I am in a physical relationship with a man who is married & who I love. I too am married. The man I love says he is committed & loves his wife and can never ever think of leaving her ever. While he also has multiple sexual relationships with other women. I fail to understand if he loves his wife truly and is committed to her than why does he opts for sexual relationships, that too with multiple women. What is his psyche behind this? Isn't he betraying his wife? If there is betrayl than how can he claim to love his wife? He also told me that once you are inyour 40s and 50s you need a support to look after you, to care for you and if you get a good person, you shouldn't ever leave her. While I am very straight forward, I will divorce my husband as I don't love him. Please help.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist47yrs exp

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While you raise some pertinent questions about this man?s professed commitment to his wife and that he is fooling around with other women, I fail to understand how it matters to you! He is that kind of a man: he wants his cake and eat it too; and he is successfully doing it. What is baffling is that you know that this is not appropriate; you know that he is betraying his wife; you know that he is sleeping around with so many women, yet you yourself are bedding with him and have no qualms about letting down another woman i.e. his wife! You are also encouraging this man in his infidelity and making him feel that it is okay to sleep around. Even if you do not love your husband, you are in an unacceptable relationship for various reasons and I do not know what justifications you can cook up to make your aiding and abetting with this man?s unacceptable liaisons, look acceptable! It is almost like the frying pan calling the kettle black! You be the judge of your behavior and let him be answerable for his actions. Analyzing his actions, while encouraging them yourself is not in the right league at all. Just for your understanding anyway, men will justify and make something that is grossly illegitimate look very legitimate when they themselves are indulging in it. The explanation he gave you when being in your 40s and 50s is a whole lot of crap, but you seemed to have accepted it without question! 

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