Hyderabad-based Dr. Sharmila Majumdar is one of first certified female sexologist in India. A state and national award winner in Sexology and Psychoanalysis in 2017. She did her MS in sexology from KUVEMPU in the year 2006, M.Phil in Clinical Psychology from Bharathiar University in 2008 and she completed her Ph.D. in behaviour modification from Osmania University in 2010. She did her fellowship in Treatment of Resistant Depression from Mount Sinai School of Medicine, U.S.A. She has gained her expertise in the fields of Sexology, Mental health Psychology and Cognitive consultant. She has gathered a vast experience over 11 years by undertaking crucial responsibilities in various hospitals. She managed the chairs of Sr. Consultant Psychoanalyst & Sexologist at Asha Psychiatric Hospital, Sr. Consultant sexologist at Tanvir Hospital For Women and Sr. Consultant Sexologist at Ramayya Pramila Urology & Laparoscopy Hospital.
She won laurels for Best paper presentation on female Sexual Dysfunction. Dr. Majumdar is the member of various medical societies like American Association of Sexuality Educators Counsellors and Therapists (AASECT) and Council of Sex Education & Parenthood International (CSEPI) etc. She extends her valuable services in curing various sexual disorders and ailments like Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Genital Herpes, Erectile Dysfunction, Loss of libido, swelling of scrotum, Vasectomy etc. Now she is the Owner, Chief Sexologist and Psychoanalyst at Avis Hospital, Sexual and Mental Health Clinic, Hyderabad, Telangana.
Book Clinic Appointment with Dr. Sharmila Majumdar Debnath
Treatment of Masturbation Addiction
Treatment of Premature Ejaculation
Treatment of Erection Problems
Treatment of HIV AIDS
Treatment of Sexual Weakness
Treatment Of Erectile Dysfunction
Treatment of Curved Penis
Treatment of Painful Sexual Intercourse
Treatment Of Male Sexual Problems
Treatment of Low Sperm Count
Treatment of Gonorrhea
Treatment Of Male Sexual Problems
Treatment of Urinary Tract Infection
Treatment of Loss Of Libido
Sex Addiction Counselling
Treatment Of Female Sexual Problems
Treatment of Genital Warts
Treatment of Delayed Ejaculation
Treatment of Genital Herpes
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Patient Review Highlights
only one word. god for me
I was shocked to experience the symptoms of male sexual problems. A friend of mine referred Dr Sharmila. She handled my case with great ease. She is very patient with all her patients. I feel so great after the completion of treatment. Clinic is very nicely designed.The staff was very attentive to my needs. The overall treatment procedure was great and I am happy with the treatment she gave.
Iwas suffering from masterbation addiction for which I chose to consult Dr Sharmila. She is really like god send person. She asked me several questions in order to know the major cause and then started the treatment. Her treatment suited me the best and now I am fine. The Avis Hospital is designed in such a manner that all requirements of patients are taken care of.
It's been more than a year that I was experiencing UTI. The symptoms were severe and unmanageable, but Dr Sharmila was able to handle it with ease. She is not just friendly, but also is very motivating. She has expert knowledge in the field. I am so thankful to her for giving me the best advice and I am now finally able to get back to my normal self.
She is best dr in her field and also very helpful in every aspect of life. She’s beautiful fm heart as well. I would suggest all sensible ppl to consult her as she can change ur life and change our india.
I found the answers provided by the Dr. Sharmila Majumdar to be well-reasoned, sensible and prompt. Thank you. The test was a negative but it seems like its just too early for the test to detect
Condom broke while having sex with partner who is unaware to me, I panicked and reached her via Lybrate for online consultation. She was very responsive in Lybrate she replied me even in late nights and could direct me to correct medication and knowing my whole situation she gave her suggestions which are more valued. She extened her support based in my situation and responded me on odd hours and times. She busted all my myths and I am happy individual now. Though I didn't meet her in person for a consultation the experience I got is same as personal visit.
