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Dr. Shuba Charles  - Psychiatrist, Chennai

Dr. Shuba Charles

Psychiatrist, Chennai

2000 at clinic
Dr. Shuba Charles Psychiatrist, Chennai
2000 at clinic
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I'm a caring, skilled professional, dedicated to simplifying what is often a very complicated and confusing area of health care....more
I'm a caring, skilled professional, dedicated to simplifying what is often a very complicated and confusing area of health care.
More about Dr. Shuba Charles
Dr. Shuba Charles is a renowned Psychiatrist in Padmini Nursing Home, Chennai. She is currently associated with Shubha Charles Counselling & Guidance Clinic in Padmini Nursing Home, Chennai. Don’t wait in a queue, book an instant appointment online with Dr. Shuba Charles on Lybrate.com.

Lybrate.com has a number of highly qualified Psychiatrists in India. You will find Psychiatrists with more than 27 years of experience on Lybrate.com. You can find Psychiatrists online in Chennai and from across India. View the profile of medical specialists and their reviews from other patients to make an informed decision.

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I am a 24 years old. I want to quit smoking what should I do?

PhD (Psychology), MSc Psychology, MS
Psychologist,
Dear, Tobacco is addictive. Cigarette also contains 4000+ carcinogenic chemicals other than nicotine. The best method is to leave it and continue with your will power. There are other methods like Nicotine Replacement therapy and pharmacotherapy combined. If you?re ready to stop smoking and willing to get the support you need, you can recover from nicotine addiction and abuse abuse?no matter how bad the addiction or how powerless you feel. The first step in treating nicotine addiction is accepting that you have a problem. Confronting an addiction and accepting responsibility for your actions isn?t easy. But it?s a necessary step on the road to treatment and recovery. You should then consult a psychiatrist / psychologist who fill follow this treatment. 1. Detoxification using medicines. 2. Behavior modification with the help of therapies. 3. Counseling. 4. Medication to sustain and 5. Long term support. These given steps are essential for any addict to get effectively rid of smoking. Therefore, you need to stick to the treatment plan and cooperate with your psychiatrist / psychologist. Take care.
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I totally break down by any tension n mentally very weak. I want to be mentally strong.

B.Sc. - Dietitics / Nutrition, Nutrition Certification,Registered Dietitian
Dietitian/Nutritionist, Delhi
I totally break down by any tension n mentally very weak. I want to be mentally strong.
Hi 1. Keep yourself hydrated. 2. Get extra rest for some days till you feel more energetic. 3. Avoid watching television for long hours. Indulge in relaxing activities. 4. Avoid stress and too much physical exertion. 5. Take a nutritious diet with more protein items in homemade food like soya, sprouts, dals, paneer, milk, seasonal fruits. 6. Do light physical activity, meditation and yoga. 7. Take one good multivitamin tablet after food for 7 days.
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How to stop using alcohol?

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist,
I assume that you want to stop alcohol because you are developing a habit. You are too young to think that you are an alcoholic. However, I may be wrong. If you are too addicted then follow the particular course of action: If you think that you will find it very difficult, then admit yourself to a hospital and go for de-addiction: which normally lasts for about two weeks. Then follow that up with addiction counseling from a professional for at least three years to completely get rid of the habit. If this is also not enough, then admit yourself into a de-addiction center and stay there for at least 6 months and after that attend counseling with a professional. There are medicines that help with the drinking just to ease the initial craving. Ultimately, it is your will power and the support that you receive from the medical fraternity and your close and dear ones. You must also learn to substitute and deal with the oral need, a rigid value system, the script issue, and of course look at all the genetic factors to plan a strategy not to get into what is called ?cross addictions? i.e. another form of addiction that may appear alright but is in fact as bad as the primary addiction. The center or hospital and the counselor will advise and guide you on several measures and precautions you will need to take to stay with your resolve. Even after the rehabilitation you must attend AA meetings and continue this support for a long time.
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My mother is facing body pains a lot. She's getting pains if she lift even a small item and if also she's getting pain if she fold her legs and also hands pain and neck pain from few days. I need some good doctor.

