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Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo Shares Insight on Today's Generation's View on Arrange Marriage Vs Love Marriage in the Leading Hindi Magazine Vanita
Relationship Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo Shares Her Psychological Insight on the Viral Hit Wink of Priya Prakash Varrier with Indian Express Newspaper
What’s this song and dance over a wink of Priya Prakash Varrier in 'Oru Adaar Love' ? It’s all in the mind of the audience
Recently, a wink caught the eye of the nation and a teenager was forced to drag the matter to the highest court in the land after a complaint was filed against her over the gesture. Malayalam actress Priya Prakash Varrier became an overnight sensation after a video clip of a song from her upcoming movie Oru Adaar Love, in which she can be seen winking flirtatiously went insanely viral and prompted a tidal wave of memes. However, soon the young star found herself in the eye of the storm, after a section of Muslims lodged FIRs against her and the film-maker for hurting religious sentiments. Some Muslims believe that the song was sung by the Prophet to profess his love for his first wife.So, what is in a wink and how can it offend someone?
According to psychologists, the context and culture of a place must be taken into account before coming to any conclusions on the gesture. “Culturally winking is not taken negatively in the West while it is objectionable in the Middle East,” Dr Shivani Misra Sadhoo, a Delhi-based psychologist told The Sunday Standard.
Speaking of the psychology behind winking, Shivani said that interpretation of the gesture is solely dependent on the situation.“Winking can denote that two people are just having fun. It may also be a sign of two friends communicating. And yes, there also is a flirtatious connotation to it,” she said....
14’Th February is that day of the year when we celebrate our relationships and express our love. But Delhi’s eminent Relationship and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares that celebrating one Valentine day in a year is not enough. In healthy & blissful relationships, couples don’t wait for a special occasion to show their appreciation. They genuinely enjoy doing nice things for one another “just because” ― they value each other and no prompting is required.
Whether it’s a ‘hi’ message or call, happy couples always reach out. They call to say, ‘I’m running late’, or ‘do you need me anything on my way back home?’ These may sound simple text messages but they, in reality, convey that person is thinking about their partner and helps the couples to stay emotionally connected.
2. They never forget to compliment their partner.
Remember happy couples may not be always texting lovey-dovey messages like “you’re the best husband /wife of the word” but they definitely acknowledge each other’s contributions like, “oh you made a fabulous breakfast today”, “I am very impressed by the way you teach the kids”, etc.
Although some couples do well without positive feedback, the majority of people like at least a little bit of verbal appreciation for their contribution and happy couples do maintain that ratio.
3. They act generously
Whether moving clothes to the dryer for their partner or watching the same romantic movie again, which their partner loves, highly fulfilled couples tend to maintain great satisfaction from being thoughtful and generous toward their partner rather than scorekeeping.
4. They regularly say ‘thank you.’
No matters what is the duration of their partnership be it one year or half a century of togetherness, happy couples keep their relationship fire alive and burn it bright by regularly noticing their partner’s contributions to their life. People want to be reminded that they are invaluable and secure couples understand that this should be frequent. Acknowledging your partner’s efforts and contributions consistently build an even deeper connection.
5. And never forget to say ‘I love you.’
Generally, after the initial stages of a relationship – couple uses “I love you” mostly on special occasions – Valentine ’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries etc. Sometimes the expression of “I love you” comes from one partner and the other one follows. But in a happy relationship, both partners initiate saying it and they do it when it’s unprompted, unsolicited, and unexpected and when they say “I love you” they mean it from their bottom of their heart.
Has your partner suddenly turned taciturn? Here’s expert advice so you can rekindle your bond and understand what goes on in their mind.
Do you sometimes feel that your partner has emotionally shut down? That the communication gap between you two is only growing by the day? This is usually the case when one partner can’t relate with oneself or the relationship anymore, as they are of the belief that the bond has run its course. Does that really mean the end? Here’s what relationship experts Shivani Misri Sadhoo........
HT Article: http://www.hindustantimes.com/sex-and-relationships/how-to-deal-with-a-partner-who-has-suddenly-stopped-communicating/story-4DjvpJZWOkiKo6E2ceueIN.html
The moment a couple decides to get married, a new phase of pre-wedding arrangements start in their and their parent's life - like from planning & arranging the wedding to buying jewellery & clothes to inviting guests and so many other things. Amidst so many pre-wedding happenings in both bride's and the groom's life, is it advisable for couples to go for a premarital counselling before they wed? Is it worth the time and investment for pre-marriage counselling?
Talking about these matters today relationship expert and marriage therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares three primary reasons for couples to go for pre-marriage counselling.
1. Gain insight
Pre-marriage counselling help couples to address hot issues before they arise under their marital environment. And the relationship expert assists the couple by helping them discover what their partner believes about the issue so that they both come to an understanding and mental settlement rather than discovering those hot issues as surprises and react abruptly – that generally weakens the base of the marriage.
