Dr. Maikandaan C J

Things you shouldn't say to a Depressed person!

Hello, I am Dr. Armaan Pandey. I am a consultant psychiatrist and I am going to tell you something about Depression today.

Now, we all know that depression is a very common illness and its very likely that you have come across someone who has suffered from depression, maybe a friend, a family member and an acquaintance. I am going to tell you three things that you should never tell a person who has depression. The first and foremost, never ask them why are they depressed. We often feel that a person has depression due to certain problems in their life, like a bad relationship or some problem at work or some issues with someone, financial issues. Now, these problems can be a factor in depression but they are not the cause. Depression is a very biological disease. it happens due to some neurochemical disturbances in the brain. In the same kind of stressful environment, not everyone is going to get depressed.

When we ask this question, “Why are you depressed?” we are implying that you should not be depressed. Sometimes, it may be misinterpreted as I am too weak and therefore I am depressed. I am not able to handle my situation, therefore, I am depressed. This may make the person more miserable, so refrain from asking this question. Instead, what you can ask or rather what you can do is to educate yourself about depression from authentic sources. Consult the doctor and ask the psychiatrist that what are the causes and what you can do about it and help the patient understand these causes because they might be blaming themselves for the condition that they have. This is how you can be helpful.

The second thing that you should completely avoid while interacting with a person suffering from depression is telling them what to do. Often, I hear family members tell the patient that go for a walk, start exercising a little bit, take a vacation, or go engage in some activity, do work, eat this, don’t eat that. Now, of course the intention is very good, you are trying to help out this person and a lot of times these things do help us make feel better. So these activities do make us feel better and this may release the symptoms of depression a little bit but this is not the cure. The second problem is that, a person who has depression has very low motivation and energy to do anything, even routine things.

For them, getting out of the bed, brushing their teeth, getting a bath, getting ready for work, going to work itself is a big task, and top of that if we add morning walks, it becomes a further burden on them. When they are not able to accomplish that, they feel even worse about themselves. So, refrain from doing that. Instead, what you can do is ask them how can you help them and ask them, “What can I do for you?” instead of telling them what you think they should do. This definitely would be very helpful. The third thing that you should be very careful about is never tell them, “Just forget about it” or “get over it” because depression is not like a switch on our brains which can be turned on and off and we can decide to depressed today and tomorrow I will not be depressed. Just like a person who has physical illness is advised to take treatment, to take some rest, and then get better. This is exactly what you say to a person who has depression or for that matter any kind of illness, to take treatment, to take rest, and get better. Do not ask them to just forget about it.

I hope these tips are useful to you. You can contact me through lybrate.com.