Hi! I am Dr. Priyanka Srivastava, practicing psychologist in Noida and with Lybrate. There are a lot of challenges, nowadays, that we all are facing regarding this concept of psychologist and psychiatrist. I am here to share, with most of the people in and around, the difference between these two. Psychologist, they are trained persons in the area of psychology with knowledge of human behavior and mind. They are the persons who can work in organizations, they are the ones who can be in the universities to teach the students but they are not trained in medicine. There are certain therapies which they usually apply to the patients. So, the patients those who come to them are generally scared that they are going to meet a psychologist.
So, kindly remove this notion as psychologists are there to help you out to move in the competitive world in the right fashion. They make you clear about the goals which they are at times confused about. So, we are not here to give you any medicines but psychiatrists are the one who are trained in medicine with the knowledge of human behavior. They are the ones who give you medicines. They are also the one who treats patients with depression, anxiety. At times, the patient needs both counseling as well as the medication.
Psychiatrists are the right one wherein you can approach both, medicine as well as other counseling is to be given by the psychologist. So you need not be apprehensive before meeting a psychologist. So, these are the challenges which we are facing every day. Whenever the patient enters, the patient says that, “will you be able to maintain the confidentiality of our identity?” Yes, it’s very true. We are here to maintain the confidentiality of each and every person because generally they feel that when they are meeting a psychologist, other people feel that they have some mental problem. So, it is not the mental problem, it is at times when we are confused about our state of mind and about our goals to achieve.
At times we get depressed because of certain situations, certain past experiences. At times, we have fear, anxiety of certain things. So, when we are not able to decide about ourselves, it is for that reason we are here to help you out and give you the directions without the medicines. So no medicines are provided by us. Medicines are only given to patients who are on an extreme level and that too by the psychiatrists. So, do not be anxious while coming to a psychologist, feel comfortable while meeting a psychologist.
For any further problems related to fear, anxiety, depression, and so on, you can consult me through online and offline mode on Lybrate. Thank you so much.read more
Positive and Negative aspects of Fear
Hi I am Dr. Priyanka Srivastav a practicing psychologist in Noida and with Lybrate. Today lets understand what is fear. I know fear is a very common issue which everyone is facing in their day to day life situation. So what is fear? It is nothing but feeling of stress, apprehension or alarm caused by a sense of impending nature. Fear is generally within ourselves, but we all feel that fear is controlled by external factors. As human beings we all believe that if logic or reason is being given to a problem then we are not in a fearful situation. We can manage that situation so very well. So fear is very within our own selves.
Let us take an example, it is a very day to day life example. If we have to go to the railway station to catch a train, and we find the train is late, and we don’t get the reason why the train is late we can get a apprehensive feeling, we will feel restless about the situation. But if the train is late because of some logic or rational reason behind it then we are relaxed and we will wait for the train to come. So fear can be easily overcome if there is a logic or reason behind that particular situation. So as a human being if a logis is given surely this feeling can be overcome.
Let's take another few examples related to this. In a dark room if we enter we have fear that some animals will be crawling over the floor, but if we switch on the light and see no animals on the floor, although we had a fear before entering to the room but if we switch on the light and see no animals it's just our imagination and the fear, so fear is again within our own selves. It is not controlled by the external factors. There are both positive and negative aspects to this fear and we generally experience fear in a very negative aspect. The positive aspect of fear is that it leads to more understanding more thoughtfulness of our mind. It leads to more creativity, we tend to think more into the details to come to the right and rational solutions to the situations which we are encountering.
So this fear can be overcome if we are very rational to the situation. Secondly the fear can be overcome if we forget the situation which has happened with us, if we forget certain past bad experiences of our life, then we can surely overcome fear. For example the bad experience can be one with our friend, with our college-mate, if we had a bad experience and after a couple of years or after a decade or so we meet with the same person and if we encounter with same type of fear then it is not the right way of managing the situation. The right way would be to analyse the situation, to understand it and to forget what has happened during that past time, so that we can easily manage our fear.
If you want to consult furthermore related to the queries about fear you can contact me through Lybrate online or offline mode of it.read more
Today let's understand the concept of anxiety because anxiety nowadays is seen among all classes of people. One is generally getting anxious on small pity situations. If you are getting anxious on a small situation or normal situations, if you're anxious and not being able to manage your day-to-day life situations, if you are anxious and having headaches, insomnia and not being able to manage your situations, then surely you are suffering from anxiety disorders.
