Dr. Tanmaya

Shying away from your desires and inhibitions is not good for your mental health and it is also important that we communicate to our partners about what we desire. Oral sex is a sexual activity, in which the mouth and tongue of one partner stimulates the genitals of the other partner. Oral sex is supposed to be pleasurable and fun for both the partners. However, you must keep in mind that HIV and sexually transmitted diseases may spread through oral sex; so consider using a condom. Also, it is not compulsory for you to let him ejaculate in your mouth.

Mentioned below are a few ways you can blow your partner's mind in bed without even having sexual intercourse. 

1. Take Control: While giving a blow job is fun, exploratory and playful, it is also very empowering. You are in charge and in control of his pleasure. Before taking him in your mouth, touch him sensually and spread some flavored lube on his shaft that is safe to consume.
2. Let Yourself Linger: Do not be in a hurry. Savor it and make him squirm. Dirty talk is a great idea and heightens the excitement and pleasure. 
3. Avoid Gagging: Unlike pornography, research concludes that couples enjoy a lot more when they avoid gagging or deep throating. Gagging puts both the partners out of mood.
4. Explore Underneath: It is very important that you stimulate the frenulum which comprises of a bundle of nerves. Flick it slowly with the tip of your tongue and halt every time you hit the erogenous spots. 
5. Take a Lick: Sexologists believe that licking the penis (just like you lick a popsicle) is incredibly arousing and gets him worked up. It also sustains the excitement.
6. Be Enthusiastic: It is important to convey your genuine enthusiasm. If you are enjoying the act, let him know so he can receive more pleasure.
7. Spice it Up: Get a bit naughty and he will worship you in return. Studies say that with increase in arousal, pain tolerance also increases. Dig your fingernails into him or tighten your mouth's grip around his arousal to intensify the act.
8. Try Teeth: Gently scrape his shaft with the surface of your teeth and trail it with your tongue. This is unbelievably sexy.
9. Pop an Ice: Create a tingly sensation in him by drinking cold water or sucking on an ice cube just before you take him in your mouth.
10. Make Some Noise: Not only does moaning turn him on, but it also adds to your excitement. Vibrations to create a pleasurable sensation.

Paraphilia is a condition involving abnormal sexual desires or being aroused only by specific activities that deviate from the average interests. The arousal of people with paraphilia are bound by fantasizing about certain situations or activities that not necessarily 'normal'.

There are hundreds of recognized sexual paraphilia. A few of the most commonly known examples include:

1. Necrophilia: Involves being sexually aroused by corpses

2. Paedophilia: It is being aroused by prepubescent children

3. Narratophilia: Being aroused by obscene words.

4. Metrophilia: Being aroused by poetry

5. Masochism: Being aroused by suffering, being bound or beaten

6. Sadism: Arousal that comes with inflicting pain on others

7. Anthropophagolagnia: Involves raping and then eating the corpse of the victim

8. Coprophilia: Arousal involving faeces

9. Pictophilia: Arousal involving pornography or erotic pictures

10. Zoophilia: Involving animals

While some of these fantasies are harmless indulgences, some might be a serious threat to the person and the society. Anthropophagolagnia, for example, is one of the most dangerous examples of paraphilia. Ted Bundy, one of the most talked about cases in criminal psychology, was known to practice Anthropophagolagnia.

Some cases of paraphilia, when done with a consenting partner and indulged in discreetly, need not be especially a threat to others, for example, Metrophilia and Narratophilia. However, the likes of paedophilia, necrophilia and paraphilia involving rape fantasies are pathological in nature and can be considered abnormal and outright dangerous for the overall health and sanctity of the society.

Symptoms of paraphilia include the severe obsession with a particular fantasy or object to the point the individual is unable to attain sexual satisfaction without it.

The development of paraphilia, from a psychoanalytic perspective, is attributed to the arousal caused by a particular behaviour in childhood. From a behaviouristic perspective, sexual arousal may be attached to a particular object if both the instances have repeatedly occurred together around the concerned individual, thus conditioning them. An individual who is the victim or observer of inappropriate sexual acts may develop a paraphilia concerning that very act.

Treatment

For treatment of sexual paraphilia, drugs that regulate testosterone levels and arousal levels have been used to reduce the sexual arousal while the therapy continues. Antidepressants have been used to reduce sex drive but they do little about the fantasies. Psychoanalytic approach and hypnosis have been used in therapy. In some cases, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (a therapy which focuses on conversations regarding how one’s thoughts and beliefs can affect his/her actions) and systematic desensitization (systematically and gradually letting go of such odd fantasies) have been used to cause a reduction in the conditioning of the fantasy and sexual arousal. Prolonged therapy and medications are used largely for the treatment of paraphilia. For the ones that are a threat to the society, quarantine (separating the extreme paraphilic cases from the rest of the society) is suggested in some countries.