Dr. Thomas Madam

Human beings are designed to relish contact and interaction with one another. After all, it is what makes us different from quite a few members of the animal kingdom. Having said that, sometimes, separation between people is a fact of life and it does have an impact on the lives of the people who get separated.

One of the interesting things about separation is when it occurs between couples is not only a feeling of sadness, but also a feeling of insecurity. It is to be kept in mind that the entire process of adjusting is not only one that is to be gone through by the couple, but also by their children. While it can prompt children to become independent and not overly reliant on their parents’ love, separation can also lead to a deficit or inadequate love being provided to them in the years that they are in the greatest need of it. This is quite an unfortunate aspect of separation.

There are a range of feelings which a person is likely to feel when separation occurs and there is a lot to be done by the way of working through these emotions. The mix can include resentment, disappointment, as well as a longing for the partner, even for quite some time after the divorce has taken place. In a number of cases, the most tormenting phase of separation is the time leading up to separation and the few days following it. Facing legal challenges, letting friends and family know about their decision and undergoing the entire role change leaves the couple as well as their children fatigued.

It may be ironic, but the fact of the matter remains that a person is not always rational after a divorce. Whimsically, it can be said that a separation of a marital bond does often affect the person’s ability of separation of rationality from irrationality!

While life as a single mother is quite tough, it is intriguing that women are the ones who initiate divorce twice as often as men do! After a divorce takes place, women are the custodians of the children they had in 90% of the cases; so it is true that women do have a high level of concern for their children. Often people in a separation emotionally act the same way children do when separated from their parents. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a Psychologist.

Blood in urine, medically known as Hematuria is not usually a cause of concern, but it can translate into an adverse condition if left unevaluated. The kidneys and other structures in the urinary tracts such as urethra (tube connecting the bladder to the outer part of the body); bladder (that stores the urine) and ureters (tube joining the bladder to the kidney) are the sources of blood flow to the urine. Hematuria can be accompanied by symptoms such as discharge of tea-colored, brownish-red or pink colored urine due to the presence of red blood cells, traces of which can only be detected under the microscope.

Underlying causes behind this disorder might be:

1. Urinary tract infection is where the bacteria enter the body through the urethra and begin to proliferate in the bladder.
2. Kidney infections (pyelonephritis) is when bacteria infiltrate into the kidneys from the bloodstream or travel up from the uterus to the kidneys.
3. A kidney or a bladder stone is marked by the minerals in the concentrated urine precipitating out and molding into crystals that deposit on the bladder or kidney walls.
4. Enlarged prostate is a condition in which the prostate gland, that is situated just below the bladder surrounding the upper part of the urethra, starts growing as males head towards their middle age.
5. Kidney disease such as glomerulonephritis causes swelling of the kidneys, thus disrupting the filtering system.
6. Bladder, kidney and prostate cancer are also possible causes.
7. Hereditary disorders such as sickle cell anemia (a hereditary disease of the red blood cells in the hemoglobin) can also pose as a cause behind this disorder.
8. Kidney injury as a result of heavy blows, accidents or injuries sustained while playing a spot can also contribute to this condition.
9. Medications such as penicillin or the anti-cancer drug ‘cyclophosphamide’
10. Strenuous physical exercises like intense workout or running may also result in Hematuria.

Treatments:
There is no fixed cure for Hematuria; instead the doctor would work on treating the repressed conditions behind the symptoms, such as prescribing antibiotics to heal the urinary tract infection or a medicine to shrink and normalize the enlarged prostate or administer a shock wave therapy to destroy the kidney or bladder stones. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a doctor and ask a free question.

There is no dearth of people out there who operate with other people with negative and bad behaviour. You may find them within your family, neighbour, workplace, associates and friends too. When you have to deal with the negative behaviour of the people every day or you when you cannot avoid them, then they will possibly make your life miserable. Today Psychologist & Relationship Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some important tips to deal with people's unpleasant behaviour effectively.

Psychologist Sadhoo shares that when someone exhibits destructive, mean or otherwise non-caring behaviour, they are usually acting out from something going on with them, not with you. They may say it is about you – “Oh, you make me SO mad!” – but the reality is that people who manifest these negative behaviours are showing an outward display of inward pain or hurt.

It is true that it is not easy to remember that the other person is in pain when he/she is yelling at you, trying to undermine you, being unnecessarily nasty, and/or ignoring you. However, if you don’t recognise that they are in pain, you will be at the biggest loss, their pain actually becomes your pain, you will keep thinking as to how to deal with them next time, you will think about saying just the right thing to knock them off.

In other words, your mind and your attention will be drawn to the person’s negative behaviour. The problem here is that the other person behaiour doesn’t change. Your attempts to say “just the right thing” won’t shift their unhappiness within themselves (unless you are a trained therapist). So the cycle continues. They act badly, you react and feel bad, and nothing changes.

Next time you encounter someone’s bad behaviour, realise that you can own your reactions and actions, and can actually shift the dynamic and lessen the sting inflicted by the negative person. It takes work and it isn’t easy, but if you are game, try these five steps next time you encounter the difficult ones:

1. Seek to understand.  When you first time experience a bad behaviour, instead of wasting your mental energy on pain , anger and emotions, ask yourself: “Is there something else at work here?” You typically react to the bad behaviour; instead, simply pause to ask what’s underneath the bad behaviour. Some negative actions require compassion, which mostly are loathed to give when they have been injured somehow.

2. Do Analysis. Instead of just reacting and then trying to find a pal with whom you can share what has happened and tell all the bad words about the person’s bad behaviour, take a moment to act like a detective and analyse the situation with facts and data: “My boss always yells, he seems to like to yell about everything, perhaps that’s what he thinks is the desired way of talking to juniors and delegate or assign work. I am not here to change him nor I have the time to do so, so let me just finish my work instead of focusing on the behaviour.

3.  Identify the impact. If your sister in law is just an unhappy and a rude person, but it doesn’t really affect anything in your life? If someone is negative toward you, and it doesn’t really impact you, just let it go. Let her stay happy in her world and you in yours.– just walk away, and get on with your day.

4.  Giving up the desire to win:  Yes, this one is extremely difficult, especially in personal relationships when you know you are “right”. Fighting to win doesn’t actually benefit anyone. It just leaves negative feelings in its wake and makes things worst for the future. So the intelligence is not in repeatedly trying to prove your point and wasting your time and energy, just learn to walk away.