How to deal wuth backstabbing and ditching fruends whom you trusted?

Question

I always say that when you meet someone, never trust them fully. As they prove their worthiness, increase the level in accordance with what they deserve. Even if you have someone very trustworthy, keep a 10% reserve of lack of trust. If they prove themselves better, then you could increase the trust level even higher. Now regarding your problems with these turncoats, is it possible that you have chosen wrongly, or that you made them like that by your behavior, or that they were really such backstabbers? This is an important question you need to introspect and answer. In every situation, we always have a contribution to the net result. If someone lets you down, you need to ask yourself what you did to elicit that response. It does not matter how little or how much. It matters that you did do something to attract it. Once you have done that work on changing that. In other words; change the stimulus, you change the response! It is really as easy as that. Now if you discover that you are setting up rejection, then get in touch with me for some literature on the Rejection Issue, to help you understand your contribution and why you do it too. It has some behavioral prescriptions that are very useful. On the other hand when you discover these lousy friends, be thankful that you found them soon enough ? good riddance to bad apples! Also check your friend selection criteria and use better discernment mechanisms in making friends. You could be a very good person doing some things badly, inadvertently.

Saul Pereira · Accepted Answer

I always say that when you meet someone, never trust them fully. As they prove their worthiness, increase the level in accordance with what they deserve. Even if you have someone very trustworthy, keep a 10% reserve of lack of trust. If they prove themselves better, then you could increase the trust level even higher. Now regarding your problems with these turncoats, is it possible that you have chosen wrongly, or that you made them like that by your behavior, or that they were really such backstabbers? This is an important question you need to introspect and answer. In every situation, we always have a contribution to the net result. If someone lets you down, you need to ask yourself what you did to elicit that response. It does not matter how little or how much. It matters that you did do something to attract it. Once you have done that work on changing that. In other words; change the stimulus, you change the response! It is really as easy as that. Now if you discover that you are setting up rejection, then get in touch with me for some literature on the Rejection Issue, to help you understand your contribution and why you do it too. It has some behavioral prescriptions that are very useful. On the other hand when you discover these lousy friends, be thankful that you found them soon enough ? good riddance to bad apples! Also check your friend selection criteria and use better discernment mechanisms in making friends. You could be a very good person doing some things badly, inadvertently.

Parthasarathy, Psychiatrist · Answer

Trust is an important aspect of friendship. If the trust is lost over some silly issue let it go and try rebuilding your relationship with your friend. If your friend ditched you in some major thing I suggest you terminate your relationship with that person.