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Dr. Blanche Barnes

Psychologist, Mumbai

Dr. Blanche Barnes Psychologist, Mumbai
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I'm dedicated to providing optimal health care in a relaxed environment where I treat every patients as if they were my own family....more
I'm dedicated to providing optimal health care in a relaxed environment where I treat every patients as if they were my own family.
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How to manage your anger?

M.Sc - Psychology
Psychologist, Chandigarh
How to manage your anger?
Let us focus on managing our anger such that it can be a constructive emotion that helps us take decisions rather than being an emotion that makes decisions for us. Just as making anger our habit takes years, unlearning anger also takes time and patience. What works for one individual may not work for another, what works one day for you may not work another day. Experiment with these strategies over time and develop some of your own. Seek professional help if you find yourself using unhealthy ways of coping with anger and pain. The following strategies are most effective when used long-term:

Assume responsibility for your emotion. Catch yourself when you make such statements: “She makes me so angry.”, “The things he does! He is the reason why I can never be peaceful.”. People, circumstances and life will not be in our control, but how we respond to them is our choice. When things do not turn out the way we want them to be, we can still choose our emotional well-being. We don’t “get” anger, hatred, irritation, love or enthusiasm from outside, we “become” angry, irritated, etc. The trigger points may be outside, but we create our emotions inside us. Emotional balance comes from an absolute commitment to take personal responsibility for the quality of one’s life.

If you cannot feel it, you cannot heal it. Too often when we share our feelings and pain with a close person, we hear phrases like “think positively”, “learn to forgive”. While these are indeed useful in the long-term, understand that we first need to experience our emotion completely in order to let it go fully. Before changing our perspective or looking at things in another light, we first need to admit the situation (eg: divorce), the feelings (eg: anger, hurt, helplessness, guilt) and the loss (eg: having to raise your child alone, not having someone to love and be loved by).

Grieve. Let yourself experience your pain, hurt and anger completely. It is ok to cry. It is better to face the emotions than trying to escape them. If you do, they will only grow more and consume you. Similarly, do not try to drown yourself in work, alcohol, sex or drugs. Your pain will not go away until you work on healing yourself. Consider reading 15 things to know about grief.

Changing perspective – from anger to compassion – “It is not about me”. If you have gone through the previous steps, you are now ready to make a shift in your perspective. Often in an anger provoking situation, we might feel targeted, like it’s a personal attack, and thus anger can come out as a defense. However, it is rarely about us. When a person acts difficult or inappropriately, it usually comes from a place of insecurity in that person. People act badly when they feel badly. Such people may have been mistreated themselves and their infuriating behavior stems from their longstanding pain and frustration. Once we learn to separate ourselves from the situation, most of our anger will be replaced by compassion for the other person – they inflict pain for they are themselves pained. As one of my clients said, “I always felt like my mother did not accept me and love me. Knowing that most of her anger directed at me was in reality directed at people who hurt her in the past is very liberating. I now realize that it has never been personal, she has never hated me as I thought all along…“.

Changing cognition – attack your negative thoughts. When we are overwhelmed with anger, our thinking gets exaggerated and dramatic. For example: “Oh, everything is ruined.”, “He always does this! He can never change his habits!”, “This $%^&@ TV remote never works!”, “How could she talk to me like that! She shouldn’t have said that!”. Note that we tend to use words like “should”, “should not”, “always” and “never” for us and others. When we use “always” and “never”, it not only makes our statements incorrect but unconsciously makes our anger justified in our minds. It also negates the efforts that others might be trying to make. Using “should” and “should not” is like demanding things from other people. Such expectations will naturally cause disappointment, hurt and anger. Negative thoughts can be replaced by, “It’s frustrating and it’s ok to be upset. But getting angry will not resolve anything. It’s not the end of the world. I need to find other possible solutions.”. You may want to read: How to change your negative thoughts through CBT.

