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Dr. Hingorani

Psychologist, Mumbai

Dr. Hingorani Psychologist, Mumbai
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Hello and thank you for visiting my Lybrate profile! I want to let you know that here at my office my staff and I will do our best to make you comfortable. I strongly believe in ethics; a......more
Hello and thank you for visiting my Lybrate profile! I want to let you know that here at my office my staff and I will do our best to make you comfortable. I strongly believe in ethics; as a health provider being ethical is not just a remembered value, but a strongly observed one.
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Dr. Hingorani is a trusted Psychologist in Bandra West, Mumbai. You can visit her at Excel Clinic in Bandra West, Mumbai. Don’t wait in a queue, book an instant appointment online with Dr. Hingorani on Lybrate.com.

Find numerous Psychologists in India from the comfort of your home on Lybrate.com. You will find Psychologists with more than 25 years of experience on Lybrate.com. You can find Psychologists online in Mumbai and from across India. View the profile of medical specialists and their reviews from other patients to make an informed decision.

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2/1, Shanti Sadan, 36th Road, Bandra West,Landmark: National College, MumbaiMumbai Get Directions
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I am 31 years old but still i'm looking like 25 years boy. My body is not fit for my age. What is the problem sir? is there any defects in my body. Still I have no any bad habbits like smoking, drinking and tobacco? what should I have to do?

M.Phil clinical Psychology, MS Psychotherapy and Counseling, PGDGC, MSc Psychology
Psychologist, Chennai
I dont understand on what basis do you think that you look younger and what is the great difference in the looks between 25 and 31. Normally people feel happy when they look younger. However you seem to have a lot of concern about your looks, so get in touch with psychologist to sort it out
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I'm 24 and I've been smoking since I was 18, its a long time. I used to smoke around 10 cigarettes daily and now I'm completely cigarette free since 1st January 2017. I crave for smoking all the time but I manage myself however to not smoke a single puff of that again but the problem is my chest hurts, mainly right side and I can feel the pain in back as well. I want to know about it, is it common? If it is then what are other problem I'm gonna have while quitting smoking. Suggest me anything which can make this procedure easier. please reply as soon as possible.

MD - Psychiatry
Psychiatrist, Guwahati
You took a very good decision to quit smoking. It is a harmful habit & do not have any beneficial effect on the body. Smoking for long may affect the upper respiratory tract & lungs, causing many problems like throat irritation & infection, chronic cough, COPD, Chronic bronchitis etc. As you are having chest pain better get yourself evaluated by a physician to rule out any affect in your chest & lungs by smoking. Take the following steps to keep up your motivation to continue your effort to quit smoking: oEducate yourself adequately regarding smoking & its ill effects. Acquire the required information by reading books, going through internet or talking to a professional trained in de addiction. OKeep reminding yourself of the benefits you will achieve after quitting smoking: After quitting you will have reduced risk of the many diseases caused by smoking. Your family & near ones will be saved from the ill effects of passive smoking. Your mouth will be saved from the bad odor caused by smoking. You can focus more on your relationships. Smoking might have affected your relations if your close ones were against it, or because you were so preoccupied with the substance, your relations suffered. You can participate actively in social gatherings as you will not have to stay away because of your habit nor have to come out frequently to smoke. You will save the money you were wasting on smoking & use them for better purposes. OImagine & create in your mind a picture of a beautiful future of a life without smoking. Imagine how much you will benefit in your new life. In between your beautiful imaginary picture also imagine that you started to smoke again. Then imagine how one by one the beautiful picture will shatter. Once you become aware of the consequences of relapse, you will also develop fear of relapsing. You will then stay more cautious not to start it again. OCount the first day of your quitting as the first day of a new start & from that day, live one day at a time. It is helpful if you can relate this day to some important events in your life like your birthday or birthday of someone close, anniversary, day of some achievements etc. On the morning of the second day, tell yourself that you are starting the second day of your substance free life & by night time thank yourself that you stayed substance free whole day & encourage yourself to stay smoke free in coming days too. Celebrate your victory of staying sober on completing 1 week, 2 weeks, then 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, and on completing one year celebrate the first birthday of your sobriety. This will encourage you to stay sober further. OAvoid triggering factors that may tempt you to smoke. For example if the triggering factor was internal say some stress for which you got inclined to abusing substance, then work on the stress to remove it or take help of a counselor to overcome the stress. If the trigger was external, like some friends persuade & you could not say no, in some specific event or situation you usually smoke etc, then stay away from those situation. OImmediately after quitting, craving will be intense. But gradually with time it will reduce. So the initial days you have to be very careful. Keep yourself busy & diverted. You can use alternatives like nicotine lozenges or chewing gum. Gradually reduce the amount of these chewing gums & stop them. OThrow away all cigarettes you have with you. Having them within reach may increase your temptation. OStart new healthy habits & opt for a healthy lifestyle. OEat healthy diet. OJoin a support group comprising of people who came out of smoking & had undergone the same situation as you. You will get a platform to discuss your queries & together can motivate each other to stay sober & also help others to overcome smoking. If you are not able to do yourself alone, then take professional help. Now-a-days de-addiction treatments are available for quitting all substances of abuse including smoking. Such treatment includes detoxification & rehabilitation program. Consult a psychiatrist & start your treatment at the earliest. Medical detoxification is the first stage of de addiction treatment, when the addicted person is treated with medicines. The withdrawal symptoms which occur on sudden stopping of an addictive substance are managed through detox treatment. Medical detoxification systematically and safely will withdraw you from smoking. The next phase is the Rehabilitation program which includes counseling sessions & other behavioral therapies. These sessions have important role in the de addiction process. Counseling sessions will help to enhance your motivation skills to stay sober, build skills to resist smoking, replace substance-using activities with constructive and rewarding non substance-using activities, and improve problem-solving abilities. Behavioral therapy will work on interpersonal relationships and your ability to function effectively in the family and community. All the best for your effort. Wish you success.
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62+ M. Diabetic and hypertensive and under treatment for 20 years. Presently having diabetic neuropathy. Advice.