These are the signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders :-
The common symptoms are fear and insomnia. So let us understand what are the emotional symptoms and physical symptoms that generally an anxious person feel. In emotional symptoms , generally there is a problem with concentration. Secondly, people are generally overly tensed. Thirdly feeling restlessness and irritability is another sign when you are anxious. Fourthly feeling mentally blank at times, that a person is mentally blank on many situations. Fifth - always anticipating the worst to happen in any situation.
Now, what are the physical symptoms that one encounter during the anxious state of mind ? Number one that is a pounding heart. The heartbeat increases. Number two is excessive sweating. There's lot of sweating on one's body. Third is there is a breathing problem. Fourth is there is a disease stomach or an upset stomach. Fifth is there is a severe headache and fatigue.
If there is a disease - are these emotional and physical symptoms in an individual now ? How to rectify symptoms - 1) Start with some mindfulness activities like meditation or yoga 2) one should not stop moving alone in situations and should move in a social gathering so that this anxiety is lowered down , 3) one should stop having caffeine or coffee after the lunch time so that anxiety is lowered down because in caffeine, the anxiety triggers up . So these are the things which need to be followed when an individual is an anxious state of mind.
For more details and further consultation, you may contact me online or offline mode to lybrate.com. Thank you.read more
Here are symptoms, reasons and management of ADD and ADHD.
This hyper activity as we say that it says attention deficit disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children. So in its normal for children to occasionally forget their homework, daydreaming during the class, frigidity during the dining table and act without thinking. So these attentive impulsivity and hyperactivity are all the science of ADD which get effects the child's ability to learn and get along with others. So let's address this problem by recognising its signs and symptoms. The signs and symptoms of ADD or ADHD typically appear before the age of 7. However at times it can be difficult to distinguish between a normal behaviour and ADD child.
What are the signs and symptoms of a ADD child.
- Number one is the child who cannot sit still are having the symptoms of ADD.
- Number two is who never seem to listen. When the child is never seem to listen.
- Thirdly is the children who do not follow the instructions, no matter how clearly you present them.
- Fourth who blurred out inappropriates comments at inappropriate timings.
- Fifthly is who tend to be moody and overreact emotionally.
- Sixthly, Sometimes these children are labelled as troublemakers or criticized for being lazy and indisciplined.
- Seventhly, they were stuck to you as disrespectful, weird or needy. So these are all signs and symptoms of ADD or ADHD. So it is a time for the parents to take a call and to consult a psychologist.
What are the reasons behind ADD.
- Number one, whenever there is a learning disabilities our problems with reading writing Motor skills all language In a child.
- Number 2 is any traumatic experiences in their life.
- Number 3 is psychological disorders which include anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder.
- Number four is behaviour disorder such as conduct disorders.
- Number 5 is when there are medical conditions including thyroid problems, neurological conditions, sleep disorders and so on.
Apart from all these things, there are certain positive traits with ADD children. ADD children are usually very creative children. ADD children are very flexible to the social environment. Number 3 is there enthusiastic and spontaneous to the action. Number 4 is they have a high energy drive to take on their life situations. ADD is not related to intelligence as it is far away from that because many ADD children are far more intelligent than others. Now what are the parenting trip to that need to be followed to manage this type of a children. Effective parenting we mean it's not the bad behaviour of the parent but it is an effective behaviour from the parents to the child. It requires open communication from the child towards parents. It requires more structuring. Parents it requires more love and affection from the parent to the child.
If all these been given during the parenting an ADD child can overcome with this issue of the problem if you are wanting to concern more in detail about this type of any issues related to the children you can consult me online and offline through lybrate.read more
Here are some problems related to insomnia
Problems Related to Insomnia
Hi! I’m Dr. Priyanka Srivastava, a Psychologist, practicing in Noida.
Today, let’s understand What is Insomnia? Insomnia is nothing but the lack of sleep but that leads to, at times, in an individual’s stress and depression also.
What are the causes of insomnia? There are certain causes of insomnia-
- Mainly, it is due to mental disturbances.
- Any type of a body pain, uncomfortable weather, or the surrounding also leads to insomnia.
