Dr. Afgal Pasha

Sex is a very personal experience. If done right, it can be wonderfully enriching for both partners. However, most people are unsure about what they want and end up having bad experiences. It is extremely important to know what you want before going to bed with someone. But a common problem that most people face is, how to know what you want? This is true for inexperienced people and people who are not good at articulating what they want or like.

Imagine a situation where, you go to a restaurant with a cuisine you've got no idea about and you're asked to order three courses! What's important therefore is to know the menu. There are a few steps that can help you to do this quite smoothly:

1. Stop being self-conscious: Most people hesitate to ask what they want in bed as they are extremely self-conscious. However, it is very important to remember that this experience should be great for both partners. You do have the right to ask for what you want.
2. Know what you're into: Another important step towards knowing what you want in bed is to know what you're into - what you like, what you dislike, what extent you are willing to go to and what are the dos and don'ts. No one other than you can set these ground rules down better. It is extremely essential that you do this otherwise your experience may be poor and you may develop an idea that you don't like sex at all, which is what happens in a number of cases where a relatively inexperienced person has a poor sexual experience and believes that that is how it's supposed to be.
3. Communication is the key: Communication is literally the key to unlock an amazing sexual experience. Talk to your partner before you start. Lay down some ground rules. Talk to your partner, tell him or her what you like and what you don't. Talk to your partner after it's over. Give them a candid feedback. Only if you intend to do it with them again. In case of a one night stand, no need to leave things bitter!
4. Be open: Another important fact is that you yourself have to be open. Be open to exploration and experimentation. Don’t think that just because something hasn't worked for you in the past, it'll never work for you. Likes and dislikes keep changing. Involve your partner in the process of exper imentation. Explore, experiment, and if you don't like something, don't keep trying in the hope that it'll work someday. Some things work for some people and they don't for others.
5. Learn and apply: You do need to have a fair bit of knowledge before you jump straight into the act. Contrary to popular belief, an attractive body and testosterone are not the only things you need to be good in bed. This knowledge may come from experience or through reading. The more you learn, the better you apply.

There really is no fixed rulebook about what you like and what you don't. It's all about the 3 Es - exploring, experimenting and experiencing. Be open, be adventurous and it'll work wonders for you. In case you have a concern or query you can always consult an expert & get answers to your questions!