BPTh/BPT, MPTh/MPT
Physiotherapist, Noida
My mother is facing body pains a lot. She's getting pains if she lift even a small item and if also she's getting pai...
Quadriceps strengthening exercises- Quad Clenches: Lie flat on your back or sit upright on a chair with leg kept horizontally on another surface. Now, tighten the muscle on the front of the thigh by pushing your knee down. You should feel your thigh muscles clench, Hold for 3 secs. Repeat 10 times twice a day. Short Arcs: Lie flat on your back or sit upright with your leg placed horizontally on a flat surface like a chair or bed. Place a rolled up towel under the knee. Pull your toes towards you and clench you thigh muscles. Slowly lift your foot up off the bed until your knee is straight (keep your knee resting on the towel). Hold for 3 secs and slowly lower them on the chair. Repeat 10 times twice a day. Straight Leg Raise: Lie flat on your back. One leg and knee will be straight and other leg should be bent. Pull your toes towards you and tighten/clench the muscle on the front of the thigh, locking your knee straight. Lift your foot up in the air, about 6 inches off the bed. Hold for 3 secs and slowly lower the leg. The knee must remain straight the whole time you are doing this exercise.
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Hi I am 23 years old. I smoke 1-2 cigarette per day. I want to know that can I smoke everyday?

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
You are already smoking 1-2 cigarettes every day. So what advice are you looking for? how many ever cigarettes you smoke it is bad for you. And at your age you can easily develop addiction and in time you will be smoking more and more. After it becomes beyond recovery you may want to stop, by which time the damage is already done and it will become very hard (not impossible) to quit.
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I am 21 year old. I used to study more than 12 hours in a day and gave excessive pressure on mind to capture things. This causes headache and dizziness all the day. I can not do any activity because my head start aching. This is like muscle strain of brain. I lay on the bed all the time. It is increasing week by week. Sir provide me detail what should I do? thanks sir.

MBBS
General Physician, Cuttack
I am 21 year old. I used to study more than 12 hours in a day and gave excessive pressure on mind to capture things. ...
1. Take one tablet of crocin advance as and when required after food up to a maximum of 3 tablets daily, 2. Drink plenty of water 3. Take adequate rest 4. Have adequate sound sleep in the night for 7-8 hours 5. Avoid stress and anxiety.
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Always feels stress and exhaustion, and can't sleep in time. Have hairloss and leg pain, palm pain Headache after study.

PGFCP, PGDEMS, Bachelor Of Ayurvedic Medicine And Surgery
Ayurveda, Satara
Always feels stress and exhaustion, and can't sleep in time.
Have hairloss and leg pain, palm pain Headache after study.
DEAR Lybrate USER. This problem is due to irritation and inadequate nutrition of the brain. So follow few basic things …. 1) drink only 100-150 ml of water during meals …. 2) don’t drink water one hour before meals and one hour after meal… 3) avoid oily, spicy, salty, junk, fast, fermented and stale foods… 4) avoid coffee and tea… 5) try to sleep upto 10.30 pm … 6) do anuloma viloma pranayam regularly early in the morning… A) eat 30-40 black currants and 1 tsf of jaggery during meals… B) take 250 ml of fresh butter milk during dinner. C) instill 3-4 drops of CHANDANADI TAILA in each nostril at the time of sleeping…… Do all these things for 15 days. It gives you good result. Consult to me for further suggestions. THANKS.
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I get nervous in examination before and after examination I could remember everything but during examination I am unable to recall it.