Learning to forgive. Forgiveness is a conscious and deliberate decision that can be very liberating. After months of psychotherapy with a rape victim, in one of the sessions her fiance asked her, “Do you feel like hurting him(the perpetrator)?“. She replied, “For years that is all I could think about. I would see his pictures with his wife on social media and be angry – how could he live a happy life after inflicting so much pain on me? I wished him a terrible life everyday. But today, I just feel my loss. All these years while I was angry, hurt and depressed, he was living his life apparently happily. I suffered. I was stuck in the same place while he moved on. I hurt myself even more by keeping myself from healing. What he did was wrong, but I choose to forgive him. I choose to let go of my anger so I can embrace peace and healing. I choose to be free…“.

Closure – write it out! Spelling out our hurt and frustration allows us to release the anger. When we identify our loss, choose to forgive and move beyond grudges and resentment, there is an automatic release of the anger that has kept us debilitated for years. Write uninhibited, read it out several times over the next week and then tear it.

Be thankful. It may seem very difficult at times to be thankful, but no matter what traumas we may have experienced, we all have the ability to be there. Be grateful for all the little blessings in life. Learn to be appreciative of the good things around us. Look for the hidden blessings behind your challenges: I am thankful for (challenge – eg: pain of divorce) because it (hidden blessing – eg: because it helped me understand what is important to me. It has brought me closer to being the person I want to become).

Relaxation and autosuggestion. Deep breathing and relaxation imagery can help greatly in calming down anger. Breathe deeply from your gut, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Slowly repeat a word or phrase (“relax”, “it is going to be ok”, “I can handle it”) as you breathe deeply. Visualize a calming experience, from your memory or imagination. Practicing these techniques daily will help you in using them in tense situations automatically. Meditation, exercising, listening to music and using humor are some other ways to diffuse your anger.

No matter what strategy you use, remember that it is important to face your anger and negative thoughts. We all want to be loving parents to our children, appreciative of our parents, a doting lover, a loyal friend and a productive professional. Unresolved anger sabotages all our lovely relationships and makes us miserable.

“…you undoubtedly have experienced the fallout of fury, anger and rage. Anger is like a blast of frigid air that withers everything in its path. As you know, an angry person loses his understanding of the simplest things. Rage and hate eat into one’s very bones until one’s life becomes an abomination and one grows to hate him/herself. In a fit of anger one speaks words that he regrets forever…” – Rebbetzin Twerski.
13 people found this helpful

Respected sir I am suffering with depression from last 2 years after my fathers death I am unable to come out from it. I am suffering with sleepless ness in nights please kindly show me a solution thanking you.

MD ayurveda
Ayurveda, Navi Mumbai
hello felt sad about your dad. i think you should start syp ashwagandharishtha 15 ml twice a day with water. start manas mitra vatakam along with mik
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I'm 27 years old. I have an mentally disturbed while on stand by crowd what should I do?

Master of Clinical Psychology, Post Graduate Diploma in Psychological Counselling
Psychologist, Pune
It is a sign of social anxiety disorder. You will be able to manage your anxiety in public by getting help from a psychologist. Psychologist will help you to identify and dispute your negative thoughts. Once you learn to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones, you will be comfortable with crowd.
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Actually bad thoughts always come in my mind and I get afraid about it. This problem is with me for last 1 month. I am not able to enjoy my life. Suggest some ways.