I have consulted so many doctors , but no one was able to solve my erection problems. Even though I was fit and fine, it was shocked when I got to know that I have erection problems. I am amazed that Dr Sharmila Majumdar is such a sweet doctor, even though she is so busy all the time. During the complete erection problems treatment program she always supported and motivated me. The best thing about Sharmila Majumdar is that she prescribes limited no. of medicines. I am so much benefitted with her treatment, that i am perfectly fine now.
Dr. Sharmila Is Awesome. She Is The Best Doctor.she Deserves An Nobel Prize In Her Field, Her Knowledge,caring And Understanding Is Outstanding!! She Is Very Very Kind, Polite, Humble, Knowledgeable,she Really Knows How To Treat Patient, Down To Earth In spite Of Receiving Many Awards, Certificates Of Excellence And Honours From Various Prestigious Medical Organisations. Dr. Sharmila Is World Best Sexologist And I Will Give 110 Marks Out Of 100! She Proved Famous Quote Wrong, “BEAUTY AND BRAIN NEVER WALKS TOGETHER “ THANK YOU!!
Dr. Sharmila provides answers that are very helpful, knowledgeable, caring, inspiring and helped me improve my health. Dr. Sharmila is one of best female sexologist! She gives confidence and inspiration to her patients With detailed understanding and taking very good care Under her treatment . I strongly recommend Dr. Sharmila as most well respond, prompt & practical attitude towards her patients!!!! Thank you Lybrate for having such wonderful Doctor!!
Due to my male sexual problems , i was feeling very depressed and had no hope. But Dr Sharmila was able to handle my case with great ease. During the complete male sexual problems treatment program she always supported and motivated me. I am so happy with the results of my treatment, that I will surely recommend Dr Sharmila to anyone gladly. The waiting area in the Avis Hospital, Sexual & Mental Health Clinic is very comfortable for elderly patients.
I was suffering from erectile dysfunction. I visited Avis Hospital which is famous n Hyderabad. There I met Dr Sharmila Majumdar. She ensures that she gives enough time to each patient. During the complete erectile dysfunction program she always supported and motivated me. Her guidance has helped me immensely with my situation. I searched this doctor online and saw her reviews. Thanks to her I am totally satisfied with the results.
I was having genital injury. She is one of the best physicians in city. Even though it's been more than a year, still if I sometimes feel pain and call her, and Sharmila Majumdar still takes my call in case of any emergency. The staff was very attentive to my needs. On the very first day Dr.Sharmila Majumdar identified my problem. The Avis Hospital, Sexual & Mental Health Clinic have proper facilities for disabled patients as well.
She was calm, very knowledgeable, practical, listened to me patiently instead of having her personal life problems. This speaks about her dedication towards her work. We really such doctors to make India a country of happiness. May she and her family be blessed with health, wealth, fame and happiness. I will surely suggest any patient to consult her because she is eager to help and heal you.
I have just learnt that women and men should not consult gynaecologist or a urologist for their sex problems instead should consult a sexologist. Apart from these, i would like to say that she was a very informative person and really boosted our confidence. The way she has handled our problem was very good. We feel women with such issues have found a relief in her form.
I was shocked to experience the prob of premature ejaculation. Over the period of time I noticed a number of changes in myself. Thanks to the expert care and guidance, I feel much better than before. The facilities available in the Avis Hospital Clinic are very nice. I searched Dr Sharmila Majumdar online and saw her reviews and then consulted her.
Dr Sharmila Majumdar is very detailed, thorough and extremely professional. The hospital is easily accessible, well equipped with comfortable seating area and friendly staff. I am very glad I took the decision to visit Dr. Sharmila to address my sexual health issues. I can already see positive results. Thank you Dr. Sharmila
Dr. Sharmila Majumdar provides answers that are very helpful, knowledgeable, professional and helped me improve my health. She is extremely good in understanding the problem and her prescription helped me a lot in over coming my issue. Now I am feeling better. Thanks for your timely help. I strongly recommend her.
