Dr. Milhaj

Congratulations for having quit but now you are folli9ng around an addictive habit which is sometimes considered worse than cocaine addiction. Your success will be compromised by having a regular consumption, even if it is spread far and wide. In time, you will revert back to more smoking and become a full-fledged smoker one fine day. When quitting, you must take one day at a time; though you must give up all smoking at once, and promptly. If you look too far ahead you will get discouraged and will give up. If you sit and count the number of days you have given up, that will also focus too much on achievement. You must focus on the here and now, on that day to be precise. After all quitting is not that easy due to many factors. So even if you fail one day, you must try and try again. Very few people succeed in their first attempt. Your persistence will eventually pay off. The urge to discontinue is hampered by many factors but the worst of them is the conditioning. In fact, these conditions can exist all through the day, unlike other addictions. But your desire to want to stop is the most important factor. It is important to find out about the ill-effects of smoking to have a reason that alarms you about continuing the habit. The information is really scary but true and you must remind yourself about this every day. The nicotine in tobacco smoke stimulates the heartbeat to raise the blood pressure in no time at all. So you must avoid it like the plague: it is just very bad medicine for you. In fact, it is highly toxic too. You will need to stop smoking or consuming any tobacco related items with immediate effect. You should start vigorous exercises, gradually increasing it over a period of time. Do deep breathing exercises every time you feel like smoking (try Yoga), and replace the oral urge with some healthy food substitute to satiate the need. You may also take hard candy or chew gum. If the urge is too strong, then use nicotine gums and nicotine patches, for a little while until the smoking drive reduces, substantially. You may also join Smokers Anonymous in your city where the support is really extraordinary for like-minded people who are also in the same situation. Keep yourself occupied or engaged with interesting activities during the times when it is most tempting. Keep the company of non-smokers for some time i.e. at least for the first 21 days. Above all announce it to everyone that you have quit smoking. Here’s a piece of very good advice: even if you accidentally/willfully take a cigarette, it is not the end of the world – you can start the cessation all over again. You must persevere with the best support until you defeat this addiction. Counseling is very useful in the initial stages and when temptations are at their highest. You could also join twitter2quit program and enjoy its success to give up smoking.

To quit smoking, you should develop a strong will power. You should be committed to it. First make a determination that you are going to leave smoking. Then start decreasing the number of cigarettes you smoke. Try to learn how smoking affects your health and your organs. See the effects of smoking. Put these deadly pictures in front of you. These pictures will certainly make you to cut down your cigarettes. Tell everyone that you are not smoking from this day. Take your kith and kins support also. That is very important. Avoid smokers company. It will take time to stop smoking. Don't give up, keep trying and one day you will succeed. All the best.

A person is at his peak at the age of late thirties and early fourties, generally, in his career ladder. Also, the family life reaches its peak, one has grown up children to whom one should support financially for higher studies, marriage and so on. It is the age generally one starts experiencing the changes in physical conditions like high bp, cholesterol levels, blood sugar etc. Hence, all these pressures of life may cause stress and strain leading to difficulty in memory system. The first thing you have to do is to rule out such physicsl conditions by doing a generl checkup with the help of your doctor. Because any abnormalities may affect the efficiency of brain functioning. You can practice the following methods to improve your memory of human faces and names. - use a persons name as frequent as possible when you talk to him. - spell a persons name keeping his face in mind. - associate a persons face or organs like eyes nose ears with something relevant. For example, a person has round face reminding of full moon=chandiran. His name is connected with round shape and meening of moon. - practice any type of meditation 10 minutes for a day, because your memory system works better when your mind is calm.

Let us focus on managing our anger such that it can be a constructive emotion that helps us take decisions rather than being an emotion that makes decisions for us. Just as making anger our habit takes years, unlearning anger also takes time and patience. What works for one individual may not work for another, what works one day for you may not work another day. Experiment with these strategies over time and develop some of your own. Seek professional help if you find yourself using unhealthy ways of coping with anger and pain. The following strategies are most effective when used long-term:

Assume responsibility for your emotion. Catch yourself when you make such statements: “She makes me so angry.”, “The things he does! He is the reason why I can never be peaceful.”. People, circumstances and life will not be in our control, but how we respond to them is our choice. When things do not turn out the way we want them to be, we can still choose our emotional well-being. We don’t “get” anger, hatred, irritation, love or enthusiasm from outside, we “become” angry, irritated, etc. The trigger points may be outside, but we create our emotions inside us. Emotional balance comes from an absolute commitment to take personal responsibility for the quality of one’s life.

