Dr. Amarpali

I know for a guy, sex is over once he ejaculates. But when is the sex over for a girl? because i've always been told in sex ed that the guy is" finished" once he cums & that girls don't always ejaculate during sex. But I never really thought to ask about when a girl is" finished" so when does a guy know the sex has finished for both, if the girl doesn't always" finish off" like guys do?

Heather corinna replies:

• For men or women, sex is over when one or both partners don't want to have it anymore, either because they both feel satisfied with the sex they had, or just because one partner or both, even if the sex didn't result in orgasm, or feel like they wanted it to, just feels done with the whole works and not very interested in sex anymore.
• Obviously, some partners may decide for their partners that sex is over just because they are have gotten what they wanted out of it, but since partnered sex is supposed to be about two people, not one, that's not an approach i'd advise for a sex life of any real quality for everyone involved.
• Sex isn't just about orgasm, or about getting one or both people to orgasm, and having that be the whole point. Sex is about the people involved experiencing physical and emotional pleasure together throughout, with or without orgasm, before, during and after. Ideally, during sex, we're both checking in with our partner to tell them what feels good and to ask if they are feeling good. We ask what our partner wants throughout sex, and that communicationis part of sex. We don't need to just guess or wonder, nor assume that because one or both of us has reached orgasm, sex is or should be over.
• One thing to understand is that men and women alike can reach orgasm more than once: just because a person reaches orgasm once or ejaculates doesn't necessarily mean they're all done. Now, not everyone can ejaculate or orgasm more than once, nor can people who can do those things do them every day or even want to every time they have sex. But often enough in your sex life, you'll probably fine that reaching orgasm once, for you and your partner, doesn't automatically turn off your or their desire for more sex or other kinds of physical intimacy.
• As well, just because one person reaches orgasm doesn't mean sex is over or done: what you were taught in sex ed, in fact, may have been biased. For a very long time, through much of our history, women's sexuality was all but dismissed, or made to only be about satisfying men. Many, many women have been taught that what determines when sex is over is when a male partner says that it is or reaches orgasm. But just because a guy feels done doesn't mean his partner does (that's huge with vaginal intercourse, since while most men will orgasm with that alone, most women will not, and additionally, on average, it takes women longer to reach orgasm than it does men), nor that, even if he can't get another erection, the sex has to be over: sex isn't just about genitals or erection, for men or women. We can and do have sex with more than a penis or our genitals: we have hands, mouths and all kinds of other body parts which are sexual for both of us. Too, a lot of the way people approach sexuality when teaching it is based around reproduction, even though not only is sex not about that for everyone, even for those trying to reproduce through sex, it's still usually also about pleasure and about sharing something intimate together. By all means, when a male and female couple is having sex to try and reproduce, once the male ejaculates, that's all that's needed to make pregnancy possible: a woman doesn't have to orgasm or ejaculate to become pregnant.
• Women with male partners do often know when their partner has an orgasm, but not just because he ejaculates (if he does: men sometimes do not ejaculate when they orgasm: they're usually related, but separate, events). Sex is a pretty goopy, wet enterprise, and often, a woman isn't going to specifically feel that her partner has ejaculated if his penis is inside her vagina, which is also a wet place. With oral sex, because semen has a taste, you can tell, and with manual sex or mutual masturbation, you can see ejaculation. Often, whatever the gender of our partner, if our genitals, mouths, or hands are around or in their genitals, we can learn to feel the contractions which usually happen with orgasm, and have a pretty good idea of when a partner is having one. All the same, women usually know best when their male partners have reached orgasm because they say so, as in" holey moley, that orgasm rocked".

Laparoscopy, also known as keyhole surgery, is a type of surgery, which involves the usage of small tubes, surgical instruments and video cameras for operations through small incisions or cuts in your body. Though different people experience the surgery differently due to difference in health conditions, there are some points everyone should know about a laparoscopic surgery.

1. The problems that laparoscopy addresses
Conditions like ectopic pregnancy, endometriosis and pelvic inflammatory disorders are generally treated using laparoscopic surgery. Moreover, laparoscopy is also used to remove the gallbladder, appendix, patches of endometriosis or detect adhesions, fibroids and cysts. Also a biopsy of the organs inside the abdomen can be done through laparoscopy.

2. The duration of your stay in hospital
Usually performed on an outpatient basis (release on the same day as the surgery), a laparoscopic surgery may require you to stay overnight at the hospital if your condition requires a complex or lengthy surgery. Moreover, if the doctor feels that a bowel resection or partial bowel resection needs to be performed, you may have to stay at the hospital for a few days.

3. The preparation required pre-surgery
If you are going to have a laparoscopic surgery soon, ensure that you inform your doctor if you are taking any blood-thinners like aspirin or if you are allergic to any medications like anaesthesia. Moreover, let the doctor know if you are pregnant or planning to conceive. After giving all this information to the doctor, strictly follow all the instructions he/she gives you. Also, make sure that someone is available to drop you home after the surgery as you might be too weak or in too much pain to go back home by yourself.

4. Pain management post surgery
Laparoscopy is generally followed by a sore feeling around the cuts as well as shoulder pain. If the pain is unbearable you can ask for medication from your doctor or consider common analgesics. Recovery time for a laparoscopic surgery is only a few days, and to get through this period easily seek the help of a friend or family member to manage your medications and lift your spirits.

5. Restrictions you need to follow during the first couple of weeks
For the first couple of weeks after the surgery, your doctor might ask you to abstain from driving, tub bathing, swimming and having sexual intercourse. Make sure that you follow these rules and get adequate amount of sleep to ensure speedy recovery.

In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!

While science might suggest that with age, one’s libido takes a nose dive, it does not necessarily have to be this way all the time. Here are a bunch of reasons why sexual intimacy and pleasuring your partner can be phenominal in your thirtirs:

1. You only get better with age:  Sex is like wine, it just gets better with age. When you compare the sex in your teenage years to the sex in your 20s, you will have your answer. You were probably more nervous in those teen years, but in the 20s when you libido was at the optimum level, your confidence increased by scores.

2. Asking for what you want gets easier: This comes from maturity. The older you get, your approach towards sex becomes more mature. You get more comfortable to ask for what you want and you have a better chance of really knowing what you want out of a person.

3. More confidence: You are 30. You are probably settled and know exactly what you are doing with your life. And it is a well known fact that you look your best in your 30s. This ought to give you the boost you need.

4. You can laugh it off: Sex can get awkward sometimes. It is not the most pleasant of things. And funny things can happen. With experience you get to know it. And you are in a better position to laugh off things, because you are simply more mature about it and you find the humour in it.

5. Experience: At certain jobs, people will probably give a passing glance to your qualifications and concentrate more on your experience in that field. The same applies to sex. The more experienced you are, the better you get at the job. Your approach towards sex will be more mature emotionally as well as physically.

6. Gets easier to stand up for what you want: In your 30s, your patience level may fizzle out. You concentrate more on the things you want rather than putting up with things that never interested you in the first place. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a Sexologist.