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
I think you get into a panic mode during the exams. It is best for you to do deep breathing for a few minutes and you will calm down immediately. There is a good exercise that helps to lower panic immediately: block your closed lips with your index finger and blow tight against your cheeks and hold that breath for some time and then release it. Your heart beat will slow down instantly and you will have a calmer demeanor to approach your exam paper. A lot of the reason may be true because of your age and a little stress perhaps. I suspect that you are going through a spurt in the production of the male sex hormone, which affects you in three ways quite unknown to you. First, there will be a sexual agenda that it will kick off, secondly, there will be aggressiveness and rebelliousness, and thirdly, you will suffer from acne and pimple problems. This is the effect of the hormone that has a duration of almost two years and you will have no control over it. But if you have a good value system you will tide over this phase without significant damage. The hormonal imbalances may not only impact your memory because of the chemical but also bring along some distractions that come with it. But you may work on the following even if the hormones kick in: Daily exercise of at least half an hour is a must. Even if you go to a gym, ask for aerobic and/or callisthenic exercises with whatever else you are doing. A healthy body harbors a healthy mind. With regard to memory, it is very important that your brain and body is ideally rested to be able to recall whatever is required, rather comfortably. Puzzles pose problems to the brain that help it to use new pathways and neurons, which give the brain considerable exercise. It taxes the left brain to use logic to solve the myriad possibilities which other activities do not stimulate. Crosswords are excellent for vocabulary learning and use. Jigsaws and Rubik cube stimulate different permutations to finally settle on the most likely one. Picture completion and anagrams help approach problem solving from several angles. Do Sudoku, and memory co-relation activities and skills. Have a good night?s sleep, have a good breakfast of more proteins, meditate often, remain free of stress, eat a lot of fiber (whole grains, fruits and vegetables), nuts, avocado, eat dark chocolate, consume less of fat and use olive or coconut oil instead, do Yoga meditation exercises, etc. You need to check out if you are stronger visual or auditory. The visual is a better mode than the auditory. However, if you combine the two modes, you will get the best concentration. Have a special place of learning, which should be well lit, with soft painted walls, well-ventilated, with no distractions. When you get bored, study by writing. If you repeat learning at least five to seven times, you will apparently remember for a longer time. Sit comfortably but do not slouch. The reading material should be of a fairly large print. Study at small intervals of about 40 minutes and then take a break or change the subject. Short-term memory is a faculty of the left brain, and long-term memory is a feature of the right brain. When people are stressed, they tend to favor the right brain and abandon the left brain, where short-term memory resides. So, it is really very simple: deal with the stress and activate left brain functions. Here are a few suggestions to activate left brain function: shut your left nostril and breathe, move your eyes from right to left and vice versa for at least half a minute at a time, and do callisthenic exercises with some form of counting, regularly. There are some memory enhancing techniques and study methods that your teacher will be able to guide you with. If your home life is full of distractions and stress, it is likely to affect your memory, adversely. In that case, I suggest that you and the family go for counseling too.
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I am taking heavy amount of alcohol everyday I want to quit but not able to do it kindly suggest what I will do?

BDS, Certification in hypnotherapy, Certification in N.L.P, Certification in Gene and behavior, Psychology at Work
Psychologist, Gurgaon
Dear friend, when one takes alcohol regularly, one does so to get a high but one should realize the everything is a combination of polar opposites. One dosen't realize that the high in the night is the reason for the low in the morning and it is directly proportional to its intensity. So you are kind of trapped and you fail to assess that the high is bringing a demand of another high and low as an outcome! place a big picture of fatty liver, in the room you often take alcohol in. Everyday look at it and chuck it out when you feel, enough is enough.
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I am 22 year old girl I am having continuous body pain and feel very lazy so why is this happening and also I have a bone damage in my leg big finger we have concerned Dr. for that but still its not getting well and it is having swelling on that so please suggest what to do.