Amal P Mohan
I found the answers provided by the Dr. Sharmila to be knowledgeable, very helpful and well-reasoned. Awsome experience in consulting knowledgable doctor like sharmila... Through her advice as well as medicines i changed a lot.. I am fully able to concentrate my family and work.. Thanks a lot to doctor
Dr. Sharmila provides answers that are very helpful, knowledgeable, thorough, caring and inspiring. Excellent doctor. I was very skeptical about chat consultation, but it turned out to be good. She spent enough time explaining everything, asking questions and providing me motivation and reassurance.
I consulted with Dr. Sharmila for sexual health issues. She is very patient, detailed and professional. She removed my misconception and doubts easily. The hospital is well maintained, the waiting area is comfortable and the staff very cordial. I highly recommend Dr. Sharmila Majumdar.
Dr. Majumdar is one of the best sexologists in the city and perhaps even in the country. She is extremely passionate about her profession and is a very compassionate and understanding doctor. I would strongly recommend her to anyone who has problems in the area of sexual well-being.
American Association Of Sexuality Educators Counselors & Therapists have selected me for their International Regional-Section Representatives (as of November, 1st 2018.)
Dr. Sharmila Majumdar India Section Leader
contact strictly for members of AASECT only
In 2010, the world association for sexual health called all their organisations to celebrate, on each september 4th, world sexual health day in an effort to promote a greater social awareness on sexual health across the globe. Annually observed on september 4 since 2010, world sexual health day is an awareness day managed by the world association for sexual health, a global advocacy organization committed to promoting best practices in sexual health. It is celebrated annually on september 4th and attempts to break down social and cultural taboos associated with sexuality and to promote positive sexual health around the world, in an effort to promote a greater social awareness on sexual health across the globe.
Strongly advocating safe sexual practice, proper hygiene, when we are living in an era of sexually transmitted infections, poor or no knowledge about the medical aspects of sexual health, right scientific knowledge will promote good family relationships, bringing down divorce rates, infections, infertility, child sexual abuse, sexual crimes against women, male and female sexual dysfunction and make our young citizens aware and conscious about their sexual health.
What people need are
1. Program that teach skills like condom use and talking about hiv with a partner.
2. Comprehensive sex education.
3. Youth friendly services
4. Community health efforts that include young people
5. Not sharing needles and stop drug usage
6. Finally going to a sexologist to treat various sexual health problems in order to have a healthy sexual life and not suffer in isolation and ignorance.
Lets all take a pledge to be responsible about our sexual health to lead a more fulfilling life free of sexually transmitted infections, infertility, male and female dysfunctions, sexual abuses, etc.
Having irregular bleeding while trying to have a healthy sex life can be stressful, because you never know when you're going to have bleedingWomen with pcos shouldn't be afraid to seek help if they're having trouble with their sex lives.Most women with pcos only seek out medical or psychological help if they're trying to conceive.
Pcos is a complex female health issue. It consists of many different health concerns and risks. If permanent diet and lifestyle changes are implemented, these risks and health issues may become obsolete. There are many ways to support the proper health of a woman's body that is dealing with pcos.
Important key tips-
1. Make sure your doctor performs the correct tests and you get a proper diagnosis.
2. Follow a pcos specific diet to help decrease insulin resistance, balance weight, and improve estrogen metabolism.
3. Promote hormonal balance and support regular ovulation through supportive herbs and supplements.
4. Support a proper inflammatory response.
How to manage pcod to achieve pregnancy?
Infertility is one of the most stressing factors in women`s life and it may influence their satisfaction and quality of life . In our study all the patients were infertile which may have impaired their sexual function that could justify the high prevalence we found. The majority of our patients had menstrual irregularities which reveals their hormonal disturbances.Pcos patients markedly suffer from sexual dysfunction as comorbidity. It seems appropriate to screen all pcos patients for sexual function.
When women with pcos are trying to have a baby, intimacy can go from" the joy of sex to the job of sex" since conceiving can often involve scheduling sex during the times they're most fertile.Women also might be taking fertility medication that can affect their libido.