MD - Psychiatry, MBBS
Psychiatrist, Patna
Control sugar profile, daily walk, take diabetic diet, more salads in food, take multivitamins with vit B6, B12, and folate, take extra care of numb areas of your body, get glycosylated Hb checked three monthly and take diabetic medicines regularly.
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I am mentally disturbed from my engineering examination because I very quickly frustrated. What can I do with self that I will be normal.

BASM, MD, MS (Counseling & Psychotherapy), MSc - Psychology, Certificate in Clinical psychology of children and Young People, Certificate in Psychological First Aid, Certificate in Positive Psychology
Psychologist, Palakkad
I am mentally disturbed from my engineering examination because I very quickly frustrated. What can I do with self th...
Dear lybrate-user, Welcome to Lybrate. Tension during and before examination is called performance anxiety. To overcome exam related performance anxiety, you should know yourself, your subject, exams and your study patterns. Once you study systematically and to the point, there is no need to be panic before or during the exams. “Effective learning” techniques should help you. Take care.
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I am suffering from schizophrenia for past 9 years with ongoing medicines still do not have mental peace. What basic precautions should I take to get rid off schizophrenia?

MD - Alternate Medicine, BHMS
Homeopath, Surat
Please consult a homoeopath for this.Because psychiatric medicines you need to have for life-long.Better have homoepathic treatment.So that you will be relieved sooner with 1-2 yrs.
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I am 23 old, and I am studying CA. I have lot to study, the exams are coming. But I can not put my concentration in my studies. Always I am busy with my phones or laptop or other things. Look like not interested in studies. But I want to become a CA. I feel my memory power getting lower day by day, and physically and mentally I am not fit, I do not know what to do. How can I put time into studies effectively. Please help me with this.