If you cannot feel it, you cannot heal it. Too often when we share our feelings and pain with a close person, we hear phrases like “think positively”, “learn to forgive”. While these are indeed useful in the long-term, understand that we first need to experience our emotion completely in order to let it go fully. Before changing our perspective or looking at things in another light, we first need to admit the situation (eg: divorce), the feelings (eg: anger, hurt, helplessness, guilt) and the loss (eg: having to raise your child alone, not having someone to love and be loved by).

Grieve. Let yourself experience your pain, hurt and anger completely. It is ok to cry. It is better to face the emotions than trying to escape them. If you do, they will only grow more and consume you. Similarly, do not try to drown yourself in work, alcohol, sex or drugs. Your pain will not go away until you work on healing yourself. Consider reading 15 things to know about grief.

Changing perspective – from anger to compassion – “It is not about me”. If you have gone through the previous steps, you are now ready to make a shift in your perspective. Often in an anger provoking situation, we might feel targeted, like it’s a personal attack, and thus anger can come out as a defense. However, it is rarely about us. When a person acts difficult or inappropriately, it usually comes from a place of insecurity in that person. People act badly when they feel badly. Such people may have been mistreated themselves and their infuriating behavior stems from their longstanding pain and frustration. Once we learn to separate ourselves from the situation, most of our anger will be replaced by compassion for the other person – they inflict pain for they are themselves pained. As one of my clients said, “I always felt like my mother did not accept me and love me. Knowing that most of her anger directed at me was in reality directed at people who hurt her in the past is very liberating. I now realize that it has never been personal, she has never hated me as I thought all along…“.

Changing cognition – attack your negative thoughts. When we are overwhelmed with anger, our thinking gets exaggerated and dramatic. For example: “Oh, everything is ruined.”, “He always does this! He can never change his habits!”, “This $%^&@ TV remote never works!”, “How could she talk to me like that! She shouldn’t have said that!”. Note that we tend to use words like “should”, “should not”, “always” and “never” for us and others. When we use “always” and “never”, it not only makes our statements incorrect but unconsciously makes our anger justified in our minds. It also negates the efforts that others might be trying to make. Using “should” and “should not” is like demanding things from other people. Such expectations will naturally cause disappointment, hurt and anger. Negative thoughts can be replaced by, “It’s frustrating and it’s ok to be upset. But getting angry will not resolve anything. It’s not the end of the world. I need to find other possible solutions.”. You may want to read: How to change your negative thoughts through CBT.

Learning to forgive. Forgiveness is a conscious and deliberate decision that can be very liberating. After months of psychotherapy with a rape victim, in one of the sessions her fiance asked her, “Do you feel like hurting him(the perpetrator)?“. She replied, “For years that is all I could think about. I would see his pictures with his wife on social media and be angry – how could he live a happy life after inflicting so much pain on me? I wished him a terrible life everyday. But today, I just feel my loss. All these years while I was angry, hurt and depressed, he was living his life apparently happily. I suffered. I was stuck in the same place while he moved on. I hurt myself even more by keeping myself from healing. What he did was wrong, but I choose to forgive him. I choose to let go of my anger so I can embrace peace and healing. I choose to be free…“.

Closure – write it out! Spelling out our hurt and frustration allows us to release the anger. When we identify our loss, choose to forgive and move beyond grudges and resentment, there is an automatic release of the anger that has kept us debilitated for years. Write uninhibited, read it out several times over the next week and then tear it.

Be thankful. It may seem very difficult at times to be thankful, but no matter what traumas we may have experienced, we all have the ability to be there. Be grateful for all the little blessings in life. Learn to be appreciative of the good things around us. Look for the hidden blessings behind your challenges: I am thankful for (challenge – eg: pain of divorce) because it (hidden blessing – eg: because it helped me understand what is important to me. It has brought me closer to being the person I want to become).

Relaxation and autosuggestion. Deep breathing and relaxation imagery can help greatly in calming down anger. Breathe deeply from your gut, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Slowly repeat a word or phrase (“relax”, “it is going to be ok”, “I can handle it”) as you breathe deeply. Visualize a calming experience, from your memory or imagination. Practicing these techniques daily will help you in using them in tense situations automatically. Meditation, exercising, listening to music and using humor are some other ways to diffuse your anger.

No matter what strategy you use, remember that it is important to face your anger and negative thoughts. We all want to be loving parents to our children, appreciative of our parents, a doting lover, a loyal friend and a productive professional. Unresolved anger sabotages all our lovely relationships and makes us miserable.

“…you undoubtedly have experienced the fallout of fury, anger and rage. Anger is like a blast of frigid air that withers everything in its path. As you know, an angry person loses his understanding of the simplest things. Rage and hate eat into one’s very bones until one’s life becomes an abomination and one grows to hate him/herself. In a fit of anger one speaks words that he regrets forever…” – Rebbetzin Twerski.