Understanding and addressing female sexual dysfunctions
Whether the woman is willing to deliberately find or be receptive to sexual stimuli, depends on any factors that affect her motivation, many other factors will influence her arousability, notable the processing of sexual information in her mind. Both psychological and biological factors are involved they are inherently blended. External and internal stressors alter the immune system, neurological and hormonal physiology.If the woman becomes aroused and desires and she finds the state enjoyable, the arousal may increase in intensity and she senses a need for sexual satisfaction. If the outcome is positive both physically and emotionally, future sexual motivation is increased. This type of cycle underscores the biopsychosocial nature of sexual function of a woman and thereof dysfunction which is important for understanding the potential treatment protocols in female sexual dysfunctions.
Since it is impossible to specify with any degree of precision when a â sexual problem or complaint should be diagnosed as dysfunction, it is crucial that the clinics judgment be taken into account in addition to the womens report of distress. Contextual and interpersonal factors must be considered in order to make a complete diagnosis.
Importance of addressing sexual complaints with a physician
sexual complaints may be the result of:
- medical conditions
- medications with sexual side effects
- psychological and interpersonal issues
Intimacy based female. Sexual response cycle
So what is female sexual dysfunction?
Female sexual dysfunction involves any problem from any phase of sexual response cycle that prevents an individual or couple from experiencing satisfaction from sexual activity. It includes disorder of desire, arousal, orgasm and pain.
Categories of female sexual dysfunction
- Prevalence of female sexual dysfunction
- Fsd risk factorshypertension
- smoking & substance abuse
- previous pelvic surgery
- past psychological trauma
Causes of female sexual dysfunction
Medication that may adversely affect sexual function
Certain medical conditions can increase the risk
- Condition-effects on sexual function
- depression-decreased desire
- diabetes-impaired arousal and orgasm
- thyroid disease-decreased desire
- cardiovascular disease-impaired arousal
- neurologic diseases-impaired arousal and orgasmâ
- androgen insufficiency-decreased desire
- estrogen deficiency- impaired arousal
Comprehensive sexual assessment
- Nature of problem
- duration of problem
- primary or secondary
- situational or generalized
- relationship problems
- sexual problems in partner
- history of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
General treatment guidelines
- Education -anatomy, sexual function, effects of pregnancy, menopause & aging
- enhancing stimulation -erotic materials, encouraging communication during sexual activity
- distraction techniques - fantasy, kegel exercises with intercourse, background music or television
- encouraging non-coital behaviours, sensate focus exercise
- minimize pain - positional, lubricants, warm baths,biofeedback, prior to intercourse
- treatment depends on the cause, if organic, appropriate medical/surgical interventions along with sex counselling. If psychogenic then¨psychotherapy/sex therapy/ marital therapy or cbt can be used.
- lifestyle modification should be included in all cases.
Determinants of sexual desire in women
- reproducible measurement devices and instruments for evaluating physiological female sexual response
- clinical trials of vasoactive agents ¨and other medical treatments
- physician awareness and competency in female sexual dysfunction
Treatment option on the horizon
- nitric oxide delivery systems
- dopamenergic agonist
- flibanserin (addyi)
- drugs useful for reducing pain in¨sexual pain disorder (gabapentin)
Holistic approach for management
Most successful treatments for fsd are psychophysiological, physiological change circularly interacts with psychological change. The many psychological factors that motivate a woman to begin her sexual experience must always be kept in the forefront.Since a psychological treatment does impact sexual physiology,we need to continue to develop psychological approaches for intellectual interest and out of respect for the choices of patients preference.Prescription of a physiological treatment which ignores the ¨fact that human sexuality is infused with individual meaning may invite further interference with sexual functioning.
One of the biggest impacts on people's sex drive is their diet and lifestyle.
Get your sex drive back today with these tips.
1. Get a taste for the mediterranean-Those who eat a mediterranean style diet with plenty of fresh fish, fruits and vegetables, oily fish and seafood, nuts, seeds and pulses tend to have healthier hearts.
2. Missing meals results in low blood glucose levels, which in turn leaves you feeling tired, hungry, irritable and perhaps not in the mood for some lovin'tonight.
3. Ditch the junk food-We are increasingly relying on processed convenience foods, rather than fresh, whole foods - lots of fruit and vegetables, lean meat, wholegrains, low fat dairy products, nuts and seeds - which can affect your nutrient intakes. Processed foods often contain trans fats, refined sugars and high amounts of calories, which, over time can make you overweight and affect your confidence. The better your diet, the better you'll feel about yourself.
