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For years I have been practicing as a psychotherapist in different parts of the world and what I have noticed is that no matter what kind of relationship or marriage a couple are in, when they end up in my office it's always for the same reason: they want to be happier, healthier and more-connected even though the issues can vary - money, sex, infidelity, in-laws, children etc.
Despite this each relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.
If you are struggling in your relationship (and if you are reading this article there is a big chance you are unless you are one of my friends..or both) you might find it helpful to follow some of these ideas:
1. Love yourself - You must love yourself before you can love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. Accepting yourself fully as you are and showing yourself this same unconditional love will provide protection, healing, and confidence to work on your shortcomings.
2. Adopt a positive lifestyle - There are many different ways in which you can embrace a more positive lifestyle - practice affirmations, express gratitude, meditation, exercise... just find something that helps you unwind and enjoy life. And most importantly - keep doing these things repeatedly.
3. Empathize with your partner - The ability to empathize is what inhibits us from just going through life doing whatever we want, without any regard for others. It is what makes compromise in a relationship possible. If I realize that something I've done has hurt you (because I can empathize with your pain or unhappiness) I will hesitate to do that again.
4. Take responsibility: Don't try to figure out who's right - When couples come for therapy, one or both tend to think that the primary problem is their partner. Both people co-create the climate of the relationship. And both need to do some things differently to create the marriage or relationship they both really want. If your intention is to create a more positive world for yourself and those around you, it's up to you to have the thoughts, moods, and actions that will create that world.
5. Stay connected - When there is distress in the marriage or relationship, one or both usually feel some emotional disconnection. Frequently, sexual passion diminishes as well. (However, sometimes one partner will try to increase frequency of sex in an effort to feel connected.). And often, people will busy themselves with work or kids instead, or do other things to either try to feel connected or to avoid being alone with the person with whom they feel the pain of disconnection
6. Express thoughts, feelings, and wishes - Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings, but try to express them in a respectful way.
Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable and exposed, but it is the most important part of an intimate relationship. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Given this definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you may be the ultimate risk. Love is uncertain. It's risky because there are no guarantees and your partner could stop loving you. Exposing your true feelings may mean that you are at a greater risk for being hurt or criticized.
7. Try new things together - Boredom can be a major obstacle to lasting romantic or companionate love.
Psychological research has suggested that couples who experience the most intense love are the ones who enjoy participating in new or challenging 'self-expanding' activities together.
8. Preserve your independence - Dr Perel, in her popular TED talk explains that neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships - which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability - damper the erotic spark. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.
If after trying the above you are still struggling with your relationship, make sure you go and see a couple therapist.
Two couples talking in one couple's living room...
One says to the other, 'The work being done on your marriage.. are you having it done or are you doing it yourselves? In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!
Doctor, Im 23 years old. Weight about 60. Male. They say my BMI is too low. As I am a vegetarian what are the foods which boost my weight?
I am suffering from irregular MC. And also getting cramp when ever it comes. From 3 months it not came. And also I am sexually not active.
Since the last week or so, I have been constantly having a sour taste on my tongue. This is likely not because of the antibiotics (taken for infected anal aperture gland infection), which were discontinued from the day-before.
It causes suffocation while roaming in vegetables market which causes headache. Is this any kind of serious problem?
Dear doctor, I am 55, female, no sugar, no bp or any major issues. My right thumb is allergic and get infection when I touch detergents, tamarind and even dish wash bars. I have only half nail and it's hard also but no pain. Kindly suggest your advice. Thank you.
Urine incontinence is a condition that can be caused by one's everyday habits, side effects to medication, or any other long-term physical ailments. A thorough check-up by your doctor can help in getting to the root cause of this condition.
Certain beverages, medicines and foods can act as diuretics. This leads to bloating in your bladder and an increase in the volume of your urine. They include the following:
- Decaffeinated tea or coffee
- Aerated drinks
- Artificial sweeteners
- Corn syrup
- Drinks that contain high doses of artificial flavours, sugar or acid, particularly citrus based beverages
- Heart medicines, narcotics, and muscle relaxants
- Extensive intake of vitamins B or C
- Urinary tract infection (UIT)
Urinary incontinence can also be caused by the following:
- Pregnancy: Hormonal changes and increasedweight of the uterus can cause stress incontinence.
- Childbirth: Delivery can weaken the muscles required for bladder control. It damages the bladder nerves and steady tissue. With prolapse, the uterus, bladder, or the intestine can be pushed down from their usual position and might even protrude into the vagina.
- Changes developed with age: Maturing of the bladder muscle can weaken the bladder's ability to store urine.
- Menopause: After menopause,women deliver less estrogen. Disintegration of these tissues can cause incontinence.
- Hysterectomy: In women, the same muscles and tendons support the bladder and uterus. Any surgery that removes the uterus may harm the supporting muscles, which can prompt incontinence.
- Expanded prostate: Particularly in older men, incontinence usually occurs from growth of the prostate organ, a condition known as considerate prostatic hyperplasia.
- Prostate cancer: In men, stress incontinence or urge incontinence can be connected with an untreated prostate disease. Incontinence is a reaction to medicines prescribed for prostate growth.
- Obstruction: A tumour in your urinary tract can disrupt the typical stream of urine, prompting flood incontinence. Urinary stones at times cause leakage of urine.
- Neurological disorders: Various sclerosis, Parkinson's illness, stroke, a mind tumour or a spinal damage can meddle with the nerve signals. These are important in keeping control of the bladder.
Your specialist may suggest the following:
- Bladder control: You may begin by attempting to hold off for 10 minutes each time you feel a desire to urinate. The objective is to extend the time between visits to the toilet until you start urinating in two to three hour intervals.
- Two-fold voiding: Twofold voiding implies urinating, then holding it for a couple of minutes and attempting once more. This exercise can help in leveraging better control in the long run.
- Fixed toilet time: You may attempt to urinate every two to four hours instead of sitting tight when the need arises.
- Liquid intake and diet: You may need to stay away from liquor, caffeine or acidic foods. Also, the fluid intake may have to be reduced in such cases.
In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!