FRHS, Ph.D Neuro , MPT - Neurology Physiotherapy, D.Sp.Med, DPHM (Health Management ), BPTh/BPT
Physiotherapist, Chennai
I am 22 year old girl I am having continuous body pain and feel very lazy so why is this happening and also I have a ...
Do take balanced diet and hyderated avoid stress anxiety and anticipating the things do take ust and laser therapy for pain relief for 7 days followed by mobilisation exercise from neuro physiotherapist best wishes.
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I lost somebody close last year and since than berry depressed and prefer keeping to my self all the time please help me.

L L. B..,, M.Sc psychy,, N L P, P.G.D.G.C, M.S psychotherapy,, M.A child care, M A, clinical psy, M.A,social psychiatry,, M.Phil., psychology., Ph.D .,psychology
Psychologist, Vijayawada
I lost somebody close last year and since than berry depressed and prefer keeping to my self all the time please help...
Prefer keeping yourself is a dangerous thing. Be friends with others. In friendliness the severity of the problem may reduced. You explore your internal status with others. Then severity of the problem may become small. So please share with close relatives and friends. Take further steps for relax yourself. Change the place if possible or visit new places, temples, movies, do not be alone spend most of the outside. Create your entertainment channels. Do not think about past incidents. Be happy and be friendly all the time. Ok best of the luck.
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My body more paining problems So I am not do anything. Give any tips and solve my problem.

MBBS
General Physician, Cuttack
My body more paining problems So I am not do anything. Give any tips and solve my problem.
It could be due to deficiency of vitamin d3, b12, calcium 1. I advice you to get your blood tested for hemoglobin, vitamin d3, b12 and calcium 2. Consult physician with report for advice and treatment.
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Main cigrette pita hoon cigrette chodne ka koi upai bataiye aur sare nashe se door rahne ka bhi.

Reparenting Technique, BA, BEd
Psychologist, Bangalore
I did not follow all of what you said but I am assuming that you want to quit smoking. When quitting, you must take one day at a time; though you must give up all smoking at once, and promptly. If you look too far ahead you will get discouraged and will give up. If you sit and count the number of days you have given up, that will also focus too much on achievement. You must focus on the here and now, on that day to be precise. After all quitting is not that easy due to many factors. So even if you fail one day, you must try and try again. Very few people succeed in their first attempt. Your persistence will eventually pay off. The urge to discontinue is hampered by many factors but the worst of them is the conditioning. In fact these conditions can exist all through the day unlike other addictions. But your desire to want to stop is the most important factor. It is important to find out about the ill-effects of smoking to have a reason that alarms you about continuing in the habit. The information is really scary but true and you must remind yourself about this every day. The nicotine in tobacco smoke stimulates the heart beat to raise the blood pressure in no time at all. So you must avoid it like the plague: it is just very bad medicine for you. In fact it is highly toxic too. You will need to stop smoking or consuming any tobacco related items with immediate effect. You should start vigorous exercises, gradually increasing it over a period of time. Do deep breathing exercises every time you feel like smoking (try Yoga), and replace the oral urge with some healthy food substitute to satiate the need. You may also take hard candy or chewing gum. If the urge is too strong, then use nicotine gums and nicotine patches, for a little while until the smoking drive reduces, substantially. You may also join Smokers Anonymous in your city where the support is really extraordinary for like-minded people who are also in the same situation. Keep yourself occupied or engaged with interesting activities during the times when it is most tempting. Keep the company of non-smokers for some time i.e. at least for the first 21 days. Above all announce it to everyone that you have quit smoking. Here’s a piece of very good advice: even if you accidentally/willfully take a cigarette, it is not the end of the world – you can start the cessation all over again. You must persevere with the best support until you defeat this addiction. Counseling is very useful in the initial stages and when temptations are at their highest.
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Hello I am a business person of 38 years. Due to the stress in the work I don't get much sleep in the night I would like to please know the tablet for getting a relaxed sleep at the night.

