Dr. Sunil Kumar Arora

Have you been emotionally invested in a relationship for quite some time? Have you faced continual fights and disagreements with your partner? Have these fights resulted into frustration or have they affected the natural course of your respective lives? If yes, it is time for you to reassess the effort or rather the kind of effort you put in to make things work. Quarrels are an integral part of any healthy and serious relationship. However, an overdose may lead to severed ties. It bruises your memory and leaves you too distraught to engage in an emotional attachment. The kind of mindset a person applies to his or her relationship determines the kind of treatment the person receives in the relationship. Hence, you must be very careful.

A healthier mindset can be adopted in the following ways:

1. To complain as least as possible: Keep low expectations from your partner. The most common reason for conflict in relationships is the list of expectations, which when left unfulfilled leads to complaining and nagging. What you do for your partner is what 'you think is the right thing',  but your partner may not hold the same perspective. 
2. Respecting and accepting your partner as he/she is: A package deal, will resolve many issues without debate. When pointed out in subtle ways, your partner will understand and try to change for you , if she/he wishes to.
3. Try to have a growth oriented mindset: A growth oriented mindset as opposed to a fixed mindset can always help. When you have a fixed mindset you easily give up on your partner or on the relationship. You tend to feel hopeless about future and associate a lack of growth or change with your partner. A growth-oriented mindset endows you with hope. A situation is perceived as an occurrence in the present that need not necessarily be translated into future. Also, such a mindset expects both parties to accept and encourage change and growth of individuals in the relationship. Anything contrary can make your relationship boring.
4. Stop using labels: Labeling is an indecent way of identifying the problem with your partner or with the relationship in general. You should neither brand yourself as something or your partner as something else. Associating critical adjectives with one another is a way of demeaning your lover and can dissuade your partner from communicating his or her viewpoint.
5. Look for the trigger: Most quarrels result from a trigger. Trying to pinpoint the trigger with a cool head can actually be of use. This will make partners aware of their faults and instead of dodging the situation they will be able to deal with it better.
6. Try to rekindle the spark: Time, overburdening responsibilities or workload can make your relationship a routine affair. An element of secrecy and excitement is important. Therefore, desire should never take a backseat in your relationship. Try to fulfill your partner's desire and let him or her know about your expectations as well.

Speech therapy and psychotherapy are ways to manage stammering.