Dr. Nalina D

Man is different from the other species in that we are social beings. One of the main differentiators is our constant need to 'connect' with our fellow beings. Be it family or friends or society at large, we constantly need to be connected to our near and dear ones and want attention, affection, and assurance.

We need to respect this basic desire and appreciate that there is nothing wrong in feeling needed. Problems arise when this feeling to be needed gets excessive. There is a significant constant demand from the needy person, especially from those who are close to them.

Some cases where neediness is demonstrated are in new relationships. In the beginning, there is a great urge to please and therefore a greater focus on interacting with them. There is a fear of losing attention, there is insatiable excessive demand for attention - be it pleas, accusations, or demands - so as to not feel abandoned and deserted. Neediness is also quite evident in people with depression. Again, an attempt to not be abandoned by their near and dear ones.

By making a conscious effort, the neediness can be reduced, thereby making the relationships smoother and less painful to both the parties involved. As the saying goes - 'acknowledging the problem is half the problem solved'.

Needy people should realize or accept if told that there is an issue and make a conscious effort to work on reducing neediness.

1. Divert attention - As simple as it might sound, it is equally effective. Indulge in whatever interests you - exercise, meditation, dance, sing, etc. The idea is to divert attention so that the urge to feel needy and act on that instinct is reduced. This reduces the fear of being lonely and works magic. The busier you get, the less bored you are. As they say, be alone but not lonely.

2. Clarity in communication - One of the intricacies of neediness is making unclear demands. Sadly, quite often, the person does not know what he wants, and so are the demands or requests which are equally unclear. Once you are aware that your neediness is making you do this, make an effort to clearly communicate what you actually want. This reduces the stress on both the parties involved and leads to a happier engagement.

3. Clarity in relationships - Take a step back and see if your neediness is affecting any major relationships. If yes, revisit and clarify. Make an attempt and reestablish the relationships. If it is your truly near and dear ones, they will be very forthcoming and understanding.

4. Move on - In cases where your neediness has affected another person, be wise to accept their wishes and not be more 'needy' or clingy. This acceptance will make way for a lot of healthier relationships as you learn to deal with accepting your issues.

5. Socialize - Use your hobbies to make more friends and socialize more. Having more people to interact with reduces your need to be accepted by the same people. You have more people to rely on and might make more friends for keeps.

These are some simple ways to reduce neediness on others, but as mentioned, the first step is to accept and then work on ways to reduce it.

In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!