- Maybe, improper digestion, constipation, some disease, eating irregularity habits also leads to insomnia.
There are certain symptoms of insomnia.
- Irritability in our behavior.
- Problem in concentration, attention or a memory.
- Poor performance at our school or at work.
- Daytime sleepiness.
- Aggression or impulsiveness in our behavior.
- Lack of energy or the motivation.
- frustration about our own sleep.
Now, how do we get treated while sitting at our place?
- Do regular exercise but not late in the evenings.
- Avoid caffeine in all forms after your lunch time.
- Avoid taking naps during the day time.
- Have a nice long warm bath before you sleep.
- Try to drink warm buffalo milk with the honey in it before you go to sleep.
- Keep your room away from all the electronic gadgets.
There are certain other things that need to be done.
If you want to consult me online or offline, you can consult me through Lybrate.
Here are some tips related to Depression.
Understand the term Depression
Hi! I’m Dr. Priyanka Srivastava, a Psychologist, practicing in Noida.
Today, let’s understand the term depression. Depression is nothing but a psychological condition that can drain your energy, drive and hope from your life. The things that you once rejoiced may not be pleasurable anymore.
Meanwhile, it is not a simple and an easy way to move out from depression. You need to consult a counseling psychologist or a counselor or a therapist to overcome the symptoms of depression. Yet at the same time, there are certain things you need to avoid and you need to follow when you are moving in this state of depression.
So, There are four things that you need to avoid during this state of depression.
- Avoid staying alone- Whenever we are in this depression mode, we generally do not want to interact with the people, do not want to move into the social situations but we recommend that you should move into the social situation so that the feeling of loneliness is being taken care of.
- Avoid not seeking help- Avoid not seeking help means that you need to consult a therapist or a counseling psychologist who will help you to overcome with these symptoms of depression either through online or an offline mode of consultation.
- Avoid white foods or processed foods- Now white foods or the processed foods, they are generally simple carbohydrates that can actually lead to insulin dumping and trigger the process of depression.
Now, What are the things we need to follow during this depression mode?
- We need to consume more of omega-3 fatty acids in our diet- For the vegetarians, we can include flaxseeds, broccoli, in our diet. For non-vegetarians, we can include fish, or fish cod liver oil
- Get involved in social settings- Getting involved in social settings will surely help you move out from this state of depression.
- Fix your daily routine- Fixing the daily routine will help you; motivate you to move out again from this state of depression.
- Be positive and be open to the new ideas- Have a positive thinking then, surely you will come out from this state of mind, and be open to the ideas from the social gathering.
For any other consultation, regarding this depression, you can consult me through Lybrate online and offline mode.
I am Dr Priyanka Srivastava We know that anger is a type of emotion and it’s a natural emotion. But if it doesn’t be managed in appropriate time, it will hamper our day-to-day life situations. So, today let’s understand what are the important tips that need to be followed to manage anger.
- First, is Practice Deep Breathing. When we practice deep breathing, it relaxes our muscles and we divert our mind and our anger reduces down.
- Secondly, you should start reverse counting from 0 to 1. When we start reverse counting, surely our mind diverts and again our muscles loosen down and we might change our thoughts from anger to happiness also.
- Thirdly, we need to focus on the present. When we focus on the present, we follow our past and the situations in which we are entering anger. If we do not mix the past with the present, surely the anger will be lowered down.
- We need to listen to the music of our choice. If we switch to the music, we surely again lower down the muscles and anger will slow down.
- We need to change the situation. If we change the situation, again, the muscles will lower down and we will be reducing the anger in our thoughts.
- Lastly, as muscles are important, we need to relax our tightened muscles. While relaxing our tightened muscles, we need to do some small exercises like the movement of our fingers and movement of our head so that the tightened muscles towards our forehead and our hands again loosen down.
So, by these simple six tips you surely can manage the anger in our day-to-day life because as we are not able to manage we might hamper our close relationships, we might hamper our relationships at work and at home also.read more
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I was suffering from stress and It was affecting my day to day life. My father took me to Dr Priyanka. She is a well experienced psychologist. She helped me to get rid this problem. She took number of counselling sessions and after all the sessions, I am perfectly fine.
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Marriage is perhaps the most important relation in an adult’s life. That’s why it needs extra care and attention, especially when things are not exactly gung ho. This is where marriage or marital therapy comes in.
