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Infertility : You are not alone
I meet many ladies everyday who are fighting with infertility. Some express their Desire to have kids and pain associated with infertility openly and some are shy to share anything. People make allowances for all sorts of grief. Infertility is a loss of staggering proportions. A feeling of being incomplete, A feeling of deep emptiness from Inside ....
Those brave ladies who experience it, it can be deep , incomprehensible, painful Bewildering and Mind-numbing. Its not easy loss to define or put into words. Not having a child is something which makes them deeply hurt. I am sharing My experience in the Clinic today , A wonderful lady , very focused and warm person. Expressed her feelings openly with an heavy heart . This emotional Turmoil may be faced by many ladies. Just sharing so that many of us can identify with her and get a positive attitude and rest of us might provide them enough positivity and strength to lead a normal life.
We all will agree that it is sad to not be able to have children, the idea of feeling desperation and wild crippling grief could seem dramatic, excessive and even weak.
She told me that Most common response from the people I meet is the word ' Kum se kum Tumhe cancer , to nahi hai, Tumne baccha to nahi khoya hai, Koi aur serious problem to nahi hai na ''' The word ' KUM se Kum ' ( At least ) can be very disheartening many times.
We all are different and we deal with our emotional status differently. According to her she was not very happy with the ATLEAST concept of sympathizing .
She told ,many times in her fight with infertility she needed positivity around me , needed someone to sit down and hold her hand and say, "I'm so sorry, this must hurt so much. I'm here for you." Anyone who does not have mockery in eyes ,have deep love and compassion in every word and the very fact that they allowed my grief to exist and they heard me was healing. So Simple thing which can make her energized.
Unfortunately, more often, the unintentional message she heard was that of her sadness being undermined, made less by the words "at least."
even I was thinking How could her personal pain possibly measure up against all the greater tragedies in the world?
I found her eyes becoming wet as she described how she cried rivers over the little boys and little girls who would never have her smile or her husband's eyes. she began to have dreams of stumbling down a difficult forest path leading to a pitch black lake where a child was floating face down in the water. Even she wanted to hug her child and feel the simple pleasure of being a MOM. Even I felt my heart go for her... Becoming a Mother can be the most happy experience of anyone's life.
When I was talking to her I realized that There is nothing trivial about grief over infertility. A person can grieve the loss of their dream of a biological family as honestly and deeply as someone else can grieve the loss of a child or parent or partner or their health.
There is no "at least" when it comes to the breaking of the human heart, there is no need to try to measure one person's pain against another to see who is worthy of feeling grief and who isn't.
If some one from your near and dear ones is fighting with Infertility then assure that they have the emotional and mental support from you. A real guidance and taking the medical help at right time can do wonders. But we all require some amount of sensitivity towards their pain. Rest can be done by doctors and medical professionals . The only thing is Power of Positivity and feeling that someone Understands their pain.