4. Get to a healthy weight-Obesity can cause hormonal imbalances in both men and women, which can interfere with your libido. The more overweight you are, the more likely your libido is going to be affected and obesity is also a risk factor for erectile dysfunction.
5. Fill up on fruit and veg-Make sure you get your 5-a-day. Fruit and veg are packed with antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. No single fruit or vegetable contains all the nutrients you need for health and sexual health, so it's important to eat a wide variety rather than sticking to the same ones.
6. Ditch the stress-Libido is easily affected by stress and anxiety. Stress and other unhealthy lifestyle habits, like smoking and too much alcohol can deplete nutrients in our bodies â all of which can potentially have an effect on our libido. Try to have a positive mental attitude and keep calm. Stress can also cause cortisol to be pumped into the body and high levels have been shown to promote the storage of fat and weight gain over time (particularly around the midriff).
7. Watch the booze-A little tipple can help sometimes get you in the mood and make you relax, but relying on it to improve your libido is counterproductive, as it's a depressant, is highly calorific and can cause'brewer's droop' - a temporary form of impotence that occurs when the drinker consumes one too many.
Dyspareunia pain during colitis
A lot of women experience pain during sex. A recent swedish survey suggested that it occurs in 9.3 per cent of women, with the incidence being higher among the young and inexperienced, and relatively low among the over-50s.However, quite a few over-50s suffer this sort of pain because of hormone problems, and a new drug has recently been invented to help that particular group of women.In 2015, research published in the the british journal of obstetrics & gynaecology revealed that women who have had an'operative' childbirth are much more likely to suffer subsequent pain during sex. An'operative' delivery is one in which there is some sort of surgical intervention, such as the use of forceps or of a ventouse (vacuum) extractor or else a cut to enlarge the vaginal opening (episiotomy). Rather surprisingly, painful sex is also more common in those who have had a caesarian birth.
One piece of good news which emerged from this research is that dyspareunia after childbirth tends to get much better over the next 12 months.It's not much fun having pain during intercourse, is it? after all, sex is meant to be an enjoyable and happy experience. If you get pain, it isn't.Fortunately, the trouble will often resolve if the man takes more time with love play so that the woman's vagina relaxes and her natural lubricant flows, and if the couple use one of the newer sex lubricants like eros or liquid silk.
When to seek help
You can safely disregard one isolated episode of pain during sex. After all, it's easy to feel pain when a sensitive part of you is being prodded quite hard.But if the pain keeps on happening, you shouldn't feel you have to put up with it. Get something done to improve things.
Spots on a men private part
Men are often very worried when they find spots on their penises. In this article, we'll describe the different types of penile spots and their colors that you might find. Penile spots are not usually a sign of anything very serious. But nearly always, it's a good idea to show the spots to your sexologist. Please bear in mind that most penile spots that you might find there are likely to be completely harmless. But some aren't! It's understandable that men can be very concerned if they notice spots on their penis.
Men also get alarmed about the sometimes rather unpleasant physical appearance of a spotty' penis, and what their sexual partner or partners might think of it. This is quite understandable. However, very tiny and harmless bumps' and spots on the penis, alarming though they may be, they are unlikely to be noticed by a sex partner.
Where could one seek medical help?
If you're concerned about a spot (or spots) on your penis, please ask a sexual medicine specialist doctor to have a look at it.
Now let's look at some really common penile spots:
- Fordyce spots
- White or yellow spots on your penis
These are tiny white or yellowish spots, found on the head of the penis or the shaft. If your skin is brown or black, they may look more prominent. They are normal. They're minute sebaceous glands and are just part of the natural structure of many penises. Many men also have them around their lips. Fordyce spots are not sexually transmitted and they don't do any harm. There's absolutely no need for any treatment.
As you know, virtually all men have quite a few hairs growing around the base of the penis. And often, the hairs extend some distance up the underside of the organ. Human hairs grow out of a tiny'pit, which is called a follicle. And very frequently, the follicles on the penis may be quite prominent. This is nothing to worry about and no treatment is needed.