Marriage counseling is the process of counseling the married couple to recognize and to reconcile or at least manage differences and repeating patterns of stressupon the marital relationship.
Basic practices of marital therapy
- The basic practices of marital therapy focus primarily on the process of communicating. Counselors use a method called active listening.
- Another method used is called “Cinematic immersion”. Both these methods have one important thing in common- they help counselors create a safe environment where each partner can express feelings and hear the feelings of the other.
- Emotionally focused therapy for couples or EFT-C is also used. This is based on attachment theory and uses emotion as an agent of change and target, both.
- Behavioral couples’ therapy is another method used. It is actually a proven way out of marital discord. This method focuses on integrating the twin goals of acceptance and change for couples in therapy.
The successful couples usually make concrete changes to accommodate the needs of the partner and also show greater emotional acceptance of the other.
Role of the relationship counselor
A couple therapist is usually someone with a degree in psychiatry or counseling. And her primary role is to listen, understand and facilitate better communication between the couple. The counselor also:
- Provides a confidential tete-a tete, which normalizes feelings
- Enables each partner to be heard and to hear themselves
- Works as a mirror to reflect the marriage’s difficulties to the partners
- Outlines the potential and direction for change
- Delivers important information
- Improves communication
- Identifies the repetitive, negative interaction cycle that drives a problematic marriage as a pattern
- Understands the source of emotions behind that negative pattern
- Re-organizes these key emotional responses to offset the pattern
- Creates new patterns of interaction
- Increases emotional attachment between partners
When should you seek marital therapy?
- When you avoid communicating or your communication has become negative- This usually means bad language, verbal abuse, and sometimes physical abuse.
- When you or your partner have sought out other sexual partners – Marital therapy can save a marriage after an affair if both partners want and work out the kinks in their relationship.
- Lack of intimacy in the marriage- This is the stage when partners just occupy the same space without communication, or exchange of feelings or touch.
Marriage counseling is a long process. And another thing to remember is that it can’t save a marriage that is unsalvageable. So, go in for marital therapy with an aim to do what’s the best for you and your partner.
Are you stressed out lately and not being able to overcome it for a long time? With the holiday season approaching, you are bound to feel worse as your stress is bound to get in the way of celebrations. Winter is a promising time for celebrating, travelling and having fun, and you cannot let your patience and stress ruin it. Here are some steps following which you will be able to cope with your stress and anxiety, so that you can enjoy
Start with a clear mind:
- Realize that some things are just beyond your control. This is a tough thing to do, but you have to accept it just like the fact that you cannot control rain, sun, and the actions of people. Fighting against something beyond your control will make you stressed out and miserable.
- Realize that there are things, which are in your control. Focus on them and get a firm grip on them. The power of controlling your actions and reactions lies only in your hands. You can also influence your state of consciousness, your physiological responses, and mental processes.
- Learn to surrender and seek acceptance. Instead of resisting against the aspects which you cannot control, surrender to them. This does not make you weak, nor a loser. It is just accepting that you cannot change certain things.
- Be mindful. Stop for a moment, and try observing your internal experience, without any form of judgement. Try to become more conscious and aware of what goes on inside you.
- Take charge of your thoughts. The aim here is not to ignore and deny certain thoughts, but to transform them after analyzing and acknowledging them.
- Utilize your breath. It is an effective tool, which remains with you forever and connects your body and mind. Deep, slow breathing can be more beneficial than you could ever imagine. Keep inhaling and exhaling till you feel relaxed. This is excellent for calming your nervous system.
- Look at the brighter side of life, no matter how hard it may be. Focusing on positive things might make you discover a solution for your stressful condition.
- Take proper care of yourself. Self care is important for eliminating stress. You should take regular showers, eat balanced diet, exercise regularly, and carry out pleasurable activities.
- It is important for you to abstain from comparing yourself with others. Comparisons can cause distorted perceptions and increase stress.
A bad habit could range from smoking or drinking to knuckle breaking or nail biting. A bad habit is one that causes or is likely to cause you or the others in your life, harm. Here are eight steps that can help you break your bad habit:
- Try to understand your habit: The most important thing to break a bad habit is to know it first. In case that some habit is hurting you then you certainly need to let go of it. You initially need to set your mind about bringing an end to that habit. It is also important to understand how this habit of yours is hurting you or the ones around you.