C.S.C, D.C.H, M.B.B.S
General Physician,
YOu have to use willpower to put the phone away. And try these study tips 10 Study Tips to Improve Your Learning Study Tip 1: Underlining Underlining is one of the simplest and best known study tips. It’s easy to highlight the most significant parts of what you’re reading. One key sentence per paragraph and a few important phrases here and there. You can only retain a certain amount so it’s best to retain the most important information. Study Tip 2: Make your own note and taking notes is one of the most widespread study skills out there. Essentially the aim of note-taking is to summarise lectures or articles in your own words so you can easily remember the ideas. Study Tip 3: Mind mapping A good Mind map can save you many hours of study and further consolidate your knowledge for your exams. Mind Maps are an extremely versatile tools. They can be used for brainstorming, outlining essays or study topics and for general exam preparation, ExamTime offers the ability to create Mind Maps quickly and easily which makes them the ideal tool when it comes to exams. Study Tip 4: Flash cards:- Using these are a particularly effective method of learning when trying to assimilate different facts, dates, formulas or vocabulary. Subjects such as History, Physics, Maths, Chemistry, Geography or any language are made much easier if you incorporate Flashcards in to your study. Study Tip 5: Case Studies Sometimes it can be difficult to grasp the implications of some theories. This is where studying case studies can be a big help. Case studies can help you visualise a theory and place it in a more familiar and realistic context. This is especially useful in business or law subjects. Study Tip 6: Quizzes are an excellent way to review study notes in the weeks and days before an exam. Quizzes can show where your strengths and weaknesses are, so it allows you to focus your efforts more precisely. Moreover, if you share your Study Quiz with your classmates and test each other as much as possible you can discover even more details and areas you may have overlooked. So before any exam, make sure you create and share a bunch of different Quizzes with your Friends. Study Tip 7: Brainstorming This is another study technique that is ideal for studying with friends and/or classmates. Brainstorming is a great way to expand every possible idea out of any topic. Just get a bunch of friends together and shoot the breeze, there are no wrong answers when brainstorming – just talk and capture the ideas, you can review afterward. Study Tip 8: Mnemonic Rules Mnemonics are especially useful when memorising lists and sets. Mnemonics rules basically work by associating certain concepts with other concepts that are more familiar to us. There are many different ways to make mnemonics and these can be individual to the person. Study Tip 9: ORGANISE your study One of the most effective study skills is also one of the most often overlooked; this is organising your study. Creating a TIME TABLE gives you goals and a time in which to achieve them. Having a study timetable as you study is greatly motivational Study Tip 10: Drawing Many people find it easier to recall images rather than text that is why they are better able to memorise concepts if they associate them with pictures or drawings. If you find answer helpful please click on “helpful” tab for knowing my efforts are useful CONCENTRATION TIPS Here’s some tips to get into a state of deep concentration where work / or studies flow easily so that you can do well in examinations/ and or do your work well. 1) Cut Off the Noise Getting into a state of concentration can take at least fifteen minutes. If you are getting distracted every five, you can’t possibly focus entirely on your work. Request that people don’t interrupt you when working on a big project. If you are required to answer phones and drop-in’s immediately, schedule work when the office is less busy. 2) Structure Your Environment The place you work can have an impact on your ability to focus. Try to locate yourself so you are facing potential distractions such as doors, phones or windows. This way you can take a glance to assess sounds that would otherwise break your focus. 3) Clarify Objectives Know what your goal is clearly before you start. If you aren’t sure what the end result is, the confusion will make it impossible to focus. 4) Divide Blobs. If you have a large project that needs work, clearly identify a path that you will use to get started working on it. If the sequence of actions isn’t obvious, it will be difficult to concentrate. Taking a few minutes to plan not only your end result, but the order you will complete any steps, can save hours in wasted thinking. 5) Know the Rules Get clear on what the guidelines are for the task ahead. What level of quality do you need? What standards do you need to follow? What constraints are there? If the rules aren’t clear from the outset, you will slip out of concentration as you ponder them later. 6) Set a Deadline Deadlines have both advantages and disadvantages when trying to force concentration. A deadline can make it easier to forget the non-essential and speed up your working time. If you give yourself only an hour to design a logo, you will keep it simple and avoid fiddling with extravagant designs. Time limits have disadvantages when they cause you to worry about the time you have left instead of the task itself. 7) Break down Roadblocks Roadblocks occur whenever you hit a tricky problem in your work. This can happen when you run out of ideas or your focus wavers. Break down roadblocks by brainstorming or planning on a piece of paper. Writing out your thought processes can keep you focused even if you might become frustrated. 8) Isolate Yourself Become a hermit and stay away from other people if you want to get work done. Unless your work is based on other people they will only break your focus. Create a private space and refuse to talk to anyone until your work is finished. Put a sign on your door to steer away drop-ins and don’t answer your phone. 9) Healthy Body, Sharper Mind What you put into your body affects the way you concentrate. Nobody would expect peak performance if they showed up drunk to work. But if you allow yourself to get chronic sleep deprivation, overuse stimulants like caffeine or eat dense, fatty foods your concentration will suffer. Try to cut out one of your unhealthy habits for just thirty days to see if there is a difference in your energy levels. I’ve found even small steps can create dramatic changes in my ability to focus. 10) Be Patient Before I write an article, I often sit at my desk for a fifteen or twenty minutes before I put finger on the keyboard. During this time I feel a strong urge to leave or do something else. But I know that if I am patient, I’ll stumble upon an idea to write about and enter a state of flow. Without a little patience, you can’t take advantage of flow when it rushed through you. If you need strong concentration I recommend periods of 90-120 minutes. Any less than that and you will waste too much time getting started before the flow can continue. More than this is possible to sustain focus, but you will probably benefit from a quick break. These are the general guidelines for concentration, studying well or doing your job. Regards.
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I am 43 years old lady. My husband is also same years. We have enjoyed a good conjugal life. But sometimes, we are in a tense mood. What is the proper way we accept for contraception?

