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Anything that's done the first time can be nerve wrecking. It holds true for sex also. For men, it would be all about being able to perform; women, on the other hand, usually look at sex as an indicator of a relationship's potential.
Whether you're a woman or a man, keep these points in mind to make the best of the first time together with your partner.
1. Don't go in with a lot of expectations
You need to remember that sex improves with time as you become more comfortable with each other. Sex for the first time is not the be all and end all of the things; it's just the first of the several that you'll be having.
2. Breathe to release tension
Long and deep breaths are the key to beating the tension that gets built up around having sex for the very first time. This small tip can help to make your first less stressful, and more amazing.
3. Don't forget to kiss or miss foreplay
A study in the evolutionary psychology reveals that only 1 out of 7 women agrees to sleep with men without indulging in foreplay first. Men must remember that women are not always on the lookout for just sex, but something beyond that. Men should try to reassure the women with lots of kissing and touching. They could begin by planting gentle kisses.
4. Descend slowly
On an average, it takes about 8 minutes for a woman to be aroused before she desires her clitoris to be stimulated. Doubling, this time, is a good practice as it takes that much to reach orgasm. Spending 15 minutes of your time playing around with your partner's body before descending is what you should aim for during your first time.
5. Don't blame yourself
Women tend to blame themselves if their partner experiences erection difficulty or premature ejaculation. But such problems are typical, with the root cause being anxiety surrounding the occasion than you. So don't waste time beating yourself up over it, rather enjoy the moment. As many as 80% women cannot reach orgasm through sexual intercourse.
6. Every sexual encounter is distinct
It's very common for folks who are having sex for the first time to not speak up and let their partner know what's making them feel good and what's not. This is incorrect. You should not assume that your partner is an expert on sex. Even if he or she is more experienced than you, every sexual encounter is not the same. This holds true for men as well as for women. So be open and talk about what turns on you on.
While small amounts of alcohol do not have any effect on your sexual health, moderate amounts of drinking are known to cause problems in both men and women.
Let's take a look at the effect alcohol may have on your body and sex life:
1. It acts as a depressant - Acting as a depressant (a drug that reduces stimulation or arousal in various parts of the brain), alcohol inhibits certain areas of the central nervous system that are important for orgasm and arousal, more specifically - the circulation, respiration, and feeling of nerve endings.
2. It dehydrates your body - Sexual arousal requires an adequate supply of oxygen and flow of blood to the private areas so as enable you to experience the different sensations that accompany a sexual act. Adequate blood flow in the case of women is important for lubrication and in the case of men for developing and sustaining an erection. Less fluid in the body and a depressed nervous system can affect your sexual performance.
3. It's not an aphrodisiac if you go overboard - Several studies show that alcohol can help certain people to overcome feelings of deficiency or sexual reserve. This can only happen if you limit your consumption to only 1-2 drinks. If you go overboard, the depressant action of the drink begins to take effect preventing your body's ability to react sexually.
4. It causes fewer erections - Drinking large amounts of alcohol or even long-term drinking can cause erection problems to develop. Erectile dysfunction is said to occur when too much drinking causes dehydration leading to a decrease in blood volume and an increase in the angiotensin hormone, which is associated with ED. The likelihood of this occurring gets further increased if the body's central nervous system is unable to act in a natural way.
5. It leads to delayed ejaculation and orgasm - A 2004 study reveals that about 11% of alcohol users face difficulty in having an orgasm. While the men faced difficulty in ejaculating, women participants required more stimulation to reach an orgasm, compared to men and women who did not drink or drank little.
6. It causes vaginal dryness - The dehydrating effect that normally occurs if you drink a lot can also cause vaginal dryness. It causes a decrease in your sensations and hampers the production of vaginal secretions for sexual penetration, leading to painful sex. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a Sexologist.
Foreplay refers to the preliminary acts preceding the sexual intercourse. Foreplay isn’t given much importance although it is the crucial part of the entire sexual experience.
Why is it important?
From the biological perspective, it is extremely important, especially for a woman to indulge in foreplay. Foreplay enhances the arousal thus, causing the erection of the clitoris. The clitoris functions similar to that of the penis. The rushing of blood to the clitoris, leads to its erection which is necessary to achieve an orgasm. Foreplay also elicits vaginal wetness which makes the proceeding penetrative sex easier and painless for both, the man and the woman. The lack of vaginal wetness causes the sexual intercourse to be rather painful and sometimes involve some amount of bleeding. Contrary to the popular myth, foreplay is equally important for both the sexes. According to research, men and women both reported of achieving better orgasms when there was a greater build-up of sexual arousal.