- Change your thinking: Even when we get to know we have some unfortunate habit, more often than not we are not prepared to separate it since we have practised that habit since a long time and it is by all accounts intense to break that one. We have to change our reasoning about the habit and take a look at it in negative viewpoints since a thing having negative perspectives will be simpler to quit.
- Begin small: In case that you have a negative behaviour pattern since quite a while then go slow to break it down in light of the fact that a bad habit is hard to separate at once. Try not to attempt to do everything at once since you would not have the capacity to do as such.
- Make tiny improvements: Try not to make extreme improvements to your habit since it is your habit and it will some way or another takes its time to break. Rather make little improvements with the goal that it will not aggravate you and soon you will encounter a noteworthy change in your behaviour and afterwards you will separate the habit totally on a more lasting basis.
- Change your environment: A few habits are built because of the environment we live in. The steady surrounding makes us construct that habit in a manner that it gets stronger day by day. So in case that you understand that some negative behaviour patterns have overtaken your life and are not going down, attempt to change your surroundings.
- Keep a check: Simply going ahead to bring an end to any habit will not give you appropriate results. Keeping a survey helps you in checking on how much of your bad habit you have defeated and how far you are from breaking it completely.
- Reward yourself: Offer yourself a reward each time you see that you have stopped behaving in a certain way, or practising a certain habit. This goes a long way in motivating the individual to strive towards that end goal of breaking the habit completely.
In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!
Worrying is a natural tendency among children. While some of it helps children excel, too much worrying can lead to anxiety related disorders. From friendship woes to homework to fear of failure, there could be a lot of factors that can lead to anxiousness in a kid. This problem is mostly witnessed in school going, children. Some of the common symptoms that are portrayed include the need to be perfectionists, seeking of constant reassurance, getting sick worrying too much, scared of participating in a group event etc.
How to prepare your child to overcome anxiety?
- Help them prepare: One major cause of anxiousness in a child is ill preparation. Be it tests or essays, if a child has not prepared well, he tends to get nervous and suffer from anxiousness. The solution is to teach them various study techniques such as flashcards and quizzes. If this is done regularly and reviewed meticulously, your child will get over the fear of failing and perform better.
- Teach them to focus: Losing focus is a major tendency among kids who tend to suffer from anxiety-related disorders. Keeping the concentration going is a major skill that needs to be taught by parents. Kids often sit blankly during tests thinking others are far smarter than they are. Some good method to teach focus is to teach them to reverse counting, slow breathing technique, frequent consumption of water etc.
- Pass on the anxiety: Anxiousness has to be passed in form of something. Certain activities, therefore play great strokes in addressing anxiousness. Teach your kids to distress in the form of TV or teach them to write when they are anxious. This not only takes off anxiety from the equation, it helps a kid to relax without the fear of failure.
- Reassurance: Kids suffering from anxiousness often need repeated reassurance about the task at hand. The task here for a parent is to make their kid understand that failure will not impact their relationship with their parents. Often the failure of letting someone down makes a kid anxious. Constant reassurance will curtail the tendency. This being said, parents should ensure that this doesn’t become a habit for the kid. The idea is to make them comfortable and make them less dependent on you.
- Relaxation techniques: A study published in the Journal of School Counselling argued that kids who practised relaxation techniques are far less likely to suffer from anxiety and stress-related disorders as compared to their peers. Some of the relaxation techniques that can be easily learned and practised include breathing exercises, meditation, yoga and so on. This exercise helps children to focus and concentrate more.
In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!
Anger and temperamental issues are a very common part of a person’s identity. It is there from birth and is thought to mirror the hereditary qualities. It can be permanently present or could be triggered in certain situations. Some people have a hot temperament than others. However, there are a few ways with which temperamental issues can be dealt with effectively. These are as follows:
- Individual or group therapy sessions can be useful. A commonly utilised sort of treatment, psychological behavioural treatment treats people or groups with discontinuous unstable issues.
- Distinguish which circumstances or practices may trigger a forceful reaction
- Figure out how to overcome anger and control wrong reactions utilising procedures, for example, relaxing preparing, re-thinking circumstances (psychological rebuilding) and learning adapting attitudes.
