School Refusal: How To Deal With It?

The first day of school is a difficult time for both the parents and the child. Separating their child from them for the first time can be very emotional for the parents. The difficulty is compounded when the child continues to cry every day thereafter. Sometimes the child starts going to school without becoming undue anxious but starts to avoid school later. There may be a blatant refusal by the child to go to the school. These indeed are very difficult situations to handle as emotions on both sides are running high.

However, this is good news. Though it seems like a problem, we, parents should be aware that its an opportunity for prevention of long-term problems. Despite being an opportunity, if not managed properly, may further aggravate the problems.

Management–
To strengthen regulatory parts of the child’s brain so that s/he is better able to deal with the anxiety. Rule out real dangers including physical or sexual abuse. At school as well as at home. Assess the methods used by the teacher to curb normal separation anxiety and anxiety of a new place. The children of this age are able to tell the problems which they are facing at the school. We can use many methods including open-ended questions, leading questions or role plays. Once, a teacher told the crying child that her parents would never come if the child cried. As expected the situation worsened. Ensure the child is not being bullied. Sometimes the bullying starts at this age. Chances are higher if the child is younger in the class. 3 yr 1 mth child and 3 yr 11 mths children get admission in the same class.

We need to get her off the school for few days straight away if the cause of the problem is not clear, to ensure we get to the root of the problem. A doctor can be consulted to rule out any physical problems which may be the root cause of anxiety e. G. Thyroid problems, anemia etc.

Once it is ensured that the child is just dealing with the normal stress of separation and new environment with the new teacher and new students, we can start to work on increasing her coping abilities.

How?

• Acknowledging her fears.
• Normalize fear.
• Provide support that the child is not alone in this difficult phase.
• Give examples that everyone is afraid while going to school.
• Emphasise the importance of schooling.
• With all the creative reason one can come out with.
• Have to be both practical and fun reasons.
• Address the cause.

Eg. If the teacher scolds her because she disturbs the class or if she slaps or pushes another child out of anger/frustration.

Reason it out.
What should the teacher do if someone else slapped her? usually, the child gets the reason. This is the way to emphasise to the child that, though the parents love the child and will always be there for her, but right is right and wrong is wrong. By this we also worked in unison with the teacher to improve the child’s behaviour.

If the method of the teacher is not appropriate, then the parents can talk to the teacher to find a reasonable way to deal with the child, keeping in mind her sensitivity.

• Emphasise that the child needs to learn to control her fears.
• That it’s a slow process but if the child continues to put in an effort she will be able to do it. Ask if she is ready to fight her fears.
• Another very important step.
• If yes then great. Continue going to school.

If not then consider few days off for the child. But at home keep telling the child about your concern that her fear may again create problems for her when she will start going to school again. So she should seriously consider fighting her fears.