BAMS, MD Ayurveda
Sexologist, Lonavala
I am 43 years old lady. My husband is also same years. We have enjoyed a good conjugal life. But sometimes, we are in...
Try the following remedy it will surely help you Natural home remedy using almonds, cow's milk, ginger powder, cardamom and saffron: Saffron is a mild aphrodisiac 1. Soak 10 almonds in water overnight 2. Peel off the skin and crush them the next morning 3. Take 1 cup hot cow's milk 4. Add the crushed almonds 5. Add a pinch of ginger powder 6. Add a pinch of cardamom powder 7. Add a pinch of saffron 8. Mix well 9. Drink this every morning This remindy will be helpful.
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I am a student I am not able concentrate on my studies and anything I have read I was not able to present it on paper.

BHMS, diploma in IACH
Homeopath, Jaipur
Hello sankey. First you must decide your goal. Wake up early morning and do half hours yoga then half hours exercise. And start reading in early morning it definitely work. Not take rich or heavy diet.
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Hi am 24 years old. Am smoking since 2010. Now I am realized to quit smoking. I tried more than 10 times I was failed. Is there any medication to quit smoking. This time I will not give up. Please help me out. Thanks in advance.

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
You will need to visit a doctor for a prescription to quit smoking. Even if you have tried for a hundred times, do not give up. You must try and try again but at each attempt use some learning of the previous attempt and implement it. You will succeed in the end. Congratulations that you want to quit smoking. Tobacco consumption, either through smoke or other edible forms, is always harmful. The desire to quit is a good starting point. The best way to quit is to know more about the ill-effects of tobacco. The knowledge is astounding and scary. That information itself should help you to want to quit. Smoking uses the respiratory system and gives you a faster kick. The tobacco tar in cigarette smoke lines your lungs with huge patches that make that portion dysfunctional. Your oxygen carrying capacity is jeopardized, and breathing is impinged. The nicotine in tobacco smoke stimulates the heart beat to raise the blood pressure in no time at all. There are more than 7000 harmful chemicals in cigarette smoke! You will need to stop smoking or consuming any tobacco related items with immediate effect. Then you need to identify why you smoke and chew tobacco: there is an oral need, the nicotine effect, the psychological effect of covering up some other issue, for style, to impress, etc. You may discover that the reasons may be unimportant at this stage because you have become too addicted and the habit has become compulsive. You should start exercises, gradually increasing it over a period of time. Do deep breathing exercises every time you feel like smoking (try Yoga) or chewing, and replace the oral urge with some healthy food substitute to satiate the need, for a little while. You may take hard candy or chewing gum. If the urge is too strong, then use nicotine chewing gum or nicotine patches, for a little while until the smoking drive reduces substantially. You may join Smokers Anonymous in your city where the support is really extraordinary for like-minded people who are also in the same situation. Keep yourself occupied or engaged with interesting activities during the times when it is most tempting. Keep the company of non-smokers for some time i. E. At least for the first 21 days. Above all announce it to everyone that you have quit smoking tobacco. Here’s a piece of very good advice: even if you accidentally/willfully take a cigarette, it is not the end of the world – you can start the cessation all over again. Don’t be discouraged because it is not too late even now to reverse all the ill-effects of smoking. As Mark Twain once jocularly said, “giving up smoking is easy; I have done it many times”. You must persevere with the best support until you defeat this addiction. Counseling is very useful in the initial stages and when temptations are at their highest.
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Ever Wondered Why You Are Unable To Concentrate?