Ph. D - Psychology, Professional Certified Coach
Psychologist, Ahmedabad
Our mind could be wired to switch back to positive things and resilience building. When things does not happen as we wish or people do not behave as we expect that is when out of disappointment, frustration, loneliness, anger, sadness. Etc we react and our mind starts thinking negative thoughts. Changing this pattern of responding to stressful situation requires both persistence and patience. Also you will only be able to work on this out of love and kindness towards you. Strong motivation will go a long way. Writing a statement about how would you want to respond in a similar situation and how will your life and your happiness will change if you do learn to manage your stress and how to respond to it. Once that is clear. Try following things to learn relaxation response which leads to better coping mechanism on a daily basis. To begin with doing guided progressive muscular relaxation before sleeping will help you relax. You could google and download an audio file. I would also suggest you to take a multiple small break to take 3 nice and deep breath while keeping your eyes closed. You could do this while sitting or standing or while even walking or climbing stairs (keep your eyes open in that case). When you take a nice and deep break there is actual physiological change in your body. This will help you to activate parasympathetic nervous system which promotes relaxation and helps you calm down and think more clearly. This will also actually improve your performance in your work. Along with this exercise is one of the best way to relive stress and stay fit. Engage in any kind of physical activity at least 4 times a week. This also helps in stress reduction. Along with this some relaxation exercises as well as engaging in joyful activities such as music, singing, dancing, reading, being in nature, gardening, talking with friends or anything which you enjoy will help reducing stress and rejuvenation of your mind and body. Have good routine for sleep and eating. Lot of research has now proven that sugar is very harmful for our health. Reduce sugar and refined white floor in your diet as much as you could. Along with this also increase consumption of raw vegetables in the form of salad in both the meals of your day.
12 people found this helpful
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Hi I am a 23 year old female suffering from depression and cervical pain and some other problems too. please help me get out of it. Am mentally exhausted and it becomes really tough to spend each day.

BHMS
Homeopath, Delhi
There are many homoeopathic medicines which help a patient in such cases both physically and mentally. For proper treatment full case history with proper symptoms is reqd. Meantime proper management of neck and head to avoid cervical pain is necessary.
2 people found this helpful
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Hello sir I have lot of stress of study what solution of this decrease stress & depression and how do relax mind.

BHMS
Homeopath, Faridabad
Hello, take Bacopa monnn.1x, 2 tabs twice daily. Do meditation for half an hour in the morning daily. Take Kali phos 6X , 5 tabs twice daily.
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I am 42 years old working woman and I am obsessed with daily horoscopes and astrology I read daily horoscope and fear all day what should I do also I have a friend on whom I have spent lakhs rupees but I feel unappreciated I take venize xr and etirest

Hypnotherapist, DCS, BSIC, Advanced Trainee of Transactional Analysis, Advanced Skills in Counselling
Psychologist,
If you don' t get help with reading horoscopes and astrology, then stop reading them. You are the best judge of what to do, when to do and how to do. Successful people don' t read horoscopes to excel in life. They go out and do things that are important for them. If you sit in fear and don' t do anything, you will never achieve anything. If you have to eat, then you have to learn to cook and then eat that food. You can take a horse to the pond, but the horse has to make the effort to drink the water. Click on private chat for consulting me for fear management.
2 people found this helpful
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Doctor if I continuously seeing on mirror my own face? If I always thought about my own face beauty? Then will my mind or brain come hack?

C.S.C, D.C.H, M.B.B.S
General Physician,
This is obsessive compulsive disorder and need psychiatric treatment .Or it can be Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and other areas of their life, such as work or school.
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I am 20 years old from last one year I feel so stress I take all things seriously and I suffer in headache. Some times I fear about my life that I will be face danger problem in future. please help can diet help for reduce stress. please plz please help!

Masters in Clinical Psychology, Rehabilitation Psychology
Psychologist, Chandigarh
This is a case of General Anxiety of fearing for situations and problems which might not even occur in future. For relieving stress, we suggest you take Relaxation therapy like Jacobson Progressive muscle relaxation therapy. Also we use Cognitive Drill therapy which is a unique therapy used for phobias, anxiety, panic attacks (more info on jainhypnosis.com) for which you can seek session from any CDT trained therapist. The therapy helps to break this habit formation and reduces stress and anxiety.
1 person found this helpful
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My nephew is highly qualified 31 years old has been suffering from schizophrenia for last one year and treatment of allopathy. Please confirm whether suitable medicine is available for this disease in ayurveda.