Septic spots (Pimples on your penis)
Obviously, people do often get pimples, or'septic spots' on their faces and on other parts of the body. They're particularly common in young adults. Sometimes a small pimple appears on the penis. This is not a serious matter and no treatment is needed. Do not squeeze the spot, because you may spread infection. Don't have sex with anyone till it's completely gone. However, if something that you think is a pimple hasn't gone away within a week, ask a doctor to check it out.
Pink, brown or black spots on your penis
In contrast, genital warts do need treatment. And they are transmitted by sexual contact. They are pink, brown, ivory-coloured or black. Occasionally, they grow out of the opening at the tip of the organ. They are caused by one of the human papilloma viruses (hpv), which like living in warm, moist parts of the human body. Genital warts are easily passed on during vaginal, oral or anal sex.
It is strongly recommended that you go to a sexologist if you suspect you have genital warts, partly to make sure that your diagnosis is correct.
Treatment is either by application of special creams, or else by removing the wart altogether â for instance with an electric probe or laser. This is virtually painless.
Do not have sex until the doctor says that you are completely cured.
1. With sex, aim for quality over quantity. When spouses don't get busy regularly, they can lose physical connection.
2. Write about your fights. Researchers believe it's because the writing group was able to glean new insights about the disagreements or better understand their spouses after they'd reflected about them on their own. Next time you argue with your man, try writing down the details from a neutral standpoint. You might notice something you missed in the heat of the moment.
3. Hug for 2 minutes and kiss for 30 seconds each. Oxytocin, a chemical our bodies release when we touch one another, emotionally connects people" no need to set a timer, but do extend your hugs and kisses longer than you normally would; you'll feel a new sense of connection.
4. Take a walk together. If you're trying to decide how you two should handle your daughter's poor report card, hit the pavement. Not only will the fresh air clear your minds but also" the very act of walking in the same direction can help you two feel as though you're on the same team and want the same result. Physically heading to one place makes you more likely to be mentally in sync; it's like you're standing together instead of confronting each other.
6. Jot down your guy's sweet deeds. Maybe he filled up your gas tank without you mentioning it was getting low, or brought you flowers for no good reason. Once a day for a week, secretly write down something your man did that touched you" many times, especially in long-term relationships, the little things our partners do for us get overlooked, which eventually makes the man resentful. Keeping a list helps you feel grateful for the daily blessings of marriage, and sharing that list at the end of the week with your spouse makes him feel appreciated.
The honeymoon period in most marriages has a shelf life. But does that mean you can't bring back those fluttery butterfly feelings of excitement and anticipation everyone experiences at the beginning of a relationship? Absolutely not. All marriages maneuver through rough patches. Some don't survive long enough to come out the other side unscathed. But many do. Here are 11 ways to keep your marriage fresh.
1. Remind your partner (and yourself) that you appreciate them.
After you've been married for many, many years, that passionate kiss when your partner walks in the door can easily morph into a peck on the check that can then morph into an inability even to look up from your. Studies show that nearly half of men who have cheated say it was because of emotional dissatisfaction -- and not sex. When men don't feel connected or appreciated by their wives, they are vulnerable to the advances of any attractive woman who casts a lustful glance their way. And fellows, it works the other way as well.
2. Say thank you for the little things
Playing tit for tat is childish and will do nothing but chip away at the trust and connection you've built with your spouse. If you are so inclined, keep score of all the positive things your partner does in a day -- and then thank them. Hopefully they'll get the hint and do the same for you.
3. Practice honesty, even when you're ashamed.
Although infidelity usually happens in bed, it also can happen with money. And it will be a tough road gaining back your spouse's trust if you've lied about overspending.
Along that same vein, if you feel you aren't connecting with your partner the way you used to, you need to say something -- now. If You don’t kep telling yourself that things would get better on their own, couples might not have reached what I call the danger zone.
4. Take care of your appearance.
With many years and a few kids under your belt, it's easy to let your appearance slide. Think about when you first met your partner. Would you have walked around in stained nightdress and without brushing your teeth? My guess is no. But I've seen too many couples transform from Well groomed men and women with shabby ones-- with disastrous repercussions.