YOu have to keep your mind calm and strong and in due course you can find a husband who can accept you and you kid. Everything should be discussed frankly in advance.

Yes, you do sound depressed and it seems for good reasons too even though you have not elaborated them. You must go and meet with a counselor immediately and if that person advises that you meet with a doctor you must do so and cooperate to your utmost. Please visit these professionals along with your parents. In the meantime please do the following sincerely because you could resolve the problem better with good cooperation: Have a good night’s sleep, have a good breakfast of more proteins, meditate often, remain free of stress, eat a lot of fiber, nuts, avocado, exercise regularly, eat dark chocolate, do Yoga meditation exercises, etc. I suggest you do the opposite of what this depression makes you feel like doing (actually, not doing): you will need to fight this condition. You must become active; stay upright during the daylight time; meet people; never sleep during the day, wake up by 6 am every day, play some active games, especially contact games, do physical exercises, talk to people and join some social clubs, attend Yoga classes etc. Watch sitcoms on TV or comedies and cheer yourself up. Go for excursions in groups, for outings, camps, conferences, and religious conventions. Get a pet dog and spend time training it, exercising it and relating to it. Expose yourself to some sunlight every day, at least, 30 minutes but not in the scorching heat. Whatever happens, please incorporate these three important adaptations in your life: always be responsible, be respectful, and be functional. If you did these three, lots of things will go well in life. Please pray and have faith in God to alleviate your sufferings. Don’t wait for others to help. Use your own motivation, which might be at its lowest, but persevere and win this battle. Above all to be really happy, you need to live in love and for love. Learn all about emotions and how to handle them and that will get you out of the depression rather easily and quickly. A counselor is there only to facilitate you, all the hard word must come from you, and your cooperation with that person is very critical for your success. Be positive every day and learn to be contented with what you have. Do some left brain exercises: it is the happy brain. Here are a few suggestions: shut your left nostril and breathe, move your eyes from right to left and vice versa for at least half a minute at a time, and do callisthenic exercises with some form of counting, regularly. Whatever happens please cooperate with the therapy and do not discontinue until the condition is completely resolved. Do go for marriage counseling too and discuss some of your​ dreams to see if they can be partially at least fulfilled.

Delayed Speech: Can it be autism?

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a range of complex neurodevelopment disorders, characterized by social impairments, communication difficulties, and restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behaviour. Males are four times more likely to have an ASD than females. A recent study in US found 1 in 68 children suffering from autism.
What are some common signs of autism?

The hall feature of ASD is impaired social interaction. As early as infancy, a baby with ASD may be unresponsive to people or focus intently on one item to the exclusion of others for long periods of time. A child with ASD may appear to develop normally and then withdraw and become indifferent to social engagement.

Children with an ASD may fail to respond to their names and often avoid eye contact with other people. They have difficulty interpreting what others are thinking or feeling because they can’t understand social cues, such as tone of voice or facial expressions, and don’t watch other people’s faces for clues about appropriate behaviour. They lack empathy.

Many children with an ASD engage in repetitive movements such as rocking, or self-abusive behaviour such as biting or head-banging. They also tend to start speaking later than other children. Children with an ASD don’t know how to play interactively with other children. Some speak in a sing-song voice about a narrow range of favourite topics, with little regard for the interests of the person to whom they are speaking.

Children with characteristics of an ASD may have co-occurring conditions, including Fragile X syndrome (which causes mental retardation), tuberous sclerosis, epileptic seizures, Tourette syndrome, learning disabilities, and attention deficit disorder. About 20 to 30 percent of children with an ASD develop epilepsy by the time they reach adulthood.
How is autism diagnosed?

Very early indicators that require evaluation by an expert include:
• no babbling or pointing by age 1
• no single words by 16 months or two-word phrases by age 2
• no response to name
• loss of language or social skills
• poor eye contact
• excessive lining up of toys or objects
• No smiling or social responsiveness.

If you find any of these features in your child, please consult the local pediatrician or child neurologist if available who can assess your child in detail. There is no single blood test to diagnose autism. However, the doctor needs to look into certain disorders in which children have similar features or having features of autism in addition to other signs of that disorder. E.g. Tuber sclerosis, Landau-kleffner syndrome (a form of Epilpesy), other childhood epilepsies, some metabolic and genetic disease. So your doctor may do some blood test, hearing assessment, EEG, etc. depending upon the presenting features and assessment.

What role does inheritance play?

Twin and family studies strongly suggest that some people have a genetic predisposition to autism. Identical twin studies show that if one twin is affected, there is up to a 90 percent chance the other twin will be affected. In families with one child with ASD, the risk of having a second child with the disorder is approximately 5 percent, or one in 20. This is greater than the risk for the general population.