BHMS
Homeopath, Raebareli
Hello I am a business person of 38 years. Due to the stress in the work I don't get much sleep in the night I would l...
Please note the following for your condition: • Avoid big meals late in the evening. You need three to four hours to digest a big meal. • Spicy or sugary food, even at suppertime, is usually a bad idea. Spices can irritate your stomach, and when it tosses and turns, so will you. Having a lot of sugary food—especially chocolate, which contains caffeine—can make you feel jumpy. • Try a soothing aromatic bath before bedtime. Add 5 drops lavender oil and 3 drops ylang-ylang oil to warm bathwater and enjoy a nice soak.
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WHY AND HOW TO SAY NO

Hypnotherapist, DCS, BSIC, Advanced Trainee of Transactional Analysis, Advanced Skills in Counselling
Psychologist,
WHY AND HOW TO SAY NO

In our Indian culture, we are taught to be polite and respectful especially with elders, whatever the cost to us. We must be polite with our guests and other relationships and at the workplace. Women must be never say no their in laws if they want to be happy in their married life. Employees should never say no to their bosses or managers or else they will lose their jobs.

There are 6 main reasons why people hesitate in saying NO:

1. You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.
2. Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying “No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude and disrespectful.
3. Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement. So you confirm to others’ request.
4. Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation. Even if there isn’t, there might be friction created which might lead to negative consequences in the future.
5. Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. For example, one of my clients’ wife was asked to transfer to another department in her company. Since she liked her team, she didn’t want to shift. However, she didn’t want to say no as she felt it would affect her promotion opportunities in the future.
6. Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.

Well these reasons are not true if you are familiar with the art of saying NO. Remember those people who said no to you and you didn't feel bad about it. The trick lies in when and how to say NO.
At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying no, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. Saying no is your prerogative.

7 SIMPLE WAYS TO SAY NO
Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to say no. After I began to say no to others, I realized it’s really not as bad as I thought. The other people were very understanding and didn’t put up any resistance. Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind. If you are not sure how to do so, here are 7 simple ways for you to say no. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.

The art lies in using appropriate body language, tone and proper timing. Coming across as genuine, warm and friendly will help to set the tone of the interaction and you will be the winner.

1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better. I use this when I have too many commitments to attend to.

2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”
It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something. Sometimes I get phone calls from friends or associates when I’m in a meeting or doing important work. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel disappointed or rejected.

3. “I’d love to do this, but …”
I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to the other party. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it. I often use this line when I get invitations to late night dinners and parties. Their ideas are absolutely great, but I can’t take part due to other reasons such as prior commitments or different needs.

4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. Sometimes I’m pitched a great idea which meets my needs, but I want to hold off on committing as I want some time to think first. There are times when new considerations pop in and I want to be certain of the decision before committing myself. If the person is sincere about the request, he/she will be more than happy to wait a short while. Specify a date / time-range (say, in 1-2 weeks) where the person can expect a reply.

If you’re not interested in what the person has to offer at all, don’t lead him/her on. Use methods #5, #6 or #7 which are definitive.

5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
If someone is pitching a deal/opportunity which isn’t what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out that it doesn’t meet your needs. Otherwise, the discussion can drag on longer than it should. It helps as the person know it’s nothing wrong about what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. At the same time, by saying you’ll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities.

6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
If you are being asked for help in something which you (i) can’t contribute much to (ii) don’t have resources to help, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on – whether it’s someone you know, someone who might know someone else, or even a department. I always make it a point to offer an alternate contact so the person doesn’t end up in a dead end. This way you help steer the person in the right place.

7. “No, I can’t.”
The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many fears in our mind to saying no. As I shared earlier in this article, these fears are self-created and they are not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.

THE BENEFITS OF SAYING NO:

Overcommitting by trying to cram too many activities into too little time leads to stress. We are much more likely to get sick when we are stressed. And chronic stress can cause serious health risks including depression and heart attacks.