General Physician (AM)
Alternative Medicine Specialist, Chandigarh
Ever Wondered Why You Are Unable To Concentrate?
"Wondering how will you ever clear that ever growing task list at work or the one at home? Wondering why you are unable to focus and get it all done ? Here are reasons why you might not be able to concentrate.

1) Multitasking: Multitasking is a myth. Everything that you want to do needs your extended focus to bring it to completion. While we might feel we can do many things and achieve a lot within a stipulated time, what we don't realize is that we lose time switching between tasks particularly when the tasks are new or complex. It takes a while to go back to where you left something off. Try avoiding it.

2) Getting bored: You tend to get easily distracted when you are on a dull task. It is difficult to focus if you are not interested in what you are doing.When you are bored, everything else is more appealing. There are two ways to beat it. One, you can bribe yourself into reaching a certain milestone by keeping a reward at the end of it. Two - schedule breaks. It will ensure that you will be refreshed.

3) Living in the past or future: We cannot focus on the present if we keep revisiting what somebody did in the past or do not stop worrying about an event that hasn't even occurred yet. These mental distractions cannot be pinned but take a lot of our bandwidth. They don't let us concentrate. Best way is to make conscious effort at dismissing such thoughts. Training yourself to meditate is also a way out.

4) Gadget addiction: You guessed it right. The biggest distraction of our times is your mobile phone, with all the apps and the blessed 'social media' which was conceived to distract. The urge to respond to that text, post, tweet or email never lets you stay focused. You can beat the electronic interruptions by being strict with yourself. Discipline yourself to check the updates every couple of hours or so.

5) Tiredness: Long hours of work or lack of sleep impairs attention and ability to focus. You start dragging yourself through the day without accomplishing much. Getting at least seven hours of sleep will go a long way toward improving your focus during the day.

Have any further questions? Click on consult privately to ask me.

From Lybrate: If you found this tip useful, please thank the doctor by clicking on the heart icon below. Also, spread good health by sharing this tip with your loved ones over Whatsapp, Facebook and other media"
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Hello I am 20 year old boy. I am studying in college. For the past few days I am having a pain in my neck, I have tried everything to get rid of it but nothing happened. I have taken pills and also tried some exercises and some Yoga too but nothing helped me. So I tell me how I can get rid of this pain. It usually starts in the morning and last till evening, so please kindly give me the right suggestion to get rid off my neck pain .Thank you.

BHMS
Homeopath, Faridabad
Hello I am 20 year old boy. I am studying in college. For the past few days I am having a pain in my neck, I have tri...
Hello, these are the home remedies:- 1. Garlic gives good results when it comes to cervical spondylosis symptoms. Its anti-inflammatory and analgesic properties help treat pain, swelling and inflammation in the neck and surrounding areas. Eat a couple of raw garlic buds on an empty stomach each morning with water. You can also take garlic capsules but only after consulting your doctor. Another option is to heat 2 to 3 crushed garlic cloves in a pan with some vegetable oil. Allow it to cool, then use it to massage the painful area for 5 to 10 minutes. Follow this with a warm bath. Do this 2 times daily. Take Hypericum 1X , 2 tabs twice daily with warm water. Revert me after 7 days.
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I am 22 years old. I am habituated to alcohol what should I do to being relieve from this.

MRCP (UK), MD - Psychiatry, MBBS
Psychiatrist, Ghaziabad
First the man takes a drink. Then the drink takes a drink. And then the drink takes the man. Seek proffessional help.
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C.S.C, D.C.H, M.B.B.S
General Physician,
Best age to stop smoking is before 40

Cigarette smoking is a leading preventable cause of mortality. It kills more than 60 lakh people worldwide every year. More than 50% of regular smokers would invariably die from tobacco-related illnesses which includes heart attack, cancer or asthmatic lung diseases.

