Our is a love marriage and we have a healthy relationship for past 12 years. But for the past few months there has been some problems in our relationship that is what I feel. My wife had taken a break from her work for the last 3 years and now she has again started working and is very ambitious about her career. I too am supportive for the same. Currently she is away for 3 months for a training and whenever we meet we spend good time throughout the day but have arguments or fights on any small thing. I am unable to understand that whether she is into relationship with some other person. As we have also spoken on this too as she has a friend who is overseas and he keeps on calling her and they speak to each other for hours that is what I have found out. When I have discussed with her she says that he is just a very good friend of her. I do not know how to tackle this situation or is that I am doubting on her. I do not want to lose her and also do not want our relationship to get affected. Please advice.
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I suppose that she was able to talk to this friend during her stay at home when she was not working for three years. I would, therefore, think that going to work may only restrict the time she has to speak to this person. After she has started to work again she could be more occupied with that and you may feel less time and energy in her to give you. All this may make you feel neglected and therefore suspicious. Give her some time and see how all this develops. In the meantime, enjoy your time together and make your relationship so memorable that she does not seek attention from anyone else. Support her and be there for her now that she has started work. If she is ambitious for the sake of the family, encourage her fully. Relationships go through a dull phase after some years and yours may require some boost. So go on vacations with her, take her to movies, outings and spend time together. These are investments to the relationship that will pay good dividends in the course of time.
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Dear friend, you sound stressed and very concerned. As you are happily married for 12 years now I am sure you have understood that love is not just a feeling, it's a verb - an action word. This is the time in your relationship that you really love her and show your love towards her in your actions. I am sure you have that in you and you would be able to focus on it once you are clear about what needs to be done. When we are stressed doubtful or ambiguous it shows in our tone our body language and in our energy. So first of all change the energy within you. Replace what you have with love care and understanding. She has started working after 3 years break and also she us away. This might be a stressful time for her. She might have one or other kind of fear about how will you respond if she talks with you about her struggles. That could be the reason for her to turn to a friend for guidance and support. Or there could be any such reason for her current behavior. When you two are togather next time, tell her genuinely that yiu really want to understand how she feels and what are her struggles. You want to be there for her in her time of need. And listen deeply to what she says. And when you listen deeply there is no judgement there is no right or wrong. Just understanding thing as it is. Ask her how could you support her. What she needs from you? she may want to hear that everything will be okay. Even the strong individual's needs to listen this sometimes. In nut she'll be there for her and love her. If you would like to discuss specific situation and your response to it and if yiu are open for online consultation feel free to contact me. My ph. D. Is in marriage and relationship counselling and it's my passion. Hope this helps wishing you very best.
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