Distinctive types of medications may help in the treatment of temperamentally unstable issues. These medicines may incorporate certain antidepressants (particularly specific serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs), anticonvulsant mind-set stabilisers or different medications if necessary.
Controlling your outrage
Some portion of your treatment may include:
- Unlearning issue conduct.
- Adapting admirably to anger.
- Rehearsing the systems you learn in treatment to help you perceive what triggers your fits and outrage and how to react in ways that work for you rather than against you.
- Building up an arrangement. Work with your specialist to build up an arrangement of activity for when you feel yourself getting irate. For instance, in case that you think you may lose control; try to expel yourself from that circumstance. Go for a walk or call a trusted friend to attempt to quiet down.
- Dodging liquor and other substance use. These substances can build forcefulness and the danger of harmful temperamental outrages.
Consider taking these actions before a crisis emerges:
- Call someone at home or someone you trust for help and guidance.
- Keep all guns away or covered up. Try not to give the abuser the key or use the gun.
- Gather a crisis pack that includes things you will require when you leave, for example, additional garments, keys, individual papers, medicines and cash. Conceal it or leave the pack with a trusted friend or neighbour. Try to go away from the situation so hat you do not do something regrettable.
- Educate a trusted neighbour or friend regarding your condition so that he or she can call for help if needed.
- Know where you will go and how you will arrive back in case that you feel angry, regardless of the possibility that it implies you need to leave during the night. You might need to work on escaping your home securely.
- Decide on a code word or visual flag that implies you require the police and tell it to your friends, family or your children.
In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!
Sometimes you may find yourself stuck in a rut, which is both frustrating and mind-numbing. If you’re in such a situation, it could be an indication that you need to reprogram your mind. This will help you set realistic goals for yourself and enable you to lead a fulfilling life. Before getting to the point as to how you can reprogram your mind, it is important to first understand how the mind works.
Mind vs Brain
In colloquial terms, the words mind and brain may be used interchangeably, but the two are in fact not the same. While the brain is a physical organ, the mind can be described as a virtual entity present within each cell of our body and extended to minimum 2 inches outside the body. Mind is more like a collection of thoughts, emotions, imagination and memories. When compared to a computer, the brain acts as the hardware while the mind is the software within it.
The three states of mind
The mind can be categorized into three states:
- Conscious: Actions for which you need to make an effort and think about what you are doing are said to be performed by the conscious mind.
- Subconscious: The subconscious mind refers to the information that is accessible to you when needed and otherwise not something you pay attention to. For example, when walking down the road to your house, your mind subconsciously creates landmarks.
- Unconscious: The unconscious mind consists largely of primitive instincts and memories from early childhood that may not be easily recalled. It also contains memories from your past lives. That has been proved by the father of modern hypnotherapy, Dr. Brian Weiss. Thus, hypnotherapy under supervision is a great tool for reprogramming your mind. Further, embedding positive cognitive scripts/suggestions through hypnosis helps with it. A majority of our daily functions are controlled by the unconscious mind and the memories stored here are responsible for many decisions that we make based on beliefs.
Here are three easy tips to help you make your unconscious mind more efficient.
- Meditation: Meditation not only calms the mind and reduces stress, but can also help train the unconscious mind. Meditation helps increase your ability to concentrate on an activity and achieve the desired level of mental focus. This, in turn, helps develop new ideas and increases your belief in yourself.
- Visualize what you want to achieve: Merely telling yourself that you want to do better is not enough. You need to set a goal for yourself and visualize it to begin working towards it. For example - create a visual board of the type of house you would like to live in, the lifestyle and the job you would like to have. In a nutshell, be specific about what you want and avoid generalized visions.
- Hypnotherapy: Hypnotherapy is a safe, brief and effective way to deal with many emotional and anxiety-related issues. It enables you to deal with your own mental challenges and blocks so that you can build on your strengths and take control of your life.
Reprogramming the mind is a gradual process, which you can achieve with patience and the inclination to discipline yourself. By doing so, not only will you feel positive but it will also enable you to harness its potential.If you have any queries or concern you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!
Happily ever after is much more a choice these days than the fairy tales. It’s hard to find out someone who will love you for no reason, and if they have the reason, then you are immensely blessed. In an extraordinary relationship, it is just that ‘extra’ effort that situation demands gradually. The lack of it and the whirlwind courtship is over.