From the psychological perspective, foreplay instills the feeling of security and causes less vulnerability. The lack of foreplay apparently gives a sense of being neglected and denies the emotional assurance needed by most. Research shows foreplay enhances the relationship of the couple outside the bedroom. Foreplay is essentially important in long term relationships as it helps in enhancing the feelings of togetherness. Foreplay is also important in letting the partner feel they have your attention and care. It is essential in instilling psychological security and emotional wellness.
Also, it is necessary to achieve mutual pleasure from the sexual act and hence, attention must be given to the need of both the partners for a fulfilling experience. Foreplay is important in achieving orgasm, especially for women who do not necessarily achieve an orgasm through penetrative sex. With everything said and done, there is nothing wrong with an occasional skipping of the foreplay if that is what both the partners want. It is important to see what each partner is getting out of the entire sexual experience and work according to it. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a Sexologist.
Paraphilia is a condition involving abnormal sexual desires or being aroused only by specific activities that deviate from the average interests. The arousal of people with paraphilia are bound by fantasizing about certain situations or activities that not necessarily 'normal'.
There are hundreds of recognized sexual paraphilia. A few of the most commonly known examples include:
Necrophilia: Involves being sexually aroused by corpses
Paedophilia: It is being aroused by prepubescent children
Narratophilia: Being aroused by obscene words.
Metrophilia: Being aroused by poetry
Masochism: Being aroused by suffering, being bound or beaten
Sadism: Arousal that comes with inflicting pain on others
Anthropophagolagnia: Involves raping and then eating the corpse of the victim
Coprophilia: Arousal involving faeces
Pictophilia: Arousal involving pornography or erotic pictures
Zoophilia: Involving animals
While some of these fantasies are harmless indulgences, some might be a serious threat to the person and the society. Anthropophagolagnia, for example, is one of the most dangerous examples of paraphilia. Ted Bundy, one of the most talked about cases in criminal psychology, was known to practice Anthropophagolagnia.
Some cases of paraphilia, when done with a consenting partner and indulged in discreetly, need not be especially a threat to others, for example, Metrophilia and Narratophilia. However, the likes of paedophilia, necrophilia and paraphilia involving rape fantasies are pathological in nature and can be considered abnormal and outright dangerous for the overall health and sanctity of the society.
Symptoms of paraphilia include the severe obsession with a particular fantasy or object to the point the individual is unable to attain sexual satisfaction without it.
The development of paraphilia, from a psychoanalytic perspective, is attributed to the arousal caused by a particular behaviour in childhood. From a behaviouristic perspective, sexual arousal may be attached to a particular object if both the instances have repeatedly occurred together around the concerned individual, thus conditioning them. An individual who is the victim or observer of inappropriate sexual acts may develop a paraphilia concerning that very act.
For treatment of sexual paraphilia, drugs that regulate testosterone levels and arousal levels have been used to reduce the sexual arousal while the therapy continues. Antidepressants have been used to reduce sex drive but they do little about the fantasies. Psychoanalytic approach and hypnosis have been used in therapy. In some cases, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (a therapy which focuses on conversations regarding how one’s thoughts and beliefs can affect his/her actions) and systematic desensitization (systematically and gradually letting go of such odd fantasies) have been used to cause a reduction in the conditioning of the fantasy and sexual arousal. Prolonged therapy and medications are used largely for the treatment of paraphilia. For the ones that are a threat to the society, quarantine (separating the extreme paraphilic cases from the rest of the society) is suggested in some countries.
The coitus was great, but after everything is over, why do you feel so sad and depressed? If you feel like fleeing or if you need some reassuring physical contact after intercourse, you might be suffering from a psychological condition called 'post-coital tristesse' (PTC)
What does it mean?
Post-coital is a Latin phrase while tristesse is a French word which literally translates to “sadness”. If you suffer from PCT, you might experience intense feelings of uneasiness, anxiety or sorrow immediately after coitus, or even two hours later.
Why does it happen?
- There are specific hormonal changes during sex and immediately after it. Two main hormones involved are ‘dopamine’ and ‘prolactin’. Dopamine is a neuro-hormone that precedes the release of adrenaline and is linked with feelings of pleasure and sexual arousal; while prolactin is the hormone responsible for producing milk in women (men secrete it as well). Dopamine is released in copious amounts during sex, so to counter this, prolactin is released. Prolactin drastically reduces dopamine levels, and this can make you sad.