Sometimes you must compliment your spouses.
5. Foster relationships outside your marriage.
"time apart." At times It gets romantic because even the conversations on the phone get more romantic. You need some distance,” And space once in a while.
Your marriage should be your primary relationship -- but it needn't be the only one.
6. Watch your words.
There are many things you should never say to a longtime spouse, the first being: "Don't you think our new neighbor is attractive?" That's a question you just think you want to know the answer to. It's also never a good idea to start a sentence with: "You know it's always been your problem that..." Who wants to hear that from their partner? We hopefully all have a pretty good sense of ourselves at this point and having someone you love point out a failing in this way does little to engender a loving relationship.
"You always..." or "You never..." Think about it. Neither of these is true. If you start a sentence with these words your spouse is certain to shut down or start a fight. Stop for a minute and think about what you really mean to say -- and then say that instead.
7. Put away the jumper cables yourself
Most of us have problems that are more like petty and repeated annoyances, which when fed the steroids of resentment and anger, balloon up.
Most of our problems start out small enough -- he borrows the jumper cables from your car and then leaves them sitting in the driveway just waiting to get run over -- and from that sprouts a giant festering sore. It leads you to utter words like, "If you loved me you would have put the jumper cables back in my car so that when I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with a dead battery I could save myself," which, in my household, generally results in a reply like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods?"
It is the small annoyances that, if left unaddressed, do us in. For a happier marriage, address them right away and keep it simple. "Honey, did you put jumper cables back in my car?"
8. Relish the silence.
Sometimes the best way to address a problem is to just walk away from it -- as in seriously let it go. Not every slight must be addressed. Know that not every insult is intended. Practice letting go as much as you can. Forgive more. Forget more. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds. And once in a while, remind yourself of why you married this person. Focus on those reasons and let stuff pass without mention.
The trick to successful silence, however, is that you really let the problem pass. If you stay silent and still harbor bad thoughts, well, that's where ulcers come from.
9. Recognize the ebb-and-flow.
Relationships aren't flat-lined; that's death, actually. Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We all go through periods where the mere thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can't stand the sound of their breathing next to us. We've all been there. The trick is knowing that you won't stay in either place forever. Truth is, in a marriage, you spend most of your time in an emotional middle ground. It's not songbirds chirping, nor is it considering which poison in his pasta will cause the most painful demise.
This middle ground isn't the couple who sit in the restaurant across from one another without conversing. Those people have actually flat-lined and just don't know it yet. No, the middle ground is when months meld into years and you know what the reaction will be before you say something. It's when the book you finished last night just migrates automatically to the nightstand on his side and he tells you about the recorded "Modern Family" episode you slept through. It's the every day ebb and flow without the waves.
10. Be kind.
We tend to take advantage of those we love the most -- probably because we know they love us and we can get away with it. It's the old kick-the-cat syndrome. You have a bad day at the office and come home and take it out on your mate. A much healthier pattern is to start out each day by asking yourself, "What can I do today to make my partner happy?" And mean it. Doesn't it make more sense to put your best face on for someone you love? Look for ways to say "yes." This rule applies to parenting as well, but in a happy marriage, people are busy trying to please each other. That sometimes means sitting through endlessly long ball games, putting on a tie, watching a horror movie with your eyes closed, and traveling around old Civil War battleground sites when you really wanted to be vacationing on a beach in Goa. It's doing things for your partner.
11. Maintain intimacy and passion, both inside and outside the bedroom.
Intimacy isn't just sex and passion isn't just doing it on the kitchen counter. Bedroom habits age along with the marriage. There may be no stronger aphrodisiac than a moonlight walk on the beach that ends in a kiss. There may be no greater display of passion than the zeal of a partner in a hospital room trying to get the nurse's attention for an ailing wife. Don't let others define what is a "normal" or "healthy" amount of sex for your marriage. Know that things change, but that doesn't make them less exciting or fun. And intimacy comes in many shapes, including conversation and cuddling.