BASM, MD, MS (Counseling & Psychotherapy), MSc - Psychology, Certificate in Clinical psychology of children and Young People, Certificate in Psychological First Aid, Certificate in Positive Psychology
Psychologist, Palakkad
Dear user. I request you not to go for any other treatment methods. In ayurveda, treatment methods are available but it takes time and the patient needs to stay in ayurvedic hospitals. Schizophrenia treatment is best in allopathy. Take care.
1 person found this helpful
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My daughter aged 15 years suffering from constipation. She does not take interest in breakfast. Her physical and mental development is not according age. Pls advice supplement as well as medicine.

M.Phil - Psychology, Master in Psychology, Internship
Psychologist, Lucknow
Common cause of constipation may include lack of proper diet, not enough water or fibre in diet .Healthy diet, Add fruits and vegetables in diet, Do exercise or take a short walk everyday after having a meal, drink enough fluids, try one glass of warm water especially in the morning to prevent constipation problem. If the symptoms of constipation last for more than 2 weeks so you can consult a gastroentrologist .And about her physical and mental development which is not according to age is might be her constipation problem or not take her breakfast or skip breakfast which is essential for our physical as well as intellectual development. All the best and stay healthy!
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When I try to concentrate on any topic (studies) I am yawing! Is this normal to all? And I eat normal food.

BHMS
Homeopath, Faridabad
Hello, take Bacopa monnn.1x, 2 tabs twice daily. Do meditation for half an hour in the morning daily. revert me after 1 month.
9 people found this helpful
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I am 36 years old and undergoing treatment for psychotic depression since 1.5 years. Also diagnosed with thyroid. I have put on lot of weight around stomach and waist. Can you please suggest me a diet plan and exercises to reduce weight fast.

Bachelor of Ayurveda, Medicine and Surgery (BAMS), DYA (DIPLOMA IN YOG & AYURVED), D.I.H.M (DIPLOMA IN INDUSTRIAL HEALTH MANAGEMENT)
Ayurveda, Nashik
1) If you are taking meal 2 times a day, you can have the same 4 times in divided doses. 2) Try to avoid gluten containing food like bread, pizza, and burger. 3) Always eat fresh food. 4) No oily & junk food. 5) You can have sprouts, salads, fruits or fruit juice in breakfast rather than bread, toast or artificial protein shake. 6) Don’t eat immediately after exercise or yoga. 7) Stretching exercises 10 minutes. 8) Brisk walk 5 km daily or 25 minutes 9) Yoga- surya namaskar & different yogasana for 25 minutes.
1 person found this helpful
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How to increase my memory power and concentration ability Im not able to focus on my studies n listen to class properly bt I want to read.

BASM, MD, MS (Counseling & Psychotherapy), MSc - Psychology, Certificate in Clinical psychology of children and Young People, Certificate in Psychological First Aid, Certificate in Positive Psychology
Psychologist, Palakkad
Dear , memory and mind power consists of understanding, storing and recollection of information you learn. Understanding depends on concentration. The more creative you are on doing tasks or reading, the more you understand. Storage and recollection depends on your understanding and how well you review what you have learned. Repetition and review of material learned and other tasks provides easy recollection. You can improve your concentration and total brain power with the help of green leafy vegetables, exercise, creative activities, number puzzles like sudoku etc. Hard work is the key to learning and recollection. Post a private question to me and I shall provide you more tips. Take care.
1 person found this helpful
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Dear sir or mam My memory power is weak How can I increase it? What r the foods that boosts memory power?