- The other cause is psychological. Under the influence of dopamine, you might end up saying things you regret later. This too can result in sadness and depression.
Is it different for men and women?
Yes, men and women handle PCT very differently. Men feel like leaving so that they feel less sad. On the other hand, some men choose to stay, which only worsens their condition. It makes them associate sex with melancholic feelings. Women, on the other hand, crave for reassurance and physical touch from their partners. Nice words or cuddling can ease their discomfort. Suffering from this might result in disaster for them. When the man flees and the woman needs reassurance, it will lead to negative feelings about sex and development of resentment for each other.
Can abstinence and avoidance help?
Abstinence can help if you do not have an active sex life. Time away from sex can actually help you understand your problems better. However, abstinence can trigger depression, low self-esteem and extreme emotions of loneliness.
Are there any other solutions?
Communication and therapy are traditionally the best treatments for PCT. Talking to a therapist, alone or together with your partner, can help you with a solution.
Although it might seem hard to believe at times, headache during the peak of physical intimacy is very much a real thing. These headaches can affect both men and women. Generally, the headache subsides after one or two instances, but in some cases, the headache might persist and become a chronic one.
You might experience a headache while performing any kind of a sexual act. The headaches are generally characterised by sudden and intense pain in the left side of the head just before ejaculation; it might start slowly and rapidly emerge into an intense one. A headache gradually wears you down after attaining orgasm and might cause disturbances in your regular sex life, if it happens to be chronic.
Although most of the headaches are benign, it is still advisable to get them diagnosed without delay.
Why does this happen?
- Although the exact reason is not known, doctors state that the headache might be a result of past history of migraine headaches or general headaches due to high levels of stress.
- Excessive consumption of marijuana, contraceptive pills and alcohol might also cause these headaches.
- The headaches occur as a result of rapid increase in blood pressure or the diameter of the blood vessel before the moment of attaining orgasm. Although, this generally occurs due to a weak vessel wall, however, if this headache becomes chronic or occurs in irregular time periods, it might serves as a precursor to serious diseases, such as brain inflammation, brain tumours, neck disease and low blood pressure.
- Also, if the headache is accompanied by symptoms like vomiting tendency, confusion and a rigid neck, you should check with your doctor to avoid further complications.
However, one can try and prevent chronic headache with the help of prescribed anti inflammatory drugs. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a neurologist.
In today's time, when every one is struggling due to high stress levels, men are facing the brunt of it in the worst possible manner. Todat every 3 out of 10 men suffer from some type of male reproductive issue and one such issue is when the semen, during ejaculation, enters the bladder instead of leaving through the urethra, it is called retrograde ejaculation.
Causes behind it
When men orgasm, the vas deferens (a duct through which the sperm travels to urethra) moves the sperm to the prostrate, where other fluids mix with it to form liquid semen. The bladder neck muscle (the muscle at the exit to the bladder) narrows down, so the ejaculation doesn’t enter the bladder accidentally when it enters the urethra (tube inside the penis) from the prostate. If you are suffering from retrograde ejaculation, this bladder neck muscle doesn’t compress properly. This results in sperm entering the bladder instead of the urethra.
The causes which lead to weakening of the bladder neck muscle include:
- Prostate or bladder neck surgery
- Side effect of some medications, such as medicines taken for high blood pressure, mood disorders and prostate enlargement
- Nerve damage due to diabetes, spinal cord injury or multiple sclerosis (a disease of the immune system wherein it attacks the protective covering of the nerves).
Symptoms that you must look out for
The symptoms and signs of retrograde ejaculation include:
- Dry orgasm: Little to no ejaculation is present when you have an orgasm.
- Cloudy urine after sex: The semen enters the bladder thus, making the urine cloudy
- Male infertility: Since there is hardly any ejaculation, conceiving becomes difficult
How it can be treated
Until and unless retrograde ejaculation interferes with fertility, it requires no treatment. In such scenarios, retrograde ejaculation is treated by taking a closer look at the underlying causes. If nerve damage is the cause, then drugs might help, especially for condition such as diabetes, multiple sclerosis and other diseases or surgeries. However, drugs are not effective if you had surgeries such as bladder neck or prostate surgery.
Being on drugs such as alpha blockers for high blood pressure or prostate problems, or medications for mood disorders, might cause retrograde ejaculation. In such cases, your doctor will advise you to stay off the drugs for some time. Since, infertility is a symptom of retrograde ejaculation, you might require fertility treatments, especially if you and your partner are trying for a baby. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a sexologist.
