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He may be emotionally disturbed due to some reason, or may be going through some other problem, emotional or developmental. Please consult a professional as he needs to be evaluated properly.

Hello doctor my brother age is 10 years old. He is really aggressive and hyper child. He is good in studies but he get hyper very fast and start beating or throwing thing to other. He always play games on tv and moreover he always used to fight in school. Nowdays I am really fedup with his behavior. Every teacher complain about him. Please suggest me how to tackle him and how to counsel him.

Managing Temper Tantrums (Child)

Temper tantrums are a common occurrence in children between 1-4 years and involves children crying, kicking, screaming, and being aggressive. The causes of tantrums include the temperament of the child, hunger, exhaustion or stress. Complications that arise out of temper tantrums included strained interpersonal relationships. Parents can deal with tantrums by remaining calm and talking to their children about their problem once they calm down. A pediatrician should be consulted for guidance on how to deal with temper tantrums. Children often use tantrums as a way of communicating their difficult feelings. 

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In many cases; divorce and separation leads not only to bad blood between the parents, but also in a child alienating himself from one parent. Insulting or belittling one parent without justification or under pressure from the other parent is known as parental alienation syndrome. Parental alienation involves one parent undermining the other and interfering with the child s relationship with the other parent by limiting contact with them, bad mouthing them, forbidding discussion about them etc. This can have a very negative effect on the child s emotional state.

1. Self hatred: For children, hatred is not inborn, but developed by the situations they are in. By bad mouthing a parent and teaching the child to hate the parent, the child himself is harmed. With time, he begins to internalize this hatred and believe that there is something wrong with him that made the alienated parent not want him.

2. Low self esteem: When a child is not allowed to speak his mind and has to bottle up his thoughts, he becomes socially withdrawn. Often the child begins to feel that he is the cause for the rift in the family and makes himself responsible for the separation. This intensifies with time and makes the child lose confidence in himself leading to low self esteem.

3. Lack of trust: When a child is suddenly pulled away from one parent and told how that parent is not a  good person  the child is likely to feel betrayed. This creates a sense of doubt in the child s mind and makes it difficult for him to trust other people. As he grows up, this can affect his own adult relationships as well.

4. Depression: Depression is a commonly seen in children from broken homes and this is intensified in cases of parental alienation. It is rooted in the child s feeling unloved by either one of the parents and built up by the separation. Not being given a chance to speak about their feelings or talk about the situation makes them more depressed and they begin to withdraw into themselves. In many cases, it is noted that alienated children have strained relationships with their own children as well.

5. Substance abuse: Depression is one of the most common triggers for substance abuse. Alienated children often feels trapped and that they have no outlet to vent their feelings and frustrations. This often makes them turn towards drugs for relief and can make them victims of substance abuse.

In many cases; divorce and separation leads not only to bad blood between the parents, but also in a child alienating himself from one parent. Insulting or belittling one parent without justification or under pressure from the other parent is known as parental alienation syndrome. Parental alienation involves one parent undermining the other and interfering with the child s relationship with the other parent by limiting contact with them, bad mouthing them, forbidding discussion about them etc. This can have a very negative effect on the child s emotional state. 1. Self hatred: For children, hatred is not inborn, but developed by the situations they are in. By bad mouthing a parent and teaching the child to hate the parent, the child himself is harmed. With time, he begins to internalize this hatred and believe that there is something wrong with him that made the alienated parent not want him. 2. Low self esteem: When a child is not allowed to speak his mind and has to bottle up his thoughts, he becomes socially withdrawn. Often the child begins to feel that he is the cause for the rift in the family and makes himself responsible for the separation. This intensifies with time and makes the child lose confidence in himself leading to low self esteem. 3. Lack of trust: When a child is suddenly pulled away from one parent and told how that parent is not a good person the child is likely to feel betrayed. This creates a sense of doubt in the child s mind and makes it difficult for him to trust other people. As he grows up, this can affect his own adult relationships as well. 4. Depression: Depression is a commonly seen in children from broken homes and this is intensified in cases of parental alienation. It is rooted in the child s feeling unloved by either one of the parents and built up by the separation. Not being given a chance to speak about their feelings or talk about the situation makes them more depressed and they begin to withdraw into themselves. In many cases, it is noted that alienated children have strained relationships with their own children as well. 5. Substance abuse: Depression is one of the most common triggers for substance abuse. Alienated children often feels trapped and that they have no outlet to vent their feelings and frustrations. This often makes them turn towards drugs for relief and can make them victims of substance abuse.

In many cases; divorce and separation leads not only to bad blood between the parents, but also in a child alienating himself from one parent. Insulting or belittling one parent without justification or under pressure from the other parent is known as parental alienation syndrome. Parental alienation involves one parent undermining the other and interfering with the child&rsquo;s relationship with the other parent by limiting contact with them, bad mouthing them, forbidding discussion about them etc. This can have a very negative effect on the child&rsquo;s emotional state.

