Dr. Janaki Ramaya

While getting together in bed is something that everyone fantasizes or thinks about, when it comes to the actual act of being with a partner, shyness and inhibitions may stop you from actually having a god experience. While some factors for shyness can be physical, in most cases, they border on emotional and psychological problems.

Factors that might cause sexual shyness:
Some of the factors that cause sexual shyness could be:

1. A fear arising from lack of experience
2. A low self esteem
3. Bad encounters and experiences in the past
4. Body image issues

These are all factors, which can be changed and controlled with a slight change in your thinking and conditioning yourself in certain ways.

Overcoming sexual shyness with a partner: 
While most people have active fantasies about sex, when it comes to a one on one experience, many people feel out of their comfort zone. Let's look at a few mental and thought conditioning exercises that can help you counter sexual shyness.

1. Don't have major expectations: One of the biggest issues with mostly men and to some extent women, is that they have elaborate fantasies, which don't come true in the real world and thus aren't prepared to handle real life sexual situation when they come up. Thus you should preferably have a no expectation approach.
2. Ensure that the surroundings are comfortable: If you are having a hurried encounter or in a situation you aren't comfortable in, it might lead to bad experience, which will keep manifesting every time you have sexual encounters. Thus make sure that your surroundings are comfortable and you are relaxed before the act.
3. Don't let physical shortcomings scare you: Both men and women tend to be very conscious about their bodies. If you have to be naked in front of someone, you may feel even more self conscious. Stop feeling bad or sorry for yourself because of your body. No human being is perfect and if the other person wants to be with you in bed, they will ignore any physical imperfections that you think you may have.
4. Think about the act and prepare: Remember that you are with a person and not with a fantasy. Once you are comfortable with a person and usually after a few times, you can then try fantasies and role playing. Initially think about the act before in your head and feel excited in its anticipation.
5. Enjoy the build up and the foreplay: Sex isn't just the penetrative part, but all the fun section like kissing and foreplay that build up to it. Go slow and enjoy those sections as well and you will automatically be aroused enough to a point where inhibitions will go away.

Stress affects every part of your life including your love life. If you’re feeling too overwhelmed and tense, chances are that you’re libido and appearance will suffer. Studies have shown that being stressed increases the production of cortisol in the body, which makes you less appealing to members of the other sex.

Take a look at five ways stress can affect your love life.

1. It changes your perception of the relationship: Being under pressure makes you irritable and snappy. Relationships exposed to high levels of stress most often turn negative with time. This is because stress alters our perception of reality and understanding of people. When you’re stressed, you tend to focus more on what’s wrong with the relationship than what’s right. This can lead to an increase in conflicts between partners.
2. It lowers your confidence: For any relationship to work, you must first love yourself. Stress causes self doubt and lowers your self confidence. If you’re looking to start a relationship, this can increase your inhibitions in talking to new people or going on a date. If you’re already in a relationship, this lowered self confidence can lead to problems in bed.
3. It affects your appearance: Stress affects not only your emotional and mental frame of mind but your physical state as well. Being under pressure to perform can result in binge eating and make you put on weight. Stress itself increases the production of cortisol in the body which in turn makes the skin secrete more oil. Stress can also cause brittle nails and hair loss. Stress also lowers your energy levels and makes you withdraw from social life.
4. It lowers your sex drive: Stress makes it difficult to focus on anything other than whatever is troubling you. It has a direct connection to your libido; the higher the stress, the lower your libido. For men this can lead to erectile dysfunctioning while for women it can reduce the amount of natural lubrication produced and make sex uncomfortable.
5. It can suppress fertility: Cortisol can also prevent women from ovulating. This can lower your chances of conceiving a child. this is noticed especially in cases of sudden spikes in stress levels and varies from woman to woman. It can also cause fertility problems in men.

The good news is that stress can easily be managed to improve your love life. Meditating and exercising are two effective stress busters that can enhance your love life. Doing this along with your partner not only helps reduce stress but can also bring you closer.