Do symptoms of autism change over time?
For many children, symptoms improve with treatment and with age. Children whose language skills regress early in life (before the age of 3) appear to have a higher than normal risk of developing epilepsy or seizure-like brain activity. During adolescence, some children with an ASD may become depressed or experience behavioural problems, and their treatment may need some modification as they transition to adulthood. People with an ASD usually continue to need services and supports as they get older, but many are able to work successfully and live independently or within a supportive environment.

How is autism managed?

There is no cure for ASDs. However, it is important to diagnose it early and look for associated conditions like ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactive disorder), Epilepsy, sleep disorders, etc. Earlier is intervention, better is the outcome. Therapies and behavioral interventions are designed to remedy specific symptoms and can bring about substantial improvement. The ideal treatment plan coordinates therapies and interventions that meet the specific needs of individual children.

Educational/behavioural interventions: Therapists use highly structured and intensive skill-oriented training sessions to help children develop social and language skills, such as Applied Behavioural Analysis. Family counselling for the parents and siblings of children with an ASD often helps families cope with the particular challenges of living with a child with an ASD.
Medications: Doctors may prescribe medications for treatment of specific autism-related symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Antipsychotic medications are used to treat severe behavioural problems. Seizures can be treated with one or more anticonvulsant drugs. Medication used to treat people with attention deficit disorder can be used effectively to help decrease impulsivity and hyperactivity.
Other therapies: There are a number of controversial therapies or interventions available, but few, if any, are supported by scientific studies. Parents should use caution before adopting any unproven treatments. Although dietary interventions have been helpful in some children, parents should be careful that their child’s nutritional status is carefully followed.

Conclusion: Autism is seen commonly now a day. The main features are delayed speech, poor eye contact and social interaction and restricted interest with repetitive behaviour. Parents and physician should aware of its early symptoms so that early intervention can be started.

I Can give you study tip and you make your mind happy. 10 Study Tips to Improve Your Learning Study Tip 1: Underlining Underlining is one of the simplest and best known study tips. It’s easy to highlight the most significant parts of what you’re reading. One key sentence per paragraph and a few important phrases here and there. You can only retain a certain amount so it’s best to retain the most important information. Study Tip 2: Make your own note and taking notes is one of the most widespread study skills out there. Essentially the aim of note-taking is to summarise lectures or articles in your own words so you can easily remember the ideas. Study Tip 3: Mind mapping A good Mind map can save you many hours of study and further consolidate your knowledge for your exams. Mind Maps are an extremely versatile tools. They can be used for brainstorming, outlining essays or study topics and for general exam preparation, ExamTime offers the ability to create Mind Maps quickly and easily which makes them the ideal tool when it comes to exams. Study Tip 4: Flash cards:- Using these are a particularly effective method of learning when trying to assimilate different facts, dates, formulas or vocabulary. Subjects such as History, Physics, Maths, Chemistry, Geography or any language are made much easier if you incorporate Flashcards in to your study. Study Tip 5: Case Studies Sometimes it can be difficult to grasp the implications of some theories. This is where studying case studies can be a big help. Case studies can help you visualise a theory and place it in a more familiar and realistic context. This is especially useful in business or law subjects. Study Tip 6: Quizzes are an excellent way to review study notes in the weeks and days before an exam. Quizzes can show where your strengths and weaknesses are, so it allows you to focus your efforts more precisely. Moreover, if you share your Study Quiz with your classmates and test each other as much as possible you can discover even more details and areas you may have overlooked. So before any exam, make sure you create and share a bunch of different Quizzes with your Friends. Study Tip 7: Brainstorming This is another study technique that is ideal for studying with friends and/or classmates. Brainstorming is a great way to expand every possible idea out of any topic. Just get a bunch of friends together and shoot the breeze, there are no wrong answers when brainstorming – just talk and capture the ideas, you can review afterward. Study Tip 8: Mnemonic Rules Mnemonics are especially useful when memorising lists and sets. Mnemonics rules basically work by associating certain concepts with other concepts that are more familiar to us. There are many different ways to make mnemonics and these can be individual to the person. Study Tip 9: ORGANISE your study One of the most effective study skills is also one of the most often overlooked; this is organising your study. Creating a TIME TABLE gives you goals and a time in which to achieve them. Having a study timetable as you study is greatly motivational Study Tip 10: Drawing Many people find it easier to recall images rather than text that is why they are better able to memorise concepts if they associate them with pictures or drawings. If you find answer helpful please click on “helpful” tab for knowing my efforts are useful.

I suggest if you are fine now and not having any anxiety symptoms you can stop taking etilaam daily and shift it to sos basis that is take it in day whenever required when you feel very tensed and anxious.