31st May is ?World No Tobacco Day?
Quitting smoking before the age of 40 is associated with larger decline in premature death than stopping it at a later date. Best age therefore to stop smoking is before 40.

However, stopping smoking even after the age of 50 is still associated with lower risk of death as compared to those who continue to smoke. Even in smokers aged 80 years or more, quitting smoking appears to reduce some mortality.

Cigarette smoking is responsible for more than 10% of all cardiac deaths.

I am adducted in smoking. How can I quit smoking? Can you please advise me some tips to quit smoking.

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
Sure. You have made an excellent decision and you must stick to it at all costs.When quitting, you must take one day at a time; though you must give up all smoking at once, and promptly. If you look too far ahead you will get discouraged and will give up. If you sit and count the number of days you have given up, that will also focus too much on achievement. You must focus on the here and now, on that day to be precise. After all quitting is not that easy due to many factors. So even if you fail one day, you must try and try again. Very few people succeed in their first attempt. Your persistence will eventually pay off. The urge to discontinue is hampered by many factors but the worst of them is the conditioning. In fact these conditions can exist all through the day unlike other addictions. But your desire to want to stop is the most important factor. It is important to find out about the ill-effects of smoking to have a reason that alarms you about continuing in the habit. The information is really scary but true and you must remind yourself about this every day. The nicotine in tobacco smoke stimulates the heart beat to raise the blood pressure in no time at all. So you must avoid it like the plague: it is just very bad medicine for you. In fact it is highly toxic too. You will need to stop smoking or consuming any tobacco related items with immediate effect. You should start vigorous exercises, gradually increasing it over a period of time. Do deep breathing exercises every time you feel like smoking (try Yoga), and replace the oral urge with some healthy food substitute to satiate the need. You may also take hard candy or chewing gum. If the urge is too strong, then use nicotine gums and nicotine patches, for a little while until the smoking drive reduces, substantially. You may also join Smokers Anonymous in your city where the support is really extraordinary for like-minded people who are also in the same situation. Keep yourself occupied or engaged with interesting activities during the times when it is most tempting. Keep the company of non-smokers for some time i.e. at least for the first 21 days. Above all announce it to everyone that you have quit smoking. Here’s a piece of very good advice: even if you accidentally/willfully take a cigarette, it is not the end of the world – you can start the cessation all over again. You must persevere with the best support until you defeat this addiction. Counseling is very useful in the initial stages and when temptations are at their highest.
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How to manage your anger?

M.Sc - Psychology
Psychologist, Chandigarh
How to manage your anger?
Let us focus on managing our anger such that it can be a constructive emotion that helps us take decisions rather than being an emotion that makes decisions for us. Just as making anger our habit takes years, unlearning anger also takes time and patience. What works for one individual may not work for another, what works one day for you may not work another day. Experiment with these strategies over time and develop some of your own. Seek professional help if you find yourself using unhealthy ways of coping with anger and pain. The following strategies are most effective when used long-term:

Assume responsibility for your emotion. Catch yourself when you make such statements: “She makes me so angry.”, “The things he does! He is the reason why I can never be peaceful.”. People, circumstances and life will not be in our control, but how we respond to them is our choice. When things do not turn out the way we want them to be, we can still choose our emotional well-being. We don’t “get” anger, hatred, irritation, love or enthusiasm from outside, we “become” angry, irritated, etc. The trigger points may be outside, but we create our emotions inside us. Emotional balance comes from an absolute commitment to take personal responsibility for the quality of one’s life.

If you cannot feel it, you cannot heal it. Too often when we share our feelings and pain with a close person, we hear phrases like “think positively”, “learn to forgive”. While these are indeed useful in the long-term, understand that we first need to experience our emotion completely in order to let it go fully. Before changing our perspective or looking at things in another light, we first need to admit the situation (eg: divorce), the feelings (eg: anger, hurt, helplessness, guilt) and the loss (eg: having to raise your child alone, not having someone to love and be loved by).

