the cause for the rift in the family and makes himself responsible for the separation. This intensifies with time and makes the child lose confidence in himself leading to low self esteem.

3. Lack of trust: When a child is suddenly pulled away from one parent and told how that parent is not a  good person  the child is likely to feel betrayed. This creates a sense of doubt in the child s mind and makes it difficult for him to trust other people. As he grows up, this can affect his own adult relationships as well.

4. Depression: Depression is a commonly seen in children from broken homes and this is intensified in cases of parental alienation. It is rooted in the child s feeling unloved by either one of the parents and built up by the separation. Not being given a chance to speak about their feelings or talk about the situation makes them more depressed and they begin to withdraw into themselves. In many cases, it is noted that alienated children have strained relationships with their own children as well.

5. Substance abuse: Depression is one of the most common triggers for substance abuse. Alienated children often feels trapped and that they have no outlet to vent their feelings and frustrations. This often makes them turn towards drugs for relief and can make them victims of substance abuse.

Effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome on Children

What is avoidant personality disorder?

Feelings of inadequacy for long durations and being extremely sensitive to what others think of you is a disorder called avoidant personality disorder symptom. Such feelings of inadequacy in turn push the person to become isolated from the society and the person avoids people, work, and other activities. Social and occupational functioning is affected as the person is extremely sensitive and has very low self-esteem. Symptoms of avoidant personality disorder are:

1. Avoiding social interactions: people suffering from this disorder avoid almost all sorts of interpersonal contact since they lie with the fear of rejection, disapproval and criticism.

2. Avoiding risks: they avoid taking personal risks or being involved in activities which seem new, because they fear that they will embarrass themselves.

3. Socially unplugged: they are not willing to get involved with individuals unless they are absolutely certain of being liked by the person.

4. Preoccupied with negative perception: the idea of being criticized or rejected in social functions is so deep within their psyche that they are often preoccupied with only this thought in their minds.

5. Inferiority complex: people suffering from avoidant personality disorder consider themselves as good for nothing, unappealing, and inferior to everyone else.

6. Avoid intimacy: they are always reluctant to get into intimate relationships because they feel that they will be shamed and ridiculed. Because of such fears, they let go of relationships where they would have been genuinely cherished too.

The only treatment possible for this disorder is psychotherapy. While some people opt for long term therapy, most people usually visit a psychotherapist only when they feel overwhelmed with their fear and emotions.

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6 Signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder, 2nd Most Common Psychiatric Disorder

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