In our study of the females of urban area, the following were the comments made by them when asked as to why they felt lack of sexual interest for their partners:
Deteriorated sexual self-esteem
Women expressed lower feeling of attractiveness and change in the body image. Such feelings overshadowed their sexual self-steam. “…I’m not happy with my body. I have sagging breasts and flabby stomach bulging out after child birth which made me very ugly ... I don’t feel attractive at all (24 y/o, teacher).
Some participants had experienced being reproached by their spouse and believed that this behavior had reduced their self-confidence. “…He permanently finds faults in my body. He blames my loose vagina, my passivity in sex and…; my self-confidence in sex has been reduced” (44y/o, teacher).
The spouse’s infidelity was also expressed by some women. “I have noticed his relationships for some years. He has not approached me for several months” (45 y/o, govt officer).
Deteriorated feminine position
Sexual desirability was mentioned by some participants. “When I was sexually active, I had more energy and motivation. I felt merriment and lively but I don’t, now.” (36 y/o, PhD).
Feeling as an incompetent woman was very challenging for the women who took part in this research.“Meeting the sexual need of the spouse is the duty of his wife. He wants me to be like other eager women, but I have no interest in sex. I do not act in a feminine manner” (42 y/o, Master of Science).
Being rejected by the spouse was also stated by some women. “He says that he doesn’t want me anymore. When I remember his words, I go mad. I have even cried during intercourse several times” (33 y/o, diploma).
Struggle in sexual issues
Concern about losing the relationship and spouse
Accepting sex to maintain the spouse was mentioned by women. “He also needs sex. Either I have to accept it or he may have desire for other women” (40 y/o, bachelor).
Many of housewife women talked about financial support: “When I need money, I accept the relationship, even an anal intercourse” (30 y/o, diploma).
Concern about continued sexual reluctance was worrying in some women. “If my lack of desire continues, I may see his sexual frigidity and our intimate relationship will collapse… I will get miserable” (24y/o, diploma).
Surrendering to sexual relationship
Half of the women expressed their pretension to be interested in sex and their role playing: “I pretend I am interested in sex, but he knows that I’m not behaving like the past”. I role-play in sex to satisfy my husband’s sexual needs.” (24 y/o, diploma).
Deterioration of the couple’s relationship
Deteriorated marital interactions
Less emotional interactions with the spouse was stated by some women. “I’ve been avoiding him and I don’t get intimate with him” (39 y/o, associate degree).
Women believed that change in the spouse’s behavior reduced his attractiveness. “… If my husband demands sex and I refuse it, he will get grumpy and will find an excuse to begin an argument” (31 y/o, associate degree).
Reduced affection expressed by the spouse was also mentioned “...he doesn’t care about me anymore. If I go to my mom’s house from morning to evening, he even doesn’t call to see how I am doing”. (30y/o, diploma).
Sexual disharmony between the couple
Lack of sexual talk with the spouse was observed among the majority of participations.
“I haven’t talked about my problem with him. We do not talk about sexual issues together” (30 y/o, diploma).
Sexual avoidance of the woman was stated by participants. “When my husband demands sex, I say I’m busy or sleepy…” (24 y/o, diploma).
More than half of women referred to sexual coercion by their spouses. “Sometimes, I have to accept sex. It is very difficult to tolerate it. I feel offended and choked with anger” (31 y/o, bachelor).
Anal and oral sex were considered as annoying or unusual sexual demands by the spouse “anal sex according to Islam, it should be avoided ... I also don’t like oral sex. I feel women are insulted to do so. I feel sick when I talk about it” (22 y/o, diploma).
Most women report that clitoral stimulation is an integral aspect of their orgasm experience. we conducted a study on Eighty-eight women 18 to 53 years old who answered detailed questions about their usual and recent orgasm experiences, sexual history, depression, and anxiety. Then, they viewed a series of sexual films.Most women (64%) reported that clitoral and vaginal stimulation contributed to their usual method of reaching orgasm. Women who reported primarily stimulating their clitoris to reach orgasm reported higher trait sexual drive and higher sexual arousal to visual sexual stimulation and were better able to increase their sexual arousal to visual sexual stimulation when instructed than women who reported orgasms primarily from vaginal sources. Thus, watching porn or sex video call will help a woman get orgasm more by clitoral stimulation than vaginal insertion.
Relax before sex. Use some relaxation techniques before becoming intimate with your partner. This will help take the focus off of performance. Strive to enjoy every moment of the experience. Take some deep breaths and consciously relax tight muscles.
Concentrate on foreplay. Sometimes sex can start to feel scripted, like you're moving quickly from A to B to C. Slow down and focus on sensuality before diving into sex. Foreplay is about exciting both partners equally.
Take your time. Don’t approach sex as something to do and then get done. Slow down and enjoy every aspect of sex. Experience the pleasure of being touched, and return the touch to your partner. Enjoy touching and being touched. Engage in non-sexual touching before moving onto sexual touch. Enjoy the feeling of your partner’s body and take it slow.
Be spontaneous. One of the most common ways a sex life can become mundane is that it becomes a routine. Maybe you only ever have sex in the mornings, or on particular days when you get a break from work, school, or kids. Spice things up by having sex at unexpected times, in unexpected ways, or in unexpected places. Further, don’t be afraid to masturbate; masturbation can be a healthy part of a relationship.
Explore your kinky side. If introducing toys and costumes into the bedroom seems exciting and fun for both of you, go for it. Be as kinky as you want to be. As long as your relationship puts honesty and communication first, there's no wrong way to have sex.