Plus premarital counselling also addresses the main issues that are currently affecting a couple’s relationship. Little problems can turn into major arguments if they are given a chance to fester. Counseling can help couples work through any negative emotions before they turn into something bigger.
2. Effective Communication
One of the most important aspects of any marriage is effective communication. When a couple stops caring and stops talking to one another, the marriage eventually falls apart. Premarital counselling can help would be wed couple to learn how to be a good listener and improve their understanding, so they know what the other person wants and needs.
When you live with someone day after day, we start taking easy other for granted but, by keeping an open communication channel and expressing love, you build a relationship that can withstand the test of time. Individual therapy helps couples learn to talk to one another and express feelings in a way that doesn't damage the relationship. Couples can learn to hold conversations when it’s appropriate and learn how to speak effectively.
3. Discover Something New
Premarital therapy sessions offer couples the opportunity to discuss things that do not come up in normal conversations, such as hurtful past experiences, sexual expectations, financial management etc. Too often, people assume that they know their spouses well, but they may not know how to state their needs positively and neutrally.
4. Divorce Prevention
One of the most important reasons to seek premarital counseling is to prevent divorce. Studies show that couples who attend counseling sessions are 30% less likely to entertain the notion than those who do not. This lowers the risk of divorce to around 20%, which is why premarital counseling is gradually becoming essential for many western couples.
Premarital counseling helps couples to increase their likelihood of happiness because they are able to identify their fears, values, beliefs, needs, and desires and learn how to communicate them to their partner. Many couples cite the reasons for divorce as infidelity or financial issues when in reality may not be the actual reason.The major cause of a marriage breakdown could lack communication. Premarital counseling helps empower couples with the tools they need to build trust for one another and the techniques they can adapt to support each other. Counseling also helps ensure an 80 % success rate, which can give you an advantage over those who decide to go into marriage without help. With these statistics, it’s hard to see why someone would choose not to seek counseling before deciding to take that big step.
By definition, divorce is ‘the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body’. It involves tedious paperwork, separation of finances and assets. However, divorce is just a formality as it’s preceded by an emotional divorce, which does the actual damage. According to the internet, emotional divorce can be defined as a psychological defence mechanism employed by the partner, who feels that their existing marriage is a threat to their well being. The subjected partner tends to withdraw his/her emotions from the marriage to protect oneself. According to experts, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, psychologist and marriage counselor, the partner that initiates the emotional divorce, is the ‘walk- away’ spouse and the partner that gets emotionally divorced, is the ‘left- behind’ spouse.
In general, couples who are fleeting through distressed relationship doubt if couple counseling would never work for them or not or would it be a wastage of time and money – and that stops them from seeking professional help from an expert who can save their relationship and marriage.
The problem arises because there are myths about the low success rate of couples therapy. People with no experience of good counseling or who don’t know about the subject, give the worst advice to distressed people. “Couple Counselling is a waste of money”, “rather wear gems or consult an astrologer, do yoga, meet new people” but don’t trust a trained and certified expert who is trained and experienced especially to help distressed couples and to save their relationship and marriage.
Delhi’s eminent Psychologist and Couple Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell us that the success rate of couple therapy is extremely high. She says there has been much research done to check the success rate of couple counselling and the results are always extraordinary, for example recently a research was done by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, families and couples who have attended family or couples therapy sessions indicate high levels of patient satisfaction. Over 98% of those surveyed reported that they received good or excellent couples therapy. Respondents also reported improved physical and emotional health and the ability to communicate better at work after attending therapy.
So how couple counselling work? Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says good couple counselling works on certain basic principles and that pulls out couples from their distressed state to a positive and healthy relationship condition. These principals are:
1. Good couple counseling changes the views of the relationship.
First, the couple therapist helps both partners see the relationship in an objective manner. The therapist helps the couples to learn to stop the “blame game” and instead look at what happens to them when they involve each partner negatively.
2. Modifies dysfunctional behavior.
Effective couple therapist attempts to change the way the partners actually behave with each other. This means that in addition to helping them improve their interactions, therapists ensures that their clients are not engaging in actions that can cause physical, psychological or economic harm to self or to their partner.
3. Decreases Emotional Avoidance
Couples who avoid expressing their innermost feelings put themselves at a greater risk of becoming emotionally distant and hence grow apart. Effective couples therapist helps their clients bring out the emotions and thoughts that they fear expressing to the other person. Attachment-based couples therapy allows the partners to feel less afraid of expressing their needs for closeness.
4. Improves Communication
An effective couple counsellor focuses on helping the partners to communicate more effectively. The new communication mode which the counsellor redevelops within couples is not abusive, nor does it ridicule partners when they express their true feelings. The counsellor helps the couples learn to listen more actively and empathically.
5. Promotes strengths
Effective couple therapists point out the strengths in the relationship and build resilience particularly as therapy nears a termination. The point of promoting strength is to help the couple to gain back their trust, their love, their bliss and satisfaction which was put on the back burner by both the partners.