Keeping a realistic view about what may come in the future will help you with a healthy approach to every single thing and even your relationships. So even if visiting a relationship counselor can do the work for you, it should be considered as an option, culminating all odds.
The counselors interact with you in different sessions and bring out the actual reason behind your problems. Just don’t shy away and speak your heart out to get the most benefits out of these sessions.
- A realistic view: They bring you to the real world and tell you where the relationship is standing actually. They listen to all your problems, and you have someone to talk to without the fear of being judged.
- The working area: If you’re honest enough in your approach, they will tell you where to put in your effort to make your relationship work.
- Some private time: Spending some time together, trying to enact on the points you have been advised by the counselor, will form the bond again.
- Much needed space: Everybody needs some separate moments, and you are no exception. Think what you exactly want from this relationship and give some lonely time to your partner as well to work on it.
- Q&A sessions: The counselors tend to understand your real feelings by making you talk. Think of all those beautiful moments; you’ll have your answers there.
- Differences: Don’t expect your partner to change overnight and help him in fighting with his own flaws. Be on his side, even when you are in the counselor’s chamber to show your support towards the relationship. Listen to what the counselor has to say.
- Respect: Whatever you give will come back to you, and your relationship is not an exception. Your spouse is also a human and is expected to make mistakes. You learn how to deal with this part in your sessions.
- Honesty: The backbone of a relationship, honesty in future endeavors is the key to a harmony filled relationship. Work on it if it lacks because the counselors cannot help you without it.
- Communicate gently: Don’t interrupt; instead listen to what your partner has to say.
- Keep your cool: Control your anger while talking. It can be disruptive and destructive at the same time. You’ll not be able to even listen to what the counselor has to say.
Take a deep breath, approach a counselor, recreate the magic and make your relationship work. It is as special as it was in the beginning.
Humans are social animals who thrive on reciprocality. It is in our basic nature to be socially courteous, and the word 'No' feels like a conflict that warns a potential relationship. Many of us tend to comply with every single request that is put forward to us by our peers, family, or at the workplace by our superiors. We choose to take up more jobs than we can efficiently handle and put unnecessary stress on ourselves even at the cost of our time and well-being. Must we always do that?
Why is it so hard to say 'No'?
People have the notion that saying 'No' can come across as rude or uncaring. You may feel that you are letting someone down by turning down their request or risking a relationship. But, it has mostly to do with your self-confidence than your relationships with people. It may branch from overbearing parents, high expectations set by your peers and mentors or experiencing parenthood yourself and setting unreasonable standards for yourself. Childhood influences are usually the biggest cause of people always saying ‘yes’ all the time.
People who have low self-confidence tend to value their own needs less than the needs of others. Saying 'No' feels rude, and no one wants to be impolite.
Well... saying 'No' does not mean you are being rude or disagreeable.
At the end of the day, it is more about how you say 'no', rather than just saying the word 'No'. Saying 'No' is about valuing and respecting your own time and priorities.
How to start saying say 'No'?
If you want to take a step back and start saying 'No' to make sure your own needs are valued, here’s what you need to do.
- Refuse politely, when it seems not possible: Do not overcomplicate responses and try to be as simple in your responses as you can be. If you are asked to do something, and you want to say 'no', try to be polite in your body language and state that it is not convenient for you at the moment and that you would rather get back to it later.
- Seek time before committing: The transition from saying ‘yes’ all the time to saying no does take time! Start to give yourself more time and ask people to get back to you later. This way you can begin to build more self-confidence and learn to say no over time. This also allows you to evaluate your response instead of immediately saying yes or no to the person asking the favor or task.
- Do not feel guilty: Deep down if you want to do a favor, you can go ahead with it, but you should also understand that it is okay to say no, and there is no need to associate guilt with it. You should set boundaries and allow people around you to understand how much favors they can ask you for instead of presenting you with an endless amount of favors from you.
- Set your boundaries: Refusal does not amount to rejection as you have just as much right to say ‘no’ as the person who is asking the favor from you. You are simply turning down a request, and in most situations, there is a middle ground for compromises where both you and the requester can be satisfied. If you have limited time to fulfill a request, let the person know and help out only as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.
Bringing in these changes can help you be more self-confident, and at the same time enable you to say no when you need to without weighing yourself down with expectations and fear or rejection.