Grieve. Let yourself experience your pain, hurt and anger completely. It is ok to cry. It is better to face the emotions than trying to escape them. If you do, they will only grow more and consume you. Similarly, do not try to drown yourself in work, alcohol, sex or drugs. Your pain will not go away until you work on healing yourself. Consider reading 15 things to know about grief.

Changing perspective – from anger to compassion – “It is not about me”. If you have gone through the previous steps, you are now ready to make a shift in your perspective. Often in an anger provoking situation, we might feel targeted, like it’s a personal attack, and thus anger can come out as a defense. However, it is rarely about us. When a person acts difficult or inappropriately, it usually comes from a place of insecurity in that person. People act badly when they feel badly. Such people may have been mistreated themselves and their infuriating behavior stems from their longstanding pain and frustration. Once we learn to separate ourselves from the situation, most of our anger will be replaced by compassion for the other person – they inflict pain for they are themselves pained. As one of my clients said, “I always felt like my mother did not accept me and love me. Knowing that most of her anger directed at me was in reality directed at people who hurt her in the past is very liberating. I now realize that it has never been personal, she has never hated me as I thought all along…“.

Changing cognition – attack your negative thoughts. When we are overwhelmed with anger, our thinking gets exaggerated and dramatic. For example: “Oh, everything is ruined.”, “He always does this! He can never change his habits!”, “This $%^&@ TV remote never works!”, “How could she talk to me like that! She shouldn’t have said that!”. Note that we tend to use words like “should”, “should not”, “always” and “never” for us and others. When we use “always” and “never”, it not only makes our statements incorrect but unconsciously makes our anger justified in our minds. It also negates the efforts that others might be trying to make. Using “should” and “should not” is like demanding things from other people. Such expectations will naturally cause disappointment, hurt and anger. Negative thoughts can be replaced by, “It’s frustrating and it’s ok to be upset. But getting angry will not resolve anything. It’s not the end of the world. I need to find other possible solutions.”. You may want to read: How to change your negative thoughts through CBT.

Learning to forgive. Forgiveness is a conscious and deliberate decision that can be very liberating. After months of psychotherapy with a rape victim, in one of the sessions her fiance asked her, “Do you feel like hurting him(the perpetrator)?“. She replied, “For years that is all I could think about. I would see his pictures with his wife on social media and be angry – how could he live a happy life after inflicting so much pain on me? I wished him a terrible life everyday. But today, I just feel my loss. All these years while I was angry, hurt and depressed, he was living his life apparently happily. I suffered. I was stuck in the same place while he moved on. I hurt myself even more by keeping myself from healing. What he did was wrong, but I choose to forgive him. I choose to let go of my anger so I can embrace peace and healing. I choose to be free…“.

Closure – write it out! Spelling out our hurt and frustration allows us to release the anger. When we identify our loss, choose to forgive and move beyond grudges and resentment, there is an automatic release of the anger that has kept us debilitated for years. Write uninhibited, read it out several times over the next week and then tear it.

Be thankful. It may seem very difficult at times to be thankful, but no matter what traumas we may have experienced, we all have the ability to be there. Be grateful for all the little blessings in life. Learn to be appreciative of the good things around us. Look for the hidden blessings behind your challenges: I am thankful for (challenge – eg: pain of divorce) because it (hidden blessing – eg: because it helped me understand what is important to me. It has brought me closer to being the person I want to become).

Relaxation and autosuggestion. Deep breathing and relaxation imagery can help greatly in calming down anger. Breathe deeply from your gut, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Slowly repeat a word or phrase (“relax”, “it is going to be ok”, “I can handle it”) as you breathe deeply. Visualize a calming experience, from your memory or imagination. Practicing these techniques daily will help you in using them in tense situations automatically. Meditation, exercising, listening to music and using humor are some other ways to diffuse your anger.

No matter what strategy you use, remember that it is important to face your anger and negative thoughts. We all want to be loving parents to our children, appreciative of our parents, a doting lover, a loyal friend and a productive professional. Unresolved anger sabotages all our lovely relationships and makes us miserable.