1. OPEN COMMUNICATION: this way you are able to tell people who you really are and what is your capabilities and responsibilities towards yourself. This fosters for honest communication. Other people also see you as a human with virtues and limitations. This builds genuine relationships. Nowadays working women are clear about asking their husbands to pitch in towards house work and husbands are open about wanting a working spouse to support the finances. This creates space for pooling our strengths and working in collaboration with each other.

2. BOUNDARIES: with this practice you will be able to take care of those people who like to push or boss around other people to get their way. Drinking, smoking, drugs are common ways that children and adults with weaker personal boundaries, get drawn into. Learning to say no protects you from potential damage.

3. TIME FOR YOUR GOALS: You make out time for what is important to you and your vision of life. By saying no to late night parties, I am able to eat less junk, get a good sleep and get up early to exercise. Saying no to unrelated office presentations gets you time to spend with family.

Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you
159 people found this helpful

I lost somebody very close to me and since then I am feeling so depressed and want to keeping myself. Please help me.

Bachelor of Ayurveda, Medicine and Surgery (BAMS), M.Sc - Psychotherapy, PG Diploma in Sexuality & Sexual Counseling
Ayurveda, Bangalore
I lost somebody very close to me and since then I am feeling so depressed and want to keeping myself. Please help me.
When you lost your dear one it is common to get anxious. This will remain for some time and will fade after some time. But in the mean time you should also concentrate in your present work. You need to plan short time goals and attain it. I can assist you by providing online counseling for the same.
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I am 25 years old and male I have body pains for last 2 months what should I do?

MBBS
General Physician, Faridabad
I am 25 years old and male  I have body pains for last 2 months what should I do?
take tab multi vitamines, tab shellcal, 3-4 lt water daily, rich ptotien diet, green vegetable diet, fruits, paneer cheese etc. it will help you you can use tab dolo sos off and on. it will help you. welcome for further help.
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From last 5 years I lost y mother ad after I feel v depressed and frustrate Also because of my marriage not done. So wat I do?

Bachelor of Ayurveda, Medicine and Surgery (BAMS)
Ayurveda, Bundi
From last 5 years I lost y mother ad after I feel v depressed and frustrate Also because of my marriage not done. So ...
Pl believe in yourself. Start pranayam and meditation. Start eating'satvic' and light food. Socialize. If you make it a routine for two weeks, I ll give you some very useful tips ahead but first do basic things as told.
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Hai doctor. Next week I will marry my boy friend. But I already loose my virginity by old lover. Is any pbm for me and pls tell me the techniques for escape from my boy friend. What should I do?

BASM, MD, MS (Counseling & Psychotherapy), MSc - Psychology, Certificate in Clinical psychology of children and Young People, Certificate in Psychological First Aid, Certificate in Positive Psychology
Psychologist, Palakkad
Dear lybrate user. I can understand. I don't think there is anything to worry. The only evidence of virginity is he hymn. The hymn in young ladies get ruptured due to variois reasons like cycling, physical activities and outdoor sports. I don't see your boy friend will not be aware of these. Don't be apprehensive. I suggest online counselling. Feel free to contact me. Take care.
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age 45, weight 49 kg. Dr. I am suffering all 4 problems like mental stress, anxiety, loneliness and fear about future. My mind always speaking. My children (21 years and 16 years old) is not listen my words. My husband not live with us last 6 years, but I have no job. So I become irritating and frustrating. Pl guide me what can I do. Is I take medicine like aconitum napellus, arsenicum album, phosphorus, kali-arsenicum which you describe suffering physical and mental stress. Pl Dr. Suggest me. Thanks.

BDS, Certification in hypnotherapy, Certification in N.L.P, Certification in Gene and behavior, Psychology at Work
Psychologist, Gurgaon
age 45, weight 49 kg. Dr. I am suffering all 4 problems like mental stress, anxiety, loneliness and fear about future...
You are in your forties only. You should try doing something. Some kind of work or small business. This will give you your lost self-esteem. Also try to get a counseling done. Do not unnecessarily torture yourself. Find your own happiness in whatever way.
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