BHMS
Homeopath, Faridabad
Hello, there are few food items which helps you in boosting up your memory power, increases focus & concentration, so try to take more of these: 1. Choline: good sources of choline include liver, milk, eggs and peanuts. 2. Vitamin b: b vitamins are not synthesized in the body, and thus need to be obtained from food. B-complex vitamins are water-soluble vitamins, which means that they are not stored within the body. In consequence, the b vitamins need ongoing replenishment. Vitamin b1 (thiamine) rich sources include unrefined grain products, ready-to-eat cereals, meat (especially pork), dairy products, peanuts, legumes, fruits and eggs. Foods that contain high concentrations of vitamin b3 (niacin) in the free form include beans and organ meat, as well as enriched grain and cereal products. While niacin is present in corn and other grains, the bioavailability of the nutrient is much less than it is in protein-rich sources. The role of vitamin b9 (folic acid) during pregnancy is vital to normal development of the nervous system in the fetus. Good sources of folate include liver, ready-to-eat breakfast cereals, beans, asparagus, spinach, broccoli, and orange juice. Animal protein products are a good source of vitamin b12 (cobalamine), particularly organ meats such as kidney or liver. Other good sources are fish, eggs, and dairy products. 3. Vitamin a: the foods highest in vitamin a are any pigmented fruits and vegetables and leafy green vegetables. 4. Zinc: zinc is a very important part of the brain as well; many regions of the brain, such as the cerebellum, and hippocampus have neurons that contain this nutrient. Zinc is needed to maintain normal vitamin a levels in blood plasma. Sources of zinc are meats, certain seafood, whole grains, baked beans, oatmeal, milk (low-fat), cashewnut, almonds, kidney-beans, cheese, peas, spinach, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, flaxseeds. Medication: take homoeopathic medicine for increasing memory - anacardium 200/ once daily.
1 person found this helpful
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I am depressed because my board exams are over and they were not well! Please help me!

Post Graduate Diploma in Counselling, MA In Clinical Psychology
Psychologist, Pune
Not to worry. Will wait for result, miracle can happen. Be positive, you have lots of options after your result also. So not to feel depressed.
1 person found this helpful
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I lost somebody close last year and since then feel very depressed and prefer keeping myself all the time. Please help me.

BASM, MD, MS (Counseling & Psychotherapy), MSc - Psychology, Certificate in Clinical psychology of children and Young People, Certificate in Psychological First Aid, Certificate in Positive Psychology
Psychologist, Palakkad
Dear lybrate-user. Welcome to lybrate. I can understand. Loosing someone near and dear is called grief and depression related to grief is pretty normal. But this sort of depression does not stay for long. This depression gets cleared within a span of some weeks. The best option for you is to undergo counseling and depression related therapy. Take care.
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I lost somebody close last year and since then feel very depressed and prefer keeping to myself all the time please help me.

Ph. D - Psychology, Professional Certified Coach
Psychologist, Ahmedabad
Loosing someone close is very tough emotionally. Sometimes persistent grief leads to depression as it causes constant stress response in your body. You may want to see a psychologist or a counselor for few weeks to break the thought pattern that you are having right now and begin a positive pattern. I would also advice to try following things as you are young and stress is present in our daily life these days. Building resilience will go a long way and help you cope up with many life circumstances. Building your resilience will also help you manage your stress and help in depression. Try following things to learn relaxation response which leads to better coping mechanism on a daily basis. To begin with doing guided progressive muscular relaxation before sleeping will help you relax. You could google and download an audio file. I would also suggest you to take a multiple small break to take 3 nice and deep breath while keeping your eyes closed. You could do this while sitting or standing or while even walking or climbing stairs (keep your eyes open in that case). When you take a nice and deep break there is actual physiological change in your body. This will help you to activate parasympathetic nervous system which promotes relaxation and helps you calm down and think more clearly. This will also actually improve your performance in your work. Along with this exercise is one of the best way to relive stress and stay fit. Engage in any kind of physical activity at least 4 times a week. This also helps in stress reduction. Along with this some relaxation exercises as well as engaging in joyful activities such as music, singing, dancing, reading, being in nature, gardening, talking with friends or anything which you enjoy will help reducing stress and rejuvenation of your mind and body. Have good routine for sleep and eating. Lot of research has now proven that sugar is very harmful for our health. Reduce sugar and refined white floor in your diet as much as you could. Along with this also increase consumption of raw vegetables in the form of salad in both the meals of your day. Hope this helps. Wishing you very best.
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