Do you feel disinterested in getting physically close to your partner? If yes, then it can be a sign of HSDD, that is Hypoactive sexual desire disorder. It is a sex disorder marked by disgust and disinterest towards sex. This disorder affects both men and women.
Men with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder
Men are generally perceived as highly sexual beings, but in reality, 1 out of 5 men may be suffering from HSDD.
Some possible causes of male HSDD include:
- Psychological issues: Anxiety and stress due to the strain of family or relationship problems, rigours of daily life or mental disorders such as depression are some of the factors that influence sexual desire.
- Medical causes: Diseases (for example: diabetes), conditions (such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure and obesity) and drugs (such as hair loss medications) have adverse effects on sexual desire.
- Hormonal problems: Low levels of testosterone usually lead to low sexual desire. Other hormones, such as the thyroid hormone or prolactin (hormone that governs the development of breast milk) can also contribute to the cause.
- Low levels of dopamine: Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, which is responsible for the pleasure perception in your brain. Low levels of dopamine usually signify low sexual desire.
How it can be treated ?
If the cause is psychological, then sex therapy (psychological counselling based on sexual issues) is used to treat HSDD. But if it is hormonal, testosterone supplements are used.
Women with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder
Female HSDD is more complicated and is difficult to diagnose. HSDD can affect women across all ages.
In women, this disorder can have a wider spectrum of causes, which include:
- Interpersonal relationship problems: Certain problems such as the partner’s performance issues, loss of emotional gratification with relationships, childbirth and becoming nothing, but only a loved one’s caregiver can all lead to low sexual desire.
- Sociocultural influences: Media’s portrayal of sexuality, peer pressure and job stress have negative influences on sexual desire.
- Low testosterone: Women produce testosterone as well, and similar to men, low levels of this sex hormone cause a significant dip in sexual desire.
- Medical problems: Mental illnesses such as depression or medical problems, such as fibroids or endometriosis (a disorder characterized by the growth of uterine tissues outside the organ) affect women, physically and mentally, thus making ‘hypoactive sexual desire disorder’ a possibility.
- Medications: Excessive use of antidepressants, oral contraceptives and blood pressure drugs can lower sexual desire.
- Age: The androgen (sex hormone) levels lower drastically as a woman ages, thus negatively impacting her sexual desires.
Sex therapy (therapy that concerns itself with counselling and addressing one’s physical or psychological hindrances to sex) medication changes, diagnosing underlying medical problems, vaginal estrogens and testosterone therapy (therapy that helps in managing the effects of low levels of testosterone) are mostly used to increase sexual desire in women. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a sexologist and ask a free question.
Penis is a the most important symbol of manliness. A majority of men are often concerned about their organ and its wellness. Ling ke use, uske size aur shape ko lekar saath kaafi galat fehmi judi huyi hai. For example, people are always concerned about what should be the ideal size of their penis so that they are able to sexually satisfy their partner completely.
One of the other areas of concern for men is the curvature of their penis. There are a number of reasons because of which penis may become slightly curved or twisted over a period of time and one such reason is masturbation or hastmaithun.
Men who have curved penis are often worried about whether it could be something serious. However, they should not worry at all. Ling sidha kiya jaa sakta hai aur isko el life-threatening situation nahi samajhna chahiye. Agar aapko curvature ke sath sath pain bhi hai, toh aap doctor ko consult karein. Otherwise, there are several remedies that you can practice ling seedha karne le liye.
It is estimated that sirf 1 out of 100 men mein curvature naturally theek ho jata hai. However, people who start to experience problems because of the curvature can opt to go for traction. Traction is one of the fastest and effective ways to straighten the penis. It involves the use of a penis stretching device that puts a consistent, yet light pressure on the penis. Traction pehenne mein easy hai aur roz istemaal kiya jaa sakta hai.
Apart from traction, aapko kuch aur cheezo ka dhyaan rakhne ki bhi zarurat hai. For example, kuch log samajhte hain ki tight underwear pehenne se aur ling ko curvature ki opposite side mein place karne se ye theek ho jayega. However, one must know that this is not completely true.
Wearing tight underwear may help improve the curvature, however, it can put pressure on the testicles and reduce the sperm count. In addition, kum space hone ki wajah se it makes it prone to fungal and bacterial infection because of sweating. There could be some additional side effects, including difficulty urinating, low libido and erectile issues.