“…you undoubtedly have experienced the fallout of fury, anger and rage. Anger is like a blast of frigid air that withers everything in its path. As you know, an angry person loses his understanding of the simplest things. Rage and hate eat into one’s very bones until one’s life becomes an abomination and one grows to hate him/herself. In a fit of anger one speaks words that he regrets forever…” – Rebbetzin Twerski.
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My husband drinks a lot and that scares me so much that I get nightmares I keep on thinking if something happens to him what will become of my children.Please do help.

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
He has to be admitted in a rehabilitation center for at least 6 months to get him out of this habit. Even after the rehabilitation he must attend aa meetings and continue this support for a long time. You will also need to attend some sessions and go for al-anon meetings for your co-dependency issues. You cannot treat him in isolation because you have all gotten used to his drinking and have made some unhealthy adaptations to somehow cope. Your children will also have to attend meetings to work out their issues because of the father? s habit. In fact, they are all suffering from the adult children of alcoholics syndrome acoas, which in effect means that they are genetically predisposed to alcoholism or can have cross addiction problems and they will have similar traits of the abusing alcoholic but in a milder form. There are special support groups for them all over the world. Should they touch or indulge in alcohol or any addictive substances or behaviors, they could also become full-fledged addicts themselves. So you have a lot on your plate and must act effectively and firmly to bring all of you into therapy. If your husband refuses to go for rehabilitation, then some centers have a method of picking him up when he is totally sloshed and is not able to fight back effectively. They will need your written consent before willing to take him in this manner. Make a serious plan with your children and whoever else? s support you can get and act on it fast.
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I am an engineering Student. I feel stressed every time. How can I feel stress free? Please advice.

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
I am an engineering Student. I feel stressed every time. How can I feel stress free? Please advice.
First of all, the intensity of stress is in the perception. Change your perception, there is no stress: it’s like looking at a glass half full or half empty. Apart from that, all your emotions need to be dealt with by expression i.e. you need to talk about the feelings. Then you need to exercise regularly, eat fiber foods (whole grains, fruits and vegetables), sleep at least 8 hours every day, learn Yoga and meditation, learn stress management, and do a personality development course. Because you are into studies, follow a tight schedule, with good breaks and study habits. If group study helps you, do it with the right people. If tutoring is required, arrange for the same. These should see you through successfully without the stress.
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Sir/ mam I am very emotional and I got tensed too much due to this so please help in this case?

BASM, MD, MS (Counseling & Psychotherapy), MSc - Psychology, Certificate in Clinical psychology of children and Young People, Certificate in Psychological First Aid, Certificate in Positive Psychology
Psychologist, Palakkad
Dear , everyone is emotional. Do not judge yourself. Let others judge you by your character and behavior. Then you change according to your perception. If you wrong in your character and emotional behavior, you change. Otherwise please don' t change. Take care.
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I have been married now for 23 years now my marriage has broken for nearly a year and my wife now lives separately. After the break up I am suffering from depression I do not sleep well every night and from 2 a. M in the morning I am restless and just cannot get sleep my mind is continuously thinking about our home. Can you help me out of this depression?

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
I have been married now for 23 years now my marriage has broken for nearly a year and my wife now lives separately. A...
Divorce is very difficult for both the adults and worse for the kids. So it is quite understandable that you are depressed. If the divorce was granted on valid grounds you need to accept the verdict as final and move on. I am sure there will be lessons to learn and that is really important when moving on. You should meet with a counselor and talk about all your feelings and mistakes you have made that had contributed to this failure in your marriage. There is nothing wrong about being honest and open, now that your divorce is through, but it really helps to frankly look at the errors or willful behaviors that were the cause. Do not talk ill of your ex, even if it is very tempting but neither should you hesitate to speak the truth. The companionship, the good times, and good memories will tend to bother you, but if you are mature, you will let them be positive, especially if you talk about it in your sessions with the counselor. You will need a good listener more than anything else. Quickly get back into circulation, mix around, and get into occupying activities: you are a free man after all. Avoid getting into another relationship right now until much of the baggage is sorted out. Life is precious and any time lost in brooding will disturb your personality irreparably and cause unnecessary heartburn and permanent disturbances to your equilibrium. It is a lot easier for a man to get over divorce for various reasons and so you must act rather than wallow in self-pity. I recommend that you resettle down with another woman if you are so inclined, subject to having learnt your lessons!
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