1. Self hatred: For children, hatred is not inborn, but developed by the situations they are in. By bad mouthing a parent and teaching the child to hate the parent, the child himself is harmed. With time, he begins to internalize this hatred and believe that there is something wrong with him that made the alienated parent not want him.

2. Low self esteem: When a child is not allowed to speak his mind and has to bottle up his thoughts, he becomes socially withdrawn. Often the child begins to feel that he is the cause for the rift in the family and makes himself responsible for the separation. This intensifies with time and makes the child lose confidence in himself leading to low self esteem.

3. Lack of trust: When a child is suddenly pulled away from one parent and told how that parent is not a &lsquo;good person&rsquo; the child is likely to feel betrayed. This creates a sense of doubt in the child&rsquo;s mind and makes it difficult for him to trust other people. As he grows up, this can affect his own adult relationships as well.


4. <a href='https://www.lybrate.com/topic/depression' target='_blank'>Depression</a>: Depression is a commonly seen in children from broken homes and this is intensified in cases of parental alienation. It is rooted in the child&rsquo;s feeling unloved by either one of the parents and built up by the separation. Not being given a chance to speak about their feelings or talk about the situation makes them more depressed and they begin to withdraw into themselves. In many cases, it is noted that alienated children have strained relationships with their own children as well.

5. Substance abuse: Depression is one of the most common triggers for substance abuse. Alienated children often feels trapped and that they have no outlet to vent their feelings and frustrations. This often makes them turn towards drugs for relief and can make them victims of substance abuse.&nbsp;In case you have a concern or query you can always&nbsp;<a href='https://www.lybrate.com/psychologist' target='_blank'>consult an expert</a>&nbsp;&amp; get answers to your questions!

Effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome on Children

Living with Major Depression

Overcoming Mild Depression

Improving Relationships

Improving Self Esteem

Every child tries to check his/her limits, it is up to the parents how well they can regulate the child's behavior and exercise their control for the child's welfare.
Many a times parents do not stop/ignore unacceptable behaviors in the initial stages, this may lead to increased frequency and higher intensity of misconduct. Nip the bad behavior in the bud.

Every child tries to check his/her limits, it is up to the parents how well they can regulate the child's behavior and exercise their control for the child's welfare. Many a times parents do not stop/ignore unacceptable behaviors in the initial stages, this may lead to increased frequency and higher intensity of misconduct. Nip the bad behavior in the bud.

Responsible Parenting

Are you a parent to a rebellious teenage child? It is the most worrying and trying time in a parents life. From drugs, sex, alcohol, school expulsions to running away, exam failure...it's a nightmare for many parents. The reality is that rebellion is essential and is an expression of freedom and independence and an indication of psychological development. The teens are testing and developing new skills and testing your tolerance power. Its a period of forming their own beliefs and values, which parents will do well to respect and create an environment where there is open communication and space to make mistakes and learn from there. In counselling, parents also develop a better understanding of the developmental needs of their children and how they can start giving charge to the teens as they  become more responsible and accountable for their actions.

Parents must get across the idea that" I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.


Parents must get across the idea that" I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.

Caring for Grade-Schoolers (6-11 yrs)

Caring for Young Teenagers (12-14 yrs)

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.

Caring for Pre-Schoolers (3-5 yrs)

Managing Temper Tantrums in Children
All children from time to time will cling, shout, throw, resist, complain, argue and do not listen to their parents or teachers. Though they are normal, they can be upsetting to everyone around. They become problematic when they increase in severity, intensity and duration that is typical for the age of the child.
Usually they starts at around 1.5 years age and stay till 4 years of age.

WHY DO THEY HAVE TEMPER TANTRUMS

1.They get angry if they do not get what they want.
2.They want to control their lives.
3.They have not learnt effective skills to get what they want.
4.They learned from parents who show temper outbursts.

HOW TO PREVENT TANTRUMS

1.Praise the child for his/her good behavior
Give extra attention whenever child behaves well. Give him a hug and praise him. For example - when a child has put his shoes in place, instead of ignoring it, acknowledge it and praise him saying “Wow, that’s like a good boy. You put your shoes in the correct place. Wonderful!”

2.Encourage the child to use words.
For example - If he wants something, tell him to use words like ‘i want food/ i want this toy’ instead of screaming.

3.Also see whether they are eating and sleeping well.

4.Identify triggers -
For example, Are they hungry or tired? sometimes even when the parent is busy, a child can throw temper tantrum to gain attention.
After a long day of work, instead of directly going to make dinner, the parent can go give the child a hug and spend some quality time.

