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His sex drive is less and now I don't care much either
Q: Hi, I’m 40 and married at 20 years. I have a stable marriage and a friendly relationship with my husband. From the beginning my husband’s sex drive has been much less than normal. He isn’t very adventurous or outgoing. I’ve had many discussions with him and tried to address this issue. Now i’ve reached a place where it doesn’t bother me much. Is that ok? have I reached an impasse?
a: You are speaking the fears of every woman who has ever been in a passionless relationship. Chemistry is a wonderful feeling. It consists of an increase in dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, estrogen, and oxytocin and makes you feel really high. This high – which we call chemistry or attraction – generally lasts from 18-36 months. And while it is a wonderful feeling, it is not the same as love, although most folks call it being “in love”. Additionally, this “in love” feeling is not necessarily a good predictor of your future, because, well, you’ve had it before in relationships that ultimately failed.
What I’ve observed as a sexologist is that people are slaves to chemistry, ignore compatibility (the ability to get along and build a future), and wonder why they’re so unhappy if they’re “in love”.
When you’re planning a 40-year relationship, compatibility – the ability to compromise, make thousands of tiny decisions as a couple, and build a life together – is ultimately more important than white-hot chemistry. As to what you do now?
I think it has to be a hard conversation with your husband, in which you figure out your endgame before you talk, and lead him to your desired conclusion
1. Compliment your husband on being a great husband, father and teammate.
2. Tell him that you feel sexually deprived. Tell him that while you love him dearly and have no desire to break up your family, you are starving for affection and don’t want to live the rest of your life without it.
3. Ask him to collaborate with you in coming up with a solution. This is a team effort to preserve your marriage and make you feel sexually satisfied, and if he values your happiness, He has to help solve it.
What will you come up with?
That’s up to you as a couple. I wish you well as a doctor, and thank you for illustrating that no sexual chemistry should be a non-starter in relationships, and that is it also an important part of a married life. Please relax and focus on your happiness and cultivate hobbies and do things that bring you joy.
I had chicken pox in the month of December 2015. After getting relief from it still I have a new problem. The problem is the marks of the pox is too much dark that it looks me ugly. Now I am getting pimples on to my marks now. I do not know what to do. What type of symptoms is it?
When should I call the doctor about my child’s sore throat? — Sore throat is a common problem in children. It usually gets better on its own. But sore throat can sometimes be serious.
Call your child’s doctor or nurse if your child has a sore throat and:
●Has a fever of at least 101°F or 38.4°C
●Doesn’t want to eat or drink anything
Call for an ambulance (in the US and Canada, dial 9-1-1) or take your child to the emergency room if your child:
●Has trouble breathing or swallowing
●Is drooling much more than usual
●Has a stiff or swollen neck
What causes sore throat? — Sore throat is usually caused by an infection. Two types of germs can cause the infection: viruses and bacteria. Children spread germs easily because they often touch each other, share toys, and put things in their mouths.
Children who have a sore throat caused by a virus do not usually need to see a doctor or nurse. Children who have a sore throat caused by bacteria might need to see a doctor or nurse. They might have a type of infection called strep throat
How can I tell if my child’s sore throat is caused by a virus or strep throat? — It is hard to tell the difference. But there are some clues to look for
People who have a sore throat caused by a virus usually have other symptoms, too. These can include:
●A runny nose
●A stuffed-up chest
●Itchy or red eyes
●A raspy (hoarse) voice
●Pain in the roof of the mouth
People who have strep throat DO NOT usually have a cough, runny nose, or itchy or red eyes.
If you think your child might have strep throat, call your child’s doctor. He or she can do a test to check for the bacteria that cause strep throat.
Does my child need antibiotics? — If the sore throat is caused by a virus, your child DOES NOT need antibiotics. Unless your child has strep throat, antibiotics will NOT help.
What can I do to help my child feel better? — There are several ways to help relieve a sore throat:
●Soothing foods and drinks – Give your child things that are easy to swallow, like tea or soup, or popsicles to suck on. Your child might not feel like eating or drinking, but it’s important that he or she gets enough liquids. Offer different warm and cold drinks for your child to try.
●Medicines – Acetaminophen (sample brand name: Tylenol) or ibuprofen (sample brand names: Advil, Motrin) can help with throat pain. The correct dose depends on your child’s weight, so ask your child’s doctor how much to give.
Do not give aspirin or medicines that contain aspirin to children younger than 18 years. In children, aspirin can cause a serious problem called Reye syndrome. Do not give children throat sprays or cough drops, either. Throat sprays and cough drops are no better at relieving throat pain than hard candies. Plus, throat sprays can cause an allergic reaction.
●Other treatments – For children who are older than 3 to 4 years, sucking on hard candies or a lollipop might help. For children older than 6 to 8 years, gargling with salt water might help.
When can my child go back to school? — If your child’s sore throat is caused by a virus, he or she should be able to go back to school as soon as he or she feels better. If your child has a fever, he or she should stay home for at least 24 hours after the fever has gone away.
How can I keep my child from getting a sore throat again? — Wash your child’s hands often with soap and water. It is one of the best ways to prevent the spread of infection. You can use an alcohol rub instead, but make sure the hand rub gets everywhere on your child’s hands.
Try to teach your child about other ways to avoid spreading germs, such as not touching his or her face after being around a sick person.