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In our Indian culture, we are taught to be polite and respectful especially with elders, whatever the cost to us. We must be polite with our guests and other relationships and at the workplace. Women must be never say no their in laws if they want to be happy in their married life. Employees should never say no to their bosses or managers or else they will lose their jobs.
There are 6 main reasons why people hesitate in saying NO:
1. You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.
2. Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying “No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude and disrespectful.
3. Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement. So you confirm to others’ request.
4. Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation. Even if there isn’t, there might be friction created which might lead to negative consequences in the future.
5. Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. For example, one of my clients’ wife was asked to transfer to another department in her company. Since she liked her team, she didn’t want to shift. However, she didn’t want to say no as she felt it would affect her promotion opportunities in the future.
6. Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.
Well these reasons are not true if you are familiar with the art of saying NO. Remember those people who said no to you and you didn't feel bad about it. The trick lies in when and how to say NO.
At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying no, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. Saying no is your prerogative.
7 SIMPLE WAYS TO SAY NO
Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to say no. After I began to say no to others, I realized it’s really not as bad as I thought. The other people were very understanding and didn’t put up any resistance. Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind. If you are not sure how to do so, here are 7 simple ways for you to say no. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.
The art lies in using appropriate body language, tone and proper timing. Coming across as genuine, warm and friendly will help to set the tone of the interaction and you will be the winner.
1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better. I use this when I have too many commitments to attend to.
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”
It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something. Sometimes I get phone calls from friends or associates when I’m in a meeting or doing important work. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel disappointed or rejected.
3. “I’d love to do this, but …”
I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to the other party. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it. I often use this line when I get invitations to late night dinners and parties. Their ideas are absolutely great, but I can’t take part due to other reasons such as prior commitments or different needs.
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. Sometimes I’m pitched a great idea which meets my needs, but I want to hold off on committing as I want some time to think first. There are times when new considerations pop in and I want to be certain of the decision before committing myself. If the person is sincere about the request, he/she will be more than happy to wait a short while. Specify a date / time-range (say, in 1-2 weeks) where the person can expect a reply.
If you’re not interested in what the person has to offer at all, don’t lead him/her on. Use methods #5, #6 or #7 which are definitive.
5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
If someone is pitching a deal/opportunity which isn’t what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out that it doesn’t meet your needs. Otherwise, the discussion can drag on longer than it should. It helps as the person know it’s nothing wrong about what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. At the same time, by saying you’ll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities.
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
If you are being asked for help in something which you (i) can’t contribute much to (ii) don’t have resources to help, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on – whether it’s someone you know, someone who might know someone else, or even a department. I always make it a point to offer an alternate contact so the person doesn’t end up in a dead end. This way you help steer the person in the right place.
7. “No, I can’t.”
The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many fears in our mind to saying no. As I shared earlier in this article, these fears are self-created and they are not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.
THE BENEFITS OF SAYING NO:
Overcommitting by trying to cram too many activities into too little time leads to stress. We are much more likely to get sick when we are stressed. And chronic stress can cause serious health risks including depression and heart attacks.
1. OPEN COMMUNICATION: this way you are able to tell people who you really are and what is your capabilities and responsibilities towards yourself. This fosters for honest communication. Other people also see you as a human with virtues and limitations. This builds genuine relationships. Nowadays working women are clear about asking their husbands to pitch in towards house work and husbands are open about wanting a working spouse to support the finances. This creates space for pooling our strengths and working in collaboration with each other.
2. BOUNDARIES: with this practice you will be able to take care of those people who like to push or boss around other people to get their way. Drinking, smoking, drugs are common ways that children and adults with weaker personal boundaries, get drawn into. Learning to say no protects you from potential damage.
3. TIME FOR YOUR GOALS: You make out time for what is important to you and your vision of life. By saying no to late night parties, I am able to eat less junk, get a good sleep and get up early to exercise. Saying no to unrelated office presentations gets you time to spend with family.
Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. I know I do and I’m happy I started doing that.
Sir , aaj kal mujhe lunch ya dinner me red meat , chicken ya to fish khane k waqt me aisa q lagta hai jaise mera sar ghum raha he ya to phir ye sab khane se mera heart ya to kidney me attack karega, mujhe har waqt khane me aisa dar sa q lagta he or heart beat bar jata he. What's the reason. .
Dear,sir i ws having one best friend his rules ws to be in under he alwz keeping me in his restrictions.I m too much confused should i live with him or not.His nature ws so good.Plz help me wat should i do m alws feeling uneasy without him.
I am 24 years old, I am having anxiety disorder and my heart beats like it will pop out and I thought too much and can't relate to what is going on and having unknown fear and zero excitement.
Hi I am australian citizen and divorced living in india. My 7 years daughter lives in brisbane with my ex and new mom. I am brahmin. My parents want to me to get marry. I am 32 years old. I am a mechanical engineer. Not working. Need advice which kind of guy should I marry. I am brahmin gujarati. Brother married and mom teacher and dad doctor. Mom dad retired. And brother is an engineer working in bangalore. My parents are sick aged. I miss my daughter a lot. I do not know the reason why my ex not alowing me to talk with her. Depressed. Thanks
There is a calcified nodule In my brain, Since last 10 years taking medicine. Now taking: levepsy 500 Is it curable.
4 Must-Do Ways Of Coping With A Break Up
Breakups can be devastating. The non-availability of a person you loved dearly can give rise to emotions of anger, helplessness, emptiness, frustration and sometimes even guilt. Coping with a break up is extremely difficult for most people. So what is the best way of dealing with it? Read on...
1. Live For Yourself
Whether it’s your sleeping habit, or tastes in food or even music preferences, a relationship calls for a compromise in either or all of these. Since you’re free now, you can indulge in everything that you had to give up on. Even if it’s something as simple as peanuts, which gave him or her allergies, you should indulge in it by the handful. Go out; don’t keep yourself cooped up at home. Meet new people, form new bonds with the people you like and do whatever makes you happy.
2. Vent Out
Call your friends or family and share the pent up feelings with them. Friends and family are sympathetic, and can act as a shoulder to cry on. However, make sure you are smart about your venting. It’s pretty easy to fall into the habit of crying and drinking, laying in your bed, wallowing in your misery and ignoring all your responsibilities. Venting helps, but not at the cost of the rest of your life. Make sure you aren’t succumbing to complete self-pity as this will only add to your depression.
Exercising serves two purposes. One, it helps you get back in shape so that you feel confident and healthy. Two, exercise has been proven to reduce stress, by bringing about the release of the feel-good hormones, endorphins, in your body. Regular workouts will increase adrenaline and dopamine in your system. Being mood-enhancers, these chemicals work to make you happy and keep you stress-free.
4. Cut-off Contact
Many people say that they want to remain friends after breaking up, but that is mostly not a good idea. So what do you do? Try cutting off complete contact for a while, at least till you heal. Whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Gmail, or Pinterest, you need to deny yourself avenues to check out either your ex-partner or your past life with them. Avoid talking on calls and texts too. Get rid of their stuff in your house. If you have a song that reminds you of the time spent with your ex-partner, don’t listen to it in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. If you can’t do this yourself, ask a friend to help keep you on track or even do it for you.
Hello! I have a problem of thinking too much n then it leads to tensions n it occurs mainly in exams. Eg) I said something to someone then after some time I will regret that I have said something wrong. I even feel guilty about things which are useless like if I said something in mzaak (humour) then afterwards I will think that he must have taken it seriously n then I go on replying him on watsapp that I was kidding. It happens mostly in exams when I have a pressure to study and with these all problem I am not able to study coz these all things come in my mind while studying only in exams. Thanks.
Im 19 year old. I got my first periods when I was 12. Since my first time. I never got my periods regularly. I get in once in 4 months. N even aftr getting I bleed only for 3 days. I consulted my family doc she told me that it is because to stress. But im getting scared even aftr so many years im nt getting it regularly. Was shall I do so that I get my periods regularly.
My mother having age 70 yrs is suffering from mental disorder since last 30 yrs and taking medicines 1. Sizodon-2 and 2. Largatil on daily basis. Please suggest is there any treatment for recovery from the mental disorder. If any day she missed to take the medicine she feels wakefulness and talking like unwanted subject.
When I drink alcohol After 5 hours my body is infected and swelling my stomach in both side What is the solution of it?
Sir I am a martial artist nd I have a one bad habit putting tobacco in my mouth but its not for chewing just put it nd thats all. I eat daily more than 5 times nd I don't want to quit this becoz its feel me good so suggest me some medicine which controls my body level nd stamina becoz extra spitting is not good for our joints nd sperm counts to so please help me sir. Thanks and regards.
Hi Doctors, I am engineering student. I need information about, how to increase concentration/ brain power? Any medicine? Any special drink like soup's?
Stress is the reaction of the body or the mind to the interpretation of a known situation. Stress management, therefore, involves either changing the situation, changing the interpretation or taming the body the yogic way in such a way that stress does not affect the body.
Every situation has two sides. Change of interpretation means looking at the other side of the situation. It is something like half glass of water, which can be interpreted as half empty or half full.
Studies have shown that anger, hostility and aggression are the new risk factors for heart disease. Even recall of anger has been reported to precipitate a heart attack.
Many studies have shown that when doctors talk positive in front of unconscious patients in ICU, their outcome is better than those in whose presence if doctors talk negative.
The best way to practice spiritual medicine is to experience silence in the thoughts, speech and action. Simply walking in the nature with silence in the mind and experiencing the sounds of nature can be as effective as 20 minutes of meditation. He said that 20 minutes of meditation provides the same physiological parameters as that of seven hours of deep sleep.