5.Give signals before ending an activity
For example - say “You have 5 more minutes before I switch off the TV” instead of switching it off suddenly.

HOW TO HANDLE TEMPER TANTRUMS

1.Remain calm and do not argue with the child - Before managing your child’s behavior you must manage your behavior (sometimes children learn from parents who show anger outbursts and learn to shout and scream). Shouting at the child will worsen the child’s behavior.

2.Think before acting and count till 10 if you are frustrated - and then think about the source of child’s frustration.

3.Come down to the child’s eye level - and say ‘you are starting to become hyper, calm down’

4.Distract the child - by asking them to focus on something else. For example say “let’s read a book or let’s go for a walk”

5.Ignore the tantrum - if it is to draw your attention. After the child becomes calm, show him attention.

6.Hold the child who is out of control - and who can harm him/herself. Tell the child that you will let him or her go only when he or she calms down. Reassure the child that everything will be alright.

7.Hug your child who is crying - and say that you love them but the behavior should change. Reassurance and hugging will always be comforting to the child.

8.Talk to the child after the child has calmed down - Talk to the child about his or her frustration.

Try to teach the child how to interact with a friend or sibling or parent and ask for what he or she wants.
Tell them how to express his or her feelings with words and recognise the feelings of others also without hitting and shouting.
Tell them the better ways to get things that they want.
Tell them that we all have anger within and also tell them how to appropriately express it.

9.Never give in to a tantrum - If you give in once the child will get used to it and his tantrums will increase more.

10.Do not let the tantrum interfere with your relationship - with your child.

Consult a professional if the tantrums are increasing even after 3.5 years of age or if there is self injurious behavior, depression, injuring others, low self esteem etc.

Managing Temper Tantrums in Children All children from time to time will cling, shout, throw, resist, complain, argue and do not listen to their parents or teachers. Though they are normal, they can be upsetting to everyone around. They become problematic when they increase in severity, intensity and duration that is typical for the age of the child. Usually they starts at around 1.5 years age and stay till 4 years of age. WHY DO THEY HAVE TEMPER TANTRUMS 1.They get angry if they do not get what they want. 2.They want to control their lives. 3.They have not learnt effective skills to get what they want. 4.They learned from parents who show temper outbursts. HOW TO PREVENT TANTRUMS 1.Praise the child for his/her good behavior Give extra attention whenever child behaves well. Give him a hug and praise him. For example - when a child has put his shoes in place, instead of ignoring it, acknowledge it and praise him saying “Wow, that’s like a good boy. You put your shoes in the correct place. Wonderful!” 2.Encourage the child to use words. For example - If he wants something, tell him to use words like ‘i want food/ i want this toy’ instead of screaming. 3.Also see whether they are eating and sleeping well. 4.Identify triggers - For example, Are they hungry or tired? sometimes even when the parent is busy, a child can throw temper tantrum to gain attention. After a long day of work, instead of directly going to make dinner, the parent can go give the child a hug and spend some quality time. 5.Give signals before ending an activity For example - say “You have 5 more minutes before I switch off the TV” instead of switching it off suddenly. HOW TO HANDLE TEMPER TANTRUMS 1.Remain calm and do not argue with the child - Before managing your child’s behavior you must manage your behavior (sometimes children learn from parents who show anger outbursts and learn to shout and scream). Shouting at the child will worsen the child’s behavior. 2.Think before acting and count till 10 if you are frustrated - and then think about the source of child’s frustration. 3.Come down to the child’s eye level - and say ‘you are starting to become hyper, calm down’ 4.Distract the child - by asking them to focus on something else. For example say “let’s read a book or let’s go for a walk” 5.Ignore the tantrum - if it is to draw your attention. After the child becomes calm, show him attention. 6.Hold the child who is out of control - and who can harm him/herself. Tell the child that you will let him or her go only when he or she calms down. Reassure the child that everything will be alright. 7.Hug your child who is crying - and say that you love them but the behavior should change. Reassurance and hugging will always be comforting to the child. 8.Talk to the child after the child has calmed down - Talk to the child about his or her frustration. Try to teach the child how to interact with a friend or sibling or parent and ask for what he or she wants. Tell them how to express his or her feelings with words and recognise the feelings of others also without hitting and shouting. Tell them the better ways to get things that they want. Tell them that we all have anger within and also tell them how to appropriately express it. 9.Never give in to a tantrum - If you give in once the child will get used to it and his tantrums will increase more. 10.Do not let the tantrum interfere with your relationship - with your child. Consult a professional if the tantrums are increasing even after 3.5 years of age or if there is self injurious behavior, depression, injuring others, low self esteem etc.

Top Questions on Managing Temper Tantrums (Child)

Hello doctor my brother age is 10 years old. He is really aggressive